This Week in Milford

November 4, 2017

The Easily Swayed Dr. Pearl

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….Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re right back where we were last Saturday. Gil can resist Uncle Gary’s relentless Astroturfing, but Dr. Pearl apparently cannot. One might think that the administrator, with her fancy book-learnin’ and cushy desk job, would cast a more jaundiced eye toward the email campaign – starting with finding out who is sending them.

Makes me wonder what Uncle Gary’s firing off in those missives on his teeny tiny laptop with his freaky deaky hands:

Pearl, Pearl, Pearl,

Come be my lovin’ girl

Don’t you marry Lester Flatt

He slicks his hair with possum fat…

 

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October 12, 2017

The Best Singer (Or So We’re Told)

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So this is the song Rick Soto purportedly just sang*. I’m sure today’s strip just gave it dozens more hits on YouTube.

In true Rubin fashion we never get to read the lyrics coming from Rick’s mouth. Another tease, just like the tease that we may finally know the lyrics to Milford High’s fight song (and there were some good stabs at it in yesterday’s comments). Just another reminder of the weird pacing of this strip, in which the Mudlarks have played one game while high schools in the real world have mostly played at least six or seven.

In true Whigham fashion we get a Milford girl festooned with chunky bracelets and big earrings in the way no teenage girl accessorizes today. We also get Rick’s unnaturally flat palms facing the speaker in best back off ease up fashion, another Whigham hallmark. Finally, from the Pantheon of Hair Department it’s sideburns: Rick’s oddly shaggy ones and Pelwecki’s greasy strands that threaten to clump together as sideburns.

Wait – did someone mention the dozens? Maybe it’s time for a game.

“Pelwecki’s hair is so greasy, he could fry chicken in it.”

“Uncle Gary’s such a crap lawyer he’s trying to hitch a ride on his nephew’s back as an agent.”

*Were you as disappointed as I was that it wasn’t a George Harrison cover? If so, this should help you get over it.

September 23, 2017

Transition into Ambition

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Today we learn that The Secret Pelwecki will share linebacking duties with an internationally-known professor of economics (or maybe a bassist) who is currently on leave from his day job. If Pelwecki is to be a right guard/linebacker/fullback/butt of jokes (or, in Milfordese, RG/LB/FB/BOJ!) why is he getting reps at QB? Even more curiously, why is he wearing True Standish’s number? (BTW that link also shows an instance of Gil actually using a fullback.) You might think Gil would’ve retired that jersey and put it in a littlefreelibrary shrine on campus.

So: a bunch of slow receivers too small to play tight end. A small, scrappy, quick quarterback. A couple of decent offensive linemen, one of whom will occasionally line up at fullback. What kind of offense will Gil put on the field this fall? Speculate away.

September 22, 2017

The only tight end I care about is Marjies

Filed under: football, Gil Thorp, huge earrings, Marjie Ducey, premature baldness — robmize2013 @ 6:03 pm

Well look who’s back – – its Marjie Ducey, who we havent seen since probably last football season. I dont think they played enough baseball to warrant her presence, and I dont feel like combing through the archives to find her talking hoops either. (Need our trusty Thorpian researcher to do that job. Thanks)

How the hell does any football team have so many former tight ends at wide receiver, and no former linebackers? ( Calling Kevin Pelwicki) If thats the case, who’s playing tight end now? Oh yeah, maybe Kevin. And it really makes sense to have your fastest player at QB instead of WR or RB. Can tell by the way Marjie looks at Gil that she thinks he’s full of crap too.

I dont give a crap about Panel 1 by the way;  whenever that storyline wants to blow itself up is fine with me. The Glee Club and football havent been connected since the Brady Bunch with Peter Brady.

One more thing– how does Marjie know whos playing quarterback before Gil tells her? She’s done this before; instead of Gil telling her she tells him about someone. Kind of reverse psychology.

Love her earrings by the way. Marjie we’ve missed you…

August 30, 2017

So Did Heather Just Totally Bail On Freshman Orientation Or What?

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P1: Shaq retired in 2011. Just saying.

P2: So, one of the highlights of following my local collegiate basketball team when I was a kid (I am now an old man with kids of my own) is that they beat a visiting LSU team featuring Shaquille O’Neal.  Just saying.

P3: Seriously, we’ve all kind of skirted around this but he is a thirty year old NBA veteran and she is nineteen, maybe eighteen. Not just saying…

Bonus point:

Each panel has a hilarious depiction of a car. I would even argue that panel three is actually showing a golf cart that Gil drove from Milford CC and abandoned at Milford HS.

August 29, 2017

Expectation-Proof 6-Foot-8 Small Fish

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What’s a guy who’s apparently had a reasonably successful academic and athletic career to do, what with all the gushing and the tweeting? My dislike for ‘the Don’ isn’t particularly intense but it is growing, like a boil on my ass that I’d mostly just ignored but now was finally having to reckon with.

Meanwhile, off in the distance, Papa Burns looks at his watch and clears his throat.  Casting a sideways glance at Kevin, he says “Did I ever tell you about my last game at Monmouth?” Kevin, visibly exasperated, heaves an exaggerated sigh and tosses his shaggy mane. “Please, Mr. Burns…” He entreats, “If I have to hear about the time you led a drive in the rain during the fourth quarter that would’ve put you ahead of Canisius but then you sprained your ankle and the team lost one more time, I’ll go insane.”

Metapost: Shout out to any and all Houston area TWIM readers. Reach out if you need help!

August 24, 2017

Or Is the NBA Tired of You?

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“Must be nice. When I was 18 I was fending off ‘consulting’ from washed-up 30-year-old hoopsters. At least you might’ve made some money off the deal.”

I really feel like something’s been missing from this whole arc: the arc of Jaquan’s NBA career. We know he had star potential BITD, but is he going from 10-day contract to 10-day contract now?  Do the Sixers Trust the Process enough to not even touch him?

Since when did Heather get a set of delts like Jaquan’s?  They weren’t there yesterday.  Did they pop out when her neck got longer?  Stay on model, Whig!

 

July 12, 2017

That’s Not How Journalism Works

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Looks like we’re tying up loose ends left and right. Let’s have at it:

P1: How often have you high-fived someone across your body? Carrie’s pose is just all wrong.

P2: If DD can find a few experts she might get this onto some obscure online content mill. “Two Milford girls discovered this one weird trick that’s revolutionizing the Billion dollar anger management industry!”

P3: Did Alison Bechdel key Rubin’s car or what?

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