Establishing The Baseline

Hey it’s a lineman who wants to be something else. No, wait. It’s his uncle who wants him to be something else.

Bonus point: If you like sideburns, today’s strip is for you.

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How I wasted my summer, by Jaquan Case.

Well its now all over but the shouting – a few more tosses of the flatbread loaf, and not only does Case talk about the book he isn’t gonna write, but he finally decides that this whole exercise was a waste of time because he announces to Trey (who Did shout) that his future is …. hold it… BASKETBALL. Just like it was when we started this whole pointless plot. Thanks a lot Heather. I have officially rejected both your football knowledge and all your phone calls lining me up to go to college and be a history teacher. Cripes.

Not only that, he wasted Treys time both losing practice time for hoops but making Trey go home and stew at his house.  Only one whose time wasn’t wasted was Gil. He’s over at Milford GC teaching golf as usual.

Boy, its one thing to do a stupid plot for 2 months, its quite another to do the whole thing and then end up in EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE YOU STARTED!!!!

What does Heather do now? Case made her late for fall semester and all he has to say is ‘ Time for basketball.’ !!

Hope they toss all these characters into the pre-season football bonfire.

 

Making Calls, Squeezing Balls

“Hey! Hey Heather! Remember me? Remember Kevin, the guy you were supposed to be coaching to become a fullback?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. About that. You couldn’t hang onto a ball if it was tied to you… and almost nobody uses fullbacks anymore, not even Coach Thorp. You can tackle and ballhawk and you’ve got long hair, right? Worked for Polamalu and Matthews. Now go wash that greasy mop of yours and get back on D.”

Poor Pelwecki, looking like a lovesick calf and so starved for attention since Jaquan and Trey showed up he’s resorted to hugging a football like a Pillow Pet. Maybe Trey will take him back to his folks’ house-cum-satellite training facility and give him a pity drink on the back porch.

Meanwhile Heather’s hitched her wagon to a bigger star, who seems to be looking out for her as much as she for him. We’re left with the cliffhanger of to whom and for what were those calls made.

Unseen panel 4: “Jinx!”

 

Expectation-Proof 6-Foot-8 Small Fish

What’s a guy who’s apparently had a reasonably successful academic and athletic career to do, what with all the gushing and the tweeting? My dislike for ‘the Don’ isn’t particularly intense but it is growing, like a boil on my ass that I’d mostly just ignored but now was finally having to reckon with.

Meanwhile, off in the distance, Papa Burns looks at his watch and clears his throat.  Casting a sideways glance at Kevin, he says “Did I ever tell you about my last game at Monmouth?” Kevin, visibly exasperated, heaves an exaggerated sigh and tosses his shaggy mane. “Please, Mr. Burns…” He entreats, “If I have to hear about the time you led a drive in the rain during the fourth quarter that would’ve put you ahead of Canisius but then you sprained your ankle and the team lost one more time, I’ll go insane.”

Metapost: Shout out to any and all Houston area TWIM readers. Reach out if you need help!

Return to Janet’s Diner?

We have left the
Field in Milford
for the diner
Named for Janet
‘Least I think it’s
Janet’s Diner
‘Cause it don’t
Look like The Bucket

Who is in this
Bunch of losers?
Now we’ll learn
Of their backstories
Or as Gilda’s
Baba Wawa
Might say,
“Wet’s wisten in”

Let’s start out with
The big hoopster
He once played
for Bishop Tardy
He’s rehabbing
After knee work
So he’s hooked up
With Eight Elbows

And I think
It kinda odd
That he’s eating
Diner food
And I’m thinking
A pro athlete
Could spring
For healthy grub

He’s working
With Trey Davis
But they keep it
On the down low
Is Trey more
Than just a trainer?
Jaquan said
He was “full-service”

And I’m thinking
Of perversities
That go on
In Trey’s folks’ house
Has he filled it
Full of Muscle Marys?
How I
Wish I had brain bleach

‘Cross from Jaquan
Sits this geezer
All his shirts
Are labeled “Monmouth”
He’s indulging
Daughter Heather
But he
Sucks at throwing footballs

And I couldn’t
Help but notice
That Heather’s now stuck
In the corner
How did this
Turn into mansplaining?
How did
This go so wrong?

What about
The kid Pelwecki?
Oh, I didn’t
see him still here
Do you think
He’ll play at fullback?
Only if Gil’s
Passed out drunk…

And if all the rest are hurt…
And if Milford’s out
Of the playdown hunt…

To the Milford Country Club
Let’s watch Gil berate some kids

Um, who’s trying to make the football team?

 

 

 

Nothing like teaching someone a skill and then having some dude who isnt there for that purpose steal the show and waste your valuable practice time by showing off how he can perform what you’re teaching to someone else, who is the one who needs the practice.

 

I thought Heather was gonna bang her head on the goalpost she was so excited. After the group gathers and Trey expresses his natural concern that Mister “I can still play pro ball but cant decide which league” will get injured demonstrating an unnecessary skill (for him)  to a mope whose ego cant be satisfied til he gets the glory heaped on the skill-position players, unaware that the real heros in football are the linemen, the gruntwork guys who open the holes and block so the ego maniacs can strut their stuff on Friday nights.

P3 is a real bro-hug, but Trey looks a bit uncomfortable, no?

The Longest Drill

Has it really only been two weeks since we started this scene? In that time, we’ve been reintroduced to two old characters and…

P1: I think Kevin is starting to internalize all of the abuse he’s constantly receiving. Heather’s dad doesn’t need to puff his chest out that much. If he really wants to intimidate the Secret Pelwecki, all he needs to do is…

P2: AAAAUUUUIGGGHHHGGHHhh!!!!1!!! What is that… that… thing on her shoulder??

P3: Why is she telling him good effort? He appears to have caught the rugby ball.

Turn and Grunt

We got a lot of good exposition from the TWIM hive mind yesterday.  Trey Davis and Jaquan Case are back after a decade plus and looking very little like their teenaged selves* (change in artists notwithstanding).  Like many if not most young adults, they look to be shedding some of their teenage personas as well.  Yeah, a lot of folks wouldn’t want to be called “The Don” these days, and that’s all I have to say about that.

Speaking of weird handshakes, is it considered impolite to leave your gloves on to shake the hand of someone who is barehanded?  Opinions appear to differ.   Heather’s cankles are looking mighty thick today. Wonder if she taped them herself. I’m sure we’ll learn more about her future as Trey and Jaquan fill in their backstories in the coming days.

*I’d link more but Gocomics went down as I was composing this post.