This Week in Milford

January 14, 2023

Not at the Bonfire, He Didn’t

Another smash cut, back to Milford and boys’ hoops action. In the course of hammering Tobias/Toby/Tobe/Toebeans, the Salem player gets a look of consternation as he player he hammered feels… somehow… different.

If Toebeans is getting mugged in P1, is Keri getting mugged in P2? Kudos to the Chief for the arms wrapped around neck poses in parallel. No clue why we’re getting the rando Milfordian showing us his choppers in the foreground, though.

Problems at the charity stripe, Gordon? You need to track down good old Kenzie Hanley to show you how it’s done. But why so distracted by Pedro on Keri like white on rice? Thought Dorothy was your babe and Keri was your bestie when you and they were kids. Have we been thrown from Mimi’s potential girl-on-girl tension to a potential bizarre love triangle?

Talk amongst yourselves. It’s late and I haven’t put a lot of deep thought into this. teenchy out.

January 6, 2023

I’d like to check that bald guys birth certificate..

Filed under: basketball, dopes, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 6:27 pm

Holy moly if that wasnt the worst drawing of a high school athlete yesterday in P1 then one doesnt exist. He looked more like the janitor (not Steve Luhm) then a triple double machine that could be in the NBA in 4 years if not sooner. The way these high schoolers are built these days, you can almost lengthen the court for them.

Big postgame interview after a podunk high school game. Really, a camera is needed? Who are these guys, the Associated Press? Normally you see the coach interviewed by 1 guy as he’s cleaning up the bench area. And all dressed up too! Marty needs to remember the tie doesnt have to match the jacket. Green on green looks.. notsogood.

And Marty is looking away from Gil as he asks the (dumb) question. Why the hell is he referring to a football game?? This is the basketball team. Yes I know Gil coaches everything except pickleball, but these are different guys playing a different sport. Or theyre Supposed to be.

And you dont have a Playbook for basketball Gildo. Hey, if your playbook burns up because of that fire that’d be a GOOD thing.

January 4, 2023

Marty can’t tell front from behind. Should we worry?

The Mudlark boys’ basketball opener is under way and, as it’s a non-conference game, it falls upon us to try to figure out where it’s happening. Judging from their bird mascot and that Forest View is two words, not one, I’m venturing a guess that this is the no longer extant Forest View in the Chicagoland region. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen a shout-out* to a defunct high school, though I’m not gonna comb the archives to find the example (it was a Detroit-area school IIRC).

Marty’s looking a little thicker around the middle and in the hand, which must be a side effect of his continued sobriety. Milford was shown yesterday in its road black-and-reds, so why is Forest View wearing what looks like the old “Block M” jerseys Michigan trots out from time to time (and which Milford also wore BITD)? Bigger question: where is this behind-the-back pass Marty’s calling happening, in his mind? Why is Marty continuing to call out uni numbers for the Mudlarks? Is the game being simulcast on TV2 and WBIG radio?

All that aside, how ’bout this NBA-style halftime score! Have both of these teams broken out the run-and-gun or forgotten how to play defense? At the risk of repeating myself, I appreciate Barajas incorporating the trans kid into the strip fairly seamlessly, with virtually no reaction from anyone in Milford, but making the kid magically become a star athlete on every sports team he goes out for strains credulity just a little bit. Can’t wait until baseball season when he breaks Joe Sharkey’s and Kevin Pelwecki’s long-ball records.

*I’m not sure if Mudlark big man Darius Simmons is also a shout-out to a friend, Rubin-style, but sadly the first hit I get when searching for him is a 13-year-old kid who was murdered in front of his mother in Milwaukee about a decade ago. There’s also a Darius Simmons playing football at McGill, where he could be a teammate of Chance Macy’s.

December 14, 2022

Vive la Résistance!

Gentle readers, I must admit that there are days when I need a little motivation to try and understand a given day’s strip and to make a coherent post about it. Most Some days I have to broaden my horizons and try to find a pop culture reference to tie in the action or the dialogue. Most Some days the pure absurdity of what’s being presented lets the post write itself. Some days – and today is one of those days – that I just have to break the strip down into its individual parts and comment on each part. On those days it helps to have a mantra, and today’s mantra is Ohm. So let’s get to it.

P1: All together now: In American football, the team in possession of the football, or the offense, tries to advance the football down the field to score points while the team without possession of the football, or the defense, tries to stop the offense’s advance and to take control of the ball for themselves. In terms of the goals of each unit, the offense is thus the force and the defense is the resistance.

P2: Marty has been at this gig long enough that he should know the basic rules of the game. He should also know that the end of the second quarter in American football is usually referred to as “halftime” or “the half.” Or it could be that Lachlan doesn’t know that. Lachlan is a name of Gaelic origin, so he could be a noob at calling an American football game.

P3: Now we know how Marty’s been supplementing his income since he lost the TV2 job: by calling illegal dog fights over the dark web. Applying the dog fighting analogy to Valley Tech football might explain why there’s a chain-link fence right along the sideline of their field. Cage match rules at Valley Tech might explain why Maivia’s having such a good night, or day, hard to tell.

Stepping back and looking at the strip as a whole, you can see a flow of action, kind of like Eadweard Muybridge’s photos of horses. It’s the description of the flow that requires detachment and meditation. So please join me. Ohm…

meta: A moment of silence and a bag of candy corn on the curb for Mike Leach. Love him, hate him, or somewhere in between, you have to admit he made college football more interesting and less corporate. Rest in peace, oh pirate.

December 12, 2022

The Finals!

Filed under: football, Marty Moon, Valley Tech — nedryerson @ 7:14 am

Those of you who have been concerned that pacing of this strip might not allow a wrap up to the football arc within the traditional calendar period for football can now rest easy. We are at The Finals! What Finals, you ask? It’s The Finals of football, duh. It’s just like every year when some format of regular season games leads to playoffs and then The Finals. Seriously, don’t you all remember how there are Finals? Here’s another one!

As alluded to, in order to keep us on a real-world calendar, we don’t know what route was taken to get to these finals, but as luck would have it, Milford will be taking on Valley Tech and a champion (of something) will be crowned. The Valley Tech cheerleader is appropriately excited that the match up we all wanted is happening and the band is pumping up the volume to elevate the intensity. I think there’s even a fists raised, woo hoo guy doing his thing at the top row of the bleachers. Either that, or he’s going to take a swan dive to the ground below because the intensity is just too much! (It is The Finals afterall!)

Since it’s the Finals, the burden of such an auspicious event is too much for one man to broadcast, Marty Moon has a partner in the booth. (This looks more like a real booth of some sort rather than Marty’s usual crate. There’s ceiling tiles and overhead lighting and room for the renowned Lachlan to help capture THE moment.) This should be a special broadcast. I hope someone is taping it!

The world famous Lachlan is hyping up the big showdown of coaches for today’s Final. He’s on board with Coach Luke Hernnadez’s Martinez’s moniker. He’s probably listened back to Marty’s podcast.

Let’s get down to business and turn it over to the Blue Lives Matter referee to officiate the coin toss. Valley Tech wins the coin toss! This means that Milford has to get the special teams. Of course, but where from? Were they still sitting on the bus? What personnel will Valley Tech use to field the kickoff? Does coaching wunderkind Luke “The Sherriff” Martinez have some radical alternative to special teams?

I’m sure all questions will be answered. Let’s sit back and enjoy The Finals!

December 9, 2022

Hooper! Draw the chum line!

Filed under: actual action, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, football, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon — robmize2013 @ 10:11 pm

The title of the post is somewhat of a line from Jaws, when the 3 men are out on the sea chasing the shark and Robert Shaws character Quint yells at Matt Hooper, played by Richard Dreyfuss, to steer the boat so as to allow Roy Scheider playing Chief Brody to toss chum on the water to attract the shark. I never tire of watching that movie; it never ceases to amaze me how the most inexperienced seaman of the 3 winds up killing the shark using guile, bravery, and good old common sense, and the lessons learned from the movie if one watches it carefully can be carried throughout life. It shows that if you keep your wits and never give up, anything is possible, no matter the odds.

Back to Milford football and yes, its past Pearl Harbor Day and we’re still playing. What else is new? Hey we’re in our comfort zone at last! And Marty is showing the effects of all that liquor as he forgets he’s on the radio and tells us to look at something.

The Larks have recovered an onside kick and keep the football for another possession. The players are a bit spread out as they run on the field. And why is it finally showtime now? Was the previous segment of the game only a preview? And I need to see more players on the bench behind Gil. Youre gonna need more then 5 guys to pull this off. Where’s the defense at least? And no idea what number the guy to Gils left is. Could be a U. Hey U, get out there!

December 5, 2022

To Thine Own Self Be True

Filed under: football, Marty Moon, New Thayer — nedryerson @ 3:38 am

Today’s strip is a contrast in flipping coins. The Ref flips the coin to start the football game between the Mudlarks and the Terriers. Presumably, Kaz is commenting on Gil and Kaz’s relaxed sideline attitude. What can Marty see from his crate? I guess he studies the sidelines with binoculars to really get a sense of the coaching staff’s body language. Is is possible that these games are still broadcast on channel 2, just like back in 1987? Maybe a TV guy is making the observation about the coaching staff. Marty kinda has his hands full…

Marty seems to be flipping his AA sobriety chip. I’ve never been in AA but have known many people in recovery. If you’re not familiar with what Marty is flipping, it’s a coin, known as a chip, that recovering addicts get through AA to mark periods of sobriety. We know Marty’s had alcohol problems before, but this is AFAIK the first time we’ve seen an indication that he’s active in a twelve-step program. Goog on you, Marty. One day at a time applies to reading this strip as well as serving as a way to approach recovery.

In case you can’t see, the chip has the post title written around the edge. I never knew what was written on those chips and wasn’t sure until I image searched. As far as his length of sobriety, I don’t know if it’s Roman numerals or Arabic, so it’s two years or eleven.

November 30, 2022

Between Valley Tech and Milford lies OBSESSION.

We’re still going over the 1987 “game film” (and by “game film,” I mean “a VHS copy of TV 2’s broadcast”) of the state championship game with Gil and Maestro Turturro, but the end is near. Valley Tech has edged the Mudlarks, 14-10 for the title, and Ringo Starr Marty Moon is on hand to interview the star of the game, Luke “El Tigre” Martinez.

El Tigre’s strip of the hula-dancing Mudlark receiver saved the game for Tech, but all Hairy Luke can focus on is Gil and his “spot.” Clearly this is not some kind of revenge fantasy: Tech won the game, no? Was it Gil’s coaching job at Milford and his hot blonde wife Mimi that Luke was coming for? The career sacrifice, marrying the hot med student, becoming a stay-at-home-dad so the the hot med student wife could become a successful heart surgeon – all part of a 35-year-long game to get him to the point that he could coach another Valley Tech team to beat Milford?

Seems like the Milford Star coverage of the game only added fuel to a fire that was burning long before the final whistle. Dude’s got some serious-ass issues to work through. Get help, Luke. We might get more backstory in support of the Martinez monomania, but in the meantime, enjoy the inspiration for today’s post title.

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