This Week in Milford

February 23, 2017

Nuttier than Nutboys

Filed under: basketball, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 7:52 am

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What’s with this product placement? And here I thought Nutboys were the official candy bar of Gil Thorp.

I suppose the conclusion Rubin’s trying to lead us to is that Quadruple A sandbags unless Mom’s getting paid the next day, and the family Aagard banks something out of that arrangement. I’m starting to reach the conclusion that Ken and Mike are turning into the winter Milford power couple. I’m also starting to reach the conclusion that the thing Ken Brown makes happen is gossip, rampant speculation, and locker room dissent. Way to be a team player, Big Ken.

A thought on yesterday’s strip: Did anyone else hope for a Kenzie Hanley cameo when reference was made to “a linebacker in short pants”?  For that matter, where has all the Bacon gone? Wasn’t he still an underclassman last year? Did he drop out of Milford and follow Kenzie and USA Women’s Rubgy around the country? That would’ve made for a more compelling story arc than this dreck.

February 18, 2017

Ain’t No Answer in Me

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As expected, today’s installment reveals nothing except a potential physiological cause for Aaron’s inconsistent play: his horrible, horrible hip dysplasia.

What else to highlight? EES from some Milford rando, the usual shiny floors and Prairie Style windows, a couple other Milford randos shrinking back in fear from Raging Aaron? I’m going for Ken Brown’s nasty Gillette Fusion cut while maintaining his sideburns. Y’know, I’d kinda like to examine what Rubin’s done with Big Ken’s character over the past couple of seasons but I think that could get touchy. I think for now we can all agree that he’s been given feet of clay.

Post title came to me before anything else this morning. Rather than the more obvious invitation of comparisons between Gwen’s cover and the original, I thought of a more confrontational response.

February 16, 2017

McShane’s, Come Back!

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Pitchers and catchers reporting this week, so I reckon it’s time to move this wagon train along.

Gil does what Gil perhaps should’ve done already once Brown and Granger started snooping around Aaron’s personal life. Why this couldn’t be accomplished with a phone call is beyond me. My money’s on Gil wanting to see the poor side of town as a reminder of what might happen to him if the Milford School Board ever truly gets wind of his coaching abilities.

In any case we see that McShane’s Hardware is kinda run down and Tina Aagard keeps the books there. Though we don’t learn details, Tina of course thinks Aaron did something wrong and the sparks begin to fly. Tomorrow* we’ll learn that Aaltruistic Aaron’s performance is all a function of his worry about his overworked, underemployed mom and the guilt rays will emanate from Tina’s forehead. After that she’ll be ready to come back to the mind-numbing number crunching at McShane’s.

Way to sow the seeds of domestic discord, Gil. Now, can somebody help me roll the batting cage out to the field?

*or the next day, or the next day, or the next day…

February 9, 2017

Sherlock Plays the Dozens

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“Is your mom still an… um… is your mom still so fat her ass got two zip codes?”

So this is it – the start of the big reveal (well, besides the big reveal that Aaron Aagard’s Molly is a girl, not the recreational drug) that will tell us what’s truly behind Aaron’s inconsistent play. Mike Granger couldn’t start it off any more awkwardly. Sure, let me start talking about my plan to pump Aaron for mom info out loud in this shiny tiled echo chamber where Aaron’s already sitting. I can already see this devolving into a poorly played game of The Dozens.

“Mike, you’re so stupid you can’t even remember what I told you Aaron’s mom did for a living a couple of days ago.”

“Ken, your mama’s the judge, not you, so shut the hell up. So Aaron, is your mom still an actuarily?”

“Sort of. She lost her actuary job, though.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so poor she can’t even pay attention?”

“Nah. She still plays the numbers. That’s why I help her… by shaving.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so hairy, you shave her with a weed whacker.”

“No. I shave points so Milford can’t cover the spread.”

“Oh. So your mom’s like chunky peanut butter: greasy, full of nuts and easy to spread…”

 

February 4, 2017

Pride (In the Name of Aaron)

Filed under: basketball, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 3:17 pm

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“I don’t want Aaron to think this is about one mistake…but yeah, this is about one mistake.” In laying out his coaching plan (!!!) to Kelly, Gil draws the fine distinction between not starting and benching (not playing at all). Let’s not give him too much credit just yet, as Gil goes on to show that he’s not above that long-cherished chestnut of coaching, “shame the player into performance.”

Apropos of nothing: Wasn’t Kelly sitting across from Gil yesterday, and now appears to be sitting at his right elbow today? Maybe Gil, Kaz, Mimi and Kelly have some swinging thing going on. I don’t want to expend too much mental energy on that idea but it could help explain why we’ve seen nothing of Mimi and the Lady Mudlarks this winter.

Finally, that tenacious gumshoe Mike Granger gets us ready for Monday’s clue, which will doubtless have something to do with whatever Mother Aagard (or the as yet unseen or unheard of Father Aagard) did for a living when Aaron & co. were in the sixth grade. Clearly it had to be something lucrative and/or risky, and the Aagards’ fall from financial grace (and/or possible loss of their patriarch) will turn out to be another factor in Aaron’s inconsistent play. Will the junior detectives clue Gil in before it’s too late and Aaron rides the pine permanently?

February 3, 2017

Stuck in neutral

The boys continue discussing Aaron while they play a video game of.. a car driving somewhere on the screen. Wow, for a 2017 video game it sure looks on the tame side. I once had a car video game where I had a steering wheel, and the object was to drive as many laps in 5 minutes as possible. The track filled the TV screen, and in those primitive days I was so good at the game I would reset the lap counter at the top.

Career day in 6th grade?? We didnt have that until junior year in high school. 6th grade I was still eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day and playing basketball in my driveway, dreaming of one day being able to stuff it through the hoop like the bigger kids in the neighborhood.  The paper boy would ride up on his bike and deliver the Daily News, an afternoon paper that is now defunct. I feel sorry for these guys that they’ve had to know this dude for 6 years. He must’ve wanted to be a rock star in 6th grade. Anyway what does career day have to do with where he lived?  Just one stupid train of thought after another here.

No, nobody HAS to live in dumpy apartments. Thats why the Robert Taylor Homes got torn down in Chicago. Dope.

And in P3 we have more AA discussion over wine and burgers. What a perfect meal. Yeesh.

Wake me up when this plot wants to move forward.

February 2, 2017

“Do you ever have déjà vu, Mrs. Lancaster?”

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Y’all know who should really be doing today’s post, don’t y’all? Not just because of his screen name, but because this strip is starting to resemble that movie.

With all this repetition – the junior sleuth thing, the apple-juggling bit, the keyhole bangs on every white Mudlark hooper not named Aaron Aagard –  I’m really starting to think Rubin’s trolling us.

I reckon tomorrow we’ll find out why Those Apartments on Poplar (besides being a jumping-off point for a spinoff of Gil Thorp) doesn’t make sense, but then when has anything about this arc made sense?

January 24, 2017

Respectful Ignorance

Filed under: ?, Boredom in Milford, Fontastic, freak hands, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 7:58 am

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Nothing like pulling a tall Freezy Bomb at the Swifti Mart in the dead of winter.

Did I say I was OK with the continued antics of Ken and Mike? I suppose that I did but these two really need to pick up the pace. Grabbing a drink at the corner store ain’t exactly the most exciting plot device.

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