This Week in Milford

January 5, 2022

Today’s Special at The Bucket: Sausage Biscuits

Filed under: Bad Jokes, basketball, freak hands, High Five Fail, The Bucket — teenchy @ 9:49 am

Today’s strip is a Gil Thorp classic: an example of how Rubin makes the sausage in Milford.

  1. Give character a seemingly random name that lends itself to fairly obvious nicknames.
  2. Give character a seemingly innocuous extracurricular activity that lends itself to abuse.
  3. Give character an extracurricular situation that could potentially benefit from character’s abuses of the extracurricular activity.*
  4. Give character lines that would seem to imply that character is engaging in said extracurricular activity in a manner that could address said extracurricular situation.
  5. ?
  6. Profit!

Step 4 is taking place at The Bucket; at least I assume that’s The Bucket, from the outward-leaning pillar of a type found nowhere else in Milford and the non-institutional table. Now that he has mouthed off about point spreads in games he’s playing in, it’s only a matter of time before Pranit gets cold, clanks a couple of shots and is immediately accused of tanking. Pranit will offer a weak explanation but not before word of his mouthing spreads like omicron around Milford and the Valley and the Mudlarks are out of playdown contention, either via actual losses or games they’re forced to forfeit because of said mouthing. Someone will step up to defend Pranit but not before his reputation is sullied and his bones broken by the Valley Mob the Mudlarks win a now meaningless season finale.

Now then, what’s going on with the Lady Mudlarks and that Air Force cadet-in-waiting?

*edit: Bonus points if said extracurricular activity impinges on said character’s ability to play for the Mudlarks to the fullest of their potential.

September 25, 2021

Where Were You the Day The Bucket Got Its Liquor License?

teenchy here. Dunno where robmize is. I’ve got a busy afternoon and evening ahead of me so I’m not gonna wait any longer and put up a double post. I’ll be traveling next weekend so hopefully rob, or Ned, or tdrew can cover for me then. Heck, maybe even timbuys could pop back in for a cameo. (Tim, you out there bud? Miss you here in the rotation.) Anyhoo, on with the show.

September 24, 2021

No clue who Chance’s blocker Gordon Achebe is IRL (any relation to the famed author of Things Fall Apart?) but Kimberly Gordon-Achebe is Program Director of the University of Maryland Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Fellowship and consultant of the Programs for Assertive Community Treatment (PACT)-child division.  There was a Gordon Achebe on the team last year, but he looked a little different back then. This year’s Gordon isn’t about picking sides in a QB controversy but more about covering for his triple-threat backfield teammate, Chance Macy.

Chance has been around since 2019 so we really shouldn’t be learning much of anything new about him. He lives with his grandparents; his parents haven’t been in the picture and he doesn’t hold them in high regard. He has (or at least had) anger management issues. He got plenty of exposition during that season while Chet Ballard tried to smear him to win his stepson some playing time and his love.

Heather was in Iowa while all this was happening, so it’s news to her. Maybe she should take that superfluous finger off her temple and use it to Google some of Marjie’s old articles from the past two seasons before she decides it’s news for Star readers. Off to The Bucket for postgame festivities…

September 25, 2021

… and a surprise appearance from Kianna Bello, who apparently had back-to-back sports practices but got to catch the Mudlark football game. Guessing volleyball practice came first; there’s no way Mimi would schedule an event that conflicted with Gil’s! No, Mudlark sports reign supreme, and Mudlark football reigns the supremest. It doesn’t take an Alexa Watson to figure out that Kianna will be dropping gymnastics quicker than you can say “I’ll take my Bucket Daiquiri in a go-cup, please and thank you.”

Passed out face-down in a booth isn’t a good look on a star athlete. Either learn to hold your liquor or stop burning the candle at both ends. All that’s missing from this amusing scene is a puddle of drool coming from Kianna’s mouth.

June 28, 2021

Lukewarm? All The Heat Has Escaped By Now

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Oakwood, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 3:47 am

There was another baseball game against Oakwood. All we are shown is victorious fist bumping after a win. That’s actual action…of a sort.

There isn’t time or space to give us a glimpse at the post game festivities at The Bucket. The narration box suggests that Zane Clark attended the festivities at The Bucket before heading to the library for more studying. I wonder if Mr. Brito drives by to see how late the library stays open and counts cars in the parking lot.

Well, look who’s bringing Zane some of that (tepid) Coffee Cantina brew. It’s Katie Brito! So things are good between these two. Zane references his coffee idea for the library*. Ha ha ha. Can we freeze and roll credits on these lamoids now.

*Yeah, the library should be operating and staffing a coffee stand that will be open just in case Zane (or the homeless guy who sleeps behind the unplugged microfiche reader) needs a caffeine fix. That’s a great use of community resources.

April 21, 2021

Off the Road, On to Home Cooking

As Ned alluded to in his comment to his Monday post, GoComics has switched to the color version of the strip, so we’ll be in living color from now on, most likely.

This of course will allow us to snark on inconsistencies in hair or skin color as well as the on the absurdity of coloring an already dark uniform red. Low hanging fruit. I preferred the b&w version myself as it left more to the imagination.

We start today’s strip with some exposition. Presumably Zane Clark got through another inning and “Gonzo” Gonzales closed the door on Nottingham and got the save. Zane then gets the hold and gets to hold Katy’s hand before she’s off to the Milford Activity Bus for a road trip.

The Lady Mudlarks have traveled to Syracuse, NY to face Henninger, a team whose home unis look a lot like the Padres’ road uniforms of the early 2000s. Maybe that’s not “sand” but “khaki” and, along with the nickname, a nod to the Black Knights of the Hudson. In any event, the colorists actually got it close to right on this one.

Tomorrow will bring us another Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? moment, one that will probably revolve around the use or lack thereof of the Milford Public Library. In the meantime, let’s just appreciate that today’s strip answers the question “Which Corina is best Corina?”: the one that is neither seen nor heard.

March 22, 2021

One And Done

Filed under: actual action, basketball, Mimi Thorp, The Bucket — nedryerson @ 11:00 am

The Lady Mudlarks were no match for Burr and Burton Academy. Burr and Burton are moving on and the Milford squad has to take a morose bus ride back to Tank Town (but not before Mimi Thorp has to plaster a smile on her face to shake hands with the smug faced coach of B&B).

Mimi is adamant that the team must celebrate at The Bucket because they had a great season. (Did they? I didn’t notice. billy can fill us in later.) So Mimi can’t be bothered to go to The Bucket, but she will drive by after she picks up a couple boxes of wine and a carton of Ring Dings from Costco.

February 26, 2021

Tessi’s booked

Filed under: Milford Weirdos, The Bucket — robmize2013 @ 11:10 pm

Tessi’s got a friend

You know she’s got a good friend of mine.

And lately somethings changed

It aint hard to define

Tessi’s got herself a friend and I wanna make him mine.

Cause she’s watching him with those eyes

And she’s dissing him with that family I just know it.

And I’m holding a wrench in my arms late late at night.

I know she dicks my friend cause she’s a girl

He wants her to give him a whirl

Where can you find a jacket like that??

Gil plays around with my charade

That doesnt seem to be a reason to change.

You know I feel so dirty when I play with my wheels

I wanna tell him I cant play hoops but the point is I’m a fool

Vic is watching her with his eyes

And his nicknames man are just cruddy I just know it

And he’s holding that mic in his arms during the fight.

You know he wants to have that Tessi girl

He wants to have that Tessi girl

Where can he find a nickname like that?

January 29, 2021

Dont stop now Tessi

Filed under: Milford Weirdos, The Bucket — robmize2013 @ 5:54 pm

First of all, some digression– Nobody got elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame this year; however, last years ceremony that was cancelled was to feature (among others) Ken ‘Hawk’ Harrelson, who won the Ford Frick Award last year of course, and thus was denied opportunity to speak. As many know, Hawk was full of euphemisms, or Hawkisms, a lot of which refer to golf which he also played well. One of his sayings was “Dont stop now boys!” when the White Sox (which he broadcast for many years before retiring after 2019) were putting up crooked numbers on the board. I’m sure Hawk is looking forward to attending this years event with no new players and thus making up for lost time last year. He’s a true character of the game.

So Tessi is using a Hawkism here in P3, but didnt she just tell Vic what a great voice he had? Why not tell him then what we have to wait til tomorrow for? Sheesh. Guess one compliment at a time is her speed. This comic drags stuff out better then a hoarder pulling out his trash. Why not say – hey great voice! Can I borrow your notes from physics class for a day? Badda bing badda boom. And we move on. But AS SHE STOPS NOW SHE SAYS SHE CANT STOP NOW.

And if its that personal, why say it in front of 2 other mopes? And who holds ONE book as theyre scooting past? I always carried several items with me between classes (when I didnt have time to stop now). She needs TWO hands to hold ONE book. How many hands does she need to hold her cell phone?

You had time to squeeze someones arm, but not ask a favor? And I dont know about you, but ol Vic may be getting a big head about his PA success, as he remarks about his fan mail. Who the hell is sending a high school PA announcer fan mail? And he sits with the boys because theyre gonna read it? He cant?

Enough of that nonsense– on a personal note, tomorrow I’m heading to Muskegon Michigan for my 3rd annual weekend luging trip, once again trying to bring home a medal after finishing 5th last year in my division, 2 seconds from the bronze. Practice makes perfect, hoping to stand on the podium this year and have a blast as always regardless. I’ll report on my efforts next week.

Finally a song by the Who back when they could hear what they were singing: Tessi’s got a squeeze box in her locker apparently.

January 27, 2021

Jumping Into the Shallow End

Now we come to the part of a Gil Thorp season arc where the multiple plot lines come crashing together like a Jeep Compass and a pickup truck with a loose CD rolling around in the cab (or a GMC Safari and a Tri-Power Goat). It’s also the part where lines between protagonists and antagonists become a little less clear.

Take the case of Tessi. She’s a bit of a social butterfly, schmoozing it up in the locker room and at The Bucket. Kinda like one of those kids who start out running for student council and eventually end up in Congress. This somehow makes her “shallow” in the eyes of Corina (and maybe some others, if “some people” means “more people than the one person I’m talking to”), yet somehow the fact that the other girls are listening to Tessi recap a Kardashian show ep doesn’t make them equally shallow. Tessi’s less disputable flaw is an inability (or as Corina sees it, an unwillingness) to play defense, focusing more on her scoring and her stat line. Yo, Tessi, blocks and steals show up in the stats too!

About that Corina, then. She’s become Milford’s spunky righter of wrongs who, through the power of sheer snark and playing the new girl angle, managed to settle Gil’s quarterback controversy and increase turnout at Milford volleyball games concurrently. How’s it gonna play with her when Tessi moves in on her turf by suggesting Vic Doucette work the PA system for the girls’ games? Dare anyone else suggest a way to draw more attention to Lady Mudlark hoops? Not even Paloma Padilla and the Milford Pirate Network could do that!

meta: I’m a bit relieved to find out that it’s been reported that Henry Aaron’s death (see Saturday night’s soapbox) was due to natural causes. This, sadly and unsurprisingly, has not stopped numerous people from running with rumor.

meta2: Sorry so late with this post; lost my first draft and got caught up with work.

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