The freak hands are better.

OMG – filling in for Teenchy today as he’s on a long day trip. Chris produces a full page stat sheet that I’m sure is available on both the internet and your local bathroom wall at a sports bar. Nothing like perusing those 4 for 9 stats while taking a leak next to some dude who’s 3 sheets to the wind, pissing for 10 minutes. . Multi-tasking at its finest. I go to Hooters every now and then and they have the sports page on the wall above the urinals, so this aint far-fetched.

Chris’ teammate points out (literally) that he’s better served dishing the rock for assists, even though the only points we saw the big guy score were after Schuring got faced on a layup attempt. Chris looks like one of those small guards who would be wise to stay out of the paint, as otherwise any big guy would shove the ball down his throat.

Then we see P3 and he’s actually TALLER then the center?? Hey Gil— your lineup needs work buddy.  Chris must have zero vertical leap if he’s blocked by someone who then allows the real Shorty to get the put-back.

Playing offense in your head?? How about playing it on the court? Methinks that’ll work better. Team of duffusses, these guys. At least they have great hands.

 

Oh Yeah? Jump On This!

Well, I’m glad that’s settled. Ed is neither the express nor implied racist we suspected him to be (or, at least, he’s not gonna cop to that). Neither is he really that concerned about Jaquan’s post-NBA career. He just wanted baby girl to come home and join/take over his practice. I mean, why should the Foley Law Group beat him to the punch? With that, Ed V. Baxendale joins the pantheon of Milford parents living vicariously through the lives of their children (if not outright preordaining their career paths via their names).

Kinda funny we haven’t seen Gil in the strip for a couple of weeks. Hope he’s watching more of Joe Bolek’s game film. He’d better keep Hadley on speed dial for the next time he needs to intimidate the lawyerless school board, or game the system to recruit outside talent.

Finally, it wouldn’t be a Gil Thorp arc-ending strip without some kind of lame joke and a freeze-frame ending. Good thing Jaquan got Luther, The Anger Translator to stand in for him.

Let Us Not Speak Of The Cool Again

 

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Damn Rubin, why not go for the trifecta and use “too cool” in every panel?

Since my TCFS Goes To Eleven post on May 11 the phrase has been uttered (in whole, in part, or as its abbreviation) on-panel an additional twelve (12) times not counting today. Add two more today and we get a total of twenty-five (25) “too cool”s in this arc. That horse hasn’t been beaten to death, it’s been pounded into jerky. So has the major plot point that celebrating your interests can turn into cliquishness faster than you can say a tired catchphrase.

This is what we get when we ask for a female-centered arc in Gil Thorp. And we thought we were getting somewhere with Paloma Padilla. I have nothing more to say about this nonsense; I’m off to hang with Mr. Bakst this weekend.  Hopefully when we get back on Monday they’re plotting something over cocktails at Casa Thorp that doesn’t involve balls and sticks.

 

Catch of the century.

Are you kidding? A sure home run is snared out of the sky by a player who had to have Flubber in her shoes. Her back to the field, she jumps at least 2 feet in the air, timing her leap perfectly as she  backhands the ball into her mitt and  apparently slams into the fence hitting her midsection square. No way her momentum doesnt cause her to topple over the fence, which would mean its a home run, but somehow she stays in the field, and shows the ice-cream cone proudly. All I can say is – Wow. I never saw a high school play like that.  Nice looking arms too.

All you can do in this instance is tip your cap, and there’s no reason for the Milford girls to be so sour. They just practically had a parade for you for winning the conference despite all the distractions, and now your down because that CATCH beat you? Great job, both teams. Go enjoy your summer and all will be forgotton in 2 weeks.

Next time we see that Wellington girl will be in the NBA Slam Dunk Contest.

 

I’m firing that pig!

Well so much for Animal Farm being a difference maker in this storyline. That pig must be rolling his eyes as he rolls in the mud reading this strip. We’re back down that long slippery slope to nothing. Its so bad you wonder whether this strip was intended to run a week ago, before the book assignment. And Rubin forgot about it and is just now running it, so out of sequence is the mindset of the characters. Maybe Molly threw in the towel about her synchronized skating  (and for that matter the softball team) and is just enjoying her role in life as the president of the Tool Cool Club. Who the hell is this committee anyway? I cant believe any high school male would get that excited about getting a button like that. And does Tyler even know about this TC shit? His first question should be — ‘What committee?’

Even Molly’s logic is flawed. Hey — writing screenplays is a BYPRODUCT of ones education, just like doing a science project is a byproduct of getting schooled in science and Applying that knowledge. So it aint too cool for school. TC buttons should go to kids who are so cocky they dont want to learn whats being taught and put the effort into the process. These 2 guys dont qualify at all– but Molly is such a fuckin dimwit she cant tell the difference. And she ordered more badges– I know the first batch was 50, so we will have 100 Milford students walking around campus on June 10 when everyone else is working on their summer tan, with these silly things that will be forgotton as soon as the next storyline commences. As some Spanish guy said -De Sooner De Better.

Going Dutch at the Coffee Cantina?

Here at TWIM we’ve pretty much concluded Milford is in Michigan. While it’s true Michigan has some Dutch influences, I totally did not expect the Coffee Cantina to turn into a full-blown Amsterdam coffeeshop overnight. Had to run with the color version to confirm that the brownie was indeed a brownie. You know it’s a great brownie when you haven’t even taken a bite out of it. Contact high much?

Everyone (including myself) who had written Linda off as a loser who was willing to turn down a volley scholly because she wasn’t yet Olympian material can just hold that thought, at least for today. Skipping practice doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve given up on your sport (remember Allen Iverson?).

The less said about Mimi’s heavy-handed Animal Farm assignment, the better. I’m also disappointed that Mimi didn’t run ’em till they puked before convening Book Club, but if it leads to Molly and Nancy giving Linda a TCFS button for skipping volleyball practice to eat a hash brownie at the Coffee Cantina, I can live with it.

Oh Lord. Kumbaya.

Back at it after 2 weeks off and .. are we Still on the ‘Reasons Why Individuals Couldnt Make a Meaningless Scrimmage That Is Tearing The Team Apart’..?

This strip has been a lot like the Cubs season so far, of which I witnessed the opening series in Texas.  They were completely dominant in the opener, so much so that almost everyone was predicting a sweep; writers, fans of both sides, even the mascot. And it has gone extremely downhill since then, a plethora of Ranger home runs and assorted extra base hits leading to a series win for the home side, (who knew the Cub bullpen would turn into the Nationals’?) and continuing in Atlanta and Milwaukee with even more horrid baseball;  the day after I got home they played perhaps their worst game in my lifetime, committing 6 errors while also getting shut out, which hadnt happened since the summer of ’65, pre-Rob.  (The Rennie Stennett 7-for-7 22-0 Pirate drubbing in 1975 would be the runner-up).

Hey, theyre giving up more runs then the Bears gave up points last season, or it seems like it.

Well we always start off with a promising new storyline every season (wow we have a girls story!), and then it quickly turns into a suckfest, and here we go again with the endless whining by all the girls (3 more panels of this??) about why they couldnt play in a scrimmage that we never saw, and over analysis of the various girls other lives outside of softball, until a month goes by and we havent played a game yet. P2 has a player with an exclamation point on her jersey, bringing to mind the Riddler in Batman with his question mark

And finally the dopey male in the story falls for Mollys assertion that they all sang Kumbaya. At least someone looks dumb besides Rubin/Whigham.

Flogging Molly

Meow!

Pretty damned presumptuous of  Linda to assume Molly’s skating event didn’t involve her family.  Most young people I’ve known who have been involved with events on ice have had massive family support, not only in dollars but in time (predawn drives to rinks for ice time come to mind).  Also presumptuous of Linda to think her volleyball extracurriculars are somehow more worthy than Molly’s synchronized skating.  Guess that’s what happens when your high school only offers football, basketball, baseball/softball, soccer and track (the latter two we almost never see or hear about because no one named Thorp coaches them).

People who shed in their lockers shouldn’t throw stones, nah mean?  Now Steve Luhm’s gonna have to show up and sweep all that hair off the locker room floor.  More likely, we’re gonna be treated to a couple of days of Molly’s “nobody understands me or my skating hobby” pity party.  That, or Mimi signing up all the Lady Mudlarks for skating lessons so that they can become as graceful as Molly in the field.