This Week in Milford

February 24, 2014

Still Creepy After All These Strips

February 24, 2014


You know what isn’t cool? Stalking your sister and demanding to know what she was talking about with one of her classmates.

You know what else isn’t cool? Physically intimidating her by smashing a locker while confronting her.

Not quite as bad but still very not cool? Jabbing your finger into a teammate’s chest for having the temerity to talk to your sister.

Don’t even get me started about how, on practically no basis whatsoever, Wynn has decided that she should be dating Keegan Hershey as we saw over the weekend.

In the long history of objectionable cretins who have served as lead characters in Gil Thorp, Wynn is rapidly climbing the charts as the most despicable. I am a bit surprised how strongly I feel about this so let me try to lighten things up a bit by poking fun at the artwork… Skipping over Wendy’s terrible pants in panel one and that similar but not quite the same profile picture of Wendy we’ve seen close to half a dozen times in this story, I’m curious as to how the blocking for this scene unfolded. Did Wynn magically teleport from behind Wendy in the first panel to locker striking distance? Regardless, in addition to his other flaws, respecting personal space – both physically and emotionally – is clearly not a strong suit for Winnie the Creep.

February 20, 2014

Recycled Dialogue, Recycled Art?

February 20, 2014


Unfortunately, there’s lots not to like in today’s strip.* We can start off with the utter redundancy of panel one where Wendy repeats herself from panel three of yesterday’s strip – once again bolstering my supposition that the creators are catering to the Memento disease crowd. Not only that but the rendering of Wendy seems awfully similar – although not quite the same – as previous drawings.

The best thing about panel two is that it gives me a clear view of the design of the windows which so confused me two weeks ago. I’ll confess to not having spent a great deal of time looking at windows as opposed to through them, but that glazing seems awfully fancy for a public school. Side note: Is Mimi sitting in a wheel chair? You tell me.

Finally, we come to panel three. Sure, the first two panels could have been used to show what happened during the game (or even to move the plot forward ever so slightly more than letting us know that Shelby was in fact suspended) but, nope, we’re just going to show the team desultorily shambling into the inky blackness of the unlit locker room. I feel ripped off that we didn’t even get the customary post-game on-court impromptu conversations. Maybe they had to stop allowing that after the riot at Oakwood…

* UPDATE: Sorry, I’m a little grumpy this morning. While I mostly stand by that statement, there is a lot to like about the line: “No one said I had to level that cow… But I’m glad I did!”

February 1, 2014

The Look, Of Terror, Is In Your Eyes…

Filed under: basketball, Milford Idiots, Recycled art — timbuys @ 10:13 am

Happy Groundhog’s Day Eve, everybody! Seriously, will the coverage of this ersatz holiday never go away? I feel bad for contributing to it by even mentioning it on the blog, but it seems like when it comes to tomorrow that is all anyone is ever talking about on TV, radio, the internet, you name it. If only there were some other overhyped event taking place on February second that would at least spare us all of this nattering about rodents.

Now that that’s out of my system, let’s celebrate the beginning of February – the month of romance what with Valentine’s day (speaking of overhyped ersatz holidays) – with the delicate first steps of highschool courtship:

February 1, 2014


Wow! Wendy’s eyes may not be exploding – and I’m quite disappointed to see that they’re not – but that goggle eyed, slack jawed expression of fear and dread certainly belies her relatively understated ‘uh-oh.’ thought balloon. C’mon, we couldn’t get at least an exclamation mark there?!

Well, seeing as how I’ve got myself all worked up and, again speaking of overhyped things, let’s let Diana Krall lead us into the weekend with an enthralling rendition of the inspiration for today’s post’s title.

Man, her voice just transports you away to a place where her smooth jazz adult contemporary schlock almost drowns out the sound of cash registers ringing while stacks and stacks of money grow Judge Parker like with her each successive rendition of another tired pop song.


Rob notes in the comments that we have seen some of this before. You be the judge:


December 24, 2012

Catch Up With Random Thoughts

Filed under: basketball, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Recycled art, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 7:50 am


P1: Shelby Hunter. Take her to The Bucket and hook her up to the rich dairy tube.

P2: The Bucket Featuring the Burger Plop.

P3: Mia Meeks. You’re up. Provide the sad back story of Scott’s ill fated little brother.


P1: Features background chow down by Hotdog McSportcoat.

P2: Loved bright colors. Loved to laugh. Loved walks in the rain. Loved mushing up his ice cream. Speaking of ice cream, take it easy on that shake, Shelby. You’re gonna suck your face right into that straw!

P3: Whoa Shelby, is that a milkshake or pipe bomb? (features drive-by by Flatty McSquarebutt) Oh, and Boo?


P1: Ms. Pinky, Jamjar, Screech and Phranc.

P2: Is that Scott getting de-tonsiled by the Corcoran player?

P3: Corcoran defender has a 360 degree rotating wrist?


P1: What are we looking at? Gil talking to the team? During a game? What is this strange practice?

P2: Boo Go Bonk!

P3: Step in, Kaz. Gil’s coaching gland is depleted already. Go over to Bonker McBoo and put your hand on his leg. No, your own leg. No wait, better just take an extra leg over there to put your hand on.


P1: Good game, Brian Keith.

P2: All the way from Sherwood Forest?

P3: A Paige Candy connection.


Thanks for enduring the laziest format. Happy Holidays everybody.

February 25, 2012

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (On A Poster, In Some Sketchy Ink Shop)

Filed under: actual action, basketball, Coach Kaz, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Recycled art — nedryerson @ 6:14 am


“Okay Tattoo guy. Mr. Thorp has done nothing but sniff sweaty jock straps his whole life. You were in the army!”
“Yeah, dink knob kiwi kiwi, jibba jabba sheila krikey, broaden me kangaroo down, bloke, broaden me kangaroo down. You ready for that snake on your face yet?”


Romp – Cortez Beecher not just blocking shots, but palming the ball as it comes off the shooter’s hand and smashing it back into their face.

“All right, maybe we’ve got a chance at the conference title. Hey, you, foreground guy on my left, didn’t you have a tattoo on that arm the last time we assumed this pose?”
“Yeah, it was just a stick-on one. I’m afraid of Kiwis. Hey weren’t you making a jerk-off gesture with your other fist back then?”
“Yeah, I like to switch hands sometimes to ‘spice things up’.”
“Hey, aren’t we all on the opposite side. Is this a mirror universe?”
“No, it’s just an optical illusion created by this new tile I had installed. Don’t think too much about it or you’ll give yourself Dengue fever or something.”


“Hey kid, what did I tell you about the optical illusion thing? Go stare at that Marcus Uzilevsky print back there and see if it helps. Do we have anybody else on this team that’s any good between you and the bald kid?”
“Parker is pretty good Coach.”
“Yeah, we’ve had enough of him lately. I’ll find somebody. Good luck, Lincoln. Hey why don’t you wrap a hot towel around your head.”


Ha, ha, Marty Moon unsuccessfully smells his finger and Ric Devore sucks.

November 2, 2011

We’ve secretly replaced all characters in this comic with Folgers Crystals


Ah, it’s taken longer than usual but Gil has finally gotten into what he does best: convincing someone to do all his coaching for him for free! (Really, why would we expect anything different at this point?)  In addition, it seems he’s wisely selected a guy named Chip (Schatz?) to do the short-range kicking.


…which is followed by what I can only assume is Gil having a stroke in the second panel here. With the bizarre offer of “manager shagging” and some odd-ass facial twitching it’s definite that something’s not quite right here. Which is confirmed by the third panel…”stay focused”? “game plan”? Was stroke-riddled Gil replaced by a robot?


To help prove our suspicions that Marty stays locked in his crate at all times, today we’re treated to his appearance in the exact same crate as last game, even though that game was at home and this one is away at Jeffrey J. Jeffworth Memorial field (aka “The Jeff Jeff”).

Perhaps we should start a new conspiracy theory that Marty Moon actually died two years ago and he’s only being kept in the comic via low-tech Hollywood trickery, kind of like Bruce Lee or Livia Soprano.

Wait, who kicked that extra point?

September 17, 2011

Do We Call Him Bobcat?

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, football, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Recycled art — nedryerson @ 7:33 pm


Hey, did anyone think that Wildcat Maris was just a minor digression in this season’s football plot and that we wouldn’t have to go down the over-involved parent road again? Yeah it’s a fools paradise. Surprise! The Wildcat is the guy proud of the huge holes his Bobby is opening.

So to get Wildcat out of his face, Gil falls back on some sort of liability concern? Yes, this a legitimate point for the real world, but in Gil World? Okay, I’ll allow it, grudgingly, but I’m sure Gil is just bluffing. Maybe in a few days he’ll call Dr. Pearl and ask, “Hey boss, we do have some kind of insurance for the football team, don’t we? Hey do you think it would cover an exploding eyeball? What? Oh, no reason, I was just wondering.”

The moral of this story: Parenting in Milford sucks.


Wow, look at the rapid fire delivery of the beginning of the season! Bonfire! Coin toss! Touchdown!

Okay I can match that with my commentary: Is that Sackodog from Prep Spotlight? Did that guy eat Steve the Disco Referee? The Prefab Pressbox, one million sold.

September 1, 2011

The Pride of the Udlarks

Filed under: football, Gil Thorp, Mimi Thorp, Recycled art — jasbeattie @ 7:05 pm


“Poor, poor Mark and his human problems.”
“Gil, take that shit-eating grin off your face, at least until he’s further down the street.”
“Oh that’s right, I ‘care’ about people. I just find the whole parent-child dynamic humorous and puzzling…Having never been a parent or a child myself.”
“Wait…er, didn’t we used to…?”
“Now, now, Mimi. On to my selfish issues: Will you coach for free for me this year?”
“Only if this strip acknowledges a women’s fall sport!”
“Screw that, I’m off to repost that Craigslist ad.”


We hereby interrupt the standing-around fantasticness of football practice to bring you… some crazy-ass crap!

Booster meeting? And who’s there to boost the team (Go Udlarks!, apparently…) Why it’s none other than Phil and the Milford crowd template. And who’s the lead booster? Why it’s none other than the infamous Wildcat Maris! Who’s that you ask? Who cares? All I know is his wife, Cougar Maris is going to be teaming up with Mrs. Drunklark, Kay “Sloppy Joe” Morgan, Peggy Wyche and Jolene Raptor in the new season of Real Housewives of Milford. I can’t wait.

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