I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. – George Bernard Shaw
Credit where credit is due: In Luke Martinez, Henry has created one toxic character. His never-ending obsession to one-up Gil Thorp and beat Gil’s teams in every sport he coaches has managed to suck in both his assistant coach and Gil himself. He’s also managed to piss off his elder son who, if there’s any sense of irony in this strip, will soon quit the team and/or transfer to Milford High in the fall.
Why does Gil need to call Hamm? To ask him if he’s seen the Korean Nightmare* clip? He should know the answer to that.
Coachella is looking a bit off-character today BTW, Chief. She needs to shave.
That’s all I’ve got for today. My laptop has been crashing and not recognizing its charger for weeks, and today I finally had to back it up and reinstall the OS. Took hours. Sorry not to have more pithy insights.
Oh, wait: I came across this online earlier this week. It dates from the late 1930s and might be as appropriate to share as Kaz’s out-of-left-field Cab Calloway reference a few days ago.
* Or, as he was known in his home country, “The Nightmare.”
Well look who’s back. It’s our old pal Bob Kazinski – and now he has a penthouse. Did he move to North Carolina in the interim?
Oh. It’s not Gastonia, it’s The Gaston, Milford’s premier luxury high-rise. We visited Kaz and his new squeeze Rachel in the penthouse for the seudah hamafseket before Yom Kippur. Never mind.
For a moment there I was thinking that Kaz’s Penthouse was a new comedy club and Kaz was polishing his new standup routine. Hey, a Milford Juvenile Sports Program Manager can’t be making that much more coin than a Milford High assistant coach, can he? The Gaston can’t be rent-controlled, can it? Kaz has to have some kind of side hustle going on, amirite?
All of this is conjecture and backdrop for why Kaz feels the needs to regale his audience with a joke that’s even more dated* than Cami’s A League of Their Own line and somehow at Gil’s expense. (Anyone wanna guess what the setup was for the Cab Calloway punchline? Feel free to take a stab in the comments.) Gil “I don’t drink” Thorp finds it most amusing as he continues his lying sack ways – lying, that is, unless he’s still nursing that HooDad’s he had at the hospital while visiting Rod.
There’s gotta be some more exposition down the line this week. Why else would be seeing Kaz for the first time this year? I for one would welcome Kaz’s Penthouse as the Gil Thorp spinoff we all need.
*Cab Calloway’s last public performance came in 1992 at a benefit for the Associated Black Charities in Baltimore. His last public appearance was at the White House in 1993, when President Clinton awarded him with the National Medal of Arts.
ComicWriting 101 for Henry – Keep the score the same day to day. Yesterday Milford was up by 10, now theyre up by 1. Even when the old writer had them playing football in December, **BB, at least the score was consistent. At this rate, the confetti will be on the court and the nets will be cut down and then we’ll find out – the game isnt over for 2 more days,— and THE OTHER TEAM IS WINNING. Sheesh
Ive been to many high school games in my time, and the coaches are always standing, pacing around, yelling at their players or the refs, switching defenses and the like. Gil? He might as well buy a ticket he’s so dour. At least his assistant did her hair for the big game.
HEY NUMBER 12, IF YOUR TRYING TO SET A SCREEN, MAKE SURE THE DEFENDER CANT GET AROUND YOU. And the VT guy should be looking at Barnes and trying to block his shot from where he is.
P3 – I love when a picture can be looked at in 2 ways – we cant tell if the ball is going through the basket from above, or is coming through it from below. Plus we get a free solar eclipse. A for artwork.
F for everything else.
Hey, is it halftime yet? The band will be on the court on Wednesday and Thursday the second quarter will end. Mark my words.
And so it comes to this – the final showdown between the 2 adversaries who have been hating each other all season. Not unlike some sports movies like Slapshot, The Bad News Bears, and The Mighty Ducks, the final scene is the championship game which will settle everything. Until next year of course..
Lachlan Mclean is a sports reporter who knows a microphone when he sees one.
Something is out of Dr. Pearl’s hands. It’s some aspect of the budget. Gil understands. Dr. Pearl manages to avoid spilling coffee on herself despite her awkward coffee cup handling. Whatever is happening to the budget, Dr. Pearl seems sure she can make up the shortfall through fundraising.
Gil doesn’t look like he wants any part of fundraising, even though it would seem that Gil will be somehow affected by the budgetary shortfall. Why else would Dr. Pearl bring him the news in person? Who knows. Gil is thinking about basketball season and doesn’t care. It’s all cryptic.
Finally, Gil picks up his cue card. Part Two “The Only Game in Town.” Ah, so that’s why it’s cryptic. Expect to see all sorts of info dumped on us this week as “The Only Game In Town” is slowly introduced through a series of thinly connected plot elements.
Season’s greetings, gentle readers. I’m here from another hemisphere to take us into the transition out of football and into whatever comes next. Let’s check in with the Thorps to see what’s been going on off the field. I’m not gonna attempt to touch Festivus but I recommend that you check out the Mopped Up Thorp Festivus post; it’s awesome.
December 23, 2022
Oh my goodness this is getting sad fast. Meemaw appears to have left the nursing home to be in home hospice care. A detached-looking Gil stands in the doorway. I wonder if he ever knew how much Meemaw wanted Mimi to divorce him and try to revive a golf career we never knew she had. At least the Thorp kids are providing us the look at a Milford bonfire we didn’t get during football season.
KXCI is a community radio station in Tucson. It also streams online. There’s no reason to wonder, then, whether Milford has moved west of the Mississippi, or get into the matter of those stations east of the Mississippi beginning with K (e.g., KDKA in Pittsburgh, KYW in Philly) or those west of the Mississippi beginning with W (e.g., WHO in Des Moines).
In case you were wondering, The Both was a duo consisting of Aimee Mann and Ted Leo (but no Pharmacists). They’ve recorded a single , self-titled album to date, in 2014. The lyrics are from their song “Nothing Left To Do (Let’s Make This Christmas Blue).”
December 24, 2022
Now we get the triple-header Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanzaa strip. I am not a member of the tribe so I did not know that ugly Hanukkah sweaters are a thing. I did, however, know that Hanukkah menorahs have nine candles, not seven as appear on Rachel’s sweater. I also did not know that Tobias and Mel were canonically Jewish. Kaz is looking a little distracted tbh. Probably thinking about his upcoming bris.
The Thorps manage to smile for their family photo save for Keri, who’s showing off her knuckle dusters and the reason Pedro Martinez has been hanging around. (meta: Moon Mullins points out Keri is flashing the universal symbol for eating at the Y, so not completely out of character.)
Finally we have… who? I honestly do not know and I feel guilty for not knowing. This isn’t the Brown-Hiatt family from a few years bock.* Is it one of Keri’s volleyball teammates? Help me out here, please.
It is now after midnight where I am and so, while you may have several hours to go, it is already Christmas Day here. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and we’ll see you again on Boxing Day.
*This should read “a few years back,” but I’m leaving this typo in since that’s what I was drinking on Christmas Eve.
As promised, my jet-lagged and sleep-deprived self is here with today’s post and it’s gonna be blunt.
While Valley Tech players dance around like Matisse’s Icarus, Gil offers Luke a congratulatory handshake and gets a neck full of spittle in return. Not only does Martinez still carry a misdirected 35-year grudge, he also suffers from Napoleon syndrome and delusions of grandeur. Squeaking out a one-point win because you stopped your opponent’s two-point conversion attempt hardly qualifies as an embarrassment. There were no stakes attached to the golf game and no one listens to Marty’s podcast. People can only be embarrassed if they choose to be, and Gil clearly has not chosen to be.
Enough of this chode. He should get what’s coming to him eventually. Enough of the Tuesday morning quarterbacking, too. Gil gambled and the gamble didn’t pay off. It happens. I still think there should be some explanation for why Milford decided to go for two and not try to force overtime with an established kicker (maybe two, if we count Hooper and if the scores that are neat multiples of seven are any indication), but I’m not holding my breath. A few days on the domestic front and a Saturday Christmas Eve strip (surprised no Hanukkah strip with Kaz and his new squeeze) and we should pivot to basketball.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to take a look at the inside of my eyelids. Happy Solstice. teenchy out.
The big gamble didn’t pay off for Coach Thorp. Tobias Gordon’s leap of faith failed and their hopes were dashed in the finals.
Look at the contrast of Coach Luke and Coach Kim basking in glory while the pissy faces of Gil and Kaz tell the story of defeat, humiliation and probably an utter lack of football intelligence. I mean, maybe they should have tried something even trickier like a rainbow flick lob or, ya know, kicking an extra point for the tie. Oh heck, Milford probably would have lost on penalty kicks anyway. Also, there may have been more stoppage time than we had been led to believe, so they could have tried pulling their goalie for a man advantage. Next time, Gil should try the 9-iron and a triangle defense. And that’s why they call it cribbage.
Kudos for the colorist for staying consistent for a whole game.
Hey guys, yhs is really not feeling great today. Please have at it in the comments and I’ll see you next week as we throw out the first shuttlecock.
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This Week in Milford 