This Week in Milford

March 19, 2018

Got My Social Media Workin’


Those media savvy kids from Milford are putting their plan into action. They’re going to offer their own alternative to the WDIG radio broadcast of Mudlark Basketball. (In my head, I say it like the PA announcer at The Palace at Auburn Hills saying “DEEE-troit Basket-Ball!”)

We know Marty doesn’t see this coming, because he’s Marty. He’s old media and he doesn’t know what’s about to hit him. Would anybody know if the ratings drop for his broadcast? Actually, traditional listenership of specific broadcasts is probably hard to quantify for a small market radio station, but if listeners are streaming the WDIG feed, the station could keep a close watch on those numbers without having to pay for market research. The more realistic scenario is that WDIG is some type of tax shelter that isn’t supposed to turn a profit (see a late period WKRP episode where Andy Travis confronts Mama Carlson about this very situation) and nobody is watching any numbers at all. This also explains Marty’s continued employment.

Now, we get a glimpse at Duncan and technology. I am actually curious to know how students would go about creating their own broadcast. However, as soon as I saw “transmitter” I realized that I was about to get something else, i.e. seventeen year old kids eschewing the formidable media capable technology they have fully integrated into their every waking moment for conventional technology. So what is going to be “transmitted” and to where?



March 13, 2018

Who calls Assistant Coach Kaz, “Daddy-O”


Fe Fe Fi Fi Fo Fo Fum

Marty got run from the gymnasium

That Marty Moon

That Marty Moon

He’s a loon

That Marty Moon

He’s gonna get tough. Just you wait and see

Why is everybody always pickin’ on me?


Who’s always ripping all the teams to shreds?

Who’s got the personality of Mr. Ed?

That Marty Moon

That Marty Moon

He’s a goon

That Marty Moon

He’ll avenge The Dove.  Just you wait and see

Why is everybody always pickin’ on me?


He broadcasts all the ball games foaming bile

Even if the ‘Larks win by a mile

His enemies pile up and gather ’round



YEAH YOU!!!!!!!!!

(Milford cheering section in unison, led by Mimi Thorp and Karina Klown)


Who’s calling Coach Thorp impotent and slow?

Who is a vulture on the radio?

That Marty Moon

That Marty Moon

Come back soon

Oh Marty Moon

He’s gonna call your bluff.  Just you wait and see

Why is EVERYBODY always pickin’ on me?

The final BOOMBOOMBOOM can be heard fading into the sewer while Marty races like Dale Earnhardt to WDIG studios, fumbles with his keys to open the door, the Milford Courthouse clock showing 1:15AM, never too early for a muckraker to type a rough draft on his radio screed but too late to catch the other Marty heading back to 1955 due to BOOMBOOMBOOMS from the flux capacitor. A lot of BOOMBOOMBOOMS with his typewriter. From Marty MOON, not McFly, so that we’re clear on things.

Gang, it was toss-up between “Daddy-O” and “Who calls ol’ Doctor Pearl, Mommy-O”. I hope I made the right call.

Wow, gang, I don’t know about you but I think Karina and Paloma dropped one bomb too many over Pearl Harbor (no pun intended). They have aroused a sleeping giant who really never sleeps based upon his arrogance and abrasiveness but what’s a blog without the obligatory cliche, right? The point is, we’re in for some more mud-slinging for the next 2 months (oh boy oh boy). Only the hog-rassling event at the Milford County Fair offers more but that’s only for a day or two. At least in the latter the winner will get a blue ribbon. But wouldn’t you know it, there’s Gil to save the day. As Jive Turkey has noted on a couple of occasions, Gil has been non-existent, especially on this issue. And the extent of Daddy-O’s coaching has been to remind HOR-HAY that there’s a game in front of the Puerto Rican Huckleberry Hound. Not a lot of cool points being dished out. STILL, sure as the mutant poplars grow out of the evergreens like the ones in the background in P1 and shed their antlers(I DID check the definition for “deciduous”, goody me!!!!), Gil HAS drawn a bead on this one after sleeping in his coffin for centuries. That explains why Marty is TOTALLY out of character in P3, continuing his ring-kissing(or maybe the kissing of Gil’s, well, never mind). Gang, I’ll keep saying it. ANYBODY thinking Marty is going to go to the altar and repent better think again. There’s been plenty of Thorpiverse neophytes who had a Euraka!!!!! moment, exclaiming to their friends down at The Bucket “Marty has found Jesus!!!!!!” The Thorpiverse veteran in the corner booth of the same venue orders the Triple Layer Nacho Bandito Supreme because he knows better. They’ve seen Judas turn over a new leaf before only to wind up back in his WDIG office saying “Vengeance is mine, saith The Moon”. Nice set of encyclopedias in P3, Gil, BTW.

If ya lay a Yorkshire flat on its back in yore Hanes imported from the factory in Tijuana and all ya git fer yore troubles is a cream pie, a sombrero and mud enemas, ya might be a redneck.

“What the-                                                              ”

Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’m looking for Coach Thorp. Did they move his office?”

“This has been the boiler room for years. WHO did you say you were looking for?”

“Coach Gil Thorp.”

“Never heard of him. You sure you’re in the right school?”

“Yeah, I broadcasted his game last week in the gym down that hallway.”

“That leads to the cafeteria.”

“What?? No way!!!!! Paloma and her friends ran me out of the gym last week.”

“It was New Year’s Day last week. The school would have been closed. Who’s this Palooka-”


“Paloma, whatever. I never heard of her, either. Who is she, someone who wanted to celebrate 1955 and went a little overboard with it at your expense?”


That’s 3 years before Gil was born!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where the hell am I?”


You’re on Riverdale High School property!!!!!!!!”

“And Dr. Pearl is not the principal?”

“NO!!!!! CERTAINLY NOT!!!!!!!!!! I AM the principal, Mr. Waldo Weatherbee!!!!!!!! But you can call me The Bee for short, if you like. The students do.”

“DOC!!!!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!!!!!! YA GOTTA SEND ME BACK TO MILFORD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’LL EVEN APOLOGIZE TO PALOMA!!!!!!!!! BUT, DAMN IT, GET ME BACK TO 2018!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Marty, where did you get that goatee? Nobody grows facial hair in 1955.”

Today’s Women’s History Month entry is another personal favorite of mine, Annie Oakley. Born Phoebe Ann Mosey, she was a VERY adroit talent with the rifle, at one time defeating her future husband, Frank E. Butler, who was not too shabby with the rifle himself. She went on tour with Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show, dazzling audiences with her marksmanship. She could hit dimes at a distance, shoot a cigarette out of her husband’s mouth, hit a target from behind her, using only a mirror to line up the shot. What was neater was she would hold shooting clinics before the Wild West Show, instructing people on how to use a rifle and the safety procedures that went with it. A picture of Annie helping a young girl shoot a clay pigeon said it all and melted my heart. Annie, you did us proud and proved that women could use a rifle just as well as a man, especially when a rifle was necessary to defend yourself. Please spread the word about her as she contributed to humanity in a MIGHTY way.

Gang, have at it. I gotta go to 1955 and bail out Marty, both of them. AGAIN. Does anybody have a spare key to the flux capacitor?

March 9, 2018

Its not gonna work

Filed under: basketball, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Steve Luhm's Ghost Mops These Floors — robmize2013 @ 8:31 pm

Marty appeals to Gil to stop the shenanagans behind him so he can do his broadcast in peace and quiet. Where’s his analyst by the way? Paul Strange? It would help if he had a partner in crime so to speak, or even a sound man. Dont most radio broadcasts need several people to make it work from a remote location like a basketball arena?  Is Marty really doing this alone? If so how? Any radio experts out there who can help? I’ve been in the stands and seen people doing radio broadcasts up high in the stands (also High School Cube works like this).

How about 3 panels that not only move the plot along, they make sense. A completely normal exchange given the situation. Marty could ask the PA announcer or the school officials to quiet the students, but pretty much anything goes at these games unless it gets physical. Chanting and group demonstrations in the stands are pretty much ok. I think Marty will have to deal with this between games. He may want to move his location to another part of the arena next time, but it may not work. Good stuff for a change!

February 23, 2018

Paloma Padilla Speaks for All of Us…


… or, at least, for all of us who routinely call out the misogyny and Bechdel Test fails that are part and parcel of the Thorpiverse. Paloma’s teammates even recognize Milford’s a man’s man’s man’s world and are resigned to their fate, including the blonde with the soulless ey- AAAAAAH! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP

I don’t expect Paloma to throw an elbow at Marty – we need Kenzie Hanley back to brk his jaw – but her little “hmmm” holds the promise of bigger things. I’m thinking maybe she pulls some strings to get Lady Mudlarks hoops livestreamed in Spanish and English on WHCC-TV and WHCC Deportes.

Once I saw today’s strip in B&W I knew I had to run with the color version to see whether Paloma would be wearing the Puerto Rican flag and not the Cuban one. Score one for the color monkeys! Now if only they’d resist the urge to color Milford’s white uniforms red.

metapost: I think my post title yesterday may have gone over a few heads. It was a play on the phrase tener cojones. Lo siento.

January 20, 2018

Jadine, honey is that you?


Okay, we get it. Paloma Padilla is suffering from survivor’s guilt of a sort, as she’s complained to her teammates at The Bucket for the past two days. Apparently when you say “chunky bracelets” they just bring you those, too. If this week has been prologue, we’ll spend the next couple of months having Paloma and everyone else tell us about things that happened that we never get to see happen.

Tell-Don’t-Show Disease has spread to Jacky Elenore (who Googles up a blank; guess that spelling throws things off) and Jadine Bynes, who rubs her cheek as if to show us some abrasion or contusion inflicted on her by Paloma. Jadine’s a veteran Lady Mudlark who’s used to getting knocked around by her teammates during practice. She should know how to handle that by now, assuming she’s gotten over those stomach problems.

I’m more impressed by Jacky’s ventriloquist act; throwing your voice while drinking water isn’t the easiest trick.

Today’s post title was a gimme. Get you some!

January 18, 2018

“They Actually Asked Me if I Wanted a Hot Apple Pie With My Order.”


Dad, if you’re reading this, thanks for egging me on. I was scared clueless but you always navigate the storms with the best of them. Love you, Big Guy.

Not that my mom (happy birthday, yesterday, Mom) and my sister didn’t figure into things. They certainly gave me incentive to pull this one off. Love you too.

This is the Dean Koontz novel that was never published, stored under his high school yearbooks in the attic. You know, Ernest P. Worrell’s thought process arose from the grave of anonymous cemetery somewhere in Nashville, leaving the body of the aforementioned to rot eternally in the ground (“Ernest P. Worrell burns in Hell along with Carrie White”) and assumed the body of Frito Bandito through the means of telekinesis. His sister, spending more time absorbing culture shock at The Bucket than developing her postup skills (they do have gymnasiums available in case you change your mind), was worried sick about him since one day, while taking her home from school, he said to her “Yo quiero Taco Bell. Tengo mucho hambre. Ya wanna go in the dining area or the drive-thru, Vern? Do ya think my F-150 with them mud-caked monster wheels will clear the bar?”

In P1, Ward Cleaver is having one of those heart-to-heart talks every father has with his son. Here was the gist of the warm words doled out “Beaver, I already have Eddie Haskell at the point and Lumpy Rutherford will play the 2 guard while Lurch will anchor things down low. But don’t worry, if Eddie or Lumpy are caught not hustling, you’re comin’ off the bench.”

And you’re not fooling me, Thorpiverse. Gil and Jorge missed the ferry across the river Styx to Hades, Charon running behind, although said mythological figure managed to transport Ernest P. and Carrie in a reasonable amount of time. So Gil and Jorge are returning from the Shadow of Death. Perhaps another time.

In P3, it gets about as ridiculous as you can imagine. Many countries, Third World countries included, have been bitten by the Americana bug and are liberally sprinkled with McDonald’s, KFC, Pizza Hut, Wal-Mart, etc. Maybe 30-40 years ago, America was kept at a distance but now I have yet to read an article in the paper discussing some Third World dictator executing political prisoners on the charges of devouring one Big Mac too many. And what makes it worse, Puerto Rico is a Commonwealth of the U. S. Not that I approve of what’s going on (I don’t) but Puerto Rico has also arguably been one of the forerunners of soaking in American culture.

Oooook, so that said, if ya git Church’s Fried Chicken 3-Piece (2 breasts, 1 wing) Extra-Greasy Combo with mashed potatas ‘n’ okra, both stuffed in them microscopic styrofoam cups and ya have a bunch of ’em stored in 5 feet x 5 feet crates shipped from the ports of San Juan straight to a space in yore garage next to the power riding mower, ya might be a redneck.

Today’s headline from the Milford Enquirer:

“UFO Spotted in the Milford Gymnasium!!!!!!”

“Officials Later Confirmed That Someone Was Practicing His 3-Point Shooting.”

Yesterday’s headline from the Milford Enquirer:

“Gil Claims to Have Seen Elvis!!!!!!!!!!”

“I Told Him I Needed A Note From His Parents and His Physical Had to Be Turned in by Friday.”

Gang, you’ve been super all week. The comments were electric and I wish I could address ’em all because they were FUNNY and/or THOUGHT-PROVOKING. It’s your turn, Ladies & Gentlemen. What’s on your mind?


January 17, 2018

Milford Floor-Spaces Oakwood in Foul-Prone, Cold-Shooting, Knock-Down, Drag-Out, Loser-Leaves-The-Comic-Strip Show-Down in the Play-Downs!!!!!!!!!!

Filed under: basketball, Gil Thorp, Marjie Ducey, Steve Luhm's Ghost Mops These Floors — tdrewhardin @ 2:36 am


Whew! I gotta sit down. That’s a lotta hyphens. Let me catch my breath, Gil. I mighta over-hyphenated as I think you could ram together play-downs to playdowns but did you ever try to keep up with a man who must have went to the library to check out a book on basketball lingo(get a life, Gil) and proceeded to memorize the terminology from A to Z?

Gil sipping his cappuccino, taking a long drag on his meerschaum. Mimi is drumming her fingers on the coffee table, waiting for The Moment. “Pick-and-Roll. Ummmm, let’s see, don’t tell me, Mimi, let me think, I’m still flushing football out of my system. Isn’t that where you try to draw a charge by rolling to the ground in a knee-jerk reaction when opponent makes slight contact with you on his way to the hoop? No???? Gimme that book!!!!!!”

Gil, I’ll even settle for a game of HORSE, heck, I’ll spot you H and O, but can we get on with the sport, for cryin’ out loud???? We’ve seen as much basketball inertness as we have hyphenated nomenclature. Preseason(oops, Pre-season) consisted of a girl (understandably) moanin’ the blues while her brother had a powwow with Lurch & company yesterday, and if anybody noticed, if he’s a guard, EXCEPT for Lurch, he seemed to semi-tower over the rest of the floor-spacers. And poor #5 a/k/a Larry Fine, Jr(dad must be in the stands somewhere, proud as a peacock-good one, Jive Turkey, BTW). How’s he gonna floor-space, using one arm?

C’mon, Thorp. If you’re gonna try to convince the rest of the population that Jumpin’ Jack Foxworthy is the real deal and can pilfer my lunch money off the top of the backboard, it’s gonna take more than a snapshot resembling the Kentucky State Flag(as in P3). “Well, I never saw you, I was still trying to get “Slash-and-Burn” down cold but you’re as good as advertised.” “Thanks, Coach, but did you check out ‘Fun with Cultural Anthropology’ by mistake?”

Pity the poor fool engineering the up-the-nostril camera angle in P1. I hope he has insurance. Or a strong back brace. Just don’t zoom the lens for a Big Close-up and you should be OK(“yuk, Gil, need a Kleenex?” Thanks, Marcie. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, we’re gonna Shake-and-Bake…”).

And remember, if yore name is Francisco Jose de Goya y Lucientes but ya got an accent only a Mississippian could translate and ya commute to school in a 4-wheel drive, the same one that got ya In-School Suspension on account of the gun rack ya toted on school property, even if the same inexplicably carried yore textbooks like Chem I and World Geography, ya might be a redneck.

Enough of me. Gang, we’ve had some strong comments the last couple of days. Waitin’ on y’all. That’s how I learn.

January 13, 2018

Gil Thorp Doesn’t Care About Huddled Masses


Boy, I sure feel like trotting out my New Yorker-referencing post from last March. Could Gil be any more of an insensitive prick? Jordy’s cousin Jorge has had his home destroyed and is just looking for some semblance of order in his life right about now. All Gil cares about is that the kid isn’t as tall and broad as he’d like in the showers on the court. Remember, Gil, you go to war with the basketball team you have, not the one you might want or wish to have at a later time.

Surely Coach Thorf can pull out his Little Golden Book of Sports Strategies from the Early 20th Century and find one suitable for a team full of guards. Small ball, run-and-gun, a lot of forced switching up on defense, with a focus on speed, agility and a whole lot of conditioning training – the options for a size-challenged basketball team are out there. Then again, for a coach who pulls old formations and strategies out of his ass mid-season and expects his players to adapt almost immediately, that may be too much to expect.

Jordy Castillo is becoming that rarest of birds in the Thorpiverse: a guy with a goatee who isn’t a cardboard villain or fly in the ointment.  Jorge looks to come from good stock.

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