That’s Not How Journalism Works

Looks like we’re tying up loose ends left and right. Let’s have at it:

P1: How often have you high-fived someone across your body? Carrie’s pose is just all wrong.

P2: If DD can find a few experts she might get this onto some obscure online content mill. “Two Milford girls discovered this one weird trick that’s revolutionizing the Billion dollar anger management industry!”

P3: Did Alison Bechdel key Rubin’s car or what?

Theoretically Feeling That Flash

I’m not saying I need, or even want, a moral that makes sense to wrap up a Gil Thorp season… but this is some pretty weak sauce denouement. Also, too, didn’t someone slug what’s his name?

What else do we have today?

P1: Ms. Rizk’s clenched fist makes this quite the arc for that sort of thing if that’s what you’re into.

P2: I love the twin terminals in the foreground. I guess that big scoop on expense account abuse freed up funds for the paper.

P3: Prairie style window muntins are what do it for me, so let’s just focus on those and ignore whatever lame point Dafne is trying to make.

That’s “Dafne.” “Hello” is my kitty’s name.

I will refrain from falling back on my go-to “Who saw that coming?” from Black Dynamite except to say, well, I saw that coming.

Now that that’s out of the way, hey, sports! Well, sorta. Not only did laissez-faire Mimi let Daffy back onto the field after that fiasco, she let her take infield. Some of the other Lady Mudlarks must have run off from practice after being distracted by something or other.

I notice Drafty has a soccer ball in her room. Maybe Heather Burns left it behind for her. Anyhoo, while we await a week of hand-waving at Milford losses and Dafonte’s print mea culpa, we can at least have fun speculating on what misogynistic fun and games await us for the next eight weeks thereafter.

 

The Hits Keep Coming

July 5, 2017

July 6, 2017

Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso better be glad that Milford ain’t old school Westview, else he’d be getting shot at for mouthing off at a hall monitor like that. How plausible is Jimmy’s defense, anyway? If we look at Tuesday’s strip we can see a dark object with a protruding right angle at Jimmy’s face height, but that angle is about level with his shoulders. Chekhov’s cabinet door…

…or Chekhov’s black eye?  Whichever, they fall into place for the logical conclusion of this arc. Braying Daftpunk, flashing her best Biting Pear of Salamanca leer, chooses her words carelessly. Anybody with an ear could draw the conclusion that she intended to hit Jimmy and, even if she didn’t, that she moved past him with such force that he fell into Chekhov’s cabinet door. And you know what? Anybody will. Daffy will soon find herself in Ryan Van Halen’s shoes, which will lead her begging to Ms. Rizk to be let back on to the Trumpet staff to defend herself and Ryan. Lessons learned, fade to silhouettes, walk through a doorway and we’ll see you on the Thorps’ back porch.

Think we’ll ever see any sports being played in this arc again? Maybe that Van Halen kid will play some chin music on some Central batters and cow them into being no-hit. Then he can get killed off like the last Milford pitcher who threw a no-hitter.

We hate to see you go but we love to watch you – oh, never mind

Poor Carrie Hobson. First she gets shellacked by Jefferson in the first game of the post-Boo Radley era, then she gets soundly rejected by Hurdler Gary Meola. Another spring arc, another tearful exit for Carrie. What did she ever do to piss Rubin off?

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Dafne finds herself having to fend off Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso’s poorly aimed Vulcan nerve pinch. Let’s hope it doesn’t turn into a bad touch.

Wishing our friends to the north a happy Canada Day on the 150th anniversary of your confederation. A bit of hardball nostalgia for you today as a lagniappe:

Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dafne

It’s been over a month and a half since the Milford softball girls have seen any action, so at least one of them is hoping to see some off the field.  Turns out Carrie had better save that sliding for the softball diamond, if she ever gets back there. Pissy faced Gary is just not into her.

Meanwhile in the kitchen the unwanted advances are fixin’ to swap genders. Dafne raises a dainty pinky and flashes some midriff as she reaches for the pause that refreshes, whilst Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso tries to figure out when and where to put his shot. Unlike poor misguided Carrie, Dafne has the journalistic talent to turn the episode into something print-worthy.  Her grand return to the Trumpet will read along the lines of “I got hit on last week. You know who else got hit on, too? Ryan Van Auken’s ex-girlfriend!” Naw, it’ll be more like “I almost gave someone at Milford High unwanted attention, and now that I’ve gotten unwanted attention too, I can empathize and will now shut my trap.”

Which Two Did He Hit?

Poor Ryan.  Fist at the ready but he’s not supposed to punch anyone.  Way to not take advantage of a situation.

Know who else hasn’t taken advantage of a situation?  Marty Moon!  If he broadcasts every Milford game, he’d have seen the protest poster and been on the story like white on rice. Even if he doesn’t broadcast every game, surely Marjie Ducey would’ve picked up the story and he’d have commented on it. (Pouty Daftpunk isn’t the only “journalist” in town, dontchaknow.) Instead Marty’s been sitting in his basement, rolling his dice and composing music on his Casiotone. See the pile of blank staff paper on top of the keyboard?

Don’t look now folks but in a week’s time Milford has supposedly played six games. Reckon they’ll finish the season by the end of the month – or before Dafiltefish crawls back to Ms. Rizk begging to get back on the Trumpet staff?  Let’s put in an order to Rob’s Pizza and watch things unfold; I hear the breadsticks are a must. I’d say we could hang out but Rob’s is takeout or delivery only.

Truly, Madly, Reluctantly, Unfortunately

Good thing I went with the color version of the strip today. These fair-haired women with prop glasses are all starting to look alike. Today it’s Ms. Rizk, not Dr. Pearl; we know this as Gil is the summoner, not the summoned. (Not that it’s clear Dr. Pearl summoned Gil but, you know, pecking order and all.)

Ever since the Central game the strip has been playing a huge game of connect-the-dots. Great leaps ever forward – from Kaz’s near telepathic understanding of what Gil wants to Gil’s visit to the Van Aukens to Gil’s chat with Dr. Pearl to today – with a lot of gaps to fill. Is it clear that Gil spoke with Ryan at his home? (The “genuinely remorseful” comment to Dr. Pearl might lead us to believe he did.) Whether he did or didn’t, what prompted Gil to speak with Dr. Pearl next? (To get the green light from the Doctor to lean on Ms. Rizk to quash Daftpunk’s article?)

And now, what leads Ms. Rizk to add the “unfortunately” tag to her statement implying that Dafunk’s article has already been quashed? Is it meant for us to deduce that, even though she’s been against Daffy’s hit piece on the ‘Cane from the get-go, she secretly wants to run the article? As our astute readers commented yesterday, this spring arc has turned into another of Rubin’s classic Bechdel Test fails. Girls’ sports have taken a back seat not only to boys’ sports but also to high school journalism which, by maintaining its integrity, may end up protecting a male athlete at the expense of his female victim and accusers. Ms. Rizk’s “unfortunately” may be her subtle form of protest against the Milford jockocracy.

Gil won’t give that a moment’s thought, ’cause sarcastically, he’s in charge.