This Week in Milford

December 29, 2015

Thinking About The Cut List

Filed under: basketball, Gil Thorp, Kenzie Hanley, metapost, Milford Idiots, Mimi Thorp — timbuys @ 9:25 am

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Jadine, save your teeth. This is who Kenzie is. Rugby may be a violent sport, but most people are able to dissociate between different sports and contexts. Not Kenzie.

Speaking of terrible people, I’m not too familiar with the formalities of announcing cuts, but I would venture to guess that the way Mimi is doing it ain’t what is considered to be best practices. Nor, for that matter, am I positive that taking class into consideration in preference to capability is the best way to make those cut decisions. I suppose it would be another thing if Kenzie had been working her whole life to make Varsity and this was her last chance but… nah, this is just typical Milford idiocy.

Speaking of idiocy and the holidays, no post from me tomorrow and possibly not next week. See y’all in the New Year!

December 26, 2015

Is Max Bacon Carcinogenic Too?

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Greetings again from Charleston. Mr Bakst and I had a nice libation on the piazza on Christmas morning, but after we exchanged gifts he wandered off slightly south of Broad and I haven’t seen him since. I understand he may have been meeting up with a certain comedic actor who is known to call the city home.

Since we last saw Bacon in this strip the World Health Organization has declared it carcinogenic. Response was soon swift (see what I did there?) that the increased risk associated with bacon consumption was minimal – certainly so in comparison with the risk associated with tobacco use. For Gil, I’m sure he thought he’d cut out the cancer on the basketball team by banishing Bobby Howry from the bench. Will a humble, penitent Max grow and thrive under the watchful, protective, ominous, shadowy, Easter Islandeqsue nose of Gil?

The “163 Pounds of Fury” jokes would come too easy today; instead I’m gonna sit back and hope that Rubin does a better job of character development and continuity with Max Bacon than he did with Boo Radley.

December 24, 2015

A Normal Student For A While

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So, our elite rugby player got a little banged up, her coaches wanted her to recuperate, and thus she just slums into Milford to try out for basketball with a coach who has only a vague idea of who she is and what sport she plays? Sure, that story checks out about as well as Art Standish all of a sudden losing any interest in where his son, through whom he intends to live out his own failed dreams, plays highschool or college ball.

December 16, 2015

Me And My Shadow

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I think we are finally, finally, wrapping things up here. I find it interesting – for certain highly attenuated uses of the word interesting – that Holly apparently can unilaterally cancel her show. I wonder if she collected a kill fee a la Les Moore of Funky Winkerbean.

Bonus point: What the heck is going on with that celebrating shadow figure in panel two? Perhaps he’s a stand in for us long suffering readers and commenters who can cheer the merciful end of this plot arc.

December 5, 2015

We’re All Asking the Same Question, Alan

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Today’s strip is just three panels of “Well duh!” that does next to nothing to advance the plot.  Holly begins to develop a conscience a bit too late; don’t bite those nails, honey, you’re still on TV!  Rubin missed the perfect opportunity to give us drunk, sad Marty in P3 as counterpoint to the first two panels but… wait, what?  Is that Gil’s pissy face pasted onto Bobby Bittmayne’s head in P2, at an angle that suggests being punched that way? Sure looks like it. I’m pulling the “Recycled art” tag even if I’m not 100% certain. So sue me.

Finally, Breck Girl Darwin calls out bro Dor(k)y in the last of today’s “no shit Sherlock” moments.  Another missed opportunity to connect the dots between Dor(k)y’s on-field antics and their consequences; at the very least I’d have expected his hand in a cast.

December 3, 2015

Punch? Drunk? Love?

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Alternate title: “Gil Thorp Has Lost Control of Milford.”

Well here we go again. Rubin, rushing to end this implausibly stupid fall arc, isn’t even bothering to throw his APBA dice to explain how he’ll make Milford lose. We’re supposed to connect the dots and conclude that Dor(k)y’s personal foul caused the Mudlarks to lose but unless there’s some tunrover we’re missing it’s the Milford defense that gave up the winning score to New Thayer. Remember the immortal words of Erk Russell, Neal: “If we score, we may win. If they never score, we’ll never lose.”

Marty, trying desperately to stay on the wagon, has taken to keeping Charms Blow Pops in his crate but that doesn’t stop him from seeing little bitty spots in front of his eyes. He may have rabbititis.

True still nursing that possibly separated shoulder on his non-throwing arm? Wuss. Fragility won’t land him a scholly anywhere. Has he thought about becoming a barista? I hear you can do that with pride.

December 2, 2015

Don’t Do Anything, Stupid.

Filed under: actual action, football, Just plain sad, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 9:52 am

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It is likely overstating it to tag this one as ‘Actual Action’ but I’ll take what we can get these days.

One thing we learn today is that the signal from whatever UHF station is broadcasting WBC is able to reach New Thayer, wherever that is.

Question: If Dopey Dory Darwin gets mad because people make fun of him for playing dumb when he’s actually (supposedly anyway) smart, doesn’t that make him kinda stupid? I think the answer is unequivocally yes.

And, of course, it wouldn’t be the internet without this guy.

December 1, 2015

Success!

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The Mimi-Holly fight has fizzled. What else should we have expected? At first, I thought Mimi was getting in a sick burn on baristas and was going to try and work this guy’s story into the post and show how you can in fact go places starting out as a barista.

Having failed at that, let me turn my attention to the Darwin brothers. OK. I’m done looking at that. If anyone can tell me how these panels advance the plot in any meaningful way, I’d appreciate it.

Bonus point? Not-Dory appears to have his left hand attached to his right shoulder in P2.

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