This Week in Milford

September 8, 2018

Thay You, Thay Me

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Coquettish smiles from Gil?  A “WTF is this?” hand gesture from Kaz?  Towel-snapping incidents in the showers?  Oh yeah, Tiki Jansen’s fitting in, alright.  It’s probably too soon to apply the True Standish Principle to young Jansen but he’s sure to have an impact somewhere before long. His ex-teammates at New Thayer probably won’t be expecting the veer this time.  Maybe Gil will have him help implement Steve Owen’s old umbrella defense, but not until mid-season after the Mudlarks have had their ears pinned back a couple of times.

I just played the Pantheon of Mysterious Objects card on what looks like an outdoor executive office chair behind Kaz or maybe a blocking sled, in which case I’d have expected to see Steve Boone riding it. (edit: Then again, it may be an indoor office chair, with Kaz standing awkwardly in front of it. Thanks, Tim. Text and tags adjusted accordingly.)

 

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September 5, 2018

In the Opener, I’ll Take the Mudlarks and 8 1/2

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Man, the last thing I want to read in Gil Thorp is Kaz talking about Kelly’s sexual proclivities.  Oh, wait, he said Fellini. Never mind.

Does an awkward fist bump qualify as a “High Five Fail”?  Today, I’m calling that it does.

Quick cut to the practice field and there’s Marjie with her canister of pepper spray. Mouseketeer Roll Call will begin tomorrow and Joe Bolek will get namechecked along with a few other of Rubin’s friends.  Something tells me Bolek will flop as a ballplayer, or suffer a season-ending injury, and replace Kaz as the “film guru” on the Mudlark coaching staff.  Then he can tell Gil what kind of wacky leather-helmet era formation he can spring on the Valley Conference to make up for the usual fundamental shortcomings that plague the Milford football program.

Hold up: is that Marty standing next to Gil and Marjie?  Looks like he’s still taking hits from that tall can of STFU Gil gave him at the end of basketball season.  Let’s see how long that lasts.

August 4, 2018

The P.R.C.C. Can Suck on This

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Here are the heels of August: The Pine Ridge Boys. They’re what the policemen on Sodor would call “Regular Law Breakers.” I’ll bet they’ll give those earnest young golfing boys from the Milford CC all they can handle at the Valley Juniors.

We all know cheaters never win and winners never cheat, but can we take a page from The Pine Ridge Boys’ playbook and cut over to September while we’re at it?  Probably not, so stick around for a few weeks of Goofus and Gallant on the Golf Course if you will.

Inspiration for today’s post title at this link.

 

July 21, 2018

We’re From Milford, We’re from Milford…

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… No one likes us
We don’t care
We’re from Milford
F***in’ Milford
No one likes us
We don’t care

I am Bader
Barry Bader
No one likes me
I don’t care
I am Barry
F***in’ Bader
No one likes me
I don’t care

It’s my dad’s fault
It’s not my fault
It’s my dad’s fault
I don’t care
Didn’t know that
Until last week
It’s my dad’s fault
I don’t care

Where was my mom?
Where was my mom?
For the last year
Did she care?
Did she stand up
To my father?
It’s not my fault
I don’t care

I’m Pelwecki
Kev Pelwecki
I hit homers
No one cares
I’ll beat Shankey’s
F***in’ record
You mean Sharkey?
I don’t care

I am Dafne
On a mission
Get in J-school
I don’t care
I’ll expose my
F***in’ classmates
They don’t like me
I don’t care

I am Ms. Rizk
I will take risks
Name’s ironic?
I don’t care
I just care ’bout
F***in’ Trumpet
I will take risks
I don’t care

I’m Kazinski
Bob Kazinski
I don’t coach much
I don’t care
Hair like Venus
Grab that penis
Off the basepath
I don’t care

I am Gil Thorp
Head Coach Gil Thorp
We’re still playing?
I don’t care
Trust the Process?
There’s no process!
When’s my tee time?
I don’t care

 

July 6, 2018

Too bad we’ll never see this story

Filed under: big arms, Chunky Bracelets, Gil Thorp, lame jokes — robmize2013 @ 6:13 pm

Milford goes modern, as Gil and Mimi read the Bader story in the Trumpet on their smartphones. How theyre already dressed and ready to go at 6:04 am is implausible, but since this strip never shows people in pajamas, I guess its SOP.

P2 shows Dafnes hotness – tight black shirt with short sleeves showing off her guns.. I love how both she and her friend both have 3 bracelets on opposite wrists so they all show as theyre fist-bumping.  Hopefully now that the story is out they can go about letting these kids out of school before summers over..

P3 Dafne says it should be safe? Will the story explode off the newspaper if it isnt? I would think that after all this time and energy it would (again) be edited and approved by Miss RisqK. Whats Daf worried about? And why did she have to call the Baders and tell em what she’s writing? I guess we’re in for one last surprise before this story is a (fish)wrap.  Methinks Del will get out of jail early because of what he said in the story, Barry will turn into a happy person because of it, and everything will be all right as we waltz into the sunset.

June 1, 2018

I vote to cancel “Pelwecki”

Filed under: baseball, Gil Thorp, lame jokes, Milford Weirdos — robmize2013 @ 4:11 pm

Really? On June 1st, we have high school kids sitting around talking about the future of some dude who’s overstayed his welcome longer then Roseanne was on the air.

Does the balding guy really hit Kevin in the head with the check? Wish I could read some of it. A doctor couldnt write worse.

Again, its June 1st, and Kevin is THINKING about getting a scholarship, to what? AND GIL STILL THINKS ITS TOO EARLY!!! Yaaash. Its the colleges decision to AWARD a scholorship to Academically qualified students, emphasis on Academically. How on earth does this mope with a mop think just because he knows all that shit about launch angles all of a sudden he’s on his way to Arizona State and the College World Series for free?? How’s he doing in class? Who knows? I’m sure even he hasnt looked at a book since March, so busy rubbing his magic bat is he. I guess we’re stuck with this crap till August, because it’ll take that long to finish the season and Maybe, Maybe, graduate before Labor Day.

But we dont have to worry about Roseanne. As I mentioned before, her new show got cancelled, and I couldnt care less. I havent given a rats ass about her since that night in San Diego when she put on a singing performance for the ages. I didnt watch the first version of the show either; John Goodman was best known to me as The Babe in the worst movie ever made, and the daughter (who had the idea for the show revival) was kinda cute with her ripped jeans, but otherwise the show was non- existent in my world. But since she’s got more free time, how about singing the anthem at a Mudlarks game this summer? Couldnt be any worse then these storylines. A one, a two, a three….

 

May 28, 2018

You’re a difference maker all right…

Filed under: actual action, Gil Thorp, lame jokes, Pissy Faced Barry Bader, Recycled art — robmize2013 @ 10:22 am

What did I say about all the pitches being straight as a string? I used to visit a place where they had pitching machines and the balls wern’t this straight. There was a shed behind one of the cages and I hit one ball so hard it went through the protective net behind the cage and bounced off the roof of the shed. I felt like I hit the batting cage jackpot. Try that at home folks!

It was 97 out here yesterday, and Bader is sporting long sleeves. Must be afraid of mosquitos or skin cancer, one or the other. What a royal pain in the ass to have in your dugout. I’ll take the mosquitos over this mope.

Feel free to add on-  I’m heading to my local pool for a swim. Happy holiday!

May 18, 2018

Annnnnnd theyre off!

Filed under: actual action, baseball, lame jokes — robmize2013 @ 8:44 pm

Milford hosts Derby https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derby_High_School_(Kansas) on what looks like a dry track, unlike the real Kentucky Derby, which was run in slop. I would think a school called Derby would be located in Kentucky, but Kansas is enough of a bus ride eh? Pelwecki makes an offensive contribution with his bat, which is better then his offensive contribution with his mouth. He informs Mikey Filion how close his long fly ball was to going yard. I guess we  have to listen to his launch angle crap til either he graduates (please?) or he is launched himself to the moon. (Not Marty Moon.) Who the hell holds their bat in the dugout after their at bat? Pelwecki should hang himself in the bat rack and let his bat do the talking….

Of course Mikey joins in the nonsense in Kevins next at bat;hey, at least he’s hitting with men on. If the batting order from the opener is used again, Mike is properly still in the dugout; he would be batting 4 places later, although we still havent figured out the missing 5th batter

My dad was in the army during WW2 and he told me KP stands for Kitchen Police. I’m good with that name for Pelwecki. He can clean up all the bull he’s been feeding the team…

Maybe tomorrow Kevin will go yard for a 3-dinger and we can enjoy his preening over the weekend. Myself, I’d rather watch the Derby again on rerun for 2 days straight. But I have the Preakness and the Royal Wedding in my way. May the best horse win!

 

 

 

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