This Week in Milford

June 17, 2022

This storyline has gone to the dogs

Just got home from the Chicago Dogs Bark at the Park ballgame with my own dog; they let the dogs march around the park twice a year and I take her once. So not feeling like commenting on the strip but its obvious that Mr. Hamm has an interesting past life, including a changed name that should have been known by the Milford admissions department when Gregg enrolled. But no.

What the hell that has to do with Blind Man Gregg remains to be seen, no pun intended. Ok Rubin, connect the dots.

My song today is Heat of the Moment, as one line in it has “fall from grace”.

May 21, 2022

Jinkies! Kaz and Gregg Hamm’s Right Eye Have Something in Common!

Okay, all of you who had Papa Hamm coming to Gil’s office with Gregg, give yourselves a cookie. All of you who had Mama Hamm being named after a character from Scooby-Doo, give yourselves a clairvoyant cookie.

The next mystery to solve is why the Hamms were so clueless about their son’s deteriorating vision. Odds are they invested so much time, effort and money into buying disguises for Papa Hamm they willfully ignored Gregg’s impending blindness. When Gregg told Papa he could barely see him, Papa just took that as evidence of how good his disguises were.

Finally we have Gil navel gazing in the teacher’s lounge, patting himself on the back for not picking up on Gregg’s poor eyesight sooner. As just about every one of you TWIMers have commented, the coaches should’ve picked up on this as soon as they practiced fielding bunts or comebackers. Waiting for Kaz to admit to Gil that he let Gregg slide on practice after taking Scooter’s word that they’d do it at home. Sounds like that would’ve been the first time they did it all season.

Scooter will get his comeuppance soon enough when Gil upbraids him for his complicity in the Hamm scam. Then the Mudlarks will unravel like a ball of yarn and miss the playdowns. Rubin skipped a girls’ plot for this?

meta: Following up on my last post, I found color footage of Jackie Hayes wearing his batting helmet. He appears briefly in a clip from George Case’s color home movies from the late ’30s and early ’40s. Some of his footage appeared in HBO’s When It Was A Game, and it’s also available from Case’s estate as well. Note Monty Stratton, another major leaguer who had to deal with a disability, appears a few seconds later.

May 14, 2022

It takes two to lie: one to lie and the other to grow his sideburns.

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get today’s post up, but I’ve been at an absolute loss as to how to spin it. This has surely got to be the tipping point for this strip, right?

There are no adults coaching the Milford High baseball team, are there? There are just male chaperones who just sit back and let the kids do whatever they want, up to and including not practicing? You notice we almost never see practices at Milford except as they’re ending, when the players are standing around listening to to adults or going over to watch their opposite-sex counterparts play a game? I’d bet Whigrub have no clue what goes on in a practice.

This is just beyond the realm of stupid. This is so asinine it makes me not want to nitpick the usual lack of attention to detail, like the uncolored lights on the school bus or the long day’s journey into night from Valley Tech to Milford. I will nitpick this: there is no way you can wear a cap backwards sitting in a car seat with headrests without knocking the cap off of your head.

Have at it, gentle readers. The more I look at today’s strip, the more it makes my head hurt.

April 30, 2022

Marjie Ducey Never Lugged a Monster Camcorder Around. Neither Should You.

If you told me today’s strip had been written and drawn twenty years ago and fished out of a drawer for today, I wouldn’t have been surprised. Wonder what was going on in Milford twenty years ago today? I don’t even think this blog had been started yet.

April 30, 2002

Well whaddaya know, Milford was playing Central then too. The laws of gravity weren’t quite as rigid then as now. Okay, what about ten years ago, then? Well thankfully TWIM was in existence, and we were getting to know young Scooter Borden Jaxxxon Kiser.

Back to the present day and still trying to figure out this nonsense. Amazed to find out there’s an online version of the Star, and that it has employees who are dedicated to capturing video for that online version. That’s probably a lie the editor-in-chief told Heather to cover up the fact that it’s not only payroll but also headcount that’s been slashed since Marjie’s retirement. Probably told her this dinosaur of a camcorder was state-of-the-art, too. How naive is she to think that the “beast” takes better videos than today’s smartphones?

Naive enough to know that the only VHS player in town belongs to the Milford High Athletic Department. Between her and Kaz, they’ll go to the videotape and discover the little ruse G-Hammm, Scooter and Wilson have going on. That’s the only way this strip of anachronistic non sequiturs has any relevance to the plot.

meta: Thanks to tdrew for covering for me on Thursday. I owe you one.

April 2, 2022

Holy Cow! This Kid’s Gonna Be Annoying!

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Coach Kaz, freak hands, google nonsense, kaz-bot — teenchy @ 9:00 pm

Scooter Borden took his hacks

And gave a baseball forty whacks

When Kaz saw how he had done

He gave Scooter forty-one

Alright, that’s out of the way. Scooter Borden is this year’s Barry Bader, a scrappy second baseman who runs his yap and toots his own horn all the time. The easy comparison is to scrappy second baseman Scooter Gennett, whose MLB career may well be over as he hasn’t played in the bigs since the Giants released him in 2019. I kinda thought the pared-down bill of his batting helmet in P1 (which magically grew back) was a nod to Brooks Robinson as well.

But for people of a certain age, there is only one Scooter.

Father of teenchy was a Navy man, and he spent a portion of the late Fifties and early Sixties based in Bayonne, New Jersey. Yes, that Bayonne, of infamous early SNL fame.

One weekend father of teenchy visited American Shops, a men’s clothing store in Newark where several current and former Yankees would show up, sign 8×10 glossies and help hawk suits. One of the glossies he managed to snag was from none other than the original Scooter himself, Phil Rizzuto. I know the story was not apocryphal as numerous photos exist of Rizzuto working at American Shops, including this one (a Getty Image, so linking and not downloading) of him with Yogi Berra and Bobby Shantz, and this one.

That Rizzuto 8×10 moved around with us for years and eventually went missing. I suppose if I went through father of teenchy’s effects more thoroughly, it would show up. I’m just grateful that he forgave me for playing with and scuffing up the baseball that Lou Boudreau signed for him.

Anyway, back to Milford’s Scooter. Borden might think he’s laying down the perfect bunt, but holding the bat like that is a sure way to get some fingers broken. Kaz better watch his too, hooking them through the cage like that. Will Milford’s Scooter continue to be chirpy and annoying? It’s more likely than him ever doing spots for The Money Store.

Phil Rizzuto has been gone since 2007. Father of teenchy has been gone almost eight years now. Thanks for humoring me as I ramble as much as Phil Rizzuto did to Bill White.

February 5, 2022

“Jefferson beat MYOB, that’s how Jefferson did.”

“Not checking scores, Coach. Just nudes from some rando chick I don’t know. Kelly something-or-other. Says she’s a travel agent, wants to take me around the world.” If Pranit Hollywood had any stones, that’d be his reply – not only to Kaz but also to Tevin. “Oh yeah, got some pics of that little gymnast girl you been sniffin’ around, too. Said she was gonna balance my beam.” At least it’d explain Pizza Pranit’s breaking out in a sweat and sheepish grin.

Today’s strip is a whole bunch of mind your own damn business. How does Kaz know if Pranit Fitness is checking scores if he’s not looking at Pardon My Pranit’s phone? When did Tevin get appointed team captain, or to a service academy? Does everyone at Milford High think The Daily Pranit’s business is theirs now? Of course they do…

… or at least they did once he opened his trap about his Sportsduke shenanigans to more than one person. If Pranit of the Apes had kept his frickin’ mouth shut, the only problems he had would’ve been his own, at least until his losses started affecting his play. Not until then would the coaches have cared about what he does off the court. We already had the “gambling is bad, mmmmkay?” story line this past summer. Did we really need it again?

December 26, 2020

Doug Guthrie, Kartboy*

Happy Boxing Day! Joyous Kwanzaa! Gentlemen, start your engines! Wait, what?

We may want to rethink that Doug Guthrie/Janet Guthrie relation. Doug’s gearheadedness extends not only to his choice of daily driver but also to that which distracts him from fulfilling his Thorpian duty. There’s gotta be more to the picture than meets the eye here.

What kind of kid dailies a ’66 Goat in the Rust Belt? Not one who cares about exposing it to the winter elements, and most likely not one that had to scrape the pennies together to buy it himself. Hagerty values a ’66 Tri-Power hardtop from $24K for a car in #4 condition to $75K for one in #1 condition. The obvious answer would be that Guthrie’s little GTO must be bankrolled by his family, along with his karting. But not so fast – there are monetary prizes to be had in karting, and it’s been used as a springboard to higher levels of auto racing. The list of Formula 1 champions who started in karts is an impressive one indeed, including current and seven-time F1 world champion Lewis Hamilton. So before we dive in and assume this is yet another kid whose parents are living their lives vicariously through, let’s sit back and see how this develops.

Let’s also wait and see how Rubin develops the strip Vic Doucette and how closely his character’s life parallels The Real Vic Doucette’s. If strip Vic puts as much good faith effort into his PA work as he did in his PE class, he may end up doing a decent job. Bonus points if he gets Marty Moon to curse on the air again.

*Milford may have Nutboys but here in the real world there is a Kartboy, a supplier of performance parts for Subarus, VWs and Audis.

November 21, 2020

Boys will be boys

Filed under: Coach Kaz, football, kaz-bot, Kelly Krystek, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 5:43 pm

As the tension mounts between the 2 erstwhile signalcallers solely due to hoping a chick who doesnt give a hoot about football likes each of them more, Marty notices whats going on and says its a first for the Milford program to have 2 players not getting along. He’s sure developing Alzeimers if he thinks its never happened before in 50 years of this dreck.

Hey a guy who fought a time or 2 in his day is trying to break them up. Kaz surely remembers his referee appearance in 2013 with Gil vs Herk the Mauler:

…or his boxing academy in 2007…


So at any rate he’s got the experience if the 2 QB’s wanna settle it in the ring.

Hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving!

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