This Week in Milford

December 20, 2017

Gil Thorp – Ventriloquist?

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OK, Rubin, you got me to google “Internet Ninja.”

It so happens that I am rather familiar with many regional and national dialects of English and also with the many different ways it sounds when spoken as a second language. With all respect due to the entrant, that doesn’t sound like it was written by someone remotely familiar with idiomatic English.

Panel Two takes the cake for inanity. Why talk about ‘all that’ Kelly found when you can talk about whether it took her a long time or a short time and when she managed to find the time… Meanwhile, is that an aged Han Solo in the background of this stylish pub with its exposed brick walls and industrial grade window muntins?

I’ve never seen a ventriloquist act in person. Can they really do that trick? I mean, just how persuasive is the illusion in the presence of the performer as opposed to watching on TV? I gotta hand it to him, I did not foresee witnessing this side of Gil. Day drinking? But of course. Vaudevillianism? Well, I guess he did have that act with Herc the Mauler.

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December 13, 2017

As Vaganova Can Attest, There Is Basically No Risk Of Concussion From Skiing.

Filed under: Central City Cretins, lessons learned, premature baldness — timbuys @ 9:50 am

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Panel 1: “Signs of trouble” is going to become my new euphemism for impending disaster.

[boss with grating accent]: ‘Hey TimP, how’s going der Mega Proposal due Friday to GiantCo?’

TimP: ‘Gee boss, the lead architect is out sick with stage 4 cancer of the everything, his wife just died and his daughter’s wedding in Tahiti is Saturday so he’s got that going on too. Meanwhile, our offshore support team is celebrating a week long major national holiday and are legally forbidden from working*, and our key relationship manager at the account just left us to join our competitor. Also, too, one of their subsidiaries just announced they’re suing us for breach of contract at Tiny Project where the long gone sales guy over promised and we under delivered.  So, you could say there are some Signs of Trouble.’

* The government will occasionally send state security officers to the offices to check that they are closed. No joke!

Panel 2: “What we mostly know about [tobacco and cancer, leaded gasoline, asbestos, etc.] for now is that we need to know more.” (emphasis added)

Panel 3: So, I am a big believer in not letting my fears determine my decisions. Too often in my life, and as I’ve observed in many other’s lives, some element of fear constrained me from reaching further than I could have. Conversely, even when I’ve taken risks and failed, I’ve always made my greatest strides when I’ve managed my fears and charged ahead.

Inspiring or insipid as that might sound, after living in my home for eleven years without it, I bought flood insurance three months before Hurricane Harvey hit and didn’t flood. The point being, I guess I could’ve saved $450 (although I’m happy that money will help to pay out claims to other insureds), but I was a lot more comfortable the night of landfall and the days that followed.

Had I been fearful of flooding? Sure.

Did I mitigate the risks underlying that fear? Yes.

Did I make the right decision?

 

October 21, 2017

They’ve Got Prairie Style Windows in Omaha, Too?

October 20, 2017

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I got the spirit (Hey!)

It’s in my locker (Hey!)

A bottle of vodka (Hey!)

And if we win (Hey!)

We get some gin (Hey!)

And if we lose (What?)

We get no booze (Aww!)

And if we tie… (Yeah?)

We still get high! (Woo!)

— an actual chant by teenchy’s high school football team, long ago and far away

Uncle Gary just doesn’t get it. Win or lose, shared goals and camaraderie are two important lessons that can be learned from playing team sports.  In recognizing that, the teenaged Rick Soto shows himself to be far more mentally mature than his cardboard cutout shyster of an uncle. We haven’t seen team player behavior like that from a Milford athlete since True Standish, The Golden Child, let Jarrod Hale score the winning touchdown in the state championship game. So ease up, Uncle Gary; Rick might just be lining up his future roadies for when he hits it big on the Midwestern fraternal organization open mike night tour. He hasn’t even been concussed yet.  That dubious honor looks like it might fall to…

October 21, 2017

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… Mike “Don’t call Me Castle” Fillllllllllllion. Well here’s a surprise – a strip featuring neither Rick Soto nor Uncle Gary but Gil flexing his old school jockocrat muscles (and his right arm with two elbows) by pulling his QB out of this unknown teacher’s class.  I can see Filion’s eyes clouding up already – oh, wait, they’re just exploding.  Making a kid nervous by yanking him out of class then telling him to relax is just the kind of mind game you’d expect from a coach whose one trick on the season is putting a linebacker in at fullback. Wonder if Gil’s gonna tell Mike that Pelwecki’s getting some reps under center next week?

September 8, 2017

How I wasted my summer, by Jaquan Case.

Well its now all over but the shouting – a few more tosses of the flatbread loaf, and not only does Case talk about the book he isn’t gonna write, but he finally decides that this whole exercise was a waste of time because he announces to Trey (who Did shout) that his future is …. hold it… BASKETBALL. Just like it was when we started this whole pointless plot. Thanks a lot Heather. I have officially rejected both your football knowledge and all your phone calls lining me up to go to college and be a history teacher. Cripes.

Not only that, he wasted Treys time both losing practice time for hoops but making Trey go home and stew at his house.  Only one whose time wasn’t wasted was Gil. He’s over at Milford GC teaching golf as usual.

Boy, its one thing to do a stupid plot for 2 months, its quite another to do the whole thing and then end up in EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE YOU STARTED!!!!

What does Heather do now? Case made her late for fall semester and all he has to say is ‘ Time for basketball.’ !!

Hope they toss all these characters into the pre-season football bonfire.

 

September 6, 2017

Or, You Know, Varsity Soccer…

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Specifically, the friend at Iowa wants to fill you in that classes have already started and they easily handled Wyoming last Sunday during their home opener.

Bonus Point: Nice spiral on that ball, Jaquan! Have you considered becoming a Pro-Bowl Quarterback at the age of 30? Get out there and explore!

Minus Point: Heather looks way out of position to catch that throw. Don’t give up on catching it! Or Anything.

September 1, 2017

The only thing persistent is the pounding of my headache

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, boring memories, football, general nonsense, lessons learned — robmize2013 @ 7:52 pm

So after all the talking and running catching and drinking and resting and more talking, its back to home base with Trey to discuss this long convo that accomplished … hardly anything.

Just blows me away that we’re still at loggerheads over at least 3 things –

Can Case still play basketball? (Thats what Trey was helping him with before he went home to drink a shandy)

Can Case play pro football? (Thats what Heather is trying to tell him he can do if he works hard enough. But we thought he was rehabbing for basketball)

What is Heathers level of competence in deciding Cases’ future? ( Both she and Trey dropped what they were doing originally when something better came along, she dropped Pelwecki and helped Case, Trey and Pelweki went home to stew about things, Gil went to the golf course, and True? Yep, he dissappeared too after his minor contribution of playing QB to Cases WR.)

Now even Heather doesnt know what she wants to do. And yes we’ve conveniontly forgotton about that. Unless in P3 she’s on her laptop hunting for a journalism job because Case rekindled her interest in it.

Hey, how about Trey saying he needs to be around sane people for a while, then he’s sitting by himself drinking at home. I guess he’s the only sane person in the strip.

And if it wasnt for Case, Heather would be doing what she didnt really want to invest her future in, coaching football and meddling in athletic training. And by the way, she’s missed about 3 weeks of class at this moment. Nice that she has time to look for a job.

Maybe the moral of this plotline is Heather and Jaquan both discover what they really want to do because they met each other, while the though-to-be principal characters in their respective lives wind up only being window dressing.

Bring on the bonfire!

 

 

July 15, 2017

The door into Milford summer

Filed under: freak hands, Gil Thorp, lessons learned, Milford Weirdos, Pantheon of Hair — robmize2013 @ 8:48 am

 

Sorry gang I was too busy yesterday to get to this but here’s a double dip today. Looks like the plot is drawing to a close with the 2 main characters talking about life lessons learned, albeit from a teacher who should be on strike for forced July labor. (And there’s still one game left!!)

Of course its perfectly ok for Dafne to just walk in the dugout after the game while the team is presumable cleaning up and exiting the premises etc. And whens the last time these two spoke alone anyway? What happens with the other boy-girl combo – do they sit in the girls dugout to even it out? Will Dafne graduate before another issue of the Trumpet comes out? Will Marty melt in his wooden coffin of a booth?

At any rate, Milford summer is now close at hand, at last. How about an excellent cover of a Monkees song to close out the week?

July 11, 2017

Theoretically Feeling That Flash

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I’m not saying I need, or even want, a moral that makes sense to wrap up a Gil Thorp season… but this is some pretty weak sauce denouement. Also, too, didn’t someone slug what’s his name?

What else do we have today?

P1: Ms. Rizk’s clenched fist makes this quite the arc for that sort of thing if that’s what you’re into.

P2: I love the twin terminals in the foreground. I guess that big scoop on expense account abuse freed up funds for the paper.

P3: Prairie style window muntins are what do it for me, so let’s just focus on those and ignore whatever lame point Dafne is trying to make.

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