This Week in Milford

February 22, 2021

Until The Fools Get Wise

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Pointy Fingers, Trainer Rick Scott — nedryerson @ 2:19 pm

Mr. Muench says he’s ready to go, but apparently Trainer Rick Scott needs to sign off on this before Gil makes a decision. Sorry, Tom, but you don’t have a gold watch so your opinion is not part of the decision process.

Trainer Rick Scott reads lots of William Blake between appearances so he has a quote ready to go to override Tom Muench in a cryptic fashion. Then Gil gets to show off his education by identifying the source of the quote. They’ve probably been using this schtick since the fifties, or since whenever Captain Picard fell through the wormhole which led to him becoming an athletic trainer for a high school’s sports program. Who are you kidding, Gil? You’re more likely to quote Robert Blake than William Blake and that’s the name of that tune.

Heck, I’d rather binge watch Baretta myself than dive into this stuff:

“Proverbs of Hell”:

In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy. Drive your cart and your plow over the bones of the dead. The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. Prudence is a rich ugly old maid courted by Incapacity. He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence. The cut worm forgives the plow. Dip him in the river who loves water. A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees. He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star. Eternity is in love with the productions of time. The busy bee has no time for sorrow. The hours of folly are measur’d by the clock, but of wisdom: no clock can measure. All wholsom food is caught without a net or a trap. Bring out number weight & measure in a year of dearth. No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings. A dead body, revenges not injuries. The most sublime act is to set another before you. If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise. Folly is the cloke of knavery. Shame is Prides cloke. ~ Prisons are built with stones of Law, Brothels with bricks of Religion. The pride of the peacock is the glory of God. The lust of the goat is the bounty of God. The wrath of the lion is the wisdom of God. The nakedness of woman is the work of God. Excess of sorrow laughs. Excess of joy weeps. The roaring of lions, the howling of wolves, the raging of the stormy sea, and the    destructive sword, are portions of eternity too great for the eye of man. The fox condemns the trap, not himself. Joys impregnate. Sorrows bring forth. Let man wear the fell of the lion, woman the fleece of the sheep. The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship. The selfish smiling fool, & the sullen frowning fool, shall be both thought wise, that    they may be a rod. What is now proved was once, only imagin’d. The rat, the mouse, the fox, the rabbit: watch the roots; the lion, the tyger, the horse,    the elephant, watch the fruits. The cistern contains; the fountain overflows. One thought, fills immensity. Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. Every thing possible to be believ’d is an image of truth. The eagle never lost so much time, as when he submitted to learn of the crow. ~ The fox provides for himself, but God provides for the lion. Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night. He who has suffer’d you to impose on him knows you. As the plow follows words, so God rewards prayers. The tygers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction. Expect poison from the standing water. You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough. Listen to the fools reproach! it is a kingly title! The eyes of fire, the nostrils of air, the mouth of water, the beard of earth. The weak in courage is strong in cunning. The apple tree never asks the beech how he shall grow, nor the lion, the horse,    how he shall take his prey. The thankful reciever bears a plentiful harvest. If others had not been foolish, we should be so. The soul of sweet delight, can never be defil’d. When thou seest an Eagle, thou seest a portion of Genius, lift up thy head! As the catterpiller chooses the fairest leaves to lay her eggs on, so the priest    lays his curse on the fairest joys. To create a little flower is the labour of ages. Damn, braces: Bless relaxes. The best wine is the oldest, the best water the newest. Prayers plow not! Praises reap not! Joys laugh not! Sorrows weep not! ~ The head Sublime, the heart Pathos, the genitals Beauty, the hands &    feet Proportion. As the air to a bird of the sea to a fish, so is contempt to the contemptible. The crow wish’d every thing was black, the owl, that every thing was white. Exuberance is Beauty. If the lion was advised by the fox, he would be cunning. Improvement makes strait roads, but the crooked roads without Improvement,    are roads of Genius. Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires. Where man is not nature is barren. Truth can never be told so as to be understood, and not be believ’d. Enough! or Too much!

Here’s a song by Felt that popped into my head. Maybe Lawrence, the enigmatic singer and lyricist was thinking about Blake, or maybe not. I think he was more into Rimbaud (and smack).

December 14, 2020

What Are You Taping To My Ankle?

Filed under: basketball, Pantheon of Mysterious Objects, Trainer Rick Scott — nedryerson @ 4:37 am

Winter is upon us. It’s time to put away the pigskin and quickly jump into basketball. Do we get to leave all those losers we got sick of during football season behind? We will find out. For now, we are free of the idiot QBs and the sassy idiot QB whisperer and we can focus on…

Some exciting practice with our old friends Charlie “Ruh” Roh and Marcel “The Shell” Irby. Those fishnet practice vests are looking super snazzy, like the kind of thing a dude would wear to dominate the middle against other faceless Mudlark day players. Is ’21 gonna be Irby’s year?

So we have a slight bit of carryover from the gridiron. Leonard Fleming is still recovering from injuries sustained in the game against Valley Tech. The good news is that we get a Trainer Rick Scott appearance. But what is Trainer Rick doing to Leonard’s ankle? Is he putting a blood pressure cuff it? It’s mighty odd for a tape job. It looks like Leonard is suited up to play though, so we shouldn’t fret about his injuries. We don’t even know what any of these guys’ roles are yet. Marjie?

August 8, 2020

Low-mileage Arm, High-mileage Character

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Note to Corina: if you’re on the clock, it doesn’t matter if you’re catching balls or not. So relax.

Note to True: if you’re paying your catcher by the hour, you might want to have her actually catch rather than stand around and listen to your spiel.

Note to Gil: Don’t you have some hooch to drink kids to teach golf? Stop wasting True’s and Corina’s time.

True throws heat, fans a lot but give up a lot of taters. So who does he turn into in the future? Robin Roberts? Max Scherzer? Aroldis Chapman? The guy dropping your Amazon package off on your doorstep? Lay minister at Milford First Baptist? He’s pretty good at eulogies and, after all, he is a Deacon. >rimshot<

metapost: It’s been a little over a month since my mishap in the mountains and, after follow-ups this past week with my GP and cardiologist, I’ve been given a clean bill of health – at least as far as the mishap is concerned. Still got a long row to hoe to get back in shape and I’ve gotta remember that I’m no spring chicken. My thanks to all you TWIMers for the kind thoughts and words. Here’s hoping I’m around for a few more seasons to come.

October 5, 2019

Steamed Gams

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“I was so steamed, I didn’t even feel it. Those little green pills you gave me before the game helped, too, Mr. Scott.”

Yeah, I couldn’t figure out why Chance’s grandparents were looking up either. I figured from the way his helmet was popping up Rock’em Sock’em Robots style, Chance might’ve started his transformation into The Hulk. Maybe they were transfixed by the sight of Marty Moon rising up from his crate to deliver a benediction. (Mighty nice of Marty’s mom to put a vanity mirror in there; makes it easier for Marty to shave.)

Good thing Chance sprained his ankle. Now Gil won’t make him run bleachers as punishment for retaliating for Tilden’s Bill Romanowski wannabe’s personal foul. Macy will miss next week’s game, either because his sprain won’t have healed in time or because Gil will bench him for the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. It’ll be interesting to see the role Chance’s anger management problems play in this arc (compared to, oh say, Barry Bader’s).

Looks like Rick Scott didn’t get the memo: this season it’s not “Uh-Oh,” it’s “Rut-Roh!” – and it’s Charlie’s cue to get into the lineup and finish the drill.

 

September 6, 2019

From dark to light

Filed under: actual action, football, Gil Thorp, lazy artwork, Milford Idiots, Trainer Rick Scott — robmize2013 @ 4:50 pm

What the hell is the ref wearing pants with back pockets for? They look like his regular Dockers he wears to church on Sunday. Surprised his wallet isnt showing in back. In the stands his father laments Gils poor coaching; yes he’s right, however fumbling on one play doesnt have any connection with frequency of carrying the bread. Otherwise why would Gil need to change ballcarriers at all, according to Mr. Roh? There has to be a first carry for everyone Mister. His logic in P2 is a lot like the chicken and the egg theory. Which came first, the carry or the fumble?

And in P3 we have a sudden return to daylight, and Chance consoles Charlie for his fumble on the 2 yard line. Charlie also has turned yellow. He may have a circulation disorder that the trainer needs to diagnose. At least in daylight its more visible. Good thing this game is taking 15 hours. Hey when’s halftime? I need a hotdog.

August 23, 2019

Man up! No, man down.

Filed under: actual action, football, Gil Thorp, Trainer Rick Scott — robmize2013 @ 7:01 pm

Those good ol sloppy Joes really made a difference in conditioning. I would suggest a truck of Gatorade next time. Ever see a trainer wearing blue jeans? They usually sport athletic pants or shorts. EMS would be Emergency Medical Services. Of course they arent here now like they should be and of course good ol .. Tiki, who HVB just allowed to play for these dopes after farting away our summer, is the one who is down and insisting he’s ok, just like in 2008 when the doctor Milford alum ran on the field to tend to Jeff Ponczak, who said he was ok. And he wasnt. This will be a similar conclusion methinks.

Walk-throughs with gloves on?  As they said in the show Hee Haw— “Veeervy intervesting.”

November 30, 2017

All Hands On Rick!

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In the forest of hands found in today’s strip Rick Scott’s speaks the loudest, as it tells pissy Uncle Gary to talk to it. We could have fun all day coming up with witty retorts to Uncle Gary’s question but I think Rick does well enough making the point that he needs to stfu when grown folks is talkin’.

Meanwhile I dunno what Connie Soto’s doing with hers: checking out the results of her facial/wax job, maybe. She’s managed to pop her ear out from under her hairdo, giving her that Middle Earth look that pops up in Milford from time to time.

November 29, 2017

Worst Maternal Instinct Ever

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Alternate title to today’s post: Milford! Drive Away From Here And Never Come Back!

We give Rubin a lot of well deserved grief for poor plot construction and characterization, but I think Connie (is that her name? Can’t be bothered to look it up…) Soto takes the cake. It’s amazing, we know more about Rick’s dad’s story and he’s been in Dubai this whole time!

Bonus Question: Is Uncle Gary wearing the jacket I think he’s wearing?

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