This Week in Milford

July 7, 2021

You’ve Got Other Things to Jab, IYKWIM

Looks like Paul Muench wasn’t long enough, if you know what I mean.

More like Zane Clark came up a little short, if you know what I mean.

I think Katy Brito’s ready for him to jab her capulets anyway, if you know what I mean.

But if Zane wins the Library Board position, he’ll have to sharpen his own pencil, if you know what I mean.

But if Katy’s dad wins the Library Board position, Zane won’t be logging on, if you know what I mean.

Either way, Zane will become a two-time loser in one day, if you know what I mean.

Not if Gil’s bribe pays off, if you know what I mean.

Twenty-nine years is a long time to be eating pie, if you know what I mean.

Betcha that old codger won’t be eating pie on the Library Board anymore, if you know what I mean.

Too bad Zane won’t be needing to use the library once his senior year’s over, if you know what I mean.

Too bad Gil didn’t grease the skids for Zane to get into college like Mimi did for that Corina kid, if you know what I mean.

Maybe Zane should have run for library janitor, if you know what I mean.

[long, drawn-out pause]

Say, that stairway at Milford High looks like it was designed by M.C. Escher, if you know what I mean.

July 5, 2021

Like A Tragedy

Katy and Zane are still riffing on this Romeo and Juliet nonsense? Sheathe your weapon Katy, Chief Lind expressly hath forbidden bandying in Milford streets. Did we really have to check in with these star crossed idiots again for a single panel accounting for half the tags on this post. Katy has all the chunky accoutrements and is posing in front of a prairie style window. It’s enough to make you plotz.

There’s more baseball to be played. Oh joy. Marty has to drag the crate out in the summer heat and document Zane Romeo Clark’s exploits on the mound. He’s probably sitting on a cooler full of iced cold Schlitz.

Round about the time Marty is cracking open his tenth beer, Valley Tech gets on the board and we watch a relay throw coming in from the outfield. Yawn. Is there any of that pie left?

Scott Kempner of The Dictators and The Del Lords, take it away:

July 3, 2021

Plot Pacing Is Hard, Too

I realize the Allen Funt/Candid Camera references are my colleague T. Drew’s thing but between yesterday’s and today’s strips I’m left wondering whether Kaz has been playing the long game by goading Gil into meddling with aspects of Milford society that are outside his wheelhouse until he finally gets himself caught in a trap he can’t walk out of. Swaying Allen Funt’s vote on the Library Board by bribing him with pie* doesn’t rise to Abscam levels but it’s a slippery slope from there to sexual favors for invitations to the Milford CC. Then Kaz will have sprung the trap that leads to him getting named Head Coach of all Milford boys’ sportsball teams and athletic director. No more moonlighting as a bouncer and mooching off Kelly Krystek for him then, nosireebob.

Just what kind of skids are being greased here, anyway? Have the codgers on the Library Board realized there’s no logical way they could let the Clark kid have the seat, no matter how strong his arguments are for preserving the status quo? Aren’t there enough of them already on the board to shoot down every Brito proposal and make him look like a jerk – which is SOP for him, anyway – in the process? And, as so many of you gentle readers have commented over the past several weeks, why couldn’t these decisions have been made almost immediately after Zane’s and Abel’s presentations before the board?

Because Rubin doesn’t know how to wrap a story arc up neatly anymore, that’s why. Corina’s college predestination could’ve been wrapped up last weekend and this nonsense the weekend before that, freeing Neal and the Chief to dive into some summer hijinks featuring a Milford alum and some non-revenue sport.

*Have you noticed how easily people in the Thorpiverse are swayed by free food? From Corina Karenna and the other Valley Mod kids last spring to this Allen Funt/Ed Asner lookalike, the offer of eats gets folks in the Valley to do one’s bidding cheap.

late-breaking metapost: Apparently American pies, like so many other things in America, are in crisis; according to this Washington Post editorial, store-bought pie crusts are to blame. I will own up to having used them, including for my start-of-the-pandemic sour orange pie, but I will not own up to having caused America to lose its way.

In any event, I encourage you to read the linked WaPo editorial (which showed up in my feed after the box score to yet another Nats loss, but also owes a tip of the hat to faithful TWIMer vaganova). You’ll learn much about the history of pie and its influence on American culture and probably be more entertained than by reading a week’s worth of Gil Thorp strips. It may even influence you to bake a pie to honor our country’s independence.

June 21, 2021

Cupcake Monday

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, Gil Thorp, Mimi Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 3:40 am

Gil ushers Mimi out to pursue her Get Corina Karenna To Go To College plan. I think that’s Gil’s arm making an ushering gesture. The arm has hair on it even though it doesn’t look like it should be attached to his shoulder there. Mimi is keeping the details of her plan to herself, just like she probably didn’t fill Gil in on what her class is. Gil will have to ask the students. They’ll tell him it the class is Hitting the Vape Pen While Looking at TikTok and that he’ll probably buy it.

Mimi’s secret plan is to talk to Ms. Karenna. I don’t think anybody has done that. I think you have to schedule that through Maureen at the diner. Mimi is going in armed with cupcakes. Cupcakes open doors, especially when you buy them from Saul Bass(?).

Corina’s mom invites Mimi in and makes them some tea to wash down those door opening cupcakes and they get down to business.

Since we’ve never seen Ms. Karenna before, we’ve only heard about her indirectly through Corina. Is Ms. Karenna as troubled as Corina has let on? I’m not even aware if Mimi has any awareness of Corina’s assessment. Ms. Karenna knows that Corina is worried about her, but does she know what Corina has said about her. Maybe Corina isn’t being straight or maybe she is and Mimi’s going to find out first hand about Ms. K’s troubles. Hold on to your cupcakes.

June 19, 2021

You Can Lead a Catcher to Water, But You Can’t Make Them Pass It

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, huge earrings, Mimi Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — teenchy @ 6:11 pm

Just like Corina herself, we’re getting Mimi’s crusade to get Corina into college shoved down our throats whether we like it or not. So let’s just lie back and think of England and slog our way through this subplot. With any luck, by the end of the month we’ll be rid of this extremely flawed Mary Sue of a character, never to be seen again until Rubin is stuck for ideas again four years from now.

Lots of detail in today’s strip so let’s break it down. Right away we should know Corina’s grades aren’t that bad; if they were the guidance counselor would’ve already warned Mimi about them. I don’t think this is the same guidance counselor that gave Alexa Watson the bad touch; maybe word got out about that? In any event, this guidance counselor has some teeny tiny hands in proportion to her face. That she’s left the door cracked open while talking about a student’s grades is a bit troubling.

The college prep exam that’s scored on a scale of 36 is the ACT. A Composite score of 28 puts the testee in the “highly selective” or “pretty damn good” category. Combined with a 3.7 GPA, realistically this could put Corina at the least in any number of decent state universities. Top those off with her overall jockitude and a killer essay about all she’s (allegedly) had to overcome and she should be a shoo-in.

Is Mimi gonna write that essay for Corina, or engage in some other kind of strong-arming? The way she’s flexing in front of Gil while filling her Jimi Hendrix coffee mug suggests it. Then again, she might just be showing Gil who really wears the pants in the Thorp household as she bullies him into covering a class for… wait, what? Since when has Mimi taught a class at Milford High? When was the last time we saw her in a classroom? And what’s Gil gonna do in her absence, make the kids run laps around the desks?

May 22, 2021

Extra Handsy Saturday

“… and by ‘taking it out on Central’ I mean ‘working over the central parts of our bodies in the shower.'”

If you told me Rubin & Whigham had a side hustle making Tijuana Bibles I wouldn’t doubt it for a moment. Mimi’s dialog reads like the setup to every other porn film ever made, while Katy’s hands surely had their origins as hentai octopi or outtakes from 9 Chickweed Lane. Add that to one of the generally accepted definitions of “cruising” (not the one Guthrie was doing in his GTO last arc) and the confused expression and truly bizarre mouth on Katy in P3 and today’s strip comes off as all kinds of awkward.

Sorry, that’s all I’ve got today. Internet’s been down on and off here this afternoon and any attempts at trying to analyze Katy’s state of mind went out like my connection. I’m sure Neal will tie these loose ends together in the most ridiculous way possible and Rod will work his hand fetish into as many panels as possible. teenchy out.

April 14, 2021

Don’t Worry, Luhm, Zane Isn’t Horning In on Your Turf

Okay, so the young lady with the tendrils hanging down isn’t a teacher but a fellow student, Priya (no last name yet), and this isn’t an academic class but a senior class meeting. I don’t recall what gets done in these meetings: cap and gown ordering, picking a class song or theme, deciding who’s “most likely to succeed” or “wittiest” or some other “superlative,” choosing a class trip and a prom theme, etc., usw. Really, just a bunch of stuff to pad your resume when applying to colleges, and there’s always that kid who takes it just a little too seriously and makes it uncomfortable for most everyone else involved. Here, Priya is that kid.

Among the suddenly dumped upon us exposition is that Zane has somehow managed to get himself elected senior class vice president. With everything that’s going on at home it’s hard to imagine how he would’ve run for and, if he won, agreed to serve in that role. Maybe that it serves as another form of therapy is what kept Zane from going all General Sherman on the Milford High Class of 2021.

Obviously Katy Brito doesn’t care if Priya’s nose is out of joint. Nor does Zane for that matter. Only When Abel Brito Charlie Delta sticks his nose in will things get truly snippy.

March 31, 2021

The View from Mount Gilmore

Looking across Gil’s massive schnozz is giving me a huge North by Northwest vibe.

So are the angles of the prairie style window behind his head in P3.

Nothing like starting your day with a Saul Bass title sequence, is there?

Now, about Zane Clark. There are many, but which one is within Rubin’s circle of friends? Can we expect him to comment here this spring? How can we start piecing together his backstory? Will it be as big a red herring as Doug Guthrie’s just was?

Oh, all right. Let’s take a stab. He’s a senior, so most likely this is a one-and-done arc for him. His home life has apparently kept him from coming out for baseball until now, or maybe he came out for baseball before and his home life prevented him from coming out for baseball again until now. Maybe someone in the home had a substance abuse problem, like Aaaaron Aaaagard’s mom. Maybe there was an unplanned addition to the family, like Jaxxxxon Kiser. Or maybe someone got blowtop mad, like Chance Macy. In any event, prepare to be underwhelmed.

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