This Week in Milford

June 8, 2022

His Good Side Is… Straight Ahead?

Looks like we’re only ever gonna see games where Ggerg starts from here on in. No need to bother with details like a rotation when they don’t serve the square peg of a story getting hammered (pun intended) into the round hole of realism.

The Central kids either didn’t get the Oakwood memo or got it and promptly forgot about it, bunting the ball almost straight back to – or only slightly left of – the mound. (Seems like that memo should’ve included a note to hit back to the pitcher on a line drive, not on the ground.) How the Hammer ended up over there after his follow-through is unclear except as a device for the Chief to indulge in his recent shoe bottom fetish.

Boy, Ggerg’s teammates sure like patting his bottom. They must realize they won’t have many more chances left. Speaking of bottom, what’s that white thing hanging off of Ggerg’s rear end? Speculate away, gentle readers.

June 1, 2022

Bunts, Flubs, Fakes, Haiku

“Some kind of blind spot?

Let’s drop some bunts and find out.”

That’s called “coaching,” Gil!

Finally, it’s the

Approach we’ve been waiting for:

“Hit ’em where they ain’t”

Wee Willie Keeler

Used that batting strategy

And so will Oakwood

Old school? Yeah, makes sense

since Oakwood’s coach kinda looks

like the Reds’ mascot

It’ll work better

Than Gil’s played out old chestnut

Delaware Wing-T

Scooter! Wanna lead

the Valley in perfect bunts?

Transfer to Oakwood!

May 4, 2022

From a Slick Stop to a Meal Stop

Time for a break from the Milford Witness Protection Program for some actual action.

Central tries to mount a late rally against the Mudlarks by putting on Milford’s uniforms and crowding the plate. This ruse fails as Gonzo Aceves gets the batter in disguise to ground into a game-ending double play. Surprising that Gil and Kaz left Gonzo in to pitch a complete game; maybe they were also too busy watching Mama Hamm take a bullet for Papa Hamm to pay attention to the action on the field.

Menawhile Marty’s in his crate, calling the game using the CB radio he pulled from under the dash of his car and taking notes using a carpenter’s pencil. Guess Marty got it from Heather that everyone’s calling Aceves “Gonzo” now. Though he and his butter knife are long gone The Mayor has left his mark, at least for the rest of this season.

Now it’s off for postgame junk food, either at Ricozzi’s or The Bucket. Will the Hammmmer walk into a pane of glass as he joins the rest of the team? Will Papa Hamm be stuffed in the trunk of the Hammmobile when Mama Hamm comes to pick Gregg up? Will Scooter be too busy bragging about the twin killing he turned to bore everyone to tears with baseball trivia? So much to anticipate for the rest of the week!

March 30, 2022

The Untouchables

More exposition today of Scooter’s love of baseball trivia. Also more indulgence of the Chief’s latest fetish: shoe bottoms. (Speaking of fetishes, have you checked out Rex Morgan lately? What’s up with that?)

Nice discussion of baseball records unlikely to be broken yesterday. Josh Fruhlinger was pretty spot on when he ventured:

I’m not a “sports guy” but the answer to this question has to be pitching-related, right, since they used to put pitchers in 60 games a year or whatever but now they’ve evolved into delicate, crane-like creatures capable of throwing at superhuman speeds but also they need lots of downtime between starts or their hollow bones will explode?

Count me among those who lean toward the early 20th-century pitching records as the least likely to be broken. I’ll add the 110 career shutouts from the man in whom bitterness was never detected.

Scooter seems slightly impressed that Gregg has some grasp of baseball trivia. That “watch your step,” then, isn’t likely some kind of warning to stay of his trivia turf. Thoughtful of Gregg not to make some kind of crack about Scooter’s step-watching ability being a function of his height. Scoot might’ve gone off Barry Bader style.

February 26, 2022

Please Gordon Don’t Hurt ‘Em

“Not exactly, I mean.

A threat should do it, mostly.

Maybe just a hint.”

We’ve hit the home stretch

Finally Gil Thorp’s involved

What took him so long?

For that matter, why

three strips for Pranit to ask

Gordon to be goon?

For that matter, why

is Gordo acting so surprised?

Muscle’s all he’s been!

The king of picking

winners should have gotten all

the money up front

But noOOOo! What a putz!

Where’s he gonna find a goon

On such short notice?

Cressa Baxter? She’d

do it for a Jiffy Tart

Or can of White Claw

Gordon doesn’t know

the difference between what’s

crazy and stupid

Check out Gil’s office

All those empty picture frames

Titles never won

Empty picture frames

or mirrors? Maybe Gil Thorp

is a vampire

(edit: Dunno wth is going on with my spacing; these are haikus and the spacing between paragraphs isn’t showing when I publish. Little help?)

January 7, 2022

Oh get over it already

The girls lose to Tennessee-Chittenango but their sneakers have great treads on them!

Instead of the Bucket its pizza night for Hollis and Cathy as they order in. I usually pick up my pizza as it saves money on tips plus I like driving. Kinda odd to do this after a game at night unless these 2 live very close to each other. (walking distance) No idea why they cant sit at a table and eat unless theyre watching TV; they appear to be staring at the pizza box. Its also odd-looking pizza (white and tiny pieces). At any rate, we’ll see what develops, but being captain-ish means addressing the whole team in the locker room, not waiting til your bestie is with you in your house. Again, 1 loss and there’s panic in the streets. Normal girls would be so over it by the 3rd bite of pizza. Not this crew. And we’re stuck with them.




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