This Week in Milford

September 30, 2017

Before the Concussion Protocol, the Tackle-Eligible Protocol

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If you watched last Thursday night’s Packers-Bears game you no doubt saw one of the  dirtiest hits in recent memory. Even if you disagree with that assessment Danny Trevathan’s hit on Davante Adams did not separate Adams’ head from his body, as Oakwood #24’s head appears to have been done by his own teammate. I reckon if I my head separated from my body I’d stiffen eventually, too. Gil’s left palm has also stiffened as he shouts out instructions to his team and introduces us to another of his players. The backup guard may be named for a character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any number of people but is not a member of Split Enz or Crowded House. You’d think he might not want Oakwood to hear that, wouldn’t you?

Downpuppy, you called it! Three yards and a cloud of hair grease as The No Longer So Secret Pelwecki pounds it up the middle.  But wait: wasn’t Pelwecki wearing #11 in practice just a few days ago? Gil should know that players with uniform numbers between 50 and 79 are ineligible receivers in US high school football. They can, however, run or pass the ball so Pelwecki’s okay wearing the same #55 he wore last season (yay continuity!), at least on this play. Will Gil’s brand of smashmouth football win the game and send his players home? And will any of them get a concussion in the process? Stay tuned!

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September 23, 2017

Transition into Ambition

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Today we learn that The Secret Pelwecki will share linebacking duties with an internationally-known professor of economics (or maybe a bassist) who is currently on leave from his day job. If Pelwecki is to be a right guard/linebacker/fullback/butt of jokes (or, in Milfordese, RG/LB/FB/BOJ!) why is he getting reps at QB? Even more curiously, why is he wearing True Standish’s number? (BTW that link also shows an instance of Gil actually using a fullback.) You might think Gil would’ve retired that jersey and put it in a littlefreelibrary shrine on campus.

So: a bunch of slow receivers too small to play tight end. A small, scrappy, quick quarterback. A couple of decent offensive linemen, one of whom will occasionally line up at fullback. What kind of offense will Gil put on the field this fall? Speculate away.

September 14, 2017

Bob Kazinski, Headbanger

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No pussyfooting around this fall: Gil Thorp is tackling today’s tough issues head-on. No wannabe junior detectives nosing around about some kid’s mom’s job, no protesters in the bleachers protesting what may or may not have been domestic abuse. Nope, we’re cutting straight to the chase, starting by looking at the life of one of Milford’s earliest concussion victims, Coach Kaz.

Although “accidently [sic*] bang[ing] helmets with Harry Bull” sounds like something that happened not at practice but in the showers afterward, said Mr. Bull is indeed not only a real person but also a school superintendent in Colorado with a lengthy list of career achievements and who attended Northern Colorado, where Kaz allegedly played college football. Whether Harry or Kaz came out on the short end of that collision I leave to the readers.

*BTW Rubin or his letterer needs to invest in a spell checker.

April 11, 2017

We’ll be calling him “The Friendly Brain”

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Today the high-rolling Milford School Board veep gets a mashup name from the famed comic and cartoon character and the famed pro wrestling heel manager but one that yields no Google results on its own.  He looks like a slightly paunchy version of Gil, and the trifecta of head bobble, exploding eye and freak hand (missing an amputated sixth digit between index and middle fingers) make him right at home in Milford.

He’s clearly capable of picking up a phone and calling Dr. Pearl who, with that broken right wrist of hers, may have had to put him on speaker.  The good doctor relays his message to Ms. Rizk, who replies with a deft pop culture/product placement zinger of her own.  She may not be much of a journalist, but she knows where she stayed last night.

A couple of cameos to report: the Funkyverse’s Les Moore joins the Milford faculty after having his face slapped for being such a pretentious douche, and an off-camera cameo by Rex Morgan, MD‘s daughter Sarah, who obviously hand-lettered Dr. Pearl’s name plate.

April 6, 2017

Southpaw Ex Machina

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“He’s poised, he’s been well coached, he throws hard.  You can tell he’s not from Milford.”

Just as with True Standish in 2014-15, Gil’s chestnuts will be pulled from the proverbial fire by a transfer student. No need to develop this guy as a player or as a character.

But just how impressive is he?  Sure you’re gonna make the catcher’s mitt vap pop (vape? I thought Milford High was a no-smoking campus) if you’re throwing from 20 feet away.   Back up to a regulation distance and let’s hear what happens.

As for his name, when I saw it first it made me think of two 1930s-era pitchers, Johnny “Double No-Hit” Vander Meer and Elden Auker, but he appears to be in sales or engineering.  So how does Pete de Windt know him?  Maybe they ran into each other at the Tulip Time Festival.  Wonder if they know the DeGroots

May 21, 2016

It Ain’t Named for Emperor Haile Selasky

Filed under: Fat Guys, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Neal's friends, softball — teenchy @ 9:52 pm

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So Barry Bader’s potato-nosed, freckle-faced clone is Pete deWindt? What are they, like The Boys from Brazil or something?

As for Miss Talking Banana Fingers and the rest of her teammates, don’t they know that they’re violating the unwritten rules of softball by not only talking about a no-hitter in progress but by interacting with the pitcher who’s throwing it? And what’s up with the Lady Mudlarks wearing the basketball team’s uniforms? They didn’t have to do that last season. Did Mimi raid the till to fund her wine habit?

I wonder whose car Del Bader is driving to Selasky’s Supper Club (named for Rubin’s pal, the food writer for the Detroit Free Press). Wasn’t his impounded? From the sign, it looks like Selasky’s might double as a Subaru dealership but that logo on the horn pad looks like Nissan’s hamburger. Why the heck would Del bring up his pending DUI conviction to a client at all? He should just say “No drinks tonight, thanks, doctor’s orders” and leave it at that. I sense the elder Bader entering a Willy Lomanesque death spiral in the not-too-distant future.

April 28, 2016

BFFs, not FWBs

Filed under: baseball, exposition comics, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Neal's friends — teenchy @ 4:50 am

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I could speculate all morning on what led to Boo Radley’s declaration in P1 but in the interest of (my) time I’m sticking with “True’s moving to North Carolina this summer and I’m not.” Also not sure where the “preppie” tag comes from; that subculture has practically died out, and I don’t recall seeing True sporting Vineyard Vines’ little whale, among other telltales. I mean, even Brooks Brothers did away with its boxy traditional fit dress shirts and now offer cuts in trim, skinny, super skinny and “I wear girls’ jeans.” (Sure they still show “Traditional Fit” but try ordering one.) Maybe if I looked at the color version of the strip I’d see his pants were pink Breton red with little nautical flags on them.

Then it’s off to the bleachers where Gil gives Marty the full Mouseketeer Roll Call. True, Lalonde, and Granger are returning from last season. Don’t have time to Google the rest (have at it, TWIMers) but we know Ken Brown makes things happen and Bobby Mitchell integrated that NFL team than now often remains nameless.

Also not gonna speculate on what kind of smartphone Marty’s using to record Gil but – holy crap does Marty have a huge thumb! Props to him for stepping up from the old Dictaphone, even if it isn’t as stealthy as Marjie’s invisible recording device from last year.

November 3, 2015

Banal Attraction

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We’re still doing this thing, folks. It is, in its own fashion, moving full speed ahead.

Whose right hand is that in panel one? Holly’s? Marty’s? E.T.’s?

Google cannot seem to tell me who Trish Spanos is so I will assume she is a FOW (friend of Whigrub).  Let’s be real here, though.  Panel two’s entire purpose is to let us know that True and Trish have the same initials. Kismet?  Perhaps.

Closing things off in panel three, what is that object partially occluded by True’s speech bubble?  Is it the book he was holding in panel two? A chair in the middle of the hallway?

Obviously a lot of questions today from a strip in which not a whole lot actually happened. Hopefully our devoted little community here can shed some light.

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