Gil and Marty drinking together, mass hysteria!

Everyone who wanted to see some Milford CC action this summer, here it is – only golf is not involved! And you were expecting Luftstalag 13 after yesterday’s strip. Go grab your beverage of choice and settle in ’cause we’ve got a whole lot to unpack today.

1. What exactly is Gil’s relationship with technology here? He takes great pride in having a flip phone but is oblivious to caller ID, which flip phones have? Okay, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s so antsy about the sitch with Mimi that he can’t be bothered to check to see who’s calling. So, then…
2. …why can’t Gil meet with Marty while waiting for the call with Mimi? It’s not like he has to sit around Casa Thorp because, again, mobile phone and caller ID. Oh, wait. He’s not saying “Sorry, Marty. I have to stay home until I hear from Mimi,” he’s saying “Sorry, Marty. I thought you might’ve been Mimi.” How do we know this? Because…
3. …the new writer told us as much on Gocomics this morning. I make it a point to not read the comments on Gocomics when I go there for screen grabs, mainly because I don’t want anyone else’s comments to color my take on the day’s strip. However, it was hard to avoid seeing and reading the comment from henryjbarajas* and not have it influence my take. TWIMers will also note that among his comments, he addressed the Martinez/Hernanndez snafu from earlier this week: “I messed up! It’s Martinez.” Kudos for not blaming Whigham or the colorists on that one. Maybe he’ll give guidance to them on uniform colors, too? Here’s hoping.
4. That the writer of a daily comic strip is actively interacting with the strip’s readership speaks volumes, and in a positive way. Compare 9 Chickweed Lane and Pibgorn‘s Brooke McEldowney, who won’t even allow people to comment on the windows into his sexual kinks he passes off as comic strips. For us here at TWIM, this is big – even bigger than learning that The Real Vic Doucette was reading us. Will we be on our best behavior from now on? Nah.
5. Back to plot analysis: Barajas isn’t doing anything to dissuade me from the notion that Gil and Marty have a Ralph/Sam working relationship. As much as Marty has slammed Gil on air over the years, is it possible that he has a shred of journalistic integrity when it comes to all things Thorp**…
6. …or does he realize that, no matter how new or how sherrify the self-proclaimed new sheriff in town might be, that the Thorps are still the straws that stir the WDIG drink? Hearing Gil’s side of the story helps Marty cement his take that Martinez is a blowhard who likes his drink maybe a little too much. It also adds another layer to The Legend of Gil Thorp^TM: Women want him, other coaches want to be him…
7. …which makes his reveal and plea for help to Marty all the more stunning. Why the hell would Gil offer that up to Marty? Moon has always been beta male to Thorp; one only need look to the fall 2015 arc for evidence. Again, I fear this is going to lead to Gil camping out in Marty’s crate before football season is over, leading to a very Heather Burnsy conflict of interest. Unless, of course, Gil can crash at Kaz’s dojo. I’m still waiting to see what changes in character, if any, Barajas has in store for Kaz.

Well that’s about the longest post from me in ages, but there was just so much to digest today that I thought it merited my full attention. Hope it’s given you plenty to chew on. See you here with Ned on Monday.

* When I read the name “Henry J” my mind went immediately to the compact car built by Kaiser-Frazer in the early 1950s and named for the company founder, Henry J. Kaiser. This is because teenchy is old, but moreso because teenchy is kind of a gearhead. The Henry J predates me by a decade plus, but when I was growing up there was an old guy in my neighborhood who owned one. It was an old car by then and looked extremely out of place even compared to the 1950s cars and trucks still in everyday use. (One particularly sturdy Studebaker pickup truck comes to mind.) Henry Js weren’t very successful, and some of them got rebadged as Allstates and sold through Sears stores. Ponder that for a moment.

**Consider how Marty let B/Robby Howry hang himself on an open mic a la Lonesome Rhodes as an example. Chalk this one up as a point of continuity between the Rubin and Barajas regimes.

Krink! Wasnt he on Hogans Heroes?

…Of course not, that would be Klink, the bumbling Kommander of Stalag 13. I started watching the show more recently as I frankly didnt even understand it as a kid, and it was on before my time anyway. The humor is still a bit tough to follow, as the accents and the dated references combine for some head scratching even now, and I didnt care for war shows anyway. Good thing I have Tivo, as I can rewind something to hear it again if need be. Was never my kind of show, but I just Love the theme song, and Ive said for years it should be our national anthem, rather then the hard-to-sing version we have. (And I dont recall Richard Dawson having such an accent when he was saying “Survey Says!!!” on Family Feud, which is what I know him for.)

The podcast concludes with Martinez announcing he’s gonna take over the Valley and squash Thorps teams to the point that Gil retires. But arent we still living in the past here? What year is all this taking place? Because for darn sure there aint no Martinez coaching Valley High now. And its not like Gil is rolling over these teams; on the contrary he’s barely .500 over the last 10 years or so, if you throw out the 2016 state title.

So again we have issues with time and place in this new era of Milford athletics. And Marty is off to find Gil and get his take on the new ass-kicker in the Valley.

And for sure, that hasnt changed. Strike up the band!

Urban Thorp

Today it’s all flashback as Luke Martinez y Hernnandez spins his tale for Marty’s “podcast,” painting Gil as the Valley’s version of Urban Meyer.

To hear old Hairy Hand Luke tell it, he was quietly minding his own business, admiring his reflection in the carefully polished bar top and nursing his glass of 2% milk while he waited for Bethany the barkeep to pour him another. But where was Bethany? Leaping across the bar to get up in Gil’s grill – and Gil didn’t turn away! (The artwork doesn’t quite match the dialog, Chief.)

There’s a grain of truth in observing that Bethany might have a thing for Gil, but it wouldn’t have been easy for Knuckles there to pick up on it as much as he was running his mouth. If Marty lets this hit the podosphere, this might boil down to a he-said, she-said, with Gil flying Bethany in to cast the tiebreaker.

Marty sounds downright incredulous in response – which does not sound like Marty Moon at all! Kinda reinforces the notion that Gil and Marty have a Ralph and Sam-style working relationship. Looking forward to seeing Gil leave his doghouse for a round of Johnnie Walkers with Marty at Barney’s before this arc is through.

Special Guest Cameo: The role of Gil in P3 is being played by Bob Crane.

Please Tays, Don’t Drop It!

We are now back to game action within the story Tays is telling at the coach of the year banquet. In Tays retelling, he has now become white and has fleshed out his story with commentary from Marty Moon. I knew we were getting some different story telling, but I didn’t know we were going full Inception. (I think we’ve established that the color change is not part of the narrative, but a quality control issue at GoComics, from Andrews McMeel Universal, the largest independent syndicate in the world and a leading digital entertainment provider of humor, comic strips, political cartoons and gaming content for print, Web and mobile devices. The creatives have no idea why Tays has shed all his melanin.)

What is Marty saying in this retelling? It’s fourth and fifteen and Milford has the ball. The play hasn’t started yet, but Marty is projecting that if Tays drops this, the game is over. Does Marty know what the play calls are? What if Tays “drops this” and somebody else scoops it up and gets the first down. What if Marty isn’t even talking about the ball. What if Tays drops a tab of yellow sunshine? would it be “game over” or would he expand his consciousness?

I guess we’ll just snap the ball and find out what the hell is going on..

Marty Wakes Up Just In Time For…Wait For It…

Well, look who woke up from a long winter’s (and spring) nap! It’s our old pal Marty Moon, the king of all Milford media (except, not anymore, or ever for that matter). Marty’s gotta get some sound for his “show” and he hasn’t been roasted by Gil in a good while. He picked a great day for a roasting. Gil’s gotta be cranky sitting in his office this late into June, plus he’s all warmed up from tearing into parents, umps and other media personalities like Al Drake from Channel 6.

Marty goes into his wind-up, lobs in his little dig and…..uh, well, Gil kinda half-asses it. Oh well, he’s tired. Marty’s tired (that crate is no place for a long winter’s nap). We’re all tired. If we had more time, Gil and Marty could do some improv games and workshop their little two hander, but we simply must move on.

Speaking of moving on, three games?? Are you kidding me? Well, we know we’ll only see Gregg’s next start since those are the only ones that count this season. Cut to…the camera man from Channel 6 getting some great footage of Gregg dislocating his elbow. Or maybe Gregg is reaching back into a wormhole in the multiverse to shove a tiny baseball into Gil’s ear. Yep, that’s absurd, no two ways about that!

Meanwhile, Scooter’s a little hurt that he’s not getting some pub. I thought he wanted to set a record or host Jeopardy or something. I guess his dreams had to get jettisoned like everybody else’s to make room for Hamm.

Say, did that cameraman have to lug that beast all the way to Madison for this? Wait, Madison? Is it…could it be…Madison Time??

Its ap(parent) Gil is clueless

Once again I get to describe the pinnacle of the story without feeling the rush of the conclusion, like when you get to the top of a rollercoaster ride and pause for a second, before plunging down.

But first things first– since I’ve played and watched baseball, (1978) any pitcher coming in for emergency gets as much time as he needs to get ready. And Morrison fits this description eh? So why is Gildo giving him all these marching orders? Ease up again? Gotta be one of our post categories. I’m adding it way late, but whatever. Pretty moronic that Gil is concerned with Morrisons health before he throws a pitch while he blindly (no pun intended) let Hamm pitch several times plus practices before he figured out what the score was. (figure of speech)

P2 is a filler for the action after the bullpen takes over and is completely inconsequential to the storyline.

Of course Gil cant deal with a simple issue of vision right away– he will let Gregg go home and possibly trip over something on the way before he has a talk with him and a parent. Well well well– which parent will it be? Thats drama number one. Drama number two will be how Gregg describes how he managed to hide his problem that long from a coach who is truly more blind then Gregg is to not be aware of it for this long.

We need to vote on which parent it will be tomorrow. I cant figure out how to make one so just name in your comments which parent it will be– A. Mr.Hamm, B. Mrs. Hamm or C. both. I feel it will be Mrs. Hamm but if Mr. comes we can kill 2 birds with one stone and get the dope on why he’s so afraid of being photographed.

So my vote is for A. –Mr. alone.

The polls are now open!!

From a Slick Stop to a Meal Stop

Time for a break from the Milford Witness Protection Program for some actual action.

Central tries to mount a late rally against the Mudlarks by putting on Milford’s uniforms and crowding the plate. This ruse fails as Gonzo Aceves gets the batter in disguise to ground into a game-ending double play. Surprising that Gil and Kaz left Gonzo in to pitch a complete game; maybe they were also too busy watching Mama Hamm take a bullet for Papa Hamm to pay attention to the action on the field.

Menawhile Marty’s in his crate, calling the game using the CB radio he pulled from under the dash of his car and taking notes using a carpenter’s pencil. Guess Marty got it from Heather that everyone’s calling Aceves “Gonzo” now. Though he and his butter knife are long gone The Mayor has left his mark, at least for the rest of this season.

Now it’s off for postgame junk food, either at Ricozzi’s or The Bucket. Will the Hammmmer walk into a pane of glass as he joins the rest of the team? Will Papa Hamm be stuffed in the trunk of the Hammmobile when Mama Hamm comes to pick Gregg up? Will Scooter be too busy bragging about the twin killing he turned to bore everyone to tears with baseball trivia? So much to anticipate for the rest of the week!

Can You Fist Bump in Braille?

The grand scheme is in full swing, and with only three players in on it (oh, and a tennis player but who’s counting? Is she even gonna get a story this spring?) it seems to be working. The big question: how long before someone picks up on it, who will that someone be, and how will they know?

Probably not Marty; he’s too busy with his own chatter. Did he get a new set of choppers after basketball season, or has he been sucking on the sugar cubes he’s been muddling with bitters to make his sippy cup Old Fashioneds?

How about Noah Syndergaard Kaz? Gregg’s awkward return of his fist bump might be a clue. Oh wait; it’s his right-angled approach that’s making it awkward.

Maybe another Mudlark who isn’t in on the plan will figure it out, especially if one of them calls Hamm by name while out in the field. Guess it’s a given he can distinguish Scooter’s voice from his other teammates in the heat of the moment.

You know it won’t be Gil; he’s always the last to know and the pissiest when he finds out.

Nice graffiti by the Chief on the dugout there, BTW.