Youre out-a shape, pal.

Yeah really. 3 freakin miles and this 18 year old dude is sweatin like a pig. Sheesh. I dont even run that much (I try to run a 5K every year but dont always get around to it) but I can knock out 3 miles in under a half hour and Im 54. I ran a bit in college, my dormmates took me running with them and I kept up for a while, then they stepped on it and pulled away at the end. I then started jogging at the high school track back home and did a mile or 2 a couple times a week. I gave it up after a couple years when I realized i wasnt running long enough to constitute a fair workout. plus I didnt want my knees to ache when I was 50.

Then in 2010 I met some friends who run a 5K on some holidays like Easter and New Years, and started up again entering a number of 5K races and improving my times so I could say I was decent. And thats my running career in a nutshell. So any high school footballer should easily handle Gils assignment. I sure wasnt looking like that when I was done. One race it was 16 degrees.

Anyhoo we’ll see where this goes since we already know Gils double negative comes off like a haughty a-hole . No wonder his teams suck- they suck wind doing 3 miles.

Tell The Coach

Okay, just checked in with robmize this afternoon and he’s okay. Here’s Friday’s strip to lead into the grand finale.

As they say in Philly, “Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

This, gentle readers, is peak Gil Thorp. Finishing second in the Valley? Check. Not standing up to the system, but going along to get along? Check. Pulling strings behind the scenes to help a single kid out? Check. Does the timing of all of this check out? Let’s poned that when I get today’s strip posted. In the meantime, keep an antacid handy and take in the horror that is the Mayor dry humping Gil in P2.

 

Do you feel like I do??

Yes I’m posting almost a day late, but my main problem was I couldnt copy or find the strip anywhere for some reason. Now it works, so I’ll do a quick post.

So in the end as always, all is forgiven. Gil tells the dopes at State about the farce that was the head to head matchup of the century, which turned into a picnic. And THAT was what sealed the deal for the Mayor to get into this joint they call a college?? Sheesh.

Time for a song:\

No Mas.

Well this isnt going quite the way I thought it would– the Mayors team is getting overrun by a Milford club without one of its better players.  I had ideas about a fairly close game where the inferior team pulls off the upset after hanging around and building up the pressure on the more talented side, which finally cracks making a crucial error allowing the winning run to pull off the upset.

Nope. When you dont have pitching and defense, you got nothin.  Even with a sexy backstop with 2 first names.

Its not only an embarrassing rout, its now a farce, as one of Milfords players is taking over on the mound for the Mayor (or so I figure) .

So basically the Larks are ending the competitive portion of the game. Its now just a glorified scrimmage, since no matter what happens from this point, its not Team A vs Team B anymore. So be it. The Mayors team was thrown together in 2 weeks. Milford is a real team who just played a high school varsity season. The worst team they played all season was better then this outfit. Who didnt see this coming?

The Mayor going to center field –  The Ultimate Walk Of Shame.

 

Dont give up. Dont ever give up.

Ah, the words of Jimmie Valvano at the ESPYs when he was dying of cancer back in the 90’s. He wasnt one of my favorite coaches (and if you read the excellent book Personal Fouls https://www.amazon.com/Personal-Fouls-Promises-Shattered-Basketball/dp/0881845264 you’ll see an even seedier side) but in the end he had everyones sympathy for his handling of terminal cancer that took his life way too soon.

 

 

Mike’s mom wants to fight the good fight for her son understandably, but the time frame for this is fuzzy. Its May 15. Im not sure what grade Mike is in, but if he’s a senior, forget it. Heck even if he’s a junior, by the time any court hears this and renders a positive decision, school will be out for summer.

So Mikes dad sees the lawyer and she recommends appealing to the school board. Why cant this be done without seeing her? Lawyers arent cheap you know. Besides wasting a panel (and God knows we’ve blown a shitload of them on repeating statements) all we get is a rehashing of facts already known. He meant no harm, and the schools policy is zero tolerance. Thank you sir may I have another.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIZoVO8ZyyQ

So at this rate we may be in court all summer. Or at least til the 4th of July. By then I’ll be able to get a haircut in my state and even eat at a restaurant.

PROGRAM NOTE: I will be taking a long-overdue vacation next weekend camping and kayaking. So I’m leaving the Mayors whereabouts to whoever wants to fill in next Friday. See you all in 2 weeks.

 

 

 

Knappe the Knife

Really not much to say about this strip today – Mikes mom is called, she basically sides with her son as being essentially a good kid, although she could get him to eat at home a little more and make sure he gets up early enough to do so, and the school says – sorry, but our policy is no knives period. End of discussion. And a likely suspension from the baseball team for a while.

Time for an oldie but goodie from our good friend Bobby Darin:

 

 

The freak hands are better.

OMG – filling in for Teenchy today as he’s on a long day trip. Chris produces a full page stat sheet that I’m sure is available on both the internet and your local bathroom wall at a sports bar. Nothing like perusing those 4 for 9 stats while taking a leak next to some dude who’s 3 sheets to the wind, pissing for 10 minutes. . Multi-tasking at its finest. I go to Hooters every now and then and they have the sports page on the wall above the urinals, so this aint far-fetched.

Chris’ teammate points out (literally) that he’s better served dishing the rock for assists, even though the only points we saw the big guy score were after Schuring got faced on a layup attempt. Chris looks like one of those small guards who would be wise to stay out of the paint, as otherwise any big guy would shove the ball down his throat.

Then we see P3 and he’s actually TALLER then the center?? Hey Gil— your lineup needs work buddy.  Chris must have zero vertical leap if he’s blocked by someone who then allows the real Shorty to get the put-back.

Playing offense in your head?? How about playing it on the court? Methinks that’ll work better. Team of duffusses, these guys. At least they have great hands.

 

Oh Yeah? Jump On This!

Well, I’m glad that’s settled. Ed is neither the express nor implied racist we suspected him to be (or, at least, he’s not gonna cop to that). Neither is he really that concerned about Jaquan’s post-NBA career. He just wanted baby girl to come home and join/take over his practice. I mean, why should the Foley Law Group beat him to the punch? With that, Ed V. Baxendale joins the pantheon of Milford parents living vicariously through the lives of their children (if not outright preordaining their career paths via their names).

Kinda funny we haven’t seen Gil in the strip for a couple of weeks. Hope he’s watching more of Joe Bolek’s game film. He’d better keep Hadley on speed dial for the next time he needs to intimidate the lawyerless school board, or game the system to recruit outside talent.

Finally, it wouldn’t be a Gil Thorp arc-ending strip without some kind of lame joke and a freeze-frame ending. Good thing Jaquan got Luther, The Anger Translator to stand in for him.