This Week in Milford

September 21, 2017

In Which We Learn Milford Truly Is 1959 with Cell Phones*


Why else would Rick choose to sing** a song that became a Billboard #1 hit that year?  Why else would he dress like Howdy Doody while he sang it?  Finally, why else would Uncle Gary refer to him as “young nephew”? Who actually speaks that way? Snidely Whiplash? Dishonest John? I’d better stop now lest y’all think I was alive in 1959. (I wasn’t quite yet.)

Uncle Gary gets tiny props for recognizing the minuscule odds of Rick having a football career, but loses those props for not recognizing the minuscule odds of Rick having a singing career.  The fraternal organization lounge singer circuit must be a hot one. Maybe he has a hot tip that a remake of Beyond the Sea is in the works.

*h/t TWIMer Philip, in yesterday’s comments.

**For that matter, why did Rubin feel the need to lampshade that Rick was singing, a/o/t playing some sort of instrument?


August 12, 2017

Killin’, Wishin’, Hopin’


I’m not gonna engage in mental gymnastics today beyond guessing what Jaquan has backward is that he wishes Heather (or Trey, or Pelwecki, or someone) would tell him they wished he coached basketball.

There’s been too much suspension of disbelief required to hang with this summer plot. An NBA star rehabs an injury under the supervision of one of his old high school opponents, in a gym he converted from his parents’ old house?  That old opponent is now some kind of master trainer with more than one client? The ex-soccer player, ex-undersized tight end is now a coaching genius? The greasy-haired big lunk lineman is suddenly gonna turn into a skilled ball carrier/receiver? The greasy-haired big lunk lineman’s regular-season coaches are gonna note this and give him touches (but not like the touches the coaching genius has been giving him)? Stop this crazy train, I wanna get off.

What I do find remotely plausible is that Jaquan wants to coach. We’ve heard nothing about his NBA career post-draft. Even after donning a hoodie in the middle of summer, he’s drawn only the attention of the cook at Janet’s Diner (via the waitress who looks like Claude Akins). Maybe he’s not the superstar we’ve been led to believe and has just been eking out a living on a string of 10-day contracts between stints in the D-League. Maybe he’s seen enough of how Gil skates by in Milford to want a taste of that life. Maybe I’ve run out of theories and just wish Herk the Mauler would show up again.

metapost: Even as I try to get back into the habit of posting the B&W version of the strip, it’s been pointed out to me that the color version contains a fairly egregious error.


Musical inspiration for the post title:

June 1, 2017

Signs, Girls, or Girls with Signs


Ryan got a jolt yesterday because he remembered seeing Patty Duke in The Miracle Worker. His secret thoughts might lead us to believe that’s not really Patty, however. My guess is that the ‘Cane remembers her because he hit her but didn’t know who she was when he did.

This begs the question: If ‘Cane hit some rando girl in Central City, how does Dafuq reach the conclusion that the girl he hit was his girlfriend? Why do I get the feeling that this little show by granddaughter of Tommie Smith (or John Carlos) and her entourage will lead Daftpunk down the road of true investigative journalism to uncover info that will, at least in part, exonerate young Van Auken? Maybe because I don’t have much else to hang my hat on today after yesterday’s big reveal.

Speaking of hats: Take a closer look at Ryan’s today and in yesterday’s P3. The rest of the Milford crew wear that big, indistinct, Miramax Films-like sans-serif “M” but the cap Ryan wears clearly has serifs on the block “M”. It’s almost like he’s not on the same team. What says his teammates will treat him that way once they learn more about his backstory? They’ve been known to do that, y’know; just ask Barry Bader.

September 22, 2016

Those Who Can, Do. Those Who Can’t, Coach for Gil for Free


The Secret Pelwecki’s Other Ball just dropped from the arm of the Oakwood running back, giving the Mudlarks’ sputtering offense a shot at getting back in the game. Leading with his head helped Kevin jar the ball loose, but I’m sure that’s not the way Gil wants to see his quarterback use his head.

Speaking of quarterbacks, new assistant trainer Heather Burns has her own opinions about Milford’s. Could it be that the mediocre soccer player doesn’t want to use Rick Scott to sidle her way to becoming the Mudlarks’ placekicker, but to become their quarterbacks coach? Wasn’t one Bobby Howry enough this decade? Or could it be that she actually wants to become the quarterback herself?  By the way, whatever happened to Jarrod Hale?

Pantheon of Hair Dept.: That bowl cut with the keyhole bangs that Whigham is so fond of drawing and that would not look out of place in an Our Gang Comedy.

September 17, 2016

A Little Plot Sprain – er, Twist


You’d be forgiven for thinking that’s Patrick Stewart or Sir Stirling Moss (who turns 87 today!) but no, it’s Trainer Rick Scott, in a close-up the likes of which we’ve not seen in some time.  Rick looks like he’s sporting an extra digit on his right hand but I could be mistaken.

Heather Burns’ attitude toward Rick reminds me of this old Judy Tenuta chestnut:

Is Heather planning to use her spot on Rick’s staff to get to the football field and the placekicker’s spot? Or does she have some other ulterior motive, like satisfying her ankle fetish?

July 6, 2016

Maybe True Is Thinking What We’re All Thinking


I can’t help but believe that True is looking at each of us in tacit acknowledgment that everything has gone off the rails.

Oh well, let’s all get strapped in for a rehash of last summer’s hit plot, Recruitin’ True 2: Pathetic Boogaloo.  Perhaps they’ll manage to work Snapchat in there somehow.

June 25, 2016

Black Is the New Black


Aw, bless their hearts,  Jefferson’s girls want to share in a moment of „Solidarność”with the Lady Mudlarks. The Lady Jeffs’ coach looks a bit like Holly Dobbs but with a schnozz made for radio.  Speaking of doppelgängers, Mimi’s looking suspiciously like Gil in drag today. (Mimi’s secret thought: “No! You can’t outgrieve us! Boo was our player!”) Looks like she finally found the budget to buy softball jerseys for the final game, instead of repurposing the basketball uniforms as she’s been doing all season. At least she is repurposing that Milford Software gimme polo she got last year.

No Marty Moon or Marjie Ducey on hand – not that we’ve seen yet – but 94.5 The Moose Central City’s WCEN has seen fit to send Generic White Guy Sports Reporter to the game to play the human interest angle. Why the Mystic Pranks didn’t show up to play the National Anthem is beyond me.

What’s also beyond me is this whole notion that Boo’s death demanded that Mimi name an emergency starter. Unless Boo was was the only starting pitcher Milford had, of course. Given that the last game played was Boo’s no-hitter, wouldn’t Mimi have had another starter ready to pitch the next game? If that was the case, there’s no real need to put Carrie Hobson on the hot seat. Methinks this is another ploy by Mimi to tank the season so that everyone can get on with their grieving and, ultimately, their lives.

Since devoted TWIMer billytheskink has provided us with our song parody for this arc, I’ll just leave y’all with this song for today:

March 9, 2016

She’s Just A Girl(friend)


Not much to say about today’s strip other than to note that the Athenian references are resonating for whatever reason.

That said, allow me to present today’s musical accompaniment and inspiration for the title of this post which, if Wikipedia is to be believed – and surely it must – was only ever played live ten times by The Who.  They say you learn something new every day. I figure if that’s what we get for today, we kinda got gypped.


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