This Week in Milford

October 11, 2016

Yet Another Link In A Seemingly Unending Chain Of Idiots

Filed under: exposition comics, Just plain sad, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 7:00 am

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Were the torrid strips of the past few days getting you a little flustered with all of the hand off practice? Today’s panels should help cool your jets.

October 8, 2016

Far Hipsters

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The technique of aiming for the runner’s far hip with a handoff is widely accepted; hey, if it was good enough for Bud Wilkinson it’s good enough for me.  I expect that Heather Burns can read as well as any Milfordian (especially since all those little free libraries have been springing up around town) but I expect even more some sort of backstory/exposition about her quarterback coaching skills, and sooner* than later.

Those exploding fingers on The Secret Pelwecki’s near hip: sign of a romantic spark or something Rick Scott will have to tape up and splint on Monday? On that note, musical inspiration for today:

metapost: If you are or have been in the path of Hurricane Matthew, give us a shout out and let us know you’re okay. You’ll recall from my Christmas 2015 metapost that I’ve spent some time in Charleston and have friends and family there and so have spent the bulk of the day trying to keep tabs on them. I’ve not heard from Mr. Bakst, although he was rumored to have been last seen with The Gray Man of Pawley’s Island.

*See what I did there?

October 6, 2016

Same Look, Different Results

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I was disappointed to learn that the Sulphur Tors aren’t named for Tor Johnson but is short for “(Golden) Tornados.” How cool would it have been to see the Sulphur fans turn out in Tor Johnson masks?

The Tors also wear dark jerseys at home. Hell of a road trip from the Great Lakes down practically to the Gulf of Mexico. If  the “later” when the team arrives at The Bucket is the same night of the game then the Mudlarks must’ve taken a chartered jet back home. Maybe Wildcat Maris and the booster club got a multi-year deal after Gil & co. lucked into the state title season before last, and couldn’t back out of it after last season’s Holly Dobbs-orchestrated clinker.

Did Marty make the trip south or is he doing a recreation from his crate? Is he mentally willing the ball into Max Ortiz’s hands via his pose, or is he channeling his inner Rooster Cogburn? And how about that puny souvenir football Max hauled in for the insurance score? If they use balls that small during game situations, maybe The Secret Pelwecki won’t have so much trouble handing them off. Let’s hope Heather Burns, The Quarterback Whisperer, has a supply on hand in the morning.

October 1, 2016

The Moose Who Wanted To Be An Astronaut

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — nedryerson @ 6:43 am

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I’ll echo Rob’s sentiment from Friday’s post. The Pelwecki Experiment seemed like a tremendous waste of everyone’s time. But if there’s anything we’ve learned in Gil Thorp, it’s that time in Milford is elastic. We can cover multiple games in one strip or spring can expand into summer as need be. A whole program such as girls soccer can appear and then vanish to serve the narrative. (That’s not really a function of time dilation, but a matter of a more general schizophrenic editorial focus.) So we aren’t supposed to focus on the fact that everybody had to participate in this farce and that a productive practice was flushed down the toilet so The Secret Pelwecki (aka Moose ??) could learn a lesson. Instead we are supposed to recognize Gil’s gentle and caring touch with young men in need of guidance. We are supposed to recognize that Gil understands that being an inflexible hardass is not the only mode of coaching and that he has an inherent social intelligence that guides his individualized approach to his players. All the other coaches and players can stand around watching Kevin fall on the ball repeatedly (at least that might be something worth practicing) and scratch their heads. But they, like us, are ultimately shown (or more accurately, told) that Gil’s instincts are right and we should never doubt his intentions. We don’t actually know how Gil responded to Moose’s delusional question.  We just have to assume that he didn’t totally burst Kevin’s bubble because we need that delusion to drive this plot to it’s inevitable conclusion: Kevin Pelwecki standing on the moon, sipping Tang and heaving footballs with all the effectiveness of Jeff George.

 

September 30, 2016

What the hell is goin on here?

Really?? What the hell is Gil smoking that he’s gonna waste practice time teaching a new QB from scratch NOW??? In week 2? Handoffs?? When theyve had all freakin summer to do this? Why didnt Palweki let Gil know of his intentions when he was making footprints on the beach? And by the looks of things it’ll be 2018 before he completes a pass. And thats practicing every day. What about taking the snap?? Learning the plays inside out including the line assignments?? Commanding the huddle? Reading defenses?? Audibles?? I could go on and on but steam comes out of my ears.

Unless Gil wants to just show him how hard it is, so he’ll forget about it after a few days. Otherwise this is pure lunacy. At its finest. Comment away!

September 29, 2016

Beef on (Pel)weck(i)

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I don’t recall seeing the panel where The Secret Pelwecki told Gil he owed him a shot at QB just because he caused the fumble that gave the Mudlarks a shot to win the Oakwood game. I’m not gonna even try to come up with an analogy for that logic.

If Gil only knew that the new assistant trainer fancies herself The Quarterback Whisperer. He could let her work her magic on Kevin and help him realize his potential to come up big when it’s least expected. Gil needs to realize that his team’s winning the state championship two seasons ago rested entirely on the fluke of Art Standish finding a job in the Valley and Art’s son feeling most comfortable under Gil’s laissez-faire guidance. Maybe the fluke (or is that flake?) that is Pelwecki can lead his team back to the playdowns.

Speaking of flukes, as I write Wake Forest is 4-0!

metapost: I’m going to be traveling on Saturday morning and would be grateful if one of my fellow bloggers could step in for me. If not, it’ll be late in the day before I get a chance to post. Okay? Okay!

September 28, 2016

He’s Asking, Well, He’s Asking What We’re All Asking…

Filed under: Coach Kaz, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Pantheon of Hair — timbuys @ 7:35 am

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I’m trying to get a read on the emotions going through Dory’s mind as he dialogues with The Secret Pelwecki. It seems like a mix of incredulity and contempt with a very strong overtone of panic as he realizes that he’s sitting next to the latest Milfordian boy to succumb to delusions of tank town grandeur.

I was so taken by following The Sec-Pel’s train of thought, that I almost didn’t notice that he was making this pitch to Gil and Kaz in panel two. Gil looks like he’s about to fall over backwards drunk while Kaz is reminiscing about his bouncer days as he flexes intimidatingly in an attempt to shoo Kevin away.

Meanwhile, in panel three… Uh, hey, let’s all just pretend panel three didn’t happen.

 

September 16, 2016

Don’t laugh, but I really want to try out for Journey.

Oh yes Kevin Pelwecki, I’m laughing. First because you skipped your summer haircut, (not that you guys had a summer anyway), second because of your hair-brained (pun) idea to try playing a position thats usually determined by who’s playing it on the sophomore team, whos had at least a season of actual QB play under his belt at the lower levels, not to mention a summer practicing 7 on 7’s, (again we have that summer problem). How many varsity programs have a guard/linebacker just walk into practice in mid-September  and throw em under center? We go thru this goofy stuff every year, whether its golfing under par in a month or playing basketball after playing rugby all their life. Do all the idiots live in Milford?  Good God almighty he needs to learn the playbook upside down, in a week! We have 3 months of this dope now? I know – send him to the soccer field to replace Heather. Nobody’d know the difference with that long ‘do. He could take the stage and pass for Steve Perry too if so inclined. Til he opens his mouth of course.

Cue up the Monkees:

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