This Week in Milford

February 9, 2017

Sherlock Plays the Dozens

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“Is your mom still an… um… is your mom still so fat her ass got two zip codes?”

So this is it – the start of the big reveal (well, besides the big reveal that Aaron Aagard’s Molly is a girl, not the recreational drug) that will tell us what’s truly behind Aaron’s inconsistent play. Mike Granger couldn’t start it off any more awkwardly. Sure, let me start talking about my plan to pump Aaron for mom info out loud in this shiny tiled echo chamber where Aaron’s already sitting. I can already see this devolving into a poorly played game of The Dozens.

“Mike, you’re so stupid you can’t even remember what I told you Aaron’s mom did for a living a couple of days ago.”

“Ken, your mama’s the judge, not you, so shut the hell up. So Aaron, is your mom still an actuarily?”

“Sort of. She lost her actuary job, though.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so poor she can’t even pay attention?”

“Nah. She still plays the numbers. That’s why I help her… by shaving.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so hairy, you shave her with a weed whacker.”

“No. I shave points so Milford can’t cover the spread.”

“Oh. So your mom’s like chunky peanut butter: greasy, full of nuts and easy to spread…”

 

February 4, 2017

Pride (In the Name of Aaron)

Filed under: basketball, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 3:17 pm

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“I don’t want Aaron to think this is about one mistake…but yeah, this is about one mistake.” In laying out his coaching plan (!!!) to Kelly, Gil draws the fine distinction between not starting and benching (not playing at all). Let’s not give him too much credit just yet, as Gil goes on to show that he’s not above that long-cherished chestnut of coaching, “shame the player into performance.”

Apropos of nothing: Wasn’t Kelly sitting across from Gil yesterday, and now appears to be sitting at his right elbow today? Maybe Gil, Kaz, Mimi and Kelly have some swinging thing going on. I don’t want to expend too much mental energy on that idea but it could help explain why we’ve seen nothing of Mimi and the Lady Mudlarks this winter.

Finally, that tenacious gumshoe Mike Granger gets us ready for Monday’s clue, which will doubtless have something to do with whatever Mother Aagard (or the as yet unseen or unheard of Father Aagard) did for a living when Aaron & co. were in the sixth grade. Clearly it had to be something lucrative and/or risky, and the Aagards’ fall from financial grace (and/or possible loss of their patriarch) will turn out to be another factor in Aaron’s inconsistent play. Will the junior detectives clue Gil in before it’s too late and Aaron rides the pine permanently?

February 3, 2017

Stuck in neutral

The boys continue discussing Aaron while they play a video game of.. a car driving somewhere on the screen. Wow, for a 2017 video game it sure looks on the tame side. I once had a car video game where I had a steering wheel, and the object was to drive as many laps in 5 minutes as possible. The track filled the TV screen, and in those primitive days I was so good at the game I would reset the lap counter at the top.

Career day in 6th grade?? We didnt have that until junior year in high school. 6th grade I was still eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day and playing basketball in my driveway, dreaming of one day being able to stuff it through the hoop like the bigger kids in the neighborhood.  The paper boy would ride up on his bike and deliver the Daily News, an afternoon paper that is now defunct. I feel sorry for these guys that they’ve had to know this dude for 6 years. He must’ve wanted to be a rock star in 6th grade. Anyway what does career day have to do with where he lived?  Just one stupid train of thought after another here.

No, nobody HAS to live in dumpy apartments. Thats why the Robert Taylor Homes got torn down in Chicago. Dope.

And in P3 we have more AA discussion over wine and burgers. What a perfect meal. Yeesh.

Wake me up when this plot wants to move forward.

February 2, 2017

“Do you ever have déjà vu, Mrs. Lancaster?”

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Y’all know who should really be doing today’s post, don’t y’all? Not just because of his screen name, but because this strip is starting to resemble that movie.

With all this repetition – the junior sleuth thing, the apple-juggling bit, the keyhole bangs on every white Mudlark hooper not named Aaron Aagard –  I’m really starting to think Rubin’s trolling us.

I reckon tomorrow we’ll find out why Those Apartments on Poplar (besides being a jumping-off point for a spinoff of Gil Thorp) doesn’t make sense, but then when has anything about this arc made sense?

January 24, 2017

Respectful Ignorance

Filed under: ?, Boredom in Milford, Fontastic, freak hands, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 7:58 am

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Nothing like pulling a tall Freezy Bomb at the Swifti Mart in the dead of winter.

Did I say I was OK with the continued antics of Ken and Mike? I suppose that I did but these two really need to pick up the pace. Grabbing a drink at the corner store ain’t exactly the most exciting plot device.

January 23, 2017

Who Wears An Above The Knees Skirt In January?

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Pissy faced Gil — timbuys @ 10:51 am

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Nothing like one of Gil’s patented zingers to squelch a kid’s enthusiasm! Please be sure to read Gil’s lines in a high pitched, sarcastic tone…

So, now that the whole Molly is a drug and also the name of some girl from Tilden thing has been resolved, what next? It would seem that we are going to get more of our dynamic duo of Ken and Mike which…. I guess I’m OK with that for now.

January 19, 2017

Say Hello To The Nice Man, Molly

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — nedryerson @ 4:57 am

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Well, that’s over. Now what?

Unless, Molly’s answer is: Saturday? Um, what did we do? Oh yeah. We scored a crap ton of Disco Biscuits from some guy from Kill The Noise’s road crew, at least I think it was MDMA… it might have just been speed, it’s hard to tell anymore with all the stuff that’s out there. Anyway, we had so much left over that Saturday we crushed the rest of it up and snorted it out of each others’ butt cracks! Then we stayed up til dawn watching C-SPAN! It was a blast! Nice to meet you, Coach Dork!

January 13, 2017

You open up your heart and the truth comes out.

Filed under: general nonsense, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — robmize2013 @ 6:32 pm

So no ecstasy for our man Aa Aa, but Molly? Oh thats different, yeah sure. Gotta be picky about our drug use here, dont wanna accuse anyone of doing anything they arent doing do we? Big difference between the two now. Molly, oh yeah, Molly. Thats a horse of a different color. Boy the look on his face in P3 is just priceless. Finally got caught with the hand in the cookie jar huh? Now we’ll have the big confession, tomorrow. Or maybe they can sqweeze one more day out of this back-and-forth before the story is told. I have a feeling Aa will try to convince Gil that Molly is really harmless and its effects have nothing to do with his performance on the court. We’ll see if Gil buys the rationalle.

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