This Week in Milford

January 20, 2021

Made You Look!

Today marks the day that the Vic Doucette Show starts to go off the rails as Vic ignores Gil’s directive that “the basketball comes first.” As much as we might’ve expected it with the ham-handed frankfurter references, Vic will not be singing “Sweet Transvestite” between quarters. Instead he’s launched his own unauthorized contest and a tentative foray into identity theft. Gonna be tough to make out all those vitals on those illegible Michigan Adlertinium driver’s licenses*, though.

How much thought did Vic put into this? Is it his hot dog that he’s giving away? Will he announce the winner’s name over the PA or will this lead to an onslaught of Milfordians with triple-sevens at the refreshment stand? If Vic’s stunt leads to more concession sales, what will he be asked to hawk next? Finally, what’s the over/under on the number of strips before Marty Moon starts to view Vic as a threat to his on-air dominance?

Marty won’t hesitate to let Vic know that Milford is his town. Then young Mr. Doucette may find himself hawking hot dogs in the river, not unlike a vendor local to yhs.

*Today only, the first TWIMer who can show us a driver’s license with three 7s in the number wins a free comment. (For the record, yhs has only one 7 in his driver’s license number.)

January 9, 2021

It’s Not the One Marked “Free Candy”

Today let’s be anoraks and go down the rabbit hole of passenger vans. The Chevy Astro and its GMC Safari sibling were mid-size vans sold by GM from the mid-1980s until the mid-2000s. They were sold in both cargo and passenger van configurations. Even though they haven’t been made in over a decade and a half, you still see them on the road once in a while. I’m guessing in Vic’s case he doesn’t live in his down by the river, so the conversion isn’t of the camper kind but of the kind that helps him accommodate his CP. It should then look something like this:

What’s the point of all this? A point of connection between distracted kartboy Guthrie and overzealous PA boy Doucette. Maybe a few poor showings on the track will convince Doug that racing’s not his future but wrenching is. We can fast forward a few years to find Vic doing PA work for the Detroit Pistons while Doug is swapping actual pistons in the last few internal combustion-engined vehicles in town at the Milford Garage and Auto Body.

Tune in Monday when Vic fills us in on the van and the rest of the Mudlarks finally eat those burgers.

January 6, 2021

Vic Doucette, Firestarter

Filed under: actual action, basketball, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Neal's friends — teenchy @ 9:34 am

Lots of fire metaphors at work today. Wonder if Corina’s mom is on the scene?

Looks like faithful TWIMer hitorque was correct in yesterday’s comments: strip Vic Doucette fancies himself another Chris Berman. He’s getting quickly full of himself and embellishing his calls, and odds are he didn’t clear any of this with Gil or his players. (I mean, why play off “fear of God” and not “Godleski, King of the Monsters“?)

When and how will Vic’s mouth get the Mudlarks in trouble? We may soon find out as a Ram knocks the slobber out of a Mudlark’s mouth. Did the Ram charge or was he blocked? Will Vic announce the wrong call or inject his opinion over the mic? Will he cause Milford to get charged with a technical?

Vic’s Bermanism hands us an audience participation opportunity: What Bermanisms would you lay on Gil Thorp characters? I’ll start:

Marjie “Acey” Ducey

Marty “How High The” Moon

Hadley V. “Wink” Baxendale

Bob “The Unabomber” Kazinski

Have at it in the comments, y’all.

December 30, 2020

Roll Your Eyes and Think of England

Filed under: actual action, Bad Jokes, basketball, Neal's friends — teenchy @ 6:58 am

That direction is for us, dear readers, as we are going to be continually subjected to Corina whether we like it or not. Now this little fire hydrant spark plug is going to be some sort of guard. For the sake of the plot let’s hope she’s a shooting guard; I can’t imagine anyone wanting to take direction from this sarcastic smart-ass. What started out as a realistic plot device – plucky girl has a chip on her shoulder because doctors didn’t take her mom’s mental health issues seriously – started to wear thin by the time she invited the dueling QBs to her house and is practically threadbare by now. Why couldn’t Rubin stow her away in an equipment bag until the end of March?

Because Tessi Milton might need a foil. A quick Googling doesn’t turn up a Tessi Milton but LinkedIn serves up a Tess Milton in Australia. Tessi’s being set up as the social butterfly of the Lady Mudlarks and we know by now that in Milford, extroversion always has an ulterior motive. Is it possible she’s hiding some deep dark secret and is overcompensating for it much in the way Corina’s been overcompensating for hers? Sit back and prepare to soak up the sarcasm for a fourth consecutive arc.

December 26, 2020

Doug Guthrie, Kartboy*

Happy Boxing Day! Joyous Kwanzaa! Gentlemen, start your engines! Wait, what?

We may want to rethink that Doug Guthrie/Janet Guthrie relation. Doug’s gearheadedness extends not only to his choice of daily driver but also to that which distracts him from fulfilling his Thorpian duty. There’s gotta be more to the picture than meets the eye here.

What kind of kid dailies a ’66 Goat in the Rust Belt? Not one who cares about exposing it to the winter elements, and most likely not one that had to scrape the pennies together to buy it himself. Hagerty values a ’66 Tri-Power hardtop from $24K for a car in #4 condition to $75K for one in #1 condition. The obvious answer would be that Guthrie’s little GTO must be bankrolled by his family, along with his karting. But not so fast – there are monetary prizes to be had in karting, and it’s been used as a springboard to higher levels of auto racing. The list of Formula 1 champions who started in karts is an impressive one indeed, including current and seven-time F1 world champion Lewis Hamilton. So before we dive in and assume this is yet another kid whose parents are living their lives vicariously through, let’s sit back and see how this develops.

Let’s also wait and see how Rubin develops the strip Vic Doucette and how closely his character’s life parallels The Real Vic Doucette’s. If strip Vic puts as much good faith effort into his PA work as he did in his PE class, he may end up doing a decent job. Bonus points if he gets Marty Moon to curse on the air again.

*Milford may have Nutboys but here in the real world there is a Kartboy, a supplier of performance parts for Subarus, VWs and Audis.

December 23, 2020

Free Eats. Now Scram!

I have to start today’s post with an apology. To the real Vic Doucette, I apologize for writing that your surname was spelled more pretentiously than Michael Doucet’s. I’m going to venture a guess that either your family picked up the “te” or his family lost the “te” somewhere during the Acadian deportation and diaspora*. I’m also now wondering whether strip regular Marjie Ducey‘s surname is a corruption of yours.

Today’s strip is one of those that would benefit from an audio file. As it is we have to take it as canon that strip Vic is a small kid with glasses that magically change size a big voice, not unlike the previously mentioned Dave Zinkoff. Knowledge of hoops trivia would seem to be less relevant to the PA announcer’s job than, say, some knowledge of the rules of the game. Calling a free throw attempt as a one-and-one when the team is not yet in the bonus could cause confusion for the easily confused, leading to unnecessary substitutions, raining frogs and heaven knows what else.

Since we never (at least in my memory) have heard from Mr. Staley (possibly of the Decatur Staleys?) we have no real standard against which to hold Vic’s work. Suffice it to say if Rubin holds true to form, Vic will join a line of nebbishy boys with oversized egos whose antics will throw a stick in the spokes of the wheels that roll the Mudlarks to second place in the Valley. With that in mind, here’s a clip of the real Dave Zinkoff to give us an idea of what a basketball PA announcer should sound like.

*I found myself going down this rabbit hole this morning and had to pull myself back out to finish this post. Interesting reading if you don’t know the history already.

October 17, 2020

Excuse Me, But Where Can I Get an Air Jimmy Hat?

Filed under: actual action, football, Madison Time, Neal's friends — teenchy @ 9:04 pm

Well I’ll be. Faithful TWIMer hitorque was right. It is a James Madison reference. Madison QB Alex Sanborn is a shoutout to a capital management exec and former Northwestern U tennis player.

Should be fun to see if the Mudlarks can hang with a team that runs a modern offense, no? To be fair, the spread has its antecedents in a formation developed by Rusty Russell, the coach at an orphanage high school in Fort Worth, Texas, and built on by Dutch Meyer at TCU (another Fort Worth school) in the late 1930s with Sammy Baugh and Davey O’Brien at quarterback. Later variants were developed by Howard Fletcher at Northern Illinois and Jack Neumeier at Granada Hills High School in Los Angeles.

Will Gil whip out that Delaware Wing-T in retaliation? Hell, Delaware doesn’t even run the Delaware Wing-T anymore. (It’s worth noting that the last time Delaware made the FCS postseason, they lost in the first round to… wait for it… James Madison.) How about the flying wedge?

As long as were talking about Air Somebody-or-other, how’s about a tribute to the original “Air” offense – one that never failed to entertain but somehow always came up frustratingly short. Seems appropriate to cap off a week in which we lost Fred Dean.

September 5, 2020

They Might Be Quarterbacks

Filed under: Coach Kaz, football, freak hands, hideous scar faces, Neal's friends — teenchy @ 8:31 pm

Back to football and a pending transition to Mouseketeer Roll Call. Kaz practices his Carol Burnett Tarzan yell tells the guys to wrap it up with some cals. Back in my day we started practice with cals to loosen up, then ended it with wind sprints or a couple laps around the field. Then again we also had salt tablets and Gatorade was just a new fad, so what do I know?

Will Thayer is “an experienced criminal defense and family law attorney at Momkus LLC.” Charlie Rapson is a New Zealand schoolboy athlete, or a one-shot British actor. Here in Milford they are both gym rats, or one-uppers, or one-upper gym rats. Their jersey numbers suggest they might be quarterbacks, so we might be in for a competition a la Jarrod Hale and True Standish, only closer. Enough speculation; hope you TWIMers enjoy the rest of your Labor Day weekend.

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