This Week in Milford

May 1, 2021

Baby Brito

Abel Brito is a pest
Fixating on the library
Why can’t he give it a rest?
Why must he be so contrary?

Katy Brito loves her guy
She’s thankful that her dad isn’t meaner
Gonna give Zane a surprise
After swinging by the Cantina

She knows what it’s about
You’d think she’d thought this out
You might as well just shout
It’s gonna get Zane kicked out

And then they started sucking face
Katy brought a little cream and sugar
Can’t bring food into this place
Who said anything about coffee?

Though he didn’t play last year
Zane should remember ’bout the former Mayor
If he gets tossed out on his ear
It’s the end of him as a player

She knows what it’s about
You’d think she’d thought this out
You might as well just shout
It’s gonna get Zane kicked out

You know it’s no butter knife
But if he gets banned for life
What will he do at night?

What will Zane do after this?
Can’t buy a new computer
Maybe he’ll take his bro and sis
Sit in the car and wait and be a commuter

If Abel Brito has his way
No computers, no drinks, no eating
Family’s gonna make him pay
Givin’ him a verbal beating

He knows what it’s about
You’d think he’d thought this out
He might as well just pout
When he sees his daughter make out

(apologies to the late Elliott Smith)

July 28, 2016

First they came for the Baders, and I did not speak out


— because I was not a Bader.

Reads like Ken just passed True some Carl Spackler’s Bent before leaning in for a soft, wet smooch. Golden Boy’s second life-affirming speech in as many weeks will come a bit late to salve Barry Bader’s feelings. No matter; Barry’s gone home to a fatherless house to drown his sorrows in… a meat loaf? A big loaf of pumpernickel? Feel free to speculate on what graces the Bader dinner table while contemplating what transpires during Del’s jailhouse consultation with the stupid lawyer.


March 5, 2016

Pow! Right in the All-Conference!


High school relationships in the comics (with some glaring exceptions) usually don’t last very long; in the Thorpiverse, seldom past one story arc. Spring training is already upon us so I reckon it’s time to break MaxKenzie up. This winter it’s Marjie Ducey who serves as the deus ex machina.

No matter how inappropriate or leading the question from Marjie or Marty, most Milford kids open up like flowers in springtime to them. This used to be called “free publicity” but now it’s called “establishing their brand.” Still, had Kenzie not name-dropped Max, Marjie would never have contacted him, this convo would never have happened, and Max would never have those horribly broken forearm and wrist bones.

Hoops season will soon be over, and Kenzie will have rejoined USA Rugby and left Milford behind. Sometime between scrums she’ll think back fondly of the boy who taught her the underhand free throw and say:

February 11, 2016

Every Kiss Begins with Tab

Filed under: actual action, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Kenzie Hanley, sucking face — teenchy @ 5:31 am


“Picked up a Tab? You mean the soda pop* that was Diet Coke before Diet Coke?”

Ah, primitive dating rituals in Milford. At least Max got further with a cuppa than clueless Gunther over in Luann last week. Now hurry up and kiss before those oncoming snowmobilers run you over.

Gotta say Whigham’s done a fair job with the artwork thus far in this arc, but Kenzie’s earrings have grown and added detail since the beginning of this date. By the weekend they should be positively blinging. Almost makes ya wonder if this is some subliminal pitch for jewelry in advance of Valentine’s Day.

*I figure they must say “pop” given the general geography of the Thorpiverse

February 10, 2016

Rookie Love

Filed under: Just plain sad, Kenzie Hanley, Milford Idiots, sucking face — timbuys @ 8:58 am


Maxwell, buddy, I’m no expert in affairs of the heart, but complaining about the weather when the lady asked to go for a walk outside ain’t gonna get it done. To say the least, Kenzie’s grading you on a very generous curve.

Hey, just so I don’t come off as totally negative, you should take her to Milford’s greatest hot spot, Schultz’s Polynesian Garden, where we know some folks have, ahem, gotten lucky.

Not for the first time I don’t think, but here’s today’s musical inspiration.

June 15, 2015

The Boo-True Hook-up

Filed under: sucking face — nedryerson @ 5:57 am

June 15, 2015

Boo helped True sort out something or other, then drives him home in her Jeep Compass, which leads to kissing. Is True now obligated to attend the Mystic Cranks show? Keep in mind, Boo gets what she wants!

Please tell me we get to see this Mystic Pranks show. We need something unusual to tide us over. Golf is almost upon us!

April 22, 2014

Rub The Head, Rip The Ball

April 22, 2014


Panel one: If this library carrel’s a rockin’… nope, not gonna go there. Still, that’s quite an awkward scene. I quite agree with Amy, Amy Lange: This is starting to get a little crazy.

But hold that thought because panels two and three are all about the up the nostril shots. I don’t even know if Graham Nolan’s heyday at Rex Morgan ever featured this kind of up the nose action in a single strip. Fortunately, the artwork isn’t distracting us from any meaningful dialogue. I think about once a plot line I am always tempted to make a ‘Tracy and Hepburn they ain’t’ comment and I believe now would be that time. Regardless of the inane dialogue, if Conrad isn’t catching the signal Amy’s sending in panel three, he just may not be getting lucky any time soon.

Bonus point: Check out those eye lashes on Conrad in panel three as well. Pointy!

November 3, 2012

Motorcade Of Passion


“Hey Doyle”
“Hey, other guy. Ya wanna hear my latest scheme?”
“Do I have any choice?”
“Well I got us a couple of nun’s habits and a bullwhip…”

We interrupt this comic strip to bring you one delightful panel of the passion that can only exist between a girl and a delicious patty melt. She wraps her rapturous fingers around that lightly grilled sourdough bun which in turn caresses eight sumptuous ounces of the best charbroiled hunk of what can be referred to by law as beef. Zippy the Pinhead, what are you doing here? I thought you had to drive your Nash Metropolitan through the Delegates’ Lounge at the United Nations? Nice wig, it almost subtly disguises your disfigurement.

Excuse me, Doyle Dane over here. I’m advancing the plot with more of my master plan to elevate the Irish kid to Homecoming Court. If I can achieve that, I can do anything. I might even be able to get Mia Meeks to look at me without giving me the finger. Now if you’re through with your perverse hamburger commercial over there, I’ve got a butt load of marketing stuff to do.

Excuse us, Doyle, but you’re just shoveling shit. This chick over here is selling this patty melt!

Steaming towards Midweek…

“Ha Ha Ha, because we both live on Beech Street!”


Ah yes, the dreaded tonsil hockey triangle, the cause of over thirty percent of all violent incidents at Homecoming. Wait, two more? Okay, I’m going to need a compass and one of those nice soft leaded pencils so I can inscribe a tonsil hockey parallelogram on some butcher’s paper.


C’mon Terry! Wave to Mr. Zapruder!

Now, we find that the driver of the car is Doyle Dane in a wig. He’s nabbing Gallagher to take him out in the woods to force him to reveal the location of his pot of gold. Then Terry will ease Cyndy Canty to womanhood while they’re both chained to a log in the deep woods, why Doyle dances in front of a mirror by candlelight in a nearby decaying trapper’s cabin.

Blogger note: When I saw the girl rapturously eating that hamburger in panel 2 of the 11/1 strip, the first thing I thought of was a scene from the movie Showgirls, where Elizabeth Berkley devours a hamburger. I mean, she attacks the thing. I wanted to find an image of that on the web. I can’t believe I could find that. I guess most searchers are satisfied with several shots of her licking a stripper pole. Personally, I find that the hamburger eating has more artistic merit than any other shot in that movie.


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