This Week in Milford

September 5, 2020

They Might Be Quarterbacks

Filed under: Coach Kaz, football, freak hands, hideous scar faces, Neal's friends — teenchy @ 8:31 pm

Back to football and a pending transition to Mouseketeer Roll Call. Kaz practices his Carol Burnett Tarzan yell tells the guys to wrap it up with some cals. Back in my day we started practice with cals to loosen up, then ended it with wind sprints or a couple laps around the field. Then again we also had salt tablets and Gatorade was just a new fad, so what do I know?

Will Thayer is “an experienced criminal defense and family law attorney at Momkus LLC.” Charlie Rapson is a New Zealand schoolboy athlete, or a one-shot British actor. Here in Milford they are both gym rats, or one-uppers, or one-upper gym rats. Their jersey numbers suggest they might be quarterbacks, so we might be in for a competition a la Jarrod Hale and True Standish, only closer. Enough speculation; hope you TWIMers enjoy the rest of your Labor Day weekend.

May 22, 2020

The ‘Arder They Come

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Late in the day before I realized that robmize was taking the weekend off and left Friday to our devices. So I don’t have much to say here except that the first kid we meet in juvie Valley Modified is Ardis Carhee. Googling “Ardis Carhee” gave me exactly one result:

ardis

That ain’t Michigan, but maybe it’s near Luckey, or Haskins. Whatever.

What’s Ardis in for? Obsessive-compulsive desk polishing? Nah, just messing with you. He’s probably in for some violation of a Tilden zero-tolerance policy, like bringing a church key to class to open a can of Johnson’s Wax to polish a desktop. Tune in tomorrow to find out what’s up with Ardis and what plans these rude boys have in store.

 

 

April 15, 2020

Was Gil One of Those Strikeouts?

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Happy Tax Day… or not, depending on where you are.

Well whaddaya know, no bullpen meltdown today. The transfer from a Tulsa welding school (or the engineer from Robert Bosch) locks down the win even after experiencing Exploding Ass Syndrome at the hands of Gil. Boy between him and Mimi, it’s a regular spankfest in the Milford High Athletic Department. That’s not lost on young Gonzalo, who graphically expresses his opinion that Gil is a wanker. Keep your hands to yourself there, Quasimodo.

Aceves is one of those rare individuals who, like Blue Moon Odom, Dave Concepcion, Lance Parrish, Omar Vizquel, Ozzie Guillen, and Manny Machado to name a just few before him, shows no fear in wearing the uniform number 13. No Lucky Haskins or Scott Fowler, he.

February 19, 2020

Phoebe in the Middle

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Poor Kenny Hastings. Minding his own business in the hallway when he gets shoved out of the way as part of an unannounced and unassigned assertiveness training exercise. Doesn’t he know he’s supposed to be taking one for the team? Didn’t Phoebe tell Kenny that pushing your classmates around makes you Too Cool for School? Such selfishness.

Now we get to learn which tactic is the lesser of two evils: pushing other kids around in the hall to improve your assertiveness on the court, or imagining you’re pushing your academic rival down in class rank to improve your assertiveness on the court. My money’s on the latter as it (a) came from a coach, (b) exists only inside the heads of the coach and the player, and (c) involves imaginary a/o/t actual harm.

It’d be funny if Schuring turns out to be the actual bad guy in this strip, doling out fake advice via Phoebe as a means to get Alexa suspended, turn in an assignment late and lose a few precious hundredths of a point off her GPA.  Funnier still if Phoebe is the grand mastermind, making herself the indispensable intermediary between all the major players in this play. She may not end up valedictorian or salutatorian but should have a lucrative career as a political strategist.

January 22, 2020

Lightening the Load, or Taking It?

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The Thorpiverse is known for its occasional stilted dialogue and colloquialisms (the constant use of “ease up” to name one) but it’s by no means the worst offender in the realm of the comics. (Try reading a week’s worth of Funky Winkerbean or 9 Chickweed Lane and you’ll see what I mean.) Still, context is everything in the Valley.

Take today’s strip. If you read the narration box in parallel with the dialogue, you get that Susan Wilcox (née Wilcox-Olson; maybe she got divorced since the last game?) has lightened the mood with her lame joke and lightened her teammates’ loads by taking shots every chance she gets. If you read them in sequence, you might get that Susan is capable of things unfit for print.

But hand it to Susan: she’s singlehandedly helped solve Mimi’s offense problem, at least for the Central game. Solving Alexa’s obsession with her stats – or undoing Mimi’s toxic scoring advice to Alexa – is a load she doesn’t need to take.

January 8, 2020

Susan Gets the Cherries, Alexa Gets the Pits

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What else do Alexa Watson and Chris Schuring have in common besides being in competition for Milford High valedictorian? A reluctance to take shots, apparently.  If not for the media relations director of the National Cherry Festival (at least I think that’s who she is; fits Rubin’s MO of Pure Michigan shout-outs), the Lady Mudlarks might not have been able to hang on to beat the Lady Raiders.

Phoebe manages to elude the disembodied fist threatening to bonk her on the head to deliver the message to Alexa. Dunno if that was spontaneous or if Mimi planted that bug in her ear. Pulling kids out of class for 20 minutes then making them dress out and stand in front of her while she lectures them is not a Mrs. Coach Thorp thing, but if the Milford girls don’t start putting up more points Mimi may be forced to follow Gil’s lead and actually do a little coaching.

 

January 6, 2020

The Harding, They Fall?

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The Lady Mudlarks are squaring off against the Lady Raiders from Warren, Ohio. Neal has been pitting Milford against teams in Eastern Ohio lately. Maybe he’s going to retire to Cleveland.

As much as we sometimes gripe about a lack of sports action in Gil Thorp. I must admit that three panels of nothing but sports action can leave me with little inspiration to comment. The floors are shiny. The ponytails are out in force. Alexa looks like she’s actually executing a layup in the first panel. The other two panels show aggressive defense. OMG, it’s like fundamental basketball. That’s good, right?

Well, good luck Alexa and gang. Repel those Raiders!

December 21, 2019

Marjie Ducey, Muscle Queen

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It comes as no surprise to the TWIM faithful that today’s strip is a continuation of the famed Mudlark Roll Call, wherein Gil rattles off the roster to Marjie.  That no new names are introduced may come as a bit of a surprise.  Chris Schuring is, well, Chris Schuring, and we know Leonard Fleming better as a Mudlark defensive back and a member of Tiki Jansen’s host family.

It’s a little surprising that Marjie showed up in person to get the roll call instead of over the phone or via email.  After breaking the Chet Ballard/Chance Macy scandal, one might think that she’d be in greater demand. The Milford Star might have her working on even harder-hitting stories, like what really goes on in Those Dumpy Apartments on Poplar. She might even have designs on leaving the Star and the tank town of Milford, maybe for the bright lights of Central City or beyond. Maybe she’s there because she knows she really owes that lead to Gil – that he’s the one who helped her connect the dots to Chet – and so some ring kissing is in order.

Oh, who are we kidding? She’s there to check out the fresh meat. Marcell Irby’s lost an “l” in his name, but (oops! – t) put on some muscle. Not enough for Marjie’s taste, apparently.

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