This Week in Milford

August 12, 2022

Krink! Wasnt he on Hogans Heroes?

…Of course not, that would be Klink, the bumbling Kommander of Stalag 13. I started watching the show more recently as I frankly didnt even understand it as a kid, and it was on before my time anyway. The humor is still a bit tough to follow, as the accents and the dated references combine for some head scratching even now, and I didnt care for war shows anyway. Good thing I have Tivo, as I can rewind something to hear it again if need be. Was never my kind of show, but I just Love the theme song, and Ive said for years it should be our national anthem, rather then the hard-to-sing version we have. (And I dont recall Richard Dawson having such an accent when he was saying “Survey Says!!!” on Family Feud, which is what I know him for.)

The podcast concludes with Martinez announcing he’s gonna take over the Valley and squash Thorps teams to the point that Gil retires. But arent we still living in the past here? What year is all this taking place? Because for darn sure there aint no Martinez coaching Valley High now. And its not like Gil is rolling over these teams; on the contrary he’s barely .500 over the last 10 years or so, if you throw out the 2016 state title.

So again we have issues with time and place in this new era of Milford athletics. And Marty is off to find Gil and get his take on the new ass-kicker in the Valley.

And for sure, that hasnt changed. Strike up the band!

July 10, 2022

You’re the only buyer, Gil

Filed under: freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Weirdos, Miserable characters — robmize2013 @ 8:07 pm

Hammstetter reveals he may continue on his path to ruin that we thought he was over, but at this point who cares what he does? All he’s doing is postponing golf and lemonade.

And how selfish is he? He’d rather write about his own eyes being opened while his sons’ wasted away instead of saving his sons vision and ending his illegal endeavors years ago. Listen to your wife Hamm! (Whichever one she is!)

And he better be his own publisher because who the hell will publish his story after hearing who he is and what he’s been doing?

And we all know how many people will buy his book– One. Gildo.

Another weak finish to a pretty sad story, and we didnt even have girls softball this season. The Fabulous Thunderbirds will tie a bow on this one.

June 20, 2022

I’ve Had Enough!

Today’s strip is just basically journalistic villain Mason Hamstetter getting laid into by his long suffering wife, Ruth, or whatever they decide her name is. She is, as they say, sick of this shit and her mom jeans are bursting with rage. You go, Mrs. H. We’re all sick of him. Say, when you guys sort out all of your crap, maybe you could spare a second for your son, who’s going blind.

April 29, 2022

Singing the blues

Bad enough that we have a blind pitcher nobody knows about. Now we have another guy who can see just fine bitching about the umps calls. Nomar is blaming the ump for his pitiful performance. Wah wah wah. What a bunch of freakin losers on this team. Of course Chief One Eye didnt notice and has to be warned on the bus postgame about it, so he can bitch about calls when its his turn to draw Blue Narrow behind the plate. Nothing like team camaraderie the wrong way. Didnt Atherton have the same ump? Hey we scored 5 runs.

That bus must be as narrow as Blues’ strike zone with only one ass to a seat.

This team is so mentally weak I have no idea how they survive the season anywhere near the playoffs unless Gil has a meeting to address the whole thing. But we havent seen Gil lately.

March 19, 2022

Poke Sallet Cressa*

Late in the day and I don’t see Rob’s Friday post so I will double up here. Apologies if I’m stepping on toes.

March 18, 2022

We’ve reached the point where Rubin realizes he didn’t pace the plot very well, so he crams multiple games into a single strip and makes it clear that no Milford team will make the playdowns. We’ve also reached a point where we realize that Whigham can’t draw lower body parts very well. Mimi has a case of the gone-ass while Central’s coach has stovepipes for legs and earrings that can be seen from orbit.

Knowing her team is playing out the string, Mimi has decided to play musical guards, with the previously maligned Maddie Bloom now taking the place of Cathy Sasaki in the backcourt. Cathy, ever the team snitch player, isn’t bothered by this. The only person this doesn’t seem to sit well with is…

March 19, 2022

… Cressa Baxter, who’s lucky Gil isn’t the Thorp coaching her team. That whole hard seltzer fiasco would’ve had her expelled and banished to Valley Mod, where she could’ve replaced Corina as the girl with a chip on her shoulder. And what exactly is the source of that chip? Did Cressa get passed over for a service academy appointment? Does she feel she should’ve been made captain over Hollis? Come on, Rubin, don’t leave us hangin’. Did Hollis ignore her when she was being bullied or something?

BTW, I know the song is “Polk Salad Annie” but the plant it’s made from is pokeweed and the actual dish is poke sallet. Learn more about preparing it without killing yourself here.

February 19, 2022

Future: it’s not just what Steve Luhm uses on the floors

Sound General Quarters! General Quarters! All hands man your battle stations! Wait, wrong branch. Let’s try some other rallying cry.

Wonder Twin Powers, activate!

Shape of – a Milford victory!

Form of – a ??? defeat!

Shape of – a teenage growth spurt!

Form of – post-game dap!

Shape of – a sophomore sensation!

Form of – a senior benchwarmer!

Shape of – new hotness!

Form of – old busted jawn!

“Perfectly hilarious” per faithful TWIMer hitorque.

November 26, 2021

Stuff this team in the turkey

Headin’ out to San Milfordo
For the Labor Day bonfire show
I got my Hush Puppies on
I guess I never was meant for gymna-volleyball.
And Gildo I didnt know – that I’d be missin you so..

Come Monday, it’ll be all right
Come Monday, we’ll be losin the fight
I spent four lonely days in a hypnotic haze
And I want Spiller out of my sight…

Yes, it’s been quite a summer
Racing cars and golfing pain.
And now you’re off on vacation
Something you can never explain.
And, Gildo since I gotta go
That’s the reason I’m not gonna throw…

Come Monday, it’ll be all right
Come Monday, I’ll be pickin a fight
I spent four freakin days with A. Simpkins from State

and I just want this crap to subside..

August 20, 2021

Idiots 101

Boy if we had any notions that Rubin knew squat about golf, this summer storyline proved it. We’ve gone over the ludicrous dialogue enough already; suffice it to say all todays panels are are the cherry on the horseshit sundae.

P1 – Nobody puts their clubs in the car like that– you put the club end in first, then the bottom of the bag is the last part in. And for gods sakes– Hendricks knows the way out! Did he just go blind? I know his eyes are shut as he dutifully deposits his bag in his trunk ( as everyone does after every round Ive ever played) but jesus, has he been fuckin LIVING at the course?? Did he forget where the door was?! Imagine living with these douchbags for 3 months. I’d rather live in that cornfield where his ball was, along with a thousand others. I havent gotten over Gil searching a cornfield for what MAY be Carters ball– any goddamn golfer with any time in the game knows no matter how good you are you can still yank one into the cornfield. Scratch or no scratch. And the cost of the ball– I dont belong to a country club but the pro CARING about the difference between a $4 ball and a $1.50 ball, when dues for these places are thousands of dollars… is just lunacy. Who the hell buys balls one at a time anyway??

I’ve been playing golf since 1978, and not one of these statements made in this storyline has ever been made by me or anyone I’ve either played with, or come in contact with, or said on a TV broadcast of a tournament.

P2– Well gee, Heather needed the lowest possible course in college to do research that any 12 year old could do. So all the pro did was bring Carter into the room and BS him about pressing charges and writing a check. I really found a couple things hard to believe– that 15 years later he looked that similar that Heather knew it was him– I’ve seen what 15 years does to some people. Next, why would Carter keep THE SAME raincoat in his bag for 15 years? You play golf a lot your bag wears out too, and getting a new bag means tossing the old junk in the old one out. And my old raincoat literally made me wetter after so long, so I got another one. AND WHY KEEP A COLLEGE RAINCOAT ANYWAY? I keep an old winter hat from my college– in my closet so it doesnt get worn out. Who cares about raincoats??

P3– so the pro was just BS-ing Carter– well, so much for any credibility HE has. If I’m Carter I dont send him shit– I move on to the next club where everyone there has a goddamn brain and an IQ above 65. And I go about my business and keep on raking in the dough, and nobody will give a fuck about my $1.50 balls or my damn raincoat or my handicap. Getting away from these morons is the best thing thats happened to Carter. As Green Day sang— Good Riddance!

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