That hat aint gonna win you anything

Oh well I can fill in since its late enough. More bs commentary from Gil. At least he didnt say ‘Gents’.

Yes theyre 2nd year golfers competing against 16 and 17 year olds. But there are Plenty of 16 and 17 year olds who are ALSO SECOND YEAR GOLFERS.!

I started swinging a club at age 9. My dad took me to the driving range for 3 years before he decided  I was ready to play a course. So I started playing in the fall of 1978 when I was almost 13. I shot 121. The next round I shot 122. Keep in mind I already knew how to hit a ball before I played a round due to my dad having me hit balls for 3 years. My short game was sorely lacking however, as I didnt have a lot of practice in that area save for chipping balls in my yard. I would aim for the lamppost in the middle of the lawn in front of the house, and we had several shorter grass areas surrounding the driveway that I used to hit shots of various lengths. I improved quite a bit from that but my putting was still weak from not enough practice on a real green. So anyway–

I dont think I broke 100 my first full season, and my 2nd season was cut short by a shoulder injury in July of the year when I went too far back on a backswing and felt something hurt. I played a couple more holes but couldnt swing all the way back, so I quit, and my shoulder wasnt better until October. 3 months. I think I may have torn a muscle, and it just took that long to heal, but I was basically done for the year. By October its school stuff and cooler weather and I dont think I played another round that year that I recall. But the shoulder healed completely. And being a kid I wasnt allowing the shoulder to slow me down- I learned to do stuff lefthanded like pitch and bat. Just couldnt swing a club.

So season 3 came and I was ready to improve and I not only broke 100 I beat my dad for the first time. Then in season 4, at age 16, I got a hole in one. I figure I played 100 par 3’s before that ace, which is very few for such a major golf accomplishment. That year I broke 90 a few times and decided I was ready to try out for my high school golf team as a junior. I had a couple things against me however. The team was good, its home course was the toughest 9 in the area, and I didnt play that course very well. My 2 nine hole scores were 52 and 52, and needless to say I was cut. My dad said dont take it personally, and I didnt, but I still felt I was better then those scores indicated; and my game continued to improve until I shot my lowest score ever, 78, a few years later. I still consider myself better then the average golfer, but I found out that improvement is slower once you reach a certain level, and I just didnt play enough to reach the low 80’s upper 70’s all the time. But thats my goal every time I tee it up.

So enough about me; what my point about telling all this is these guys are shooting 87 in their 2nd year, and thats way ahead of my pace. At that level, its all about the short game and minimizing the strokes around the green, and that takes practice and repetition. Then they can get those 83s Gil is talking about.

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You Better Work!

Goofus brings his cell phone on the course in violation of club policy.  Gallant heads to the practice bunker to improve his game.

Goofus cuts over to 17 to get off the course early.  Gallant calls penalties on himself for double hits he may be imagining.

Goofus namechecks a comic strip that’s even less relevant to today’s readers than the one he’s in.  Gallant works on his form by trying an awkward ballet position. (I’ll leave it to our experts to tell us which one.)

The Protagonists of August will keep working, ’cause Gil sure as hell won’t.

Musical inspiration for today’s post title:

If you were serious about improving you wouldnt wait til August 3rd to start!

What the fuck?? So Gil meets these 2 dildos who apparently love golf enough that they’ll ride thier bikes in the rain to the course. You’d figure if theyre already caddying they should have a working knowledge of golf already. But here’s Gil arriving to teach them.. what?? Doesnt a normal golf course have a pro on hand to give lessons? Especially a private one?  Why the hell does this course have to have the local high school football/basketball/baseball coach come over after his baseball season just ended in August to teach some jimokes how to swing a club, after they should have been playing since freakin April? What have they been doing all this time? Waiting for Gil? By now they should have 25 rounds under their belts – this year. As a longtime golfer this is insulting my intelligence. My dad was a caddie at Olympia Fields CC for a few years in high school, and he didnt need any high school coach telling him anything. He learned to play watching the players he caddied for. These guys should be telling Gil to get the hell outa here cuz we’ve been practicing and playing for months now under the tutulage of Mister Golf Course Pro.

I’m not even starting on Panel 3.  Kid who’se 3 feet tall and carrys maybe 5 clubs in his bag has the moxie to say that? Again, how do those guys get THAT FAR on the course and not know something like that? Where are the ground rules in the clubhouse with that info? And what the hell does that little rule have to do with this storyline anyway??

I need to snap a club in half right now.

What a long strange trip its been

Tieing up all the loose ends here on Feel Good Friday–

Panel One – How big is that mitt? Bigger then the players heads. Ryan must have gone to the Mens Big and Tall store for that. You catch a ball in that, it’ll be next week before you get it out. Jon Lester threw his glove one time because of that problem. Whatever it takes..

Panel Two– Nice of Gil to qualify Kevins season instead of just congratulating him and being done with it. Whats a great season when it takes 2 months longer then everyone elses?? This season made the Bataan Death March look like a drive through a car wash.  And the obligatory hands in the air for no reason – yippee, our seasons finally over and we can move on to summer on July Twenty Seventh!

And in Panel Three Kevin assesses his season. At a school as old as Milford, who there now gives a flying fuck about the guys there 30 years ago? Or even 10? High school records are about as big a deal to current players as an ant on their windshield. And Kevin makes a revealing statement –  -its his last season of Real baseball..? So next year he will play either Unreal Baseball, or .. wait for it.. football?  As long as its somewhere not affiliated with this strip.

 

Oh for the love of Jay

 

So finally, Finally after we’re over the mess of Barry Bader and Dafne the reporter and Mrs. Bader and Kevin P annoying us even when he isnt trying to, and we think we’re in for a nice change of pace with a fresh story and new faces and summer stuff etcetera etcetera, (contract in Willy Wonka movie 1971) we get…………………………….this.

Jay Bhatia. Jay Bhatia?? This is what we’ve been waiting for? Its July 19. Everyones been out of school for a month and a half, and these 3 clowns are still dicking around the office, and the hallways, figuring out who’s gonna Start the next game?? We still HAVE a next game?? When the hell is the LAST game?

First of all how do you pronounce his name? Is is Basha, or Ba hasha, or Bay sha, or Ba Hay sha, or Bay tee ya? I couldnt even find that on Google.                                             Kaz saying he stopped by twice means – what the hell did you accomplish the first time Mister Coach? Oh, we’ll never find out. These guys have time to do everything but move along to the next season.

So Jays point is the pitching is the key to victory, not Kevins launch angles? What was all the time with Kevin spent for then? (See last sentence in 3rd paragraph). Here I thought Kevin was the straw that stirs the drink.

Then Gil tells Jay he’s starting the next game. You know what? In a normal high school team, there is a rotation. All the pitchers know ahead of time when its their turn. So only because of this random conversation, which took TWO trips to the office, Jay finds out he’s starting the next game. Against Oakwood. How many days until that game, Coach? Good thing Jay went twice – once wouldve led him to believe Gil was buying his Bobby Howry-like stat analysis. How many games is ‘With everyone else’?? 6? Real big sample size, Stat Boy. We havent had a storyline about just baseball in forever. Now we’re starting? On July 19??

Bottom line is Gil doesnt care about stats; he decides who pitches and thats that. Fine. But it looks like a way to get Jay out of the way so he can go back in the office and work on that lemonade for the last (only) week of summer whenever it comes.

In the meantime I’ve decided that Jays last name is pronounced – Ba Ha.

 

 

 

 

Coach Colvin needs to see a trainer, amirite?

Where’s Rick Scott or Heather Burns when you need them?  Poor Coach Delano Colvin has suffered an horrific ankle sprain or worse (link is not for the squeamish).  Gil may have run into Delano on the Mudlarks’ trip back from Bluffton earlier in the season. That might lead me to believe that “State U.” is the one in Raleigh; however, a GPA of “almost 3.5” looks like it won’t cut the mustard there, being a reach at best.

While Pelwecki gets called to the office over the intercom (instead of Gil having the message sent to Pelwecki’s next period teacher, as he is often wont to do) we get spirited back to the Trumpet office in what is essentially a tell, don’t show repeat of Thursday’s panel 3.

Meanwhile, in an assisted living facility in an unnamed town, Herk the Mauler watches old wrasslin’ highlights and wonders when his rematch with Beau Dandy is coming up. Here’s a wrasslin’ highlight from one of my all time favorite heels.

 

 

The story that wont end

Oh go ahead, Jay, check in with Dafne. Maybe you could also check in with your barber and cut off some of that hair. After all, its been summer for a week, and your not only still in school, Dafne is wearing a Sweater,, and we’re no closer to the end of this then we were 3 weeks ago. Still dont know what she wrote; oh yeah, she hasnt written it yet. When will that be, the 4th of July? Will they let you out of school then?

And then we have P2. Jay will have to LIVE with Barry? Uh, first of all, he’s a teammate on a high school baseball team, not a live-in roommate. And players on high school teams only see each other at practice and games, plus on the bus on the road, but thats it. So his statement is bs. Plus when the hell is the season over with already? How much longer does Jay have to ‘live with’ Barry anyway?

I’m sure the janitors cant wait to start the between semester cleaning of the school. I know the floors are shiny as hell, but the rest needs attention only an empty school for 3 months can provide.

Anything else I’m not seeing or is this strip just an extension of what we already knew before Pelweki was worrying about launch angles?

I Would Have Guessed That, At Some Point, A Permission Slip Of Some Sort Would Need To Have Been Signed

P1: Whatever Ms. Rizzkk is on probably needs to be dosed a little lower. The way she vacantly smiles while DD and (checks back to May 12th) Jay Bhatia discuss such weighty matters is disconcerting to say the least.

P2: Speaking of disconcerting, in a strip with a long history of poorly depicted high fives (seriously!), this one enters the canon and impels me to create a new category.

P3: Holy Shit! Someone tell Chief Linde to check the Bader family’s crawlspace!

Song that came to mind while writing today’s post: