Bye-Bye, VT! GTFO, Milford!

Finally this slog is over and, like so many seasons in Milford, a pair of story arcs holding some promise end not with a bang but with a whimper. So let’s recap.

Milford had a slim chance of winning the Valley but somehow lost it without losing any more games, and we never learned how.* The Valley is apparently in a state where conference runners-up do not make the playdowns. Hence this game meant exactly diddly squat. It wouldn’t have mattered if the Mudlarks won, lost, held hands on the sideline or hissed and clawed at one another like cats.

So why is Rapson acting like Corina somehow saved the season? What exactly did she accomplish with her little insult fest at Casa Karenna pro tempore? Sending two boys home with fistfuls of brownies and sacks full of blue balls? All she did was continue to insult the two of them which, combined somehow with Gil’s dressing down, humbled them into being cheerleaders for the third-stringer-turned-starter. Maybe Rapp took a blow to the head during those last bruising runs to wind down the clock. That would explain his random pointing to the empty bleachers.

And what exactly did Corina accomplish for herself? She went out for the volleyball team, played liberal, and managed to get some of the football players to come watch the team play – which is more than we TWIMers can say as all of the volleyball game strips (save one panel on September 30) actually just showed the football players sitting in the bleachers. Was there any more character development for her after Phoebe showed her around Milford in the summer and nosy-ass Maureen the waitress set her on a course to True Standish’s mom, who somehow convinced Corina that her mom could get mental health support in Milford? Didn’t think so. Corina’s sole purpose in this arc was to serve as some kind of prize for the two quarterbacks and then as some kind of peacemaker to help them accept their sorry lot on the Milford bench. I’d call that yet another Bechdel fail in an endless string of Bechdel fails.

So is everybody all peace, love and understanding now? Are they all gonna go to The Bucket and trade one-liners over fries and milkshakes? Nah. Corina, sporting those hand-me-down Isotoner gloves Dan Marino gave her mom BITD, throws a tribute to former Mudlark hooper Chris Schuring by singing one word of Schuring’s new school’s alma mater.

See you all here on Monday. Don’t get your hopes up for a realistic plot.

* With the 19-13 loss to Jefferson played in a deluge it’s hard to point a finger at any one event that caused the loss. In the 42-37 loss to Madison, Thayer’s overthrow of a wide-open Tom Muench sealed the Mudlarks’ fate but completely overlooked in the post-game analysis was the fact that Milford blew a two-touchdown lead. Why wasn’t Gil’s sieve of a defense ever a bone of contention this season?

Aliens landing

Cant believe a whole week later and I’m AGAIN describing the last game of the season. Like shooting a dead horse to put it out of its misery, the Larks manage to run out the clock instead of risking a heroic pass like Dickhead Lineman suggests in the huddle. But they take so long to end the season that alien ships have time to get to earth and pull them all into orbit, never to be seen again.

If you think I’ll miss these morons, you got another one coming. Good riddance. Hope they took Gil with em too. Hows that Delaware T gonna look on Mars, Gildo??

Youre out-a shape, pal.

Yeah really. 3 freakin miles and this 18 year old dude is sweatin like a pig. Sheesh. I dont even run that much (I try to run a 5K every year but dont always get around to it) but I can knock out 3 miles in under a half hour and Im 54. I ran a bit in college, my dormmates took me running with them and I kept up for a while, then they stepped on it and pulled away at the end. I then started jogging at the high school track back home and did a mile or 2 a couple times a week. I gave it up after a couple years when I realized i wasnt running long enough to constitute a fair workout. plus I didnt want my knees to ache when I was 50.

Then in 2010 I met some friends who run a 5K on some holidays like Easter and New Years, and started up again entering a number of 5K races and improving my times so I could say I was decent. And thats my running career in a nutshell. So any high school footballer should easily handle Gils assignment. I sure wasnt looking like that when I was done. One race it was 16 degrees.

Anyhoo we’ll see where this goes since we already know Gils double negative comes off like a haughty a-hole . No wonder his teams suck- they suck wind doing 3 miles.

Tell The Coach

Okay, just checked in with robmize this afternoon and he’s okay. Here’s Friday’s strip to lead into the grand finale.

As they say in Philly, “Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

This, gentle readers, is peak Gil Thorp. Finishing second in the Valley? Check. Not standing up to the system, but going along to get along? Check. Pulling strings behind the scenes to help a single kid out? Check. Does the timing of all of this check out? Let’s poned that when I get today’s strip posted. In the meantime, keep an antacid handy and take in the horror that is the Mayor dry humping Gil in P2.

 

Do you feel like I do??

Yes I’m posting almost a day late, but my main problem was I couldnt copy or find the strip anywhere for some reason. Now it works, so I’ll do a quick post.

So in the end as always, all is forgiven. Gil tells the dopes at State about the farce that was the head to head matchup of the century, which turned into a picnic. And THAT was what sealed the deal for the Mayor to get into this joint they call a college?? Sheesh.

Time for a song:\

No Mas.

Well this isnt going quite the way I thought it would– the Mayors team is getting overrun by a Milford club without one of its better players.  I had ideas about a fairly close game where the inferior team pulls off the upset after hanging around and building up the pressure on the more talented side, which finally cracks making a crucial error allowing the winning run to pull off the upset.

Nope. When you dont have pitching and defense, you got nothin.  Even with a sexy backstop with 2 first names.

Its not only an embarrassing rout, its now a farce, as one of Milfords players is taking over on the mound for the Mayor (or so I figure) .

So basically the Larks are ending the competitive portion of the game. Its now just a glorified scrimmage, since no matter what happens from this point, its not Team A vs Team B anymore. So be it. The Mayors team was thrown together in 2 weeks. Milford is a real team who just played a high school varsity season. The worst team they played all season was better then this outfit. Who didnt see this coming?

The Mayor going to center field –  The Ultimate Walk Of Shame.

 

Dont give up. Dont ever give up.

Ah, the words of Jimmie Valvano at the ESPYs when he was dying of cancer back in the 90’s. He wasnt one of my favorite coaches (and if you read the excellent book Personal Fouls https://www.amazon.com/Personal-Fouls-Promises-Shattered-Basketball/dp/0881845264 you’ll see an even seedier side) but in the end he had everyones sympathy for his handling of terminal cancer that took his life way too soon.

 

 

Mike’s mom wants to fight the good fight for her son understandably, but the time frame for this is fuzzy. Its May 15. Im not sure what grade Mike is in, but if he’s a senior, forget it. Heck even if he’s a junior, by the time any court hears this and renders a positive decision, school will be out for summer.

So Mikes dad sees the lawyer and she recommends appealing to the school board. Why cant this be done without seeing her? Lawyers arent cheap you know. Besides wasting a panel (and God knows we’ve blown a shitload of them on repeating statements) all we get is a rehashing of facts already known. He meant no harm, and the schools policy is zero tolerance. Thank you sir may I have another.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIZoVO8ZyyQ

So at this rate we may be in court all summer. Or at least til the 4th of July. By then I’ll be able to get a haircut in my state and even eat at a restaurant.

PROGRAM NOTE: I will be taking a long-overdue vacation next weekend camping and kayaking. So I’m leaving the Mayors whereabouts to whoever wants to fill in next Friday. See you all in 2 weeks.

 

 

 

Knappe the Knife

Really not much to say about this strip today – Mikes mom is called, she basically sides with her son as being essentially a good kid, although she could get him to eat at home a little more and make sure he gets up early enough to do so, and the school says – sorry, but our policy is no knives period. End of discussion. And a likely suspension from the baseball team for a while.

Time for an oldie but goodie from our good friend Bobby Darin: