This Week in Milford

November 9, 2017

Nice to Know Somebody Likes Something About All of This

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There’s an underlying aura of creepiness that I can’t exactly put my finger on about today’s strip. Is it Trainer Rick Scott’s “I like what I see here” as he lovingly cradles Rick’s bare foot and calf? Is it that Uncle Gary (and his enormously oversized Bluetooth earbud) has a posse of the equally underemployed to roll out YouTube videos at his command? Is it Rick waving his arm like Evita Peron* as he sings the national anthem? Or is it the idea of rando Milfordian’s grandpa’s browser history that led him to Rick’s performance?

*It doesn’t take much to imagine Rick singing “Don’t cry for me, Milford High School…”

metapost: Weird double post this morning. Hopefully I fixed it.

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October 23, 2017

You Pulled Me Out Of Class For This?

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 3:24 am

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It looks like Gil is overhauling his offense now that he’s gotten around to evaluating the skills of his team. He’s installing The Veer. Like the installation of the Wing-T from several years ago, this is Coach Thorp at his innovative best. On paper, at least, or on that tiny laptop, this is a can’t miss plan. A couple of games into the season is a great time to start plugging in new schemes.

Rick Soto is definitely jazzed about the Veer. It’s so cool! I’m sure Uncle Gary is googling “the veer and concussions”.

Metapost: I had told Ed after I didnt have time to do the post Friday that I’ll do Monday, and its up, but I have some thoughts: (Sorry Ned)

Here we are 3 days after my alma mater went 0-9 for the first time in school history, so the seasons OVA, I’m reading the playoff pairings in the paper today, and what do I see but Gil is putting in a new offense NOW??? What the fuck did he do all summer besides sit on the sidelines and watch Jaquan Case take up his freakin field for 2 months to practice catching passes from a Girl, and then decide to pursue hoops?? Where the hell was all this shit in July and August?? THERE”S YOUR SUMMER STORYLINE DAMMIT!

We couldve watched the progression of the offense learning a system that I actually like, as its a read-option attack that doesnt have to conform to the defense but rather adjusts on the fly to what the D shows them. Run well with the right personnel, it not only will gain yards but chew up the clock for a team that (apparantly) has a weak defense, keeping them off the field.

Now we’re gonna watch the team learn on the fly, as usual, and take its lumps while they do it, and maybe by the end of the season in December they’ll be halfway competent. As long as they dont use Butterfingers Pelwecki at QB.

Oh by the way, whats Kevin gonna play now? Before he was switching from lineman to fullback mid-game. Heck, mid-drive.

And Hey Gil, what about the defense? Any massive changes? How about the 46, popularized by Buddy Ryan and the Bears in the 80’s. Why not overhaul both sides of the ball; of course after you lose 31-7 you fix the offense. Makes perfect sense. Now.

 

October 21, 2017

They’ve Got Prairie Style Windows in Omaha, Too?

October 20, 2017

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I got the spirit (Hey!)

It’s in my locker (Hey!)

A bottle of vodka (Hey!)

And if we win (Hey!)

We get some gin (Hey!)

And if we lose (What?)

We get no booze (Aww!)

And if we tie… (Yeah?)

We still get high! (Woo!)

— an actual chant by teenchy’s high school football team, long ago and far away

Uncle Gary just doesn’t get it. Win or lose, shared goals and camaraderie are two important lessons that can be learned from playing team sports.  In recognizing that, the teenaged Rick Soto shows himself to be far more mentally mature than his cardboard cutout shyster of an uncle. We haven’t seen team player behavior like that from a Milford athlete since True Standish, The Golden Child, let Jarrod Hale score the winning touchdown in the state championship game. So ease up, Uncle Gary; Rick might just be lining up his future roadies for when he hits it big on the Midwestern fraternal organization open mike night tour. He hasn’t even been concussed yet.  That dubious honor looks like it might fall to…

October 21, 2017

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… Mike “Don’t call Me Castle” Fillllllllllllion. Well here’s a surprise – a strip featuring neither Rick Soto nor Uncle Gary but Gil flexing his old school jockocrat muscles (and his right arm with two elbows) by pulling his QB out of this unknown teacher’s class.  I can see Filion’s eyes clouding up already – oh, wait, they’re just exploding.  Making a kid nervous by yanking him out of class then telling him to relax is just the kind of mind game you’d expect from a coach whose one trick on the season is putting a linebacker in at fullback. Wonder if Gil’s gonna tell Mike that Pelwecki’s getting some reps under center next week?

October 19, 2017

The Best-Laid Plans Aren’t Much Fun

October 17, 2017

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Yep, the same ol’ same ol’. Marty asks a not terribly snarky question, Gil delivers a douchey answer. If your game plan is as dull and nonspecific as the one Gil delivers in his pre-game pep talk, then what exactly are you giving away repeating that verbatim on the air? If I’m Marty I’m throwing Gil’s crap back in his face on Saturday morning, as the next two strips will reveal.

October 18, 2017

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Another situation where the home team wears white at night. Is it really that hot in Nebraska this time of year? Other minutiae: weird perspective in P1 (at least three different planes), funky stadium architecture in general (do the bleachers face the field?), Milford’s uni numbers glow in the dark but their helmet decals no longer do. (Also wondering why Gil didn’t retire True Standish’s #11, since it doesn’t look like he’ll be sniffing any championships again anytime soon.) Minus points for Whigrub for not having a QB shout “Omaha!”

October 19, 2017

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“Coach Thorp couldn’t tell me his game plan ’cause he didn’t have one!” – Marty Moon, on his first broadcast after the Millard West game

By the light of the 2×4 Lego brick Milford is stymied and humiliated. Not only are the Mudlarks held scoreless in the second half, they get groped in the process. Adding insult to, well, just adding insult, the now-balding Marty Uncle Gary takes another opportunity to twist his tiny knife into Rick, hoping to drain the boy’s desire to play football by a thousand paper cuts. Shouldn’t Rick be dragging himself onto the team bus for a long, sad ride back to Milford? Or has Dr. Pearl cut Gil’s athletic budget so deeply that the players’ parents are forced to shuttle them to and from each game?

 

 

September 25, 2017

The Real Deal!

Filed under: football, Gil Thorp, Prairie Style Windows — nedryerson @ 6:00 am

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P1: Scrapper Fillion is working on an interesting release. That’s probably not the kind of work the passing game needs. Pelwecki’s been drilling all summer on catching the ball. Maybe he could get in on this. Oh yeah, Gil thinks fullbacks are horseshit.

P2: Uncle Gary continues to play impresario to the reputedly talented Rick Soto. He believes wholeheartedly that Rick’s got the goods. He even called Jackie! Jackie! Can you believe it?! Uncle Gary called Jackie. It’s on now. Wait until Jackie shows up and hears what Rick can do. This will be epic.

P3: The opening game is drawing near. LT Rick Soto is excited. He’s gonna be protecting the scrappy QB. Mom is whipping up something mushy…..aaaand it’s time to squeeze in one more plot point. Dad can’t be here. Why not? Is it important or did he just have a business trip that he couldn’t reschedule? Will this matter? Maybe we’ll find out or maybe we’ll still be wondering about it in months. This is Gil Thorp. We’re pretty used to this stuff.

September 14, 2017

Bob Kazinski, Headbanger

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No pussyfooting around this fall: Gil Thorp is tackling today’s tough issues head-on. No wannabe junior detectives nosing around about some kid’s mom’s job, no protesters in the bleachers protesting what may or may not have been domestic abuse. Nope, we’re cutting straight to the chase, starting by looking at the life of one of Milford’s earliest concussion victims, Coach Kaz.

Although “accidently [sic*] bang[ing] helmets with Harry Bull” sounds like something that happened not at practice but in the showers afterward, said Mr. Bull is indeed not only a real person but also a school superintendent in Colorado with a lengthy list of career achievements and who attended Northern Colorado, where Kaz allegedly played college football. Whether Harry or Kaz came out on the short end of that collision I leave to the readers.

*BTW Rubin or his letterer needs to invest in a spell checker.

September 6, 2017

Or, You Know, Varsity Soccer…

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Specifically, the friend at Iowa wants to fill you in that classes have already started and they easily handled Wyoming last Sunday during their home opener.

Bonus Point: Nice spiral on that ball, Jaquan! Have you considered becoming a Pro-Bowl Quarterback at the age of 30? Get out there and explore!

Minus Point: Heather looks way out of position to catch that throw. Don’t give up on catching it! Or Anything.

September 4, 2017

Master’s In Inanity

Filed under: Prairie Style Windows, What the hell is going on here? — nedryerson @ 6:30 am

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Great! We get to find out about those calls Heather and Jaquan have been making! Heather’s calls have been finding schools where Jaquan can get a Master’s degree while he continues to play basketball. Sheesh, that’s pretty presumptuous on Heather’s part. Seriously, graduate school is not likely to help anybody through an existential crisis.

So, we’ll see what Jaquan’s calls have been about. Is he about to unleash his own unsolicited plan for Heather’s future? He found a college where she can pursue a double major of journalism and coaching football, but she’ll have to pretend to be a guy! Or maybe Jaquan was just making calls on his own behalf, like a believable person would.

 

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