This Week in Milford

November 14, 2017

Play Misty For Me

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Metapost: There’s no way I can follow that masterpiece by Ned yesterday. Simply magnificent. That said, much like dealing with a recalcitrant whitehead, let’s squeeze out a post today and be done with it.

Panel 1: I am simultaneously comforted that Little Ricky appears to have a crappier cellphone than I do and then I remember that these are just drawings and am discomfited by having taken comfort in imagining that. Hey, did someone say something about concussions? Awesome.

Panel 2: We give Rick a hard time around here but, to be completely fair to him*, his reactions to his Uncle are the most reasonable depicted behavior by practically any citizen of Milford and/or the broader Valley region.

Panel 3: If I have to look at another panel of Uncle Gary touching his face, I am out. This is not negotiable.

Inspiration for today’s post title**:

* As one ought while, again, bearing in mind that we’re talking about fictional characters.

** I’ve seen, I dunno, maybe half of Clint Eastwood’s films which he’s directed and appeared. This is not one of them. I originally was going for something like this, but decided that trailer was more fun/insane.

 

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November 3, 2017

Just when you thought it was safe….

….to miss Rick singing at a game, here it comes. But first we have to look at his foot with a pumpkin on top of it. Oh yeah, that supposed to be an icebag. Last time I was that close to a foot I walked into the tiny  pro shop at a golf course and the female employee was standing on a chair barefoot dusting the ceiling fan. I told her I almost ran into her feet, and resisted a sudden urge to tickle them. Lol. If I ever write about my golf career this story would definitely make the list. Life has those unique moments you always remember.

P2 – really, how many trainers at a high school have pictures of leg bones on their wall? This isnt a doctors office for chrissake. And the diagrams have boxes pointing to them containing 4 straight lines, which are supposed to be words but shit they dont even look close to it. And no way is anyones kneecap THAT big compared to their leg bones. Jeez. F for artwork today.

And in P3 we have Uncle Dickwad on his PC lining up Ricks singing gig in front of millions of YouTube fans. I have a feeling now its not before a game, but somewhere else. Hey, as long as its not on this strip I’m fine with it.

October 5, 2017

Soto’s Escort Service

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Three days to finish one play, and the first game will be finished by the end of the first week of October. Something tells me at least three games will be told and not shown in a single strip in about a week or two. Rick Soto’s exploding head tips us to his imminent concussion, so while we’re waiting for that reveal let’s focus on the little details:

(1) Whigham’s shout-out to his mom via Milford’s and Oakwood’s glow-in-the-dark helmet decals, ’cause working it into a shirt collar like they did at Wendy’s just isn’t as dramatic.

(b) Again with the confusing numbers: Filllllllllion has been shown as #9 to date but the guy carrying the big croissant behind Soto is wearing a double-digit number. The Oakwood player Soto’s blocking is pretty big to be wearing #14, don’tchathink? Maybe he’s a former lineman who wants to be a ball carrier, too. Maybe he’s the son of The Battleship Lorenzen.

(iii) Marty’s scar face is particularly nightmare-inducing today. The dried hooch crust in his beard is a nice touch, as are the slats in the lid of his crate. At least he trims his nose hair.

August 14, 2017

Radical Grilling

Filed under: google nonsense, Pantheon of Mysterious Objects — nedryerson @ 6:03 am

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Oh boy! So now Jaquan and Trey are hanging out in the backyard grilling and enjoying a brew? I think these two are just looking to settle down together in Milford. C’mon guys, it’s 2017! You don’t need to construct an elaborate personal trainer/injury rehabbing NBA player scenario as cover. Milford may be a tank town, but it is a diverse and accepting environment for all.

Now, let’s talk about that giant chunk of steak and the grilling implement Trey is using to flip it over. How is he lifting the meat with that thing? It looks like a metal spatula that is just jammed into the meat. Does that instrument have sharpened tines on the end? Perhaps it’s a barbeque spatulork*?

Also, it looks like Jaquan is now interested in trying to break into PRO FOOTBALL. This notion was inspired by how well he caught footballs from Art Burns while working out with Heather Burns and The Secret Pelwecki. Also, Heather’s inspirational ad hoc coaching of 7-on-7 summer league football played a role.

*I thought I invented the notion of the spatulork as I was writing this post. Given the propensity for my mind to wander while creating posts for this blog, I felt compelled to google spatulork to see if the concept was already in existence. Not only is the spatulork a preexisting thing, it was also the subject of a short film. I stopped short of embedding the clip. It’s not that great. Heck, the spatulork is merely a McGuffin in the narrative. (If you make it to the end of the video, you can watch Spatulork II. I couldn’t stick with it. I was emotionally drained from watching the first one.)

June 22, 2017

Gil Gets His Dig(g)s In

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One of our Central City protestors (the Tommie Smith/John Carlos descendant) gets a name and becomes as central to the plot as any Milford girl.  The “other item” Gil was shaking Skip down for must have been her name and digits. I leave it to the readership to discuss the propriety of what Skip and Gil have done. Suffice it to say it doesn’t leave a very good taste in my mouth.

I’m assuming Gil’s convo with, I’m assuming, Ryan will pick up tomorrow with, I’m assuming, what Gil said to Ms. Diggs after appreciating her “taking a stand” that wasn’t written here.  Odds are it will involve some gentle variation on “keep your ****in’ mouth shut.”  I’ll be surprised if her response isn’t some variation on the “HA” behind her head.

From the Pantheon of Mysterious Objects Dept.: Diagonally striped thing above and to the right of the GIL mug (or is it below and to the right? I can’t tell); backdrop of P3 (they’re standing outdoors, presumably; is it a huge backstop, more Prairie Style Windows, or what?).

June 20, 2017

Good News Is Trouble-Free

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Well, the mystery of Skip Farrow wrapped up pretty quickly. Speaking of, Skip sure does have an interesting take on the situation. Since everybody except the Cane is graduating, there shouldn’t be any issues… And, since graduation should’ve happened about a month ago, we really should be in the clear.

Bonus points:

The ‘leader’ of the ‘protest’ is almost as tall as Skip.

I love the clock on the window in panel one.

Bonus questions:

What is on the back of that student’s shirt?

Why does Skip have to call Gil from a wall phone?

What is supposed to be displayed over the window in panel two? I’m thinking worst drawing of the solar system ever.

June 17, 2017

Blooper Reel

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Daftpunk can’t run her precious little hit piece on Ryan, so she quits the school paper.  Ryan gets rattled when Central girls troll him about an event that (according to his parents) wasn’t all that, so he loses his mojo and quits on the mound. Now the rest of the Milford baseball team quits all around him and the season goes down the crapper. Gil’s quit on his team too: relying on hope and working on his grilling technique, he could give two shits about the rest of the season. Yo Gil, out here in the real world, winners eat steaks, losers eat franks and beans. (By the way, what the hell is Gil wearing on his wrist? Is he talking to Dick Tracy on that thing? Maybe he’s talking with that talking baseball with EES in P1. And what the complete hell is with his hand with integrated spatula?)

Even the color monkeys phoned it in on this one: they didn’t color the Jefferson player or whatever it is Mimi’s got in that pitcher (and don’t tell me it’s straight Everclear). I’m beginning to get the idea that the Whigrub brain trust has run out of ideas on how to wrap this arc up; not saying they’ve quit on it yet, but it’s starting to feel that way.

I’ve been on the road all day to Bakst country and just arrived only a few minutes ago.  I almost quit on this post for today, so I hope you’ll forgive me for its brusque nature.

 

May 6, 2017

Chill, ‘Cane! You still got the W

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Having been yanked from the game by Gil, Ryan Van Auken looks startled as he trudges into the Milford dugout.  And no wonder: judging from the motion lines Whigham drew in, Ryan’s glove arced over his left shoulder before hitting the back of the bench in front of him.  He must have thrown that shit before he walked in the dugout!

Bobby Mitchell (not the one who integrated the Redskins) earns the save when a levitating Barry Bader wills the ball to rise vertically into his outstretched glove.  Awful nice of Gil to put stripes down the sides of the Mudlark unis; gives Barry a way to relate to his old man. But what is that leaf-like object hovering over Barry’s rear end?  An actual tobacco leaf?  An indicator of his preferred kinks?  Or something else?  Talk amongst yourselves.

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