This Week in Milford

June 10, 2022

Hey Blue are you blind?? No, your pitcher is.

All the umpires in history who’ve had to put up with various themes on the taunts they receive from fans about being blind have to love this strip, where the ump finally gets his revenge! This time its the pitcher who is blind. And the ump calls him out on it, and damn it, he’s right.

Yeah Gil no rule says Blue HAS to toss your man from the game, but guess what smartypants. The ump is in charge of the game, not you. He can remove anyone from the game that he believes is a safety hazard to the other players. And if you cant figure that out by now you’re a moron. He can eject fans too. How many years have you been coaching and not know that? I coached baseball for 5 years and had several arguments with the blue man group. But I never crossed the line. If an ump told me my player couldnt see, by god I’d have him out ASAP. Not Gildo.

My catcher once got tossed for accidently bumping the ump walking off the field after an inning late in a road game, and the players mom went berserk, understandably. I thought Blue was gonna run her as well, and he had a right to. I found out I had no catcher after I heard her screaming at him. (We lost the game in the next half inning anyway so I didnt need to replace my only catcher. But it was still a BS call.)

And what is Gils insistence on PLAYING this guy anyway?? Jesus, put someone else in already! Dont you have 4 other pitchers at least?? I’m starting to think Gil is in cahoots with Mr. Hamm, secretly giving Gregg more PT to help some unknown cause that we dont even have privy to yet.

Because this makes less sense every day. Thank god the ump sees right through this charade. Throw em all out Blue!!

Oh yeah, Heather is transcribing the action. Whats her take on this?

June 4, 2022

Charis Puts It Bluntly

Today’s baseball history lesson is – aw, hell, we had this baseball history lesson almost two months ago. The Hammer isn’t going to start drinking heavily or contemplate suicide. Nope, he’s getting the Nuke Laloosh advice from Mr. Trivia and his girlfriend. I thought Rubin might’ve foregone a girls’ sports plot this season to have the single female character serve as the voice of reason. I thought wrong.

As much as we joke about it, this is really a ridiculous answer. So ridiculous that it’s wiped Ggerg’s mouth completely off his face. One would almost have to be stoned to come up with it. In fact, if I didn’t know any better I’d think Charis and Eli had been partaking themselves.

How long before the Oakwood scouting report makes its way through rest of the Valley? How long before Gil is forced to forfeit every game he’s had this menace on the mound? This plot has two weeks left – three, tops – so let’s just sit back and see how much stupider it can get.

Can’t wait to see what Mopman does with this one. The colorists missed a golden opportunity to color C & E’s eyes pink.

June 3, 2022

Ryne Duren? What a quack.

Filed under: ?, baseball, general nonsense, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — robmize2013 @ 9:27 pm

This guy Gregg Hamm just wont give up will he? Its now June 3, folks. Graduation has come and gone, and at this rate we’ll be blowing off fireworks before this dude figures out his pitching days are over. Just give it up already and get help for your eyes while you can still read the E on the eye chart.

And did he forget he only pitches every 4th or 5th game anyway? This whole storyline has fallen off the tracks, and we still havent gotten to the bottom of the Dad Scared to be in Photos mystery, and the dual wives (hey I’ll take the blond in a heartbeat) plus the softball season. I knew they wernt gonna cover tennis. All for dicking around about playing with bad eyes.

Ryne Duren

was a borderline major league pitcher who wore thick glasses (like I used to) to help him see. Well Gregg already wears glasses so we crossed that off the list. Ryne apparently saw better with frames then Gregg, because he got to the big leagues. I have no idea what Cloris has in mind fixing Greggs problem with Ryne Duren, since Ryne went to the grave in 2011. Is she saying throw so wild that the opposition gets scared to face him? Again, we dance around the real problem. The ducks in P1 are leaving the scene of this storyline in search of smarter humans.

May 27, 2022

Solution rejected

Filed under: ?, baseball, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, What the hell is going on here? — robmize2013 @ 4:09 pm

So Gil comes up with — a helmet to wear so Greg is safe from lasers coming at him. Well thats just great. No worries about fixing his eyesight– its all about the pitching experience that will be done after this season.

Have to say its more then I thought they’d do. I felt for sure Gil would just say hey, you’re a liability on the field and if you are permanently disabled by a baseball, its not our fault, since we let you play against our will. Wait a minute, that doenst make any sense.

Dont all athletes sign a waiver like that before the season? Basically stating that the school isnt at fault for medical issues that may arise in the course of playing said sport?? Who knows how Gregg got this far in the first place, especially since he had a known condition for YEARS!!!@!

How did he even pass the physical at seasons start? Again, we know he memorized the eye chart or whatever, but for the life of me I cant imagine how this situation got to this point. And now Gil comes up with a kokomimi solution that may protect the school from any lawsuits, but seriously isnt in the best interests of the individual.

And isnt that Job Number One of every school? Safety of the students?

So back to the story– Gregg refuses the mask and now faces the choice of watching from the bench or playing with a mask. Gil always figures out the best solution long after the cows have left the barn.

May 25, 2022

What’s a little HIPAA violation between friends?

“Paying a visit to” the eye doctor? Didn’t Hamm just bring her to the ball field yesterday? If Rubin can’t be bothered enough to keep his story straight and have his narration box match the artwork, I can’t be bothered enough to snark on it. So there. I mean, why not just draw people in a featureless void like in 9 Chickweed Lane or late stage Apartment 3-G?

I love how the kid is being blamed for all the adults’ cluelessness (and, in the case of the doctor, professional incompetence) about his condition. Hoping Ggerg tips his mom (Ruth, Daphne, or whatever the hell her name is today) off about this blatant violation of the HIPAA privacy rule. Maybe the Hamms can win a judgement big enough to keep Papa Hamm in a lifetime of disguises.

May 21, 2022

Jinkies! Kaz and Gregg Hamm’s Right Eye Have Something in Common!

Okay, all of you who had Papa Hamm coming to Gil’s office with Gregg, give yourselves a cookie. All of you who had Mama Hamm being named after a character from Scooby-Doo, give yourselves a clairvoyant cookie.

The next mystery to solve is why the Hamms were so clueless about their son’s deteriorating vision. Odds are they invested so much time, effort and money into buying disguises for Papa Hamm they willfully ignored Gregg’s impending blindness. When Gregg told Papa he could barely see him, Papa just took that as evidence of how good his disguises were.

Finally we have Gil navel gazing in the teacher’s lounge, patting himself on the back for not picking up on Gregg’s poor eyesight sooner. As just about every one of you TWIMers have commented, the coaches should’ve picked up on this as soon as they practiced fielding bunts or comebackers. Waiting for Kaz to admit to Gil that he let Gregg slide on practice after taking Scooter’s word that they’d do it at home. Sounds like that would’ve been the first time they did it all season.

Scooter will get his comeuppance soon enough when Gil upbraids him for his complicity in the Hamm scam. Then the Mudlarks will unravel like a ball of yarn and miss the playdowns. Rubin skipped a girls’ plot for this?

meta: Following up on my last post, I found color footage of Jackie Hayes wearing his batting helmet. He appears briefly in a clip from George Case’s color home movies from the late ’30s and early ’40s. Some of his footage appeared in HBO’s When It Was A Game, and it’s also available from Case’s estate as well. Note Monty Stratton, another major leaguer who had to deal with a disability, appears a few seconds later.

May 20, 2022

Its ap(parent) Gil is clueless

Filed under: actual action, baseball, ease up, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — robmize2013 @ 4:46 pm

Once again I get to describe the pinnacle of the story without feeling the rush of the conclusion, like when you get to the top of a rollercoaster ride and pause for a second, before plunging down.

But first things first– since I’ve played and watched baseball, (1978) any pitcher coming in for emergency gets as much time as he needs to get ready. And Morrison fits this description eh? So why is Gildo giving him all these marching orders? Ease up again? Gotta be one of our post categories. I’m adding it way late, but whatever. Pretty moronic that Gil is concerned with Morrisons health before he throws a pitch while he blindly (no pun intended) let Hamm pitch several times plus practices before he figured out what the score was. (figure of speech)

P2 is a filler for the action after the bullpen takes over and is completely inconsequential to the storyline.

Of course Gil cant deal with a simple issue of vision right away– he will let Gregg go home and possibly trip over something on the way before he has a talk with him and a parent. Well well well– which parent will it be? Thats drama number one. Drama number two will be how Gregg describes how he managed to hide his problem that long from a coach who is truly more blind then Gregg is to not be aware of it for this long.

We need to vote on which parent it will be tomorrow. I cant figure out how to make one so just name in your comments which parent it will be– A. Mr.Hamm, B. Mrs. Hamm or C. both. I feel it will be Mrs. Hamm but if Mr. comes we can kill 2 birds with one stone and get the dope on why he’s so afraid of being photographed.

So my vote is for A. –Mr. alone.

The polls are now open!!

May 14, 2022

It takes two to lie: one to lie and the other to grow his sideburns.

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get today’s post up, but I’ve been at an absolute loss as to how to spin it. This has surely got to be the tipping point for this strip, right?

There are no adults coaching the Milford High baseball team, are there? There are just male chaperones who just sit back and let the kids do whatever they want, up to and including not practicing? You notice we almost never see practices at Milford except as they’re ending, when the players are standing around listening to to adults or going over to watch their opposite-sex counterparts play a game? I’d bet Whigrub have no clue what goes on in a practice.

This is just beyond the realm of stupid. This is so asinine it makes me not want to nitpick the usual lack of attention to detail, like the uncolored lights on the school bus or the long day’s journey into night from Valley Tech to Milford. I will nitpick this: there is no way you can wear a cap backwards sitting in a car seat with headrests without knocking the cap off of your head.

Have at it, gentle readers. The more I look at today’s strip, the more it makes my head hurt.

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