This Week in Milford

March 16, 2017

If Gil Only Had the Nerve

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Yeah, you called me on it, Tina
I’m just a Milford wiener
Don’t coach, I just observe

But now I’ve started meddlin’
Someone’s got some Oxy’s peddlin’
Yeah, I got a lot of nerve

Phallic trophies I may brandish
Thanks to golden boy True Standish
Honors that I don’t deserve

But my team’s been gettin’ beaten
‘Cause your Aaron ain’t been eatin’
But I got a lotta nerve?

Now don’t be getting nervous
I’ll be calling Social Service(s)
‘Cause they’re only there to serve us
And we don’t all always get what we deserve…

Then you’re sure to lose your jobs,
Your car, your son. Some nerve!

(apologies Bert Lahr)

***

Reason I like the color version of the strip today: without it, I’d have thought the furniture was made of the same plaster as the walls.

Reason I don’t like the color version of the strip today: Who has skintone teeth outside of a low-budget Hanna-Barbera cartoon?* Maybe I’m wrong and those are just Tina’s badly cracked lips.

*Speaking of meddlin’

March 15, 2017

You Want Gil’s Attention? Hit Him In His Wallet.

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Milford Weirdos, Pissy faced Gil, Steve Boone — timbuys @ 12:32 pm

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It’s great how things rapidly drew to a head the second time Gil had to cover another $3.50 slice of banana cream pie. You can practically see him wince as the order goes in. Never mind all of that hypothetical checking in with counselors or social workers, Gil is just going to cut to the chase and straight up talk Tina out of her opioid addiction.

Bonus point:

Hey, it’s Steve Boone! Nice to see him picking up a paycheck during the football off-season.

 

March 11, 2017

Come for the Gun Show, Stay for the Hypotheticals

Filed under: big arms, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 12:02 pm

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I know Kaz is on record as regretting getting his tat, but if it has the power to migrate from one arm to the other, it must be pretty special. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t had it removed. Not sure what’s got Gil lathered up more: Kaz’s gun show, his own puny bicep curls, or memories of Hobart, Bill “Wildcat” Maris or some other pains in the ass on the Booster Club/School Board who’ll try to meddle in his efforts to help Aaron get those three squares he so desperately needs.

After the workout it’s off to the shiny halls of Milford High, where Gil and the COUNSELOR continue to speak obtusely past each other about Tina Aagard. Maybe Tina’ll get some dinner (if not some jail time) out of the deal, too.

March 9, 2017

Aangry Aaron Aacts Out

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Well here we go again with that staple of soap strip continuity, repeating yesterday’s last panel as today’s first panel.  As pointed out in yesterday’s TWIM comments, since when did Ken and Mike ever really talk to Aaron beyond their amateur detective questioning?

Aaron lets his paw do the talking in P2 as he, Ken and unidentified Mudlark hooper (sans freckles, not likely Mike) soar just below the rim.  Such hang time!  Imagine what Aaron could do on three squares a day.  Maybe we’ll soon find out.

Finally, once I convinced myself that the “f” in “shift” wasn’t silent, I wondered exactly what first shift Kaz intended to take.  Babysitting the locker room post-practice?  Feeding Aaron?  Or what?

 

March 2, 2017

“it’s not just a mint, it’s an oxycodone”

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“My mom’s drugs. Thalidomide, to be specific. You see, Coach, Mom has leprosy. That’s why she works from home and in the back office of that seedy old hardware store – she doesn’t want to be seen. That’s also why she doesn’t come to our games.

“She was prescribed thalidomide to treat some of its side effects. She knew she wasn’t supposed to be pregnant when she took it, or become pregnant, but she did anyway.  Now here I am, with my left hand attached to my shoulder like a flipper. Why else do you think I can’t hit the boards the way you want?”

Okay, you tell me whose hand that is in P1 then. Thing from The Addams Family in his recurring role as co-interrogator with smug-faced Gil?

“Aaron, those are Tic Tacs. She got ’em from Bobby Howry down at the MILFORD RECREATION CENTER.”

What a ham-handed way to work a current health crisis into the strip. And to think we could’ve had a Lady Mudlarks story arc running in parallel to this. Just as well; Rubin only had to introduce one character to fail the Bechdel Test this go ’round.

February 23, 2017

Nuttier than Nutboys

Filed under: basketball, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Milford Weirdos — teenchy @ 7:52 am

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What’s with this product placement? And here I thought Nutboys were the official candy bar of Gil Thorp.

I suppose the conclusion Rubin’s trying to lead us to is that Quadruple A sandbags unless Mom’s getting paid the next day, and the family Aagard banks something out of that arrangement. I’m starting to reach the conclusion that Ken and Mike are turning into the winter Milford power couple. I’m also starting to reach the conclusion that the thing Ken Brown makes happen is gossip, rampant speculation, and locker room dissent. Way to be a team player, Big Ken.

A thought on yesterday’s strip: Did anyone else hope for a Kenzie Hanley cameo when reference was made to “a linebacker in short pants”?  For that matter, where has all the Bacon gone? Wasn’t he still an underclassman last year? Did he drop out of Milford and follow Kenzie and USA Women’s Rubgy around the country? That would’ve made for a more compelling story arc than this dreck.

February 22, 2017

A Linebacker In Short Pants

Filed under: ?, basketball, big arms, Coach Kaz, Milford Weirdos — timbuys @ 10:01 am

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Panel 1: I almost want to run the color version of today’s strip as the electric blue over black shirt under with tie look is quite a striking look on Kaz.

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Oh yeah… Don’t even ask me what is going on with Kaz’s collar or how he knotted his tie.

Panel 2: Julius needs to layoff the Nutboyz and the Freezi Bombs if he wants to look good in those short pants.

Panel 3: Mike and Ken really should keep this thing to themselves rather than just blab on and on in the locker room. Their fixation on Aaron is starting to get rather unhealthy it seems…

February 9, 2017

Sherlock Plays the Dozens

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“Is your mom still an… um… is your mom still so fat her ass got two zip codes?”

So this is it – the start of the big reveal (well, besides the big reveal that Aaron Aagard’s Molly is a girl, not the recreational drug) that will tell us what’s truly behind Aaron’s inconsistent play. Mike Granger couldn’t start it off any more awkwardly. Sure, let me start talking about my plan to pump Aaron for mom info out loud in this shiny tiled echo chamber where Aaron’s already sitting. I can already see this devolving into a poorly played game of The Dozens.

“Mike, you’re so stupid you can’t even remember what I told you Aaron’s mom did for a living a couple of days ago.”

“Ken, your mama’s the judge, not you, so shut the hell up. So Aaron, is your mom still an actuarily?”

“Sort of. She lost her actuary job, though.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so poor she can’t even pay attention?”

“Nah. She still plays the numbers. That’s why I help her… by shaving.”

“Oh. So your mom’s so hairy, you shave her with a weed whacker.”

“No. I shave points so Milford can’t cover the spread.”

“Oh. So your mom’s like chunky peanut butter: greasy, full of nuts and easy to spread…”

 

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