This Week in Milford

April 10, 2021

In Milford, Settling Is a Way of Life

Filed under: actual action, baseball, exposition comics, softball — teenchy @ 7:41 pm

Well butter my ass and call me a biscuit. Now this makes two posts in a row where I can actually relate to something in a Gil Thorp strip. Last time out it was going to the public library after school to study before practice. Today it’s knowing when to hang up the tools of ignorance.

I was once a good-field, no-hit catcher (well, not quite no-hit but a spray line-drive hitter without much power) who could handle pitchers okay and didn’t mind the occasional home plate collision. I was also slow as molasses so there really wasn’t any non-catching position other than maybe first base where I wouldn’t be a liability. Along came a kid two years behind me who could do all of that, run the bases and mash taters like it was Thanksgiving. Didn’t take me long to see that I would be relegated to bullpen work at best so I quit the team and confined my catching to church and industrial league softball from then on. At least that kid went on to make All-State so I didn’t feel that badly for leaving the team in the lurch.

Despite only having seen Corina catch twice, at the Valley Mod – Milford pickup picnic and with Ray-in-waiting True Standish over last summer, we’re being told she’s Pudge Rodriguez in a bra. This is exposition par excellence. If we hadn’t had a True Standish in this strip already, I’d go so far as to call Corina a Mary Sue. By finding a place for her in the field, Mimi hints that she hasn’t completely forgotten that Jocelynn Brown has some impact on the lineup. Thanks to Jocelynn having led the rout against Tilden year before last, Mimi and the Lady Mudlarks didn’t have to settle for second in the Valley yet again. Maybe Mimi will ask her to knit a hat for Corina.

Seems like one of you faithful readers commented yesterday to the effect that in the Thorpiverse, players don’t work on their games in the offseason. Well here comes Zane Clark to disprove that theory. He’s been working on his game for the past two offseasons, and the past two seasons for that matter. Wonder if he was playing pickup games with the Valley Mod kids? (edit: Speaking of catchers, what’s up with Boba Fett catching Zane there? No catcher puts their hand that far down to throw signs; if they did, everyone at the game could pick them up.)

If I don’t wrap up this post soon, y’all will have thoroughly commented this strip in yesterday’s comments section. This is what I get for waiting so late in the day to get a post up. Mea culpa.

April 9, 2021

Newbie trumps vet? Bull.

Filed under: ?, female moustache, Mimi Thorp, softball, What the hell is going on here? — robmize2013 @ 7:31 pm

Just when we thought we were over the Corinna Karenna era in the Thorpoverse, here she comes again, spinning out of the turn….

How the FUCKKKKKK does Gil know who should start on Mimi’s team??? When you’ve been the Starting catcher for 2 years, a position that most players dont want, but the ones that do are worth their weight in gold, — its YOUR job to lose. You dont let some newbie from another school just walk in and take your job.

Then in P2 we have Mimi breaking the news to Brown– and she knows what Mimi will say before she says it. Whaaat?? We have mind readers here? Not only does JB happily agree to the position switch, she already knows Corinna is better then her, without really seeing her play a Game! What does that say about Mimi’s talent evaluation? Hey, I’ve held down this job since I was a Sophomore. How damn good do you have to be in the first place to start on the varsity as a sophomore?? Pretty damn good, my friend. But I’ll gladly turn over the job to basically a rookie at the school and better yet, my fielders glove is in my locker. Wait a minute, how do I have a fielders glove when Ive been catching for 2 years? What kinda shape is that thing in? Probably hard as a rock since its been rotting away since maybe when I was a freshman, and I moonlighted in the outfield. Its gonna need a ton of oil.

Then we have the question of — where will JB play now, and if she starts, who else gets the bad news about a position change? ” Are you kidding? Jocelynn is the best right fielder Ive ever seen! My first basemans mitt is in my locker.”

We just got a pile of fresh manure dumped on us.

And the stench is powerful.

April 2, 2021

Zane the friendly ghost

Filed under: baseball, hideous scar faces, softball — robmize2013 @ 4:57 pm

Our new, old face is none other then Zane Clark, who is a pitcher, hasnt played in 3 years, and is bigger. Well shit. Show me someone who isnt bigger as a senior then he was as a freshman. I was 5’2″ and grew to 6 feet by senior year, putting on about 55 pounds. And I couldnt play baseball, save for a brief career in little league.

How the hell does Gil just put him on the team after not seeing him throw in 3 years?? Yeah he’s well rested, but dude– there’s something called TRYOUTS that you need to attend, whether youre Dizzy Dean or Dazzy Vance. Even has a damn uniform already. Freshman baseball is a world different from varsity as well. Im sure he loves those red unis — 99% of the world uses white or gray pants with a red top. Not Milford. And who wears their uniform to practice for the thousandth time?? Well– no numbers on these dreds so maybe thats the difference. I can see he has the same mitt he did 3 years ago– it barely fits his hand. My first practice in t-ball one of the kids came up, looked at my pint sized glove and said -“Here– want a bigger mitt?” So I can relate.

So if ol Zane gets lit up in Game 1, dont say I didnt warn you Gil!

Zane 2018 aint Zane 2021. Good thing he waited til 7 weeks before graduation to show up. Almost burned up his eligibility dicking around for 3 years. Put him in the bullpen until he shows he can come to practice every time, let alone walk in and grab a uniform.

Meanwhile we find out Katy Brito and Zane are seeing each other. Or were. Love the use of ‘ghost’ as its a fairly modern slang term for ghosting– not responding to messages or texts etc. Rubin certainly has been around the kids lately to be using that word. I guess the spring storyline will be about these 2 lovely folks. Methinks the Ghost is the one who turns out to be the weirdo of the two.

August 26, 2020

The Jedi Mind Trick As Recruiting Tool

Filed under: baseball, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Milford Alumni, Mimi Thorp, softball — teenchy @ 10:42 am

[Insert bow-chicka-wow-wow here]

Recruit you? No. Groom you? Hmmmmmmmmmmmaybe…”

“Whaddaya mean, ‘groom’?”

“Well, look at that hair of yours. Just yesterday you had a bob, and today you’re rocking a mullet. Besides, the only way to convince players to come play for Milford is to actively encourage them not to come play for Milford.

“No, if I’m recruiting anyone, it’s the guy on my – er, our mound. Say, True, you’ve filled out quite nicely. Bet you could fill up these big boxes. (Seriously, is Whigham ever gonna be able to draw batter’s boxes consistently?) I’ve got an itch that needs scratching – I mean, a pool that needs tending. What’re you doing in your free time this summer?”

“Well, Mrs. Coach Thorp…”

“Call me Mimi.”

“Well, Mrs. Coach Mimi, I was just gonna swing by CVS and pick up my mom’s Zoloft prescription then go back to the country club and get some more pointers from Mr. Coach Thorp. But first I gotta pay Corina here for this catching session.”

“Wait, you’re paying her to catch for you?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Well that settles that. Corian, or whatever your name is, you’ve forfeited your high school eligibility, so you won’t be playing for Milford or anywhere else in the Valley for that matter. Come, True, let’s see how else you’ve grown.”

July 29, 2020

That’s No Catcher’s Mitt, That’s Our Waitress

gt07292020

Alright TWIMers, I think we can start connecting some dots here. Corina has been casing set her sights on Milford as a place to go commit crimes to school next year. If that happens, she’ll end up another in a long line of talented Mudlark athletes the Coaches Thorp didn’t have to coach to end up that way. The fact that she’s doing this opens things up for a lot of exposition that we may or may not get. Is going to Valley Mod a sentence that a student has to serve, and that student is free to go to whatever school in the Valley s/he chooses once time has been served?

She’s already trying to fit in by donning the Milford uniform of chunky bracelets and huge earrings – the same earrings as her waitress, Maureen – after sporting demure studs previously. She’s also trying to fit in by eating mass quantities of greasy diner food. I mean, look at the size of that burger! Wait, that’s not a burger but a catcher’s mitt? Who puts a catcher’s mitt on the table they’re gonna be eating from? And why, if she’s talking about said catcher’s mitt, is Miss Pointy Fingers Phoebe pointing to her left and not down and in front of her where the catcher’s mitt is sitting?  Maureen’s fourth wall-breaking glance says it all. Nobody expects waiting tables at a diner in Milford to be glamorous, but she certainly didn’t sign up for this kind of insult. I mean, come on! She may not be very pretty now, but she was someone’s baby once.

I’d be much more interested in learning about the path Maureen took to end up waiting on Corina and Phoebe. Something tells me she’s been around the Valley a time or two.

July 1, 2020

How Long Before the Dancing Flash Mob?

gt07012020

We’re back from the pizza break. Just how did those pizzas ex machina show up? Please tell me one of the VM! kids leaned on Nick of Nick’s Pizza to get them gratis. “Nice delivery van you got there. Shame if something happened to it.” Now let’s see if any of these kids puke ’em up like the football players did with their sloppy joes last summer.

Wouldn’t this have been much more entertaining if Rubin had stuck to the old ’80s movie conceits, like in Animal House, Bachelor Party or Revenge of the Nerds? Instead we’re left to watch him trot out more random crap to pad this final week of the arc. The ump is as ready to get this over as we are; I think he heard the malls were reopening and is ready to get back to work at Foot Locker. No wonder he’s annoyed at yet another time out being called – but who’s calling it? Who the hell is this young lady stepping out to give Ardis a “quick pointer or two,” and why did she wait so long to do it? Couldn’t this have happened last week, when the Dead End Kids were practicing?

June 29, 2020

Is There A Gluten Free Option?

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, softball, Valley Modified — nedryerson @ 5:44 am

This little game just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Big turnout, swapping players, lending equipment and now some cool dude in a van shows up with 20 pizzas. OMG, it’s the wackiest “game” we’ve ever seen.

This will be fun for the spectators. They can watch these kids eat. (I think that’s what’s missing in spectator sports today, meal breaks for the competitors.) I hope they have some tables and chairs. Some plates and napkins would be good too. If not hey can just spread twenty pizza boxes in the infield dirt and the teams can stand around eating pizza to the delight of the crowd.

June 27, 2020

It’s Different for Girls

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As robmize and you faithful TWIMers pointed out yesterday, this turned into a farce pretty quickly. Players in jeans, an umpire in a zebra shirt, one team’s pitcher coming in to pitch for the other, and now this. Since story arcs always end on Saturdays, I was hoping for the ten-run mercy rule to be invoked today. No such luck; we’re gonna get dragged through this for at least another week.

Confession time: I have owned at one time both a baseball catcher’s mitt* and a softball catcher’s mitt. They are indeed two different creatures. I probably could’ve gotten away with using my regular fielder’s glove to catch softball and, eventually, I did, sending the softball mitt on to someone playing at a more competitive level than I.  Has it been that obvious that Lotus Cortina Anna Karenina has been catching with a softball catcher’s mitt? Click that last link and look at the ball in the pocket of her mitt. It’s proportionately large in there, innit? There was nothing to lead us to believe she wasn’t catching a baseball in that “softball trapper,” a term so loaded with innuendo I ain’t even gonna try to touch it.

 

*Two, actually. My first was an Howard Elston Elston Howard model, my second a Bob Boone.

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