This Week in Milford

August 20, 2021

Idiots 101

Boy if we had any notions that Rubin knew squat about golf, this summer storyline proved it. We’ve gone over the ludicrous dialogue enough already; suffice it to say all todays panels are are the cherry on the horseshit sundae.

P1 – Nobody puts their clubs in the car like that– you put the club end in first, then the bottom of the bag is the last part in. And for gods sakes– Hendricks knows the way out! Did he just go blind? I know his eyes are shut as he dutifully deposits his bag in his trunk ( as everyone does after every round Ive ever played) but jesus, has he been fuckin LIVING at the course?? Did he forget where the door was?! Imagine living with these douchbags for 3 months. I’d rather live in that cornfield where his ball was, along with a thousand others. I havent gotten over Gil searching a cornfield for what MAY be Carters ball– any goddamn golfer with any time in the game knows no matter how good you are you can still yank one into the cornfield. Scratch or no scratch. And the cost of the ball– I dont belong to a country club but the pro CARING about the difference between a $4 ball and a $1.50 ball, when dues for these places are thousands of dollars… is just lunacy. Who the hell buys balls one at a time anyway??

I’ve been playing golf since 1978, and not one of these statements made in this storyline has ever been made by me or anyone I’ve either played with, or come in contact with, or said on a TV broadcast of a tournament.

P2– Well gee, Heather needed the lowest possible course in college to do research that any 12 year old could do. So all the pro did was bring Carter into the room and BS him about pressing charges and writing a check. I really found a couple things hard to believe– that 15 years later he looked that similar that Heather knew it was him– I’ve seen what 15 years does to some people. Next, why would Carter keep THE SAME raincoat in his bag for 15 years? You play golf a lot your bag wears out too, and getting a new bag means tossing the old junk in the old one out. And my old raincoat literally made me wetter after so long, so I got another one. AND WHY KEEP A COLLEGE RAINCOAT ANYWAY? I keep an old winter hat from my college– in my closet so it doesnt get worn out. Who cares about raincoats??

P3– so the pro was just BS-ing Carter– well, so much for any credibility HE has. If I’m Carter I dont send him shit– I move on to the next club where everyone there has a goddamn brain and an IQ above 65. And I go about my business and keep on raking in the dough, and nobody will give a fuck about my $1.50 balls or my damn raincoat or my handicap. Getting away from these morons is the best thing thats happened to Carter. As Green Day sang— Good Riddance!

May 26, 2021

Blood Is Thicker than Coffee

Filed under: Central, High Five Fail, Just plain sad, Mimi Thorp, talking hand — teenchy @ 9:39 am

So that’s how it’s gonna be.

Katy knows her father is trying to get on the library board to defund the Milford Public Library solely because he went there once and saw that there were computers not in use at that moment. This even after Zane showed up for dinner and explained how having those computers available benefited people like himself – a kid whose family has become financially strapped due to his father’s crippling disability and the subsequent loss of income. Now Zane’s gonna stand up to Abel and for the library by running for the same library board seat and, knowing the entire backstory, Katy’s gonna distance herself from him and side with her dad? Even when she knows what will happen to Zane if Abel has his way?

Time to rethink my stance on Katy Brito.

Thank goodness there’s still a sympathetic female character to get behind in this arc, a creature of pure light and supernatural talent so gifted that her sharp tongue and penchant for targeting people for public humiliation is readily overlooked. What amazing strings will Mimi pull for Corina to get into State U and have a full-time caretaker look after her mom while she attends? Here at TWIM, come for the softball, stay for the gymnastics!

March 27, 2021

Drive By lunacy

Filed under: ?, Just plain sad, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — robmize2013 @ 7:17 pm

As the pieces of this puzzle start coming together we find Vic driving Dougs car by the girls as they pose for a team piture outside the school. Of course Doug arranged the whole thing so Vic could look cool for Tessi, which is like telling a horse you love it after it shits on you while youre washing it.

If Tessi is impressed with THAT, she’s even more of a moron then either of these 2 dufusses, who again dont know when to quit doing stupid stuff to impress a girl. Good thing there didnt Happen to be any traffic on the road, as a screeching pullaway from 0 to 65 in 2 seconds could easily result in a collision with some old fart driving 5 mph under the speed limit on his way to the barber.

Yes I peeked at the Saturday strip, and by golly we find out how Vic pulled this off. If thats what he’s gotta do to impress Tessi, well, suffice it to say, he didnt get what he deserved.

December 9, 2020

The S.S. Meaningful Drama? That Ship Has Sailed

Filed under: actual action, football, Gil Thorp, Highlight reel, Just plain sad, Valley Tech — teenchy @ 11:11 am

We’ve reached that time in the story arc where Rubin goes into his own personal two-minute drill. Plot elements get tied together quickly and not always in the most logical fashion. Since today’s strip is nothing but action, this gives us the opportunity to nitpick the details, find the inconsistencies, fill in the plot holes, and generally snark about it all.

After losses to Madison and Jefferson, the Mudlarks found themselves with slim chances to win the Valley. Since Becca Exposition’s little comment, Milford has peeled off wins against Tilden (punctuated by a sideline scuffle between members of Team Rapson and Team Thayer) and, apparently, New Thayer. Yet here we find ourselves in that most familiar of positions: Milford battling it out with traditional rival Valley Tech for second place in the Valley. We never did find out what it was that eliminated them from title contention but since they didn’t lose a game over that span we have to conclude that some other team(s) needed to lose games and didn’t. So once again, Gilbero & co. find themselves having to fight it out for the title of first loser.

That brings us to our manufactured drama, wherein the third-string quarterback gets injured and Gil is faced with the choice of which of his benched QBs – the game manager starter (whose overthrown pass helped lead to the Madison loss) or the gunslinger second-stringer, who’s been benched even longer – he should bring in to secure the victory. Odds are these two will play Mac and Tosh and implore each other to go in in their stead.

Thorpian logic tells me he’ll pull Corina out of the stands to suit up and go in.

Minor Nitpicks Dept: Dunno if the Mudlarks have more than one Leonard but the guy limping off the field in P3 (#40) ain’t the guy Rapson is congratulating in P1 (some # that isn’t 40). Also dunno if the Valley has rules for player numbering that might require Fleming to change his #40 for a number between 1 and 20, as is often the case. If that’s Chance Macy in P2, he’s switched jersey numbers from his traditional #31. He also looks like he’s hauling in a pass, not breaking off a run. Could he be – gasp! – showboating? Gil should bench him for the rest of the season (which amounts to about 15 minutes) so he can teach him a lesson and save him for next season.

October 21, 2020

How Is the Milford Offense Like a Diesel Engine?

Neither of them have spark plugs!

This Milford-Madison game reminds me in a way of this past Saturday night’s supposed college football game of the year of the week. The team with a ground-and-pound offense takes an early lead then falls behind, its defense unable to slow down its opponent’s big-play offense. Tasked with orchestrating a rally, the game manager QB commits errors, throwing picks and getting his passes stuffed back in his face at the line of scrimmage. Despite all this, the coach sticks with his game manager, keeping the QB with more raw talent and game-breaking potential on the bench. Run the color version of today’s strip and the Mudlarks even start to look the part. Forgive me if I start referring to Will Thayer as “The Mailman.”

News flash: amateur football has turned into a track meet and defense no longer wins championships. Does Gil stick to his principles and watch his team slip down the standings in the Valley? Or does he decide he has doled out enough punishment and go with the guy that can make things happen? Pity that Gil dismisses everything Marty says out of hand; even a stopped clock sitting in his parents’ basement is right twice a day.

October 9, 2020

Youre out-a shape, pal.

Filed under: football, Gil Thorp, Just plain sad, lessons learned — robmize2013 @ 8:15 pm

Yeah really. 3 freakin miles and this 18 year old dude is sweatin like a pig. Sheesh. I dont even run that much (I try to run a 5K every year but dont always get around to it) but I can knock out 3 miles in under a half hour and Im 54. I ran a bit in college, my dormmates took me running with them and I kept up for a while, then they stepped on it and pulled away at the end. I then started jogging at the high school track back home and did a mile or 2 a couple times a week. I gave it up after a couple years when I realized i wasnt running long enough to constitute a fair workout. plus I didnt want my knees to ache when I was 50.

Then in 2010 I met some friends who run a 5K on some holidays like Easter and New Years, and started up again entering a number of 5K races and improving my times so I could say I was decent. And thats my running career in a nutshell. So any high school footballer should easily handle Gils assignment. I sure wasnt looking like that when I was done. One race it was 16 degrees.

Anyhoo we’ll see where this goes since we already know Gils double negative comes off like a haughty a-hole . No wonder his teams suck- they suck wind doing 3 miles.

September 21, 2020

Bonfire?

These are the two quarterbacks, right? I don’t remember what they look like. Let’s say they’re Rapson and Thayer, but I’m not gonna swear I know which is which. The point is that one of them has now caught a glimpse of Corina and he’s interested. The other one wonders if he might get a leg up on the QB competition if his rival is smitten by the Milford “it girl”.

It’s all about Corina, friends. We’d better just get used to it. She’s sassy and brassy, she’s a catcher, she’s a prospective volleyball player, everybody’s talking about her and she’s just getting warmed up at Milford High School.

So could we tear our attention away from Corina for one panel so we can show this flippin’ bonfire? We can cut back to Corina afterwards as she stares into the flames, consumed with impulses to make the world BURN!

ETA: I just read of the sudden passing of Bill Bickel, aka CIDU Bill, who wrote the Comics I Don’t Understand blog. (It’s been over there among the Comics Mockage Posse links since the early days of TWIM.) I was not a regular reader, but I dipped in from time to time and enjoyed Bill’s unique angle on comics blogging. RIP CIDU Bill.

August 28, 2020

Is that how you carry a golf bag?

Filed under: ?, baseball, Just plain sad, Milford Alumni, Milford Idiots, Where is Milford? — robmize2013 @ 5:36 pm

Now we get a rehashing of the events of 3 weeks ago (at least) from our friend Corinna about the ballgame/picnic yadda yadda yadda. We really need to hear that again today only because True didnt know about it, but thats a dumb ass reason to move to a city! For free food. Yep. Otherwise the town blows, but that free food once in a lifetime sure sold me. Sheesh.

True’s outfit is interesting- a black t-shirt under a Wake Forest shirt with the sleeves cut off. Why not just wear one or the other? Its still August for chrissakes. Thats the best he can do for that big pro contract huh? And the Rays hat showing off his pro team.

What the hell are they doing with golf bags sitting around talking? If thats only an equipment bag, how much shit do you need to play catch? So many odd things in 1 strip.

Then the best part- Panel 3- True says his college (on that shirt) HAD to fly him in? To Milford? For what? To work out?? With who? Some chick going to remedial school? Or an official baseball catcher assigned to him by WF? And most of all, WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH WHAT CORINNA SAID IN P2??

So many dots to connect here and I’m just dying to know what Rays official looked at the plane schedule out in Tampa and came up with Milford as True’s destination. Chicago? Nope. Nashville? Nada. Hey how about even Atlanta? Oh no. No way do they have anyone hanging around with a catchers mitt that looks like a hat. Milford it is.

Finally – is True pointing at his shirt when he refers to WF? Again? Didnt he point at his hat talking about Tampa?

2 morons. 1 non-existent storyline. Tune in tomorrow when his official catcher shows up on the 19th hole.

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