This Week in Milford

May 22, 2023

Oh you nasty boys

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Milford Weirdos — robmize2013 @ 8:51 pm

Back to the illegal selling of vapes by the boys behind the scenes, or so they think. Good ol Marty Moon is out and about taking a pic of the action, which again begs the question– how the hell does he know

A whats going on at all,

B where these kids are selling the stuff, and why

C how can he see who’s in the car, as the windows are tinted.

The last day we saw them even talking about vape sticks was January 31. Almost 4 months later, they havent sold the last case yet. Quit looking at Alfred E Neumann and step it up before you become a Tic Tok hero.

Finally Al Jaffee gets a shoutout posthumously. I had forgotten who he was, but he was the editor of Mad Magazine, and he passed away on April 10. Here’s more:

April 26, 2023


Filed under: actual action, Gil Thorp, Keri Thorp, Marty Moon, Oakwood — teenchy @ 8:49 am

Yesterday looked like we were getting the groundwork laid for a potential plot line but, true to form, it’s been dropped today. I’m still calling it: The Valley baseball title will, like the football and basketball title before it, come down to a Milford v. Valley Tech showdown. Offenses will disappear as a pitcher’s duel develops between Baseball Hall of Famer bred to be a Hall of Famer Pedro Martinez and the orphaned (or at least fatherless, if I read yesterday’s strip correctly) Leo A’ta’zhóón, coming off the rez and on to the mound.

But never mind that: it’s time for Milford jayvee softball which, amazingly, is being broadcast by WDIG. With the broadcast, Marty Moon takes another step in his rehab as a character. Not only presumably clean and sober, he’s also making the effort to get his pronouns straight. (Do managers now add their players’ preferred pronouns to the lineup cards before handing them to the umpire? Do coaches provide them in press releases or media guides? Inquiring minds want to know.) No more bad Mexican food jokes at the expense of Puerto Rican players in an effort to suck up to a sponsor.

Not Marty’s fault – or Henry’s, hopefully – that whoever inks this strip can’t get the their/they’re distinction straight. @henryjbarajas, can you check in with the Chief on this? kthxbye. teenchy out.

April 15, 2023

Which Clocked Faster, Pedro’s Pitch or Marty’s Mouth?

Filed under: baseball, Marty Moon, Miserable characters, Valley Tech — teenchy @ 12:22 pm

“How does it feel to have Pedro on the mound?”

“I dunno, why don’t you ask Gil $#&% Thorp‘s daughter? The boy was bred to be a future Hall of Famer.”

“So you’re not his biological father, then. Why wasn’t Pedro on the basketball team?”

“¿Why don’t you take that Twix bar you’re eating y vete a tomar por el culo, Moon? Now hold still while I blast you with this portable handheld X-ray machine.”

I don’t know that Marty and WDIG have ever covered Valley Tech before much less given it as much airtime as Milford, but how can they resist with an egotistical gasbag like Luke at the helm? Why listen to Gil reel off a list of kids named after Neal Rubin’s old newsie friends when this blowhard is bound to stick his foot in his mouth every time he opens it? Ratings, people, ratings!

Marty could really take this ball and run with it.

“Since you’ve taken over, Valley Tech has become notorious for changing its uniform colors from one game to the next – sometimes even during the same game. Why did you choose to start the baseball season in piss yellow? Pedro still wetting the bed at home?

“Watch it, pendejo. Look at him! 90 mph!”

“Yeah, 90 mph straight up. You teaching him the eephus? Gil Thorp had a reliever throwing 96 seven years ago. Kid got into the Rays system while playing QB at Wake Forest.”

[Luke’s head explodes]

The phone lines at WDIG would be ringing like they haven’t since B/Robby Howry was on a hot mike.

April 1, 2023

Hrraaaking Up

Hrraaaking up
Only four minutes to go
Had enough
I can’t take any more
No shit
This seems so fake
This is unreal
Ain’t no sense it can make
Don’t know the players
Don’t know the score
Who’s playing? I don’t know!
Everybody all around me
Changin’ unis on the daily

I don’t think it’s funny no more

Hrraaaking up
Like a worn out shoe
On the
Foot of Leo A’ta’zhóón
He’d run
But he’d lose a piece
Tays laughed
But it’ messed with him, messed with him

They bought some Jammers, they brought Kareem
He made them runners
It’s like a bad dream
Everybody liftin’ weights
Makin’ money selling vapes

‘Cause I don’t think it’s funny no more

Then out of nowhere
An old reference
It comes upon us without warning
It’s a bone tossed to all us olds
I’m only hopin’ TWIM don’t fold
I’d take a knife to all these new strips
Paste them back together, see if I can make them make sens

I don’t think it’s funny no more
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up
I don’t think it’s funny no more
Hrraaaking up

(apologies Nicholas Drain Lowe)

March 20, 2023

3 games, 3 wins, 1 blue moon

Filed under: actual action, basketball, hands in the air, Marty Moon, Oakwood, Valley Tech — robmize2013 @ 3:20 pm

On we go with the hoops season, and just like the old days, we fuck around for weeks without a dribble, then stuff it all in at once. How many differences can you spot in 3 strips?

  1. White tshirts under home top in P1, sleeveless in P3. By the way, where are their home white jerseys that everyone else in the country wears? Been a blue moon since I saw em.
  2. P2 and P3 have the word ‘Final’ after the final score. P1 does not.
  3. Both opponents in P1 and P2 wear the same color jerseys.
  4. P1 and P3 list the winning team first as they should. P2 continues the hiccup that has been present in the Barajas era, listing the loser first.
  5. Since when was Oakwood called the Owls?

Then of course we have the obscure reference to the ‘finals’. Finals of what? State? Conference? The Valley? Hey, nice to win every game but in my state the playoffs last 3 weeks and you must win 8 straight to win the state title, and even then there’s 4 classes, so 4 champs. Used to be 2 of course. The state finals last 2 rounds, used to be 3. It was a big deal to go downstate for a school. Regardless of how they finished, it was a fairly successful season to get that far.

Hey isnt Valley Tech the home of you know who? Yep. Another showdown, this time without dumbbells.

And finally, – Marty– a blue moon occurs roughly twice a year by my humble calculations. See above link for more. Its the 2nd full moon in a month. Not that big a deal. So he obviously has been drinking too many of these……

March 13, 2023

Monday blowout

Hey gang – its Rob here on a Monday- if you havent heard, the usual Monday poster Ned Ryerson is stepping down from his post after a long and successful career writing this nonsense due to to personal reasons, and we all wish him well. For the time being I will do this job twice a week, with my usual Friday post continuing as before; and we may or may not find a replacement for Ned, but until then, as the circus people say, the show must go on. So here we are…..

Doesnt take long to find something wrong with P1– Leo with his new kickers somehow can jump 6 feet in the air and dunk. Milford is playing what amounts to a stooge team in New Britain, which is located in Connecticut

and obviously is just learning to play basketball as the Larks go on to win by 50, but normally the defenders are at least trying to stop a potential dunk, and the Britain guy not only doesnt have his hands up, his eyes close at the prospect of the thundereous dunk thats to follow.

Marty excitedly describes the Milford surge which is somewhat realistic in high school, but not like anything we’ve seen lately.

Then in P3 Cami overreacts to the game situation- and no coach who ever coached yelled Dont blow this lead! Good coaching is about accentuating the positive; with a big lead, most coaches say play like its zero-zero, to keep the team focused, but the enthusiasm is a bit phony IMHO. ( Yet another tick against the writer for not knowing the sport he’s writing about )

So we’ll see if it was the shoes, or Leo’s emergence as a confident scorer, or more likely just a great game against a pushover opponent that Little Sisters of the Poor coulda beat. (Got that reference from my old college dormmate)

Lets close it out with a song huh?

January 14, 2023

Not at the Bonfire, He Didn’t

Another smash cut, back to Milford and boys’ hoops action. In the course of hammering Tobias/Toby/Tobe/Toebeans, the Salem player gets a look of consternation as he player he hammered feels… somehow… different.

If Toebeans is getting mugged in P1, is Keri getting mugged in P2? Kudos to the Chief for the arms wrapped around neck poses in parallel. No clue why we’re getting the rando Milfordian showing us his choppers in the foreground, though.

Problems at the charity stripe, Gordon? You need to track down good old Kenzie Hanley to show you how it’s done. But why so distracted by Pedro on Keri like white on rice? Thought Dorothy was your babe and Keri was your bestie when you and they were kids. Have we been thrown from Mimi’s potential girl-on-girl tension to a potential bizarre love triangle?

Talk amongst yourselves. It’s late and I haven’t put a lot of deep thought into this. teenchy out.

January 6, 2023

I’d like to check that bald guys birth certificate..

Filed under: basketball, dopes, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 6:27 pm

Holy moly if that wasnt the worst drawing of a high school athlete yesterday in P1 then one doesnt exist. He looked more like the janitor (not Steve Luhm) then a triple double machine that could be in the NBA in 4 years if not sooner. The way these high schoolers are built these days, you can almost lengthen the court for them.

Big postgame interview after a podunk high school game. Really, a camera is needed? Who are these guys, the Associated Press? Normally you see the coach interviewed by 1 guy as he’s cleaning up the bench area. And all dressed up too! Marty needs to remember the tie doesnt have to match the jacket. Green on green looks.. notsogood.

And Marty is looking away from Gil as he asks the (dumb) question. Why the hell is he referring to a football game?? This is the basketball team. Yes I know Gil coaches everything except pickleball, but these are different guys playing a different sport. Or theyre Supposed to be.

And you dont have a Playbook for basketball Gildo. Hey, if your playbook burns up because of that fire that’d be a GOOD thing.

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