This Week in Milford

December 23, 2020

Free Eats. Now Scram!

I have to start today’s post with an apology. To the real Vic Doucette, I apologize for writing that your surname was spelled more pretentiously than Michael Doucet’s. I’m going to venture a guess that either your family picked up the “te” or his family lost the “te” somewhere during the Acadian deportation and diaspora*. I’m also now wondering whether strip regular Marjie Ducey‘s surname is a corruption of yours.

Today’s strip is one of those that would benefit from an audio file. As it is we have to take it as canon that strip Vic is a small kid with glasses that magically change size a big voice, not unlike the previously mentioned Dave Zinkoff. Knowledge of hoops trivia would seem to be less relevant to the PA announcer’s job than, say, some knowledge of the rules of the game. Calling a free throw attempt as a one-and-one when the team is not yet in the bonus could cause confusion for the easily confused, leading to unnecessary substitutions, raining frogs and heaven knows what else.

Since we never (at least in my memory) have heard from Mr. Staley (possibly of the Decatur Staleys?) we have no real standard against which to hold Vic’s work. Suffice it to say if Rubin holds true to form, Vic will join a line of nebbishy boys with oversized egos whose antics will throw a stick in the spokes of the wheels that roll the Mudlarks to second place in the Valley. With that in mind, here’s a clip of the real Dave Zinkoff to give us an idea of what a basketball PA announcer should sound like.

*I found myself going down this rabbit hole this morning and had to pull myself back out to finish this post. Interesting reading if you don’t know the history already.

December 2, 2020

Another Day, Another One of Gil’s Problems Solved by Someone Else for Free

I KNEW IT

YOU KNEW IT

I KNEW IT

YOU KNEW IT

So Rubin wasted what, ten strips on this little confab? When he’ll peel off two or three games in a single strip?

No way these guys wouldn’t have bailed as soon as they saw there was no sex in the offing, or at the very least as soon as she started insulting them yet again. Oh, okay, let’s play along and pretend that these two lugs are kinda masochistic and they get off on chicks berating them. Why, then, when Corina completely insulted Thayer and Rapson, did they sit there like knots on a log and not say anything in return? How hard would it have been to just tell the truth:

THAYER: Well, you are the new girl, and we heard you transferred from the bad kids’ school, so we kinda thought you were easy.

RAPSON: Yeah, and I’m tired of playing second fiddle to Thayer so I didn’t want his sloppy seconds when it came to you. So we gonna do it or what?

THAYER: So your mom made these brownies? When does she get off work?

Honestly, the only thing that captured my attention in today’s strip is the door of Rapson’s car. That looks like a nearly perfectly drawn example of a Talbot mirror so I’m wondering exactly what kind of vintage iron he’s driving.

November 4, 2020

Just Your Typical Three Panels of Obnoxiousness. Nothing to See Here, Part Deux

Did y’all do anything fun yesterday? Yeah, me neither, and I hope you slept better than I did.

Speaking of better, better late than never with today’s post. The Thayer v. Rapson competition is not only for quarterback but also for the attention of that little ray of sunshine, Corina. Judging from the look on Thayer’s face in P2, the competition at the moment exists only in Rapp’s head. He’s had enough of her outgoing personality and has decided any ongoing interaction is not worth the effort.

What he has not had enough of is twisting the knife into Rapp’s audible-calling, benchwarming ass. BFD that Rapp has convinced Corina to come to the Goshen game, unless she wants to see the true leader of the Mudlark offense in action, that is. Corina might not cotton to authority but she’s equally uninclined to warm up to a sycophant. Come to think of it, isn’t that what Thayer is in essence – a game manager who may not spark the big plays but who follows Gil’s instructions to the letter? Seems like neither one of these guys has a chance with her. Keep your eyes on that Dallas guy, though.

October 12, 2020

Delaware Wing-T Time!

OMG! Gil has been toying with the Wing-T again, and not just any Wing-T, but the Delaware Wing-T! That’s a four back formation! But wait Gil, how could Terry improvise a radically different formation? The point is, he isn’t going to have the chance! Rapson is emergency-only, like that bottle of Rebel Yell Gil keeps in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet.

Terry seems determined to push the limit with Gil. Will Thayer’s star will rise and he’ll make everyone go to volleyball games.

August 15, 2020

You Should Leave Your Hat On

August 14, 2020

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Alexa hasn’t had many opportunities to throw her weight around since graduation; pressing her line of questioning on Corina gives her one. Mama Karenna may not be behind bars after all, since she’s going to “appointments,” but that still doesn’t explain why Corina’s able to call her own shots when it comes to moving to Milford. Emancipated minor? Mom on parole? Wearing a chunky ankle bracelet? Corina’s not giving a straight answer, speaking in metaphors about depression until finally she makes up some story about a hat to break off the conversation.

August 15, 2020

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co·mor·bid·i·ty /ˌkōmôrˈbidədē/, n. comorbidity; plural noun: comorbidities; noun: co-morbidity; plural noun: co-morbidities. the simultaneous presence of two chronic diseases or conditions in a patient.

Okay, so the hat wasn’t a red herring. Where did it come from then? We didn’t see it at any time since Wednesday, when first we saw these three at the diner. And where did Alexa go? The depression song and dance might’ve been enough to satisfy her curiosity. Maybe she had to go buy some more stuff for her dorm room. Corina’s not her problem anyway…

… and she sure as hell isn’t Maureen’s problem either. Mo better keep her trap shut else Corina comes back to the diner and lobotomizes her with that pencil.

August 3, 2020

Do Cleats Get Tougher As You Use Them?

Phoebe is now giving Corina the nickel tour of Milford High School. Over there is the flagpole where Barry Bader was hoisted by his underwear. Over there is where Daphne Dafonte tripped on her own haircut. That small section of chain link fence stands as a memorial to Clambake. etc. etc.

Phoebe wants the real lowdown on Corina’s mother’s arson wrap. Did she really do that? Corina doesn’t answer definitely, but doesn’t dispute the story either. Corina’s mom is tough and she’s been through some shit, alright? This probably isn’t her first Phoebe Keener who finds the stories of Corina’s family’s struggles so colorful and shocking. Corina’s already wondering how much gossip is going to spread in Milford in advance of her going to school there (if we are going there).

July 8, 2020

Mimi Thorp: Guaranteed to Satisfy

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While I was flat on my back in hospital this past weekend I did manage to keep up with the shenanigans at Milford Town Park, where the Milford – Valley Modified baseball game turned first into a rout then into a pukefest picnic. First the game was interrupted by pizza and drinks, then with a giant sub in the porniest way possible then, finally, with a visit from an ice cream truck with a name straight out of a Cheech and Chong movie and looking like it’s staffed by two Kazakhs and a bear.

As disgustingly as that whole scene played out, it pales in comparison to the victory lap these three mooks are taking in the Milford teacher’s teachers’ lounge. Nice to know that Gil, Kaz and Rooney feel as though buying the Dead End Kids some grub can assuage their guilt over not standing up for The Mayor when he needed it most, effectively screwing up his life for the forseeable future… or have they? What’s this mysterious email Gil’s referring to? Will it help Mike Knappe overcome the stigma of violating a draconian zero-tolerance policy for which none of his teachers or coaches stood up in opposition?

Who knows? All they care about is trying to figure out who sent the ice cream truck to Town Park. Hunkered down with a Popsicle® and a knowing smile, Mimi breaks the fourth wall. She must’ve been the one who stopped Uncle Bud as he was passing by.

 

June 26, 2020

No Mas.

Filed under: actual action, baseball, lessons learned, Walking and Talking — robmize2013 @ 7:49 pm

Well this isnt going quite the way I thought it would– the Mayors team is getting overrun by a Milford club without one of its better players.  I had ideas about a fairly close game where the inferior team pulls off the upset after hanging around and building up the pressure on the more talented side, which finally cracks making a crucial error allowing the winning run to pull off the upset.

Nope. When you dont have pitching and defense, you got nothin.  Even with a sexy backstop with 2 first names.

Its not only an embarrassing rout, its now a farce, as one of Milfords players is taking over on the mound for the Mayor (or so I figure) .

So basically the Larks are ending the competitive portion of the game. Its now just a glorified scrimmage, since no matter what happens from this point, its not Team A vs Team B anymore. So be it. The Mayors team was thrown together in 2 weeks. Milford is a real team who just played a high school varsity season. The worst team they played all season was better then this outfit. Who didnt see this coming?

The Mayor going to center field –  The Ultimate Walk Of Shame.

 

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