This Week in Milford

July 13, 2017

There’s No Veering in Baseball!

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Well that whole journalism thing was awkward, wasn’t it?  Made me feel stupid for thinking there might be some point to it.  Let’s get back to what this strip does best: putting Milford’s girls in the orbit of Milford’s boys. After all, boys won’t watch girls play unless they’re interested in one of the players but girls will watch the boys play just because, amirite?

So to wrap the spring* plot up we’re gonna see if Ryan has indeed practiced his anger management after he gets another bad call from a crappy Valley ump and his teammates flub away a lead on him.  Marty’s mom has told him to take out the trash, so he quickly makes the Mudlarks a Fielding Three and rolls a 14 for the Tilden batter.  As with most Gil Thorp arcs, all of this would come off as a lot less contrived if the plot had been better paced. Then again, the phrase “it’s a marathon, not a sprint” is probably wasted on someone who holds track and field in such contempt.

*Feels funny calling it that in the middle of July, doesn’t it?

July 8, 2017

That’s “Dafne.” “Hello” is my kitty’s name.

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I will refrain from falling back on my go-to “Who saw that coming?” from Black Dynamite except to say, well, I saw that coming.

Now that that’s out of the way, hey, sports! Well, sorta. Not only did laissez-faire Mimi let Daffy back onto the field after that fiasco, she let her take infield. Some of the other Lady Mudlarks must have run off from practice after being distracted by something or other.

I notice Drafty has a soccer ball in her room. Maybe Heather Burns left it behind for her. Anyhoo, while we await a week of hand-waving at Milford losses and Dafonte’s print mea culpa, we can at least have fun speculating on what misogynistic fun and games await us for the next eight weeks thereafter.

 

July 7, 2017

Worlds Heaviest Pole- Vaulter

Filed under: Fat Guys, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 9:01 am

So the black eye opens up a whole new can of worms, just what we need right? Now everything else is forgotten until the whodunnit on the B.E. is solved. I dont even think Jimmy knows what happened. And he’s apologizing for her maybe shoving him or whatever. I think he ran into a food tray to be honest. Looking at his expanding girth, he’s obviously been living in the school cafeteria all summer. Right now he couldnt vault over a Bozo Bucket.

 

I know I’m supposed to have original thoughts on this c**p, but saw this commentary on the GoComics site and decided to break with TWIM tradition and have a guest contribute to my contribution.  So introducing my guest speaker for today – Wilbur Floppenheimer!!

  1. Fat fury 2
    Wilbur Floppenheimer about 8 hours ago

    P1: “Are you saying that you shoved Jimmy?”

    “All 250 pounds of him? No, but I may have pushed him. At 250 pounds, he gets stuck on the hurdles and sometimes needs a helping hand to make it over. That Bucket gut flops around like Jello if he’s not wearing his hurdler girdle. It’s a common problem. Donovan wrote a song about it, “The Hurdler Girdle Man.”

    P2: Double D ditches her books and interrogates Jimmy, adopting the standard Wonder Woman “hands on hips” pose. Jimmy instinctively uses his books to cover his manhood in case Double D launches one of those Size 13s his way. Jimmy displays the first signs of “Stockholm Syndrome” and begins to attempt to ingratiate himself with Double D.

    P3: “I’m sorry. Please punish me.”

    “Good. Come to my house at 4:15, and not a minute later. I have a very busy afternoon, and my schedule is very tight.”

    P4: 4:15 arrives.

July 6, 2017

The Hits Keep Coming

July 5, 2017

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July 6, 2017

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Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso better be glad that Milford ain’t old school Westview, else he’d be getting shot at for mouthing off at a hall monitor like that. How plausible is Jimmy’s defense, anyway? If we look at Tuesday’s strip we can see a dark object with a protruding right angle at Jimmy’s face height, but that angle is about level with his shoulders. Chekhov’s cabinet door…

…or Chekhov’s black eye?  Whichever, they fall into place for the logical conclusion of this arc. Braying Daftpunk, flashing her best Biting Pear of Salamanca leer, chooses her words carelessly. Anybody with an ear could draw the conclusion that she intended to hit Jimmy and, even if she didn’t, that she moved past him with such force that he fell into Chekhov’s cabinet door. And you know what? Anybody will. Daffy will soon find herself in Ryan Van Halen’s shoes, which will lead her begging to Ms. Rizk to be let back on to the Trumpet staff to defend herself and Ryan. Lessons learned, fade to silhouettes, walk through a doorway and we’ll see you on the Thorps’ back porch.

Think we’ll ever see any sports being played in this arc again? Maybe that Van Halen kid will play some chin music on some Central batters and cow them into being no-hit. Then he can get killed off like the last Milford pitcher who threw a no-hitter.

July 4, 2017

You Go Girl!

Filed under: Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — robmize2013 @ 7:18 pm

Well–  here I was considering going on strike again cuz of this no-good boring -who-the hell knows whos who and when the hell is school gonna end — plot, —- and I wind up working on a holiday. Should get combat pay for this post I tell- ya. Guess everyone else is blowing their fingers off so they wont have to write about this hoo- ha anymore. I say Bully!

So we finally have an ass-kicking from somebody. God, if Gil ever showed that fire and brimstone, he’d be morphed into Knute Rockne overnight. Nice to see one of the dufus guys get his desserts. Shove his sorry ass into a locker and leave him there til school starts again in the fall! Oh yeah, we havent started summer yet. So old Gary would only have to stay in the clink for about 3 days. Maybe he’ll lose that paunch while he’s at it. But any punishment for his luny tunes behavior is worth it, as long as he gets off my computer screen.

Cant believe this whole plot is gonna be about these clowns arguing back and forth all summer til even Dafne has had enough. Who resolves this, Dafne, Gil, or Ms. (Low) Risk? When is school finally out? When can Dafne graduate? When am I going on strike?? Tune in tomorrow- same Gil-Time, same Gil-Channel!

 

 

 

 

July 1, 2017

We hate to see you go but we love to watch you – oh, never mind

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Poor Carrie Hobson. First she gets shellacked by Jefferson in the first game of the post-Boo Radley era, then she gets soundly rejected by Hurdler Gary Meola. Another spring arc, another tearful exit for Carrie. What did she ever do to piss Rubin off?

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Dafne finds herself having to fend off Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso’s poorly aimed Vulcan nerve pinch. Let’s hope it doesn’t turn into a bad touch.

Wishing our friends to the north a happy Canada Day on the 150th anniversary of your confederation. A bit of hardball nostalgia for you today as a lagniappe:

June 29, 2017

Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dafne

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It’s been over a month and a half since the Milford softball girls have seen any action, so at least one of them is hoping to see some off the field.  Turns out Carrie had better save that sliding for the softball diamond, if she ever gets back there. Pissy faced Gary is just not into her.

Meanwhile in the kitchen the unwanted advances are fixin’ to swap genders. Dafne raises a dainty pinky and flashes some midriff as she reaches for the pause that refreshes, whilst Shot Putter Jimmy Caruso tries to figure out when and where to put his shot. Unlike poor misguided Carrie, Dafne has the journalistic talent to turn the episode into something print-worthy.  Her grand return to the Trumpet will read along the lines of “I got hit on last week. You know who else got hit on, too? Ryan Van Auken’s ex-girlfriend!” Naw, it’ll be more like “I almost gave someone at Milford High unwanted attention, and now that I’ve gotten unwanted attention too, I can empathize and will now shut my trap.”

June 24, 2017

Which Two Did He Hit?

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Poor Ryan.  Fist at the ready but he’s not supposed to punch anyone.  Way to not take advantage of a situation.

Know who else hasn’t taken advantage of a situation?  Marty Moon!  If he broadcasts every Milford game, he’d have seen the protest poster and been on the story like white on rice. Even if he doesn’t broadcast every game, surely Marjie Ducey would’ve picked up the story and he’d have commented on it. (Pouty Daftpunk isn’t the only “journalist” in town, dontchaknow.) Instead Marty’s been sitting in his basement, rolling his dice and composing music on his Casiotone. See the pile of blank staff paper on top of the keyboard?

Don’t look now folks but in a week’s time Milford has supposedly played six games. Reckon they’ll finish the season by the end of the month – or before Dafiltefish crawls back to Ms. Rizk begging to get back on the Trumpet staff?  Let’s put in an order to Rob’s Pizza and watch things unfold; I hear the breadsticks are a must. I’d say we could hang out but Rob’s is takeout or delivery only.

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