Can You Fist Bump in Braille?

The grand scheme is in full swing, and with only three players in on it (oh, and a tennis player but who’s counting? Is she even gonna get a story this spring?) it seems to be working. The big question: how long before someone picks up on it, who will that someone be, and how will they know?

Probably not Marty; he’s too busy with his own chatter. Did he get a new set of choppers after basketball season, or has he been sucking on the sugar cubes he’s been muddling with bitters to make his sippy cup Old Fashioneds?

How about Noah Syndergaard Kaz? Gregg’s awkward return of his fist bump might be a clue. Oh wait; it’s his right-angled approach that’s making it awkward.

Maybe another Mudlark who isn’t in on the plan will figure it out, especially if one of them calls Hamm by name while out in the field. Guess it’s a given he can distinguish Scooter’s voice from his other teammates in the heat of the moment.

You know it won’t be Gil; he’s always the last to know and the pissiest when he finds out.

Nice graffiti by the Chief on the dugout there, BTW.

Brief insanity

The cart is falling off the tracks and it didnt take long either. Seems we just kicked off a new storyline and already we have complete nonsense in how to handle a simple problem.

I figured Scooter was gonna read the signals and then relay them to his semi-blind pitcher. Yeah that’ll work. Theyre now so moronic that we bloggers have em figured out 9 ways to Sunday.

Storytime– back in 1969 the Cubs were playing in Philadelphia still hanging on to 1st place late in the season. As the story goes, the Cub reliever brought into the game had been talking to Ron Santo the 3B some time ago about if there was a man on 3rd, Santo would give a private signal and they would pick the man off. Only problem was, Santo didnt remember the conversation, and when he yelled the very word that was to trigger the throw, he wasnt on the base, and the pitcher threw the ball into the outfield, resulting in the game winning run scoring. I dont have all the details, but thats the gist of it.

So thats what could happen when you try this kind of crap, instead of doing the simple thing and getting better glasses for the pitcher. Jesus, these guys would put rocks to shame theyre so dumb.

Hamms the beer refreshing

We meet the Hamm family. Son Greg is shadow dancing a quiz, and mom and dad are at home discussing some computer work Dad is doing; exactly what will be revealed in another few days. Hope Pops knows how slow these storylines tend to go; if I were him I’d plan on doing that project way longer then a few more days. He’ll be lucky to get up by June 1. By then his ass will be so sore he’ll have to sleep on his face for a month. Maybe its a book he’s writing. How many books say The End at the end? Most just end.

Interesting comment by Mom- when I go shopping next time I’ll look for egos on the shelf and find one on discount. Dads response refers to a ‘he’ we dont know yet. Why moms finger is in the air while her hubby is talking is a mystery. Maybe she’s letting him know who’s number 1.

I havent seen a commercial for Hamms beer in ages so I enjoyed looking at 3 of em. Here’s one from 1979. Enjoy—

Springtime. Baseball. Scooter!

The Spring plot has arrived. It’s time to get your Spring planting done. It’s a time of rejuvenation, renewal, bees, flowers, and….a new character landing in the Milfordiverse. It’s Scooter Borden. What we know about Scooter via his introductory strip is that he’s diminutive, he turns his cap to the side and he spouts baseball trivia questions to his crew. So the hat and the trivia character elements add up to one thing. The new character is an annoying presence with a persistent habit that makes drives his friends nuts. Gee, we’ve never seen that before.

I guess in the vernacular, Ken Jennings is what you would call someone who quizzes you incessantly. Even that seems a little moldy from a teen perspective. It’s not even really fresher than saying Alex Trebek. Is there any sort of quiz show host more contemporary? I guess we’re still waiting for the dust to settle and a new, for real, no kidding, permanent Jeopardy host is named. But do kids in high school watch Jeopardy? Maybe they would know Ken Jennings from his podcast? Say, isn’t time for a Milford character to have a podcast? I suppose we should wait at least another decade until Neal gets a vague notion about what a podcast is.

Thats all folks!

What a crock of crap this Prannit is. Did we really need a followup to yesterdays explanation of his collected bet money? I half expected all the money to fall out of his pockets when they flipped him upside down. When I was a kid our dad had a friend who would stand on his head and a bunch of change would fall out of his pockets, and we kids could scoop it up.

So he had to be dishonest to get people to be honest. Sheesh. Why would they give a crap whether he could go to school or not?? YOU CAN PAY SOMEONE ANYWHERE! Why does it necessarily have to be on school property?

And I thought he was just suspended from the basketball team, not from school, period. Big difference.

AND — he’s a dope for not collecting the damn money in the first place. Why make everything so difficult?

And who said anything about “all these poker sites” before? I thought it was SportsDuke or nothing. Another piece of BS from Mister BS.

And if any of these morons who didnt pay him before had a brain, they wouldnt believe his story about listing names on a betting website, because THERE IS NO SUCH LISTING ON ANY OF THESE WEBSITES NOR HAS THERE EVER BEEN!

Take this guy to the woodshed stat.

What Does Cressa Want?

Cathy still has the floor. She’s been filibustering all weekend, pleading the case for her bestie, The Captain with the dislocated hip. Tell ’em, Cathy. Hollis wants what’s best for everyone. She wants wins and for everyone to be better. Sheesh, Cressa, what don’t you get about that?

Mimi, on the way out the door for cocktail hour, picks up on Cathy’s inspiring defense of The Captain and she…makes a face. Maybe she’ll make Cathy co-captain for the last couple games. Maybe she’ll tell Cressa to hit the showers because she’s stinking up the place and the rest of the team is dressed and ready to go. Maybe she won’t do anything because why not, these girls will work it out. They always do. It’s the Milford way.

The Goon Squad, Part Deux

Who didn’t see this coming? Pranit Rock may know how to bet on sports himself but he doesn’t know how to bet for other people (money up front, you dolt!) or how to collect the money he’s fronted for other people. So now someone else besides Gil could use some muscle and, again, that muscle is taking the form of Gordon Achebe.

Gordon’s been bulking up on what look like pickles^ so he should be ready to pound that Budweiser some welchers, including the John Daly clone and… uh… the… tennis betting girl? Nah, I can’t see that happening. Gordon has shown himself to have some amount of common sense since his debut in the strip, and I don’t see that going away here. Pranit Fitness is gonna have to find some other way to collect on his debts. Maybe he can send the mook who’s gonna come after him in a matter of a couple of days.

How did the Mudlarks do against Madison, btw? The boys have played four, five games tops? Did Pranit Hollywood maintain his confidence from behind the three-point line, or did it wilt like his betting prowess? Probably will never know except in exposition.

^ Interesting table manners there. Who takes a bite out of a burger then sets the burger down with that bite facing away from them? For that matter, who palms an apple like, well, a basketball and takes a bite out of it from top to bottom instead of around its circumference? The Chief needs to knock off his fixation on big hands, pointy fingers and clunky jewelry and focus on how live human beings handle everyday objects. Alright, thinking about this nonsense is giving me a headache. I got nothing more intelligent to add to this today. teenchy out.

Future: it’s not just what Steve Luhm uses on the floors

Sound General Quarters! General Quarters! All hands man your battle stations! Wait, wrong branch. Let’s try some other rallying cry.

Wonder Twin Powers, activate!

Shape of – a Milford victory!

Form of – a ??? defeat!

Shape of – a teenage growth spurt!

Form of – post-game dap!

Shape of – a sophomore sensation!

Form of – a senior benchwarmer!

Shape of – new hotness!

Form of – old busted jawn!

“Perfectly hilarious” per faithful TWIMer hitorque.