This Week in Milford

June 27, 2022

Marty Wakes Up Just In Time For…Wait For It…

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Gil Thorp, Madison Time, Marty Moon, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 3:14 pm

Well, look who woke up from a long winter’s (and spring) nap! It’s our old pal Marty Moon, the king of all Milford media (except, not anymore, or ever for that matter). Marty’s gotta get some sound for his “show” and he hasn’t been roasted by Gil in a good while. He picked a great day for a roasting. Gil’s gotta be cranky sitting in his office this late into June, plus he’s all warmed up from tearing into parents, umps and other media personalities like Al Drake from Channel 6.

Marty goes into his wind-up, lobs in his little dig and…..uh, well, Gil kinda half-asses it. Oh well, he’s tired. Marty’s tired (that crate is no place for a long winter’s nap). We’re all tired. If we had more time, Gil and Marty could do some improv games and workshop their little two hander, but we simply must move on.

Speaking of moving on, three games?? Are you kidding me? Well, we know we’ll only see Gregg’s next start since those are the only ones that count this season. Cut to…the camera man from Channel 6 getting some great footage of Gregg dislocating his elbow. Or maybe Gregg is reaching back into a wormhole in the multiverse to shove a tiny baseball into Gil’s ear. Yep, that’s absurd, no two ways about that!

Meanwhile, Scooter’s a little hurt that he’s not getting some pub. I thought he wanted to set a record or host Jeopardy or something. I guess his dreams had to get jettisoned like everybody else’s to make room for Hamm.

Say, did that cameraman have to lug that beast all the way to Madison for this? Wait, Madison? Is it…could it be…Madison Time??

March 12, 2022

Even a Broken Coach Is Right Twice a Day

Filed under: basketball, Brown Hair, Heather Burns, High Five Fail, Madison Time, Mimi Thorp — teenchy @ 2:59 pm

Today’s post title originally had something to do with hogs or squirrels, but I was informed that using that language is considered ableist. Suffice it to say that Mimi got lucky in Madison when Hollis stepped up and into the guard slot with some success. So what if some of her teammates are yapping about her cutting in on someone else’s playing time? That’s part of Mimi’s job – not the job of some first-year zoomie-in-waiting – to nip dissension in the ranks in the bud.

Besides lucky Mimi, everyone else in today’s strip appears to be some kind of rando. These two Lady Mudlarks in the foreground aren’t any we’ve been introduced to by name. They don’t seem too pissy about Hollis’ playing time or lack thereof; they just seem happy to have beaten Madison, even if their handclasp/high five/whatever seems a bit awkward.

This dark blonde/light brown-haired woman Mimi’s chatting to about Hollis’ game: gotta be Heather Burns, right? Who else would give a rat’s about how Hollis played and, what’s more, who else would Mimi give a rat’s to share her thoughts on Hollis’ game with? Hollis’ mom?

Not much else to add today since this is sort of an anti-cliffhanger. Nice set of posts by my fellow bloggers and nice, insightful comments by you gentle readers this week. Hope your team gets selected on Selection Sunday tomorrow. If not, hope they get selected for the NIT. If not, hope they find a decent replacement for their canned coach (at least that’s what I’m hoping).

March 11, 2022

Who wants some playing time?

Filed under: actual action, basketball, Colorist Error, Madison Time, Mimi Thorp — robmize2013 @ 8:24 pm

Oh I just knew there’d be unrest on the team over a Coaches Decision. Playing time is dictated by ability and matchups. You play more when you face a team that cant handle your skill set. Doh.

But number 40 is worried about 3 other girls PT instead of worrying about Her game. Even better, she does it while she’s playing. P2 is weird to begin with, 2 players arent even looking at the ball as its being passed to someone off-panel, and Hollis’ arms are oddly placed as if she’s waiting for the Madison player to jump into them to lift her up like a cheerleader mount. And that basket right behind 40 better be Milfords, otherwise she’s passing up a chippie, and Hollis should be running the other way down the court instead of doing the cheerleader thing.

Then in P3 Hollis turns back into the forward she really is by going to the basket and (see above) using her skill set to make a play. Yeah I know guards go to the rim too (Exhibit A: Michael Jordan) but any defense with a brain would quickly switch assignments near the basket and defend Hollis more easily then this little guard is.

I read a book years ago about how girls basketball used to be played. It seems they used to play 6 on 6, but the guards could only play defense, and the game was basically a series of 3 on 3 matchups, with the half-court line being a divider that couldnt be crossed by anyone; you stayed on your side of the court the whole game, and a guard in those days would graduate with a lifetime scoring average of 0.0. It was in the days where it was thought too much exercise was bad for girls, so they mimimized running that way. Such primitive thinking that I’m glad has long been abolished. Anyone else remember that? Or was it just in certain states? Just some food for thought..

So we’ll see how Madison adjusts to the big guard going to the hole, and if Hollis isnt a forward, whoever is in her old position has to be shorter right? Then go at Milfords weakness.

November 24, 2021

What the Hell, Milford?

What fresh hell is this? A one-score game and we get an exposition? What the hell, Rubin?

And Mudlarks? Your QB hurts his arm and you fall to pieces worse than Patsy Cline? He couldn’t run the ball or hand it off to your star tailback? You know, that star tailback who turns away fan mail from recruiters, who had the State U running backs coach show up in person only to blow him off? He couldn’t suck it up and put the offense on his shoulders? And what’s with your o-lineman who can’t throw a block unless he can believe in pseudoscience? What the hell, Thorp?

Same question goes to little gymnast volleyball girl: You can’t take responsibility for your own health, listen to your body when it tells you to dial it back a notch? You want to rely on the same pseudoscience lineman boy did and blame the QB when it predictably fails? What the hell, Kianna?

Gil Thorp has to be the worst motivator in the history of coaching. He’s no Kirby Smart, that’s for sure. Mimi’s not much better. Then again, what can you expect from a bunch of superstitious, undisciplined-ass tank town kids?

meta: Thanks, tdrew, for covering for me on Saturday.

June 7, 2021

KRAK! Attack At Madison

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Madison Time, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 10:25 am

Hey, look! It’s Marty Moon, who has been keeping a pretty low profile of late. He dragged his crate over to Madison and he’s giving us an update on what’s been happening on the diamond. A whole host of also rans have been doing baseball things. Gonzo has been pitching a “dandy” and, looking to start an offensive charge, we have Dallas George and Curtis Charles getting on base, setting the table for DUN DUN DUNNNN, Zane Clark! As you recall, Zane started in right for this game. His work on the mound has been shaky of late, but now it’s time to see how he’s doing at the plate.

The Madison pitcher throws Zane a high fastball and KRAK! Zane stings it! A stinger. Oh boy, oh boy. Did he sting it hard enough to get in at least the tying run? We’ll leave it right there for now. Hey, isn’t this better than Library Board shenanigans and Mimi forcing college down Corina’s throat? Um, maybe?

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Madison Time video. I thought maybe I had mined all the interesting (a relative term) clips from YouTube, but here’s one that showed up in the last year. It’s the standard Ray Bryant Combo recording but it features film of boring white people, Joan Darby and Joe Cash, demonstrating all the intricate Madison Time moves with plenty of close ups for those of you that haven’t been able to pick up the steps so far. Wow, look at their “Rifleman”! That oughta clear the dance floor! Their “Wilt Chamberlain” could use a little work though. Enjoy!

June 5, 2021

Zane Isn’t Focused on Some WAP

It’s official: The Gil Thorp colorists are phoning it in. We’ve had players throwing the ball to players on the opposite team and opposing players in the outfield when their own team is batting, unless the Mudlarks have been changing unifroms on the fly. Now we appear to have someone else besides Gil coaching for Milford. Even Kaz is dumbfounded by the presence of this imposter in a Mudlark uniform. Doubtless this interloper is supposed to be the Madison coach and he and Kaz are going to hand their lineup cards to an unseen home plate ump…

… who is later seen wearing a wristwatch?!? I do not recall umpires ever being allowed to wear watches, but I do recall them using stopwatches to mark the time between pitches and between innings. Maybe some of you TWIMers who have been closer to a diamond in the past decade than I could weigh in. Talk amongst yourselves.

Said umpire is ringing up an unseen batter as a catcher in Madison’s traditional sage and plum frames a called strike three while name checking Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. Could that batter be Zane Clark? Gil shared Zane’s line with Mimi while they were piddling around in the garden, but the only person called out as unfocused was Katy Brito, by Mimi. Gil’s comment to Zane that Zane wasn’t focused in his last outing wasn’t his observation, then, but Mimi’s. Between Kaz handling the messy details and Mimi providing the strategy, maybe Gil could get a head start on teaching golf to preteens and getting hammered on Long Island Iced Teas at the MCC.

March 17, 2021

Time to Tidy

We’ve come to that time in the arc where there’s a week, maybe two left and Rubin has to hastily come up with a way to tie all his little subplots neatly together. Multiple games are condensed into a single strip and the outcomes are told, not shown. Everybody’s little personality traits get lip service whether or not they actually advance the plot. A pun, a smirk, and a freeze frame exit down a corridor, then it’s on to the next season.

Yesterday’s seemingly random three panels are a prime example. So little ink has been spent on actual sports action this winter that only then did we get a hint that the Lady Mudlarks have a coach are in contention to win the Valley. Given how often Milford teams have lost the Valley through crazy flukes, it’s about time that a conference rival has defeat snatched from the jaws of victory – even if it’s completely via exposition. Marjie Ducey apparently had enough free time on her hands to call Mimi and inform her of Madison’s choke job at Oakwood; did she do the same today for their meltdown against weaksauce Valley Tech? Oh wait: it wasn’t Madison that melted down, it was Mimi’s face! Didn’t need Marjie to make that obvious.

The Lady Mudlarks’ on-court success has come in spite of being less than harmonious off-court. (Well, I guess if you can say the entire team vs. one player isn’t harmonious.) Milford’s version of the Bronx Zoo has won despite that one player’s lack of defense, so it may be safe to say that while Tessi Milton may not be the straw that stirs the Mudlark drink, she’s not the turd in the punch bowl either. That role falls on Co-co-rina who, as the self-styled Greek chorus and observer of Tessi’s every flaw, would probably be cast as the Sparky Lyle of the group. Now if only she’d sit bare-assed on her teammates’ birthday cakes, that’d seal the analogy.

meta: Apologies for the late post: early and long day on the job.

October 24, 2020

Shush Me on the Bus

While there have been a few comics that have addressed the current global pandemic (including, ironically, that other sports-themed daily Tank McNamara), most have not. To date, the Valley has been virus-free, but looking at today’s strip I’m beginning to think Whigham has been influenced in some way by the pandemic’s impact on sports.

I mean, look at those kids on the Milford activity bus. With so little space between the rows of seats they’ve gotta be cardboard cutouts, don’t they? Their conversation is pretty two-dimensional too. The whole lot of them are adding fuel to the fire of the quarterback controversy that isn’t, except for Danny Bonaduce down in front there who’s slowly realizing that it’s not Shirley Jones behind the wheel. Who drives the Mudlark School Bus, anyway? Gil? Kaz? Cheech? Whichever coach isn’t driving needs to back there and nip this crap in the bud.

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