This Week in Milford

September 21, 2019

Talk to the Hands, Maybe

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Chance Macy: introvert, or just antisocial?

Bob “Kaz” Kazinski: actual coach, or Gil’s Boy Friday?

Gil “Gil” Thorp: protective of his players, or control freak media manipulator?

Hey, Rubin can write a cryptic strip, why can’t we post cryptic blog posts?

At least the Chief can indulge his hand fetish illustrating this little tête-à-tête. Either Gil has six fingers on his left hand or one of them’s his thumb peeking from between the others. Both Gil and Kaz look to have overdeveloped right hands, IYKWIMAITYD.

 

 

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September 2, 2019

Happy Labor Day

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Marjie Ducey, Neal's friends, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 7:46 am

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Sometime between the previous strip and this one, Marjie has stripped off her nail polish. Maybe GilBot 3000 had to restart in the middle of the reading of the roster and Marjie had to occupy herself during the reboot.

We’ve previously heard all these names except for strong armed Chris Schuring. I can’t find any fun google results for him. Oh well, I guess I can knock off early for Labor Day.

Speaking of three solid lettermen:

August 31, 2019

The Milford Playbook: Student Body Left

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Just when we think we’re getting a deeper dive into the blended Ballard/Roh family dynamic, quick cut to Marjie in Gil’s office getting the roster rundown she should’ve been getting last week when everyone was stuffing their face with sloppy joes. What’s up with Marjie’s manicure? Did she tell the nail technician to paint everything but her lunulae? And how many left elbows does she have such that she can line that notepad up directly under her right hand?

That Finn kid getting sick gave Gil enough time to think up witty repostes to divert attention from the fact his team’s gonna suck and he can’t coach them to play any better. Maybe the Mudlarks need a motivational speaker to come talk to them. One like “Teen Expert and Motivational Speaker” Gabe Salazar. After namedropping Salazar, Gil spouts doublespeak and practically dares Marjie to write anything negative. At least he doesn’t outright insult Marjie the way he did Marty; maybe those sloppy joes were insult enough.

Added new tag “Peering Over Eyeglasses” since that’s what everybody in the Thorpiverse who wears them does with them. It may take a while before we can retroactively tag every instance.

July 22, 2019

Quasi-Eligibility Rules

Filed under: freak hands, Piss faced Tiki, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 6:25 am

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It looks like we are finally circling back to the letter from the school board informing the Jansens that they are “violating the spirit of the rule”. Will Hadley be able to make hay with the contents of the letter, given the use of the equivocating language in the school board’s official communication? I don’t expect to get a clear answer because this is Gil Thorp.

The Jansens can’t afford to keep paying rent so Mama Jansen seems willing to go along with a scheme for Tiki to live with another family (Introducing The Flemings!) in Milford. That seems rather extreme. Also, what will the school board think of that? Will they want to see some documentation showing that the Flemings are serving as guardians for Tiki?

Is anybody down at the school board aware of the problems at New Thayer, where gangs were pummeling Tiki on the daily? Do they have any interest in addressing that?

None of these questions will be answered because Hadley V. Baxendale is riding in on a white horse (with an aimless NBA player riding behind her) to Clarence Darrow the shit out of this thing.

 

June 8, 2019

Coffee Talk with Linda… Carr?

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“Welcome to Coffee Talk. I’m your host Mimi Thorp. On this show we talk about coffee, softball, volleyball, George Orwell – you know, no big whoop. Just Coffee Talk.

“Today I’m coming to you live from the Milford High Teacher’s Lounge. Now which teacher is it for? Well, only one Coach Thorp has their team on the verge of winning the Valley, and it’s not my guest, Coach Gil Thorp, who also happens to be my husband.

“So, nu, how is your baseball team doing?”

“Well, we’ve had better seasons, but I’m proud of the boys for…”

“Feh, no big whoop. Have I told you about my girls and all their interests off the field?  It gives them swagger and it’s infectious. Kind of like toenail fungus.”

“Yeah. I’m seeing more of those ‘TC’ pins.”

“Oh, those. Molly Hatcher got them for 39 cents each. Such a deal. At first it was a fun thing, like a Barbra Streisand marathon. Then the girls had the chutzpah to start deciding who that wasn’t on the team should be getting the pins. So I had them read Animal Farm, let them know that was a verkakte idea.  But let me tell you about Linda Carr. Her swing is like butter, but she’s gotten all shpilkes about her volleyball scholarship.  I gotta get her calmed down; I need her bat for the playdowns.

“All this talk of winning championships has me all verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: The ‘Too Cool For School’ buttons are neither too cool nor for school. Discuss.”

(apologies Mike Myers)

May 13, 2019

This Is Really Happening

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“Molly, do you ever buy bagels from Arjun Khatri on Fridays?” That right there is about the most out of left field thing I’ve ever read in Gil Thorp. As I write these things first thing Monday morning, something like that can really make me question if I’m this is all real or if I’m dreaming.

Now we have school faculty, like Molly Hatcher’s World History teacher, nominating other students to receive the TC challenge coin. Isn’t this grand?

Now that Arjun Khatri has been designated TC for acts of altruism, do we now have to reevaluate those earlier TCFS candidates? Arjun raised $5000 for the food bank, and you have a collection of stuffed hippos? Yeah, look I’ve only got fifty of these and I doubt if I’m going to get the Flirting With Disaster discount again so that’s going to be a hard pass.

Who is Arjun Khatri? The New Jersey high school wrestler? An aspiring Indian filmmaker, or the singer of Poldo Raichha Chhati:

May 6, 2019

I’m Starting To Think There’s Not Enough Too Cool For School To Go Around

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, huge earrings, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 2:00 am

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It’s Monday and that means more cafeteria repartee with Molly Hatcher and the girl we think is probably Nancy. What Nancy didn’t reveal before was that high five from the rando hallway Mudlark did something really weird to her hand, turning it into  flipper with a racing strip. Now that’s what I call too cool for school.

Before we get into the meat of the conversation, let’s take a closer look at the foreground student with the lunch tray. Wow, that salad is piled high in a very shallow serving bowl. It’s quite fascinating. I wonder if she assembled that thing herself from a salad bar or if the salads at the MHS are premade. (Is there an actual salad bar in the cafeteria?) Either way, the way that salad is constructed is too cool for school (TCFS).

We discover that the softball team’s TCFS trend has spread to the rest of the student body. Now random students are sharing details about themselves to members of the softball team with the hopes of being granted TCFS status. Case in point, Milo Daley.

Milo, as we learn is husky and he plays the clarinet. I might argue that that’s more than enough for TCFS status, but maybe my radar for this is not attuned like Molly’s. Somehow, Milo has computed that he is the second best bowler at MHS and he wants to know if that makes him TCFS. I would personally like to know how this ranking is established before I would make a designation, but again, I’m clearly in the dark about how this status is conferred.

I think Molly and probably Nancy should start a podcast called Too Cool For School where they ask students to tweet their unique hobbies or accomplishments to the TCFS Twitter account. Each week, Molly and Nancy (and maybe special guests) will ruminate on the submissions and decide definitively who is and who isn’t Too Cool For School. It would get more downloads than Marty Moon’s This Is What I’m Drinking podcast.

April 29, 2019

What’s The Deal With Linda?

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Fontastic, Just plain sad, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 6:16 am

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David and Linda started a conversation at The Bucket last week. The conversation continued on the phone over the weekend and now here we are at Milford High School picking up where we left off.

David is summoned via text (he has installed a customized font package on his phone’s messaging app) to meet Linda in the Media Center. I’d like to point out that the Milford High School still has actual books on shelves and subscribes to at least one print periodical. I’m going to assume that the copy of SPIN that Linda is reading is part of the Media Center’s collection. Would anybody buy their own copy of SPIN these days? Can you buy a copy of SPIN these days? (The answer to that question is no. SPIN has been online only since 2012.) Maybe the Milford High School Media Center is as frozen in time as many other aspects of MHS and Linda is currently leafing through the March 1989 of SPIN magazine, which features a cover story on Edie Brickell and New Bohemians.

With all the curious details out of the way, I now barely have the energy to untangle the main point. What is the deal with Linda? She was fired up about her teammates missing the scrimmage because they had other commitments. Her steady beau, David Walter, pointed out her hypocrisy since she has her own other commitments. She rankled at this, but they moved on.

Since then, all of the other commitments her teammates have been put under a microscope and evaluated for their uniqueness, or too cool for schoolness and this somehow led to the introduction of a stuffed rally hippo. This has somehow led Linda to again question her own too cool for schoolness and feel inadequate because her volleyball scholarship doesn’t measure up. She’s wondering if she’s just not that into volleyball anymore. Geez, what a predicament.

Well Linda, if you don’t want to listen to David’s straight advice, take a tip from Edie Brickell (by way of Popeye the Sailor Man): “What I am is what I am, you what you are or what?” That means do volleyball if you want or don’t do it if you don’t. I think, or at least that’s the “talk on the cereal box”.

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Have any members of New Bohemians ever been heard from since then?

Edited to add, in response to Tim, that SPIN featured KISS on their cover several years later (August 1996)…Looks like one of those four covers, collect them all!! type deals.

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