This Week in Milford

November 24, 2020

Mudlarks with Filthy Souls

Well surprise, surprise, surprise! Rapson enters Casa Karenna only to find Thayer manspreading across Corina’s sofa. Didn’t realize Will had such enmity toward Rapp, but then again he might just be pissed that his quarterbacking rival has turned into a potential blocker. I’ve already used up my Fight Club references and I’m really hard pressed to come up with any explanation of what we’re seeing here that doesn’t quickly devolve into pornography. So have at it, ya filthy animals.

Being Milford, this is going to end in the most nonsexual way possible. Also being Milford, my money is on Gil putting up Mimi to put up Corina to do his job for free what he could not: get his quarterbacks – and, by extension, the rest of their teammates – to play nice with each other, again in the most nonsexual way possible.

November 15, 2020

Soggy Milford Breakdown

I was out of town yesterday so wasn’t able to get a post up until now. Mea culpa. I spent most of the day in Delaware, where I didn’t find a Wing-T but I did find a Milford. Doesn’t look like Gil found a Wing-T either.

Thankfully Whigham cut away from Marty’s bukkake video on Friday to show us this grind. Wing-T or no, the run-heavy Mudlarks should have thrived in these conditions, no? No! One has to wonder if this was due to fallout from Gil’s little reaming out of his QBs last week. Team Rappson may have thrown lookout blocks when Thayer was under center while Team Thayer did the same for Rapp. The Jeffs laying a WWE-worthy body slam on either Rappson or Thayer is just icing on the cake.

Doubtful we’ll hear any analysis on the bus ride home, not with it raining inside the bus like it is. (Nice of Weird Al to body double for Rapp so he wouldn’t have to make that trip.) Monday-morning quarterbacking will come on Monday, if it comes at all. With a second conference loss, winning the Valley is out of reach for Milford. How will Gil save face, salvage the season, and stifle the controversy? I wouldn’t bet against emergency QB Leonard Fleming starting from here on out. Then the Mudlarks can truly be called Leonard’s Losers.

October 24, 2020

Shush Me on the Bus

While there have been a few comics that have addressed the current global pandemic (including, ironically, that other sports-themed daily Tank McNamara), most have not. To date, the Valley has been virus-free, but looking at today’s strip I’m beginning to think Whigham has been influenced in some way by the pandemic’s impact on sports.

I mean, look at those kids on the Milford activity bus. With so little space between the rows of seats they’ve gotta be cardboard cutouts, don’t they? Their conversation is pretty two-dimensional too. The whole lot of them are adding fuel to the fire of the quarterback controversy that isn’t, except for Danny Bonaduce down in front there who’s slowly realizing that it’s not Shirley Jones behind the wheel. Who drives the Mudlark School Bus, anyway? Gil? Kaz? Cheech? Whichever coach isn’t driving needs to back there and nip this crap in the bud.

September 25, 2020

I Thought Only Steve Luhm Handled the Mops in Milford

Hey everybody! Joan Rivers here for robmize. Can we talk?

Seriously, I don’t know what Rapson’s beef is here. The game plan with him under center is no different than the game plan with Thayer under center. What did he expect Gil to do, let him air it out and run up the score? The Mudlarks aren’t Steve Spurrier’s Florida Gators, fuhcripessake. It’s already been established that Milford’s gonna be The Chance and Charlie Show this fall.

Rapp’s probably upset that Gil wasn’t making eye contact with him when he was giving him his marching orders. Wearing mime makeup under your helmet is bound to be a bit disquieting to even the most stoic of coaches, Terry. Then again, he might’ve been taking Gil at his word a bit too literally and is miffed that Gil didn’t let him drive the Milford activity bus back from Oakwood. (Who drives that bus, anyway?)

Terry just needs to relax on the ride home and get ready to see his quarterbacking rival get shot down by Corina at The Bucket. What, you weren’t missing another strip of Corina being a jerk to everyone? Yeah, me neither.

metapost: Like robmize, I will actually be away this weekend too. Hoping Ned, tdrew or maybe even the sorely missed timbuys will step up and take my Saturday post. Okay? Okay!

September 7, 2020

Will & Charlie At It Again.

Filed under: football, general nonsense, Pissy faced minor character — nedryerson @ 11:16 am

The perspective is bouncing all over the place, so I’m not getting much of a solid grounding on who these people are. We have Will Thayer and Charlie Rapson leading calisthenics. Someone is looking on with a pissy face in Panel One. Is that Charlie or Will with the pissy face? They were set apart from the rest of the team in the last strip, so how could someboby else have gotten that close? But the pissy face doesn’t fit because they seemed pretty aligned in their approach. Who cares?

Now who is #70? Yelling out, That’s Leadership? What a suck up. What about #75? He thinks Rapson is full of crap and that Will should drill him. Is there a Will and Charlie backstory? Maybe we’ll find out, but I’d just assume find out what’s happening in volleyball.

July 15, 2020

Bizarre Love Triangles?

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Oh, to be in the Valley in the summertime, where time stands still, no one wears a face mask and no one practices social distancing. How else could you get away with sticking your pointy finger up in the grill of someone you barely recognize? (Then again, if Milford is in Michigan, I understand that might be a thing there, and that’s all I have to say about that.) Is Corrina Corrina in town to hook up with Hiawatha or, better still, to pay a call on The Mayor before he leaves for State U? Either way it’s none of Phoebe’s damn business and she’d better ease up before Corrina sticks that finger somewhere else.

Quick cut to some eatery where a young man is being served a full breakfast without the benefit of a conspicuous knife. Who is this guy with Gil’s face and True Standish’s hair? Does he mind that the waitress’ thumb is in his egg? Will he end up a summer love interest for one of these girls, or is he here for some other duller and more contrived purpose? All will be revealed in time, maybe by the week before Labor Day.

May 16, 2020

Universal Copout

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Gentle readers, have we ever heard of Valley Modified before today? I really wanted to work it into a song parody but it’s really late in the day and song parodies aren’t really my turf anymore.

Valley Mod
He’s a Valley Mod
Valley Mod
He’s a Valley Mod
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
He’s a Valley Mod
I ain’t got no more

No, instead I wanna focus on who appears to be yet another crappy lawyer in Milford. She must be with the same firm where Del Bader retained counsel. With that “you can’t beat City Hall” attitude, this stiff must be on the Milford School Board’s payroll .Hell, in my last post I alluded to the fact that there have been successful challenges to school zero-tolerance policies; here’s one from 2009, for example. Zero-tolerance policies are in retreat around the country, as there are studies that have found they don’t make schools safer and disproportionately single out students of color.  Hadley V. needs to come back to town and carve Dr. Pearl a new one. (See what I did there?)

The Mayor looks like he might be cooking up some ideas of his own. Behind those cracked knuckles lies the glare of a hardened criminal. Sure he’ll get a job – one like Martin Blank‘s.

 

May 15, 2020

Dont give up. Dont ever give up.

Ah, the words of Jimmie Valvano at the ESPYs when he was dying of cancer back in the 90’s. He wasnt one of my favorite coaches (and if you read the excellent book Personal Fouls https://www.amazon.com/Personal-Fouls-Promises-Shattered-Basketball/dp/0881845264 you’ll see an even seedier side) but in the end he had everyones sympathy for his handling of terminal cancer that took his life way too soon.

 

 

Mike’s mom wants to fight the good fight for her son understandably, but the time frame for this is fuzzy. Its May 15. Im not sure what grade Mike is in, but if he’s a senior, forget it. Heck even if he’s a junior, by the time any court hears this and renders a positive decision, school will be out for summer.

So Mikes dad sees the lawyer and she recommends appealing to the school board. Why cant this be done without seeing her? Lawyers arent cheap you know. Besides wasting a panel (and God knows we’ve blown a shitload of them on repeating statements) all we get is a rehashing of facts already known. He meant no harm, and the schools policy is zero tolerance. Thank you sir may I have another.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIZoVO8ZyyQ

So at this rate we may be in court all summer. Or at least til the 4th of July. By then I’ll be able to get a haircut in my state and even eat at a restaurant.

PROGRAM NOTE: I will be taking a long-overdue vacation next weekend camping and kayaking. So I’m leaving the Mayors whereabouts to whoever wants to fill in next Friday. See you all in 2 weeks.

 

 

 

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