This Week in Milford

June 8, 2022

His Good Side Is… Straight Ahead?

Looks like we’re only ever gonna see games where Ggerg starts from here on in. No need to bother with details like a rotation when they don’t serve the square peg of a story getting hammered (pun intended) into the round hole of realism.

The Central kids either didn’t get the Oakwood memo or got it and promptly forgot about it, bunting the ball almost straight back to – or only slightly left of – the mound. (Seems like that memo should’ve included a note to hit back to the pitcher on a line drive, not on the ground.) How the Hammer ended up over there after his follow-through is unclear except as a device for the Chief to indulge in his recent shoe bottom fetish.

Boy, Ggerg’s teammates sure like patting his bottom. They must realize they won’t have many more chances left. Speaking of bottom, what’s that white thing hanging off of Ggerg’s rear end? Speculate away, gentle readers.

May 4, 2022

From a Slick Stop to a Meal Stop

Time for a break from the Milford Witness Protection Program for some actual action.

Central tries to mount a late rally against the Mudlarks by putting on Milford’s uniforms and crowding the plate. This ruse fails as Gonzo Aceves gets the batter in disguise to ground into a game-ending double play. Surprising that Gil and Kaz left Gonzo in to pitch a complete game; maybe they were also too busy watching Mama Hamm take a bullet for Papa Hamm to pay attention to the action on the field.

Menawhile Marty’s in his crate, calling the game using the CB radio he pulled from under the dash of his car and taking notes using a carpenter’s pencil. Guess Marty got it from Heather that everyone’s calling Aceves “Gonzo” now. Though he and his butter knife are long gone The Mayor has left his mark, at least for the rest of this season.

Now it’s off for postgame junk food, either at Ricozzi’s or The Bucket. Will the Hammmmer walk into a pane of glass as he joins the rest of the team? Will Papa Hamm be stuffed in the trunk of the Hammmobile when Mama Hamm comes to pick Gregg up? Will Scooter be too busy bragging about the twin killing he turned to bore everyone to tears with baseball trivia? So much to anticipate for the rest of the week!

March 16, 2022

“Coaching”? Bwahahahaha! >snort<

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to post today’s strip but I can’t stop laughing at it. Will update directly. >snort<

Phew! That took longer than I thought.

Of all Milford’s rivals Valley Tech is always the chippiest, and the girl with the blue ponytail does her best to keep up that tradition. First with the reach-in, which begs the question: If someone fouls Hollis, does that make her a Talley whacker? Then, having heard all the on-court talk about Hollis being a selfish, bossy snitch, VT girl fires off a sarcastic fascist salute. Heil Hollis!

All that pales in comparison to the chef’s kiss that is the last panel. Acquiescing to a player’s request to change positions and, well, letting her succeed there is considered “coaching”? Pretty low bar to clear in Milford to be sure, but that’s no bar at all. Maybe Gil agrees and he’s the one being sarcastic.

Oh, and when was the last time you saw anyone play racquetball? For me, I think it was during Poppy Bush’s administration. Even then, everybody’s racquets had strings.

February 19, 2022

Future: it’s not just what Steve Luhm uses on the floors

Sound General Quarters! General Quarters! All hands man your battle stations! Wait, wrong branch. Let’s try some other rallying cry.

Wonder Twin Powers, activate!

Shape of – a Milford victory!

Form of – a ??? defeat!

Shape of – a teenage growth spurt!

Form of – post-game dap!

Shape of – a sophomore sensation!

Form of – a senior benchwarmer!

Shape of – new hotness!

Form of – old busted jawn!

“Perfectly hilarious” per faithful TWIMer hitorque.

January 1, 2022

And Pranit Was His Name-o!

Welcome back and Happy 2022, TWIMers!

The year and the Milford boys’ basketball season starts off on a high note when Trevor Lawrence Gabe Landau kicks it outside to the one Mudlark who hasn’t been chilly stinking it up from beyond the three-point line, Pranit Smith. Pranit drains the trey, or so we’re told; no onomatopoeic “swish” of confirmation but no onomatopoeic “clang,” “clunk” or “thunk” either.

Cut to the bench where Gil has pulled off his jacket and given it to Kaz to wear for the final seconds, or at least it looks that way. This is the first we’ve seen of Kaz during this game, and maybe he had one on this whole time. Is Gil in shirtsleeves or still in his jacket? Did Pranit drain the color of of Gil’s jacket like he drained the trey? Are we gonna have to figure out the teams and the players from one panel to the next from here on?

meta: It pains me to have to post this, but as I write news comes over the wire of the death today of Deacon Dan Reeves. Bad enough that we’re reeling from the loss of Betty White and Celtics hero Sam Jones yesterday. Deacon Dan got a shout out from yhs in TWIM some time ago.

December 8, 2021

Stumblin’ In

It didn’t take long for VT’s Matt Hasselbeck Jr. to eat his words. Milford draws first blood, but isn’t it kinda chancy (see what I did there?) to have your star tailback returning punts? Oh, what’s that? Maybe he didn’t return the punt and just ran in for the touch on a play from scrimmage? Either way, I hope he ran an extra ten yards through the end zone once he crossed the goal line. Gotta get ready for that Canadian ball, dontchaknow.

On to the next drive and Milford scores on another explosive play, as Tevin goes left while everyone else goes right. Classic misdirection. Pity it’s gonna get called back for holding on the Mudlark that’s got VT #51 tied up. That might be Tommy “Jamón” Serrano, who previously succumbed to Boyd Spiller’s fake juice but hasn’t completely recovered from learning that it was fake. In fact, to the untrained eye (or maybe the eye that was trained half a century ago, give or take) those two look like an electric football Backer figure locked together with an All Purpose figure…

…which would make perfect sense if we revert back to one of our original Gil Thorp tropes: that all of this action is playing out in Marty Moon’s crate in his parents’ basement.

Speaking of Marty, how nice of him to show up to broadcast the Mudlarks’ season finale. How do we know this is the finale? Look at the calendar, and the deus ex machina Rubin’s dropped in our laps. Milford’s gonna drop the Valley title to Goshen – the same Goshen they blew out by 24 not quite two months ago? Doesn’t make any sense unless the Milford loss is the only one Goshen’s suffered all season. If both teams end up tied in conference play, the Mudlarks take the title based on head-to-head. None of that matters when you have a plot to wrap up and you’re you’ve wasted on hooch most of your time on details that didn’t really advance it.

Post title refers to how Goshen will make the playdowns.

October 27, 2021

Say “Wing-T” again. I dare you. I double-dare you…

Alright alright alright, a second day of action after a week of hypnosis and it’s not trying to cram multiple games in one strip. Pinch me, I’m dreaming. Let’s get to it and break down the film:

P1: In the visitors locker room at New Thayer, a dismayed Kaz either is grasping for a second-half strategy or trying to figure out why Tevin has a Black head but a White arm. If the Mudlarks run the play he’s drawn up, they’ll get flagged for an illegal formation (too few men on the line of scrimmage) and an ineligible receiver downfield (a lineman, really?).

P2: If the New Thayer QB had as much time in the pocket as it took me to figure out if he was getting rushed by DeEldrick Boston or DE Eldrick Boston, he should’ve gotten the pass off with plenty of time to spare. Pretty sure it’s the latter, as we were introduced to Eldrick as the starting first baseman as a sophomore in 2020 and he was giving the chicks something to dig back in the spring. That should make Eldrick a senior by now and no doubt he wants to impress those college scouts Chance Macy’s been ignoring.

P3: One of the reasons Milford’s trailing at the half is that New Thayer’s been loading up the box against the Delaware Wing-T. Gil tests Tevin’s memory of rage comic memes or How I Met Your Mother catchphrases, and Tevin passes with flying colors. Now let’s see if Boyd’s hyp-mo-sis helps Tevin get the ball into his receivers’ hands. Might help if those receivers start looking the ball into said hands.

September 18, 2021

Minor Threat?

Filed under: actual action, big arms, football, Highlight reel, Oakwood — teenchy @ 6:53 pm

All action today with little dialogue to snark, so let’s get all Heather Burns-y and study the film.

P1: Where is #32’s thumb? It’s possible to carry the ball without one, but it’s a little awkward. Oakwood’s defender has Kaiser Wilhelm arms.

P2: Is the Mudlark blocker holding? Looks like he’s got a hand on that Tarheel Owl’s shoulder. The ballcarrier looks to be running into the block just the same.

P3: Chance Macy’s mailbag’s gonna get a lot smaller – and his calls to the office fewer – if he keeps toting that rock like that. Even those scrawny defenders will be able to strip that.

Today’s post title a nod not only to Chance Macy but to a longtime fixture on the DC punk scene.

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