This Week in Milford

November 17, 2022

Wait Until Mike Knapp Hears About This!

Filed under: Dr. Pearl, Gil Thorp, huge earrings, Keri Thorp, talking doors, Water Fountains — nedryerson @ 6:32 am

What a great opener, a water fountain and a talking door! The talking door indicates that Dr. Pearl will fold like a cheap suit and the “zero tolerance” policy on violence has some wiggle room. Why does Dr. Pearl owe Gil one? Did we miss the part where Gil raised hell about the shenanigans in Mr. Reddenbacher’s class during the “drill” that freaked Keri out in the first place? I don’t want to speculate on what other favors Gil might have done, but I guess they made it worth Dr. Pearl’s while to have to answer to Dorothy’s parents about why Keri “Clubber” Thorp is still attending MHS.

The Mandatory Counselor is certainly going to get an earful from Keri Thorp, and Keri’s gigantic gap of memory could be very troubling. I think Gil and Mimi should go along and Mandatory Counselor will cancel his contract with the Valley School System and move somewhere less fraught with dysfunction, like Beirut.

Yes, Keri, it’s fine…we’re all fine here now (pending input from Mimi). You’ve learned an important lesson from your dad, whose role model in half-assed parenting is Homer Simpson:

June 12, 2021

Whatever Happened to Teenagers Rebelling Against Their Parents?

Late in the day so I know y’all have seen this so what more can I say? A repeat mea culpa from me for painting Katy as a sympathetic character when Zane was channeling Nixon’s head in a jar. I really bungled that one. Since Katy’s now all so down on supporting the disadvantaged, why hasn’t she been a complete snot to Corina Karenna yet?

Zane didn’t ask Katy to do jack squat, and repeatedly saying he asked her to doesn’t make it true. She knows the bad hand he’s been dealt, knows that keeping the library as it is currently is all that’s helping him keep up with school, knows that her old man wants to take that away from him and anyone else who might need it, knows that Zane’s only doing this to keep her old man from doing that, and somehow she feels the needs to take her old man’s side in all this? Surprised that Zane doesn’t actually say that to her, instead slipping into his Jefferson Smith soliloquy a few minutes early.

Looks like we’re getting set up to sit through a week of no sports action and a lot of lecturing before Papa Brito and Baby Brito get their comeuppance. Grab your popcorn benzodiazepines No-Doz and settle in for the duration.

March 1, 2021

Vic Lays It On Thick

Filed under: Water Fountains — nedryerson @ 6:45 am

In today’s episode of the Vic and Doug strip, Vic helps Doug break down how his basketball performance may be hindered by his overriding devotion to Kart racing. Again, Vic goes extra heavy on the details of the racing game in an effort to assure Doug that he’s hip to the appeal of racing even given it’s innate insanity. All the panel space ends up being devoted to Vic stroking Doug about what a bad ass he is for participating in racing. I was with teenchy in his supposition that maybe Vic was seeking out Doug for some assistance in trying to make some progress in wooing Tessie. Perhaps that just seems like a more entertaining road to go down than the one we’re on, especially since this particular avenue is so well travelled that the ruts would do a number on any of Doug’s various vehicles (which all share the same license plate…originality is dead in Thorpland, you heard it here first).

What is novel about today’s strip is the prominence of the water fountain. (Some of you might know it as a “bubbler” or, if you’re from Rhode Island, a “bubblah”…I know, weird.) That baby is front and center today. Given current events, these things are likely to become rarer and rarer. Of course, current events and Gil Thorp are rarely spoken of in the sentence, so Doug is slurping away while he contemplates Vic’s analysis.

When I think of school water fountains, what immediately comes to mind is one that was located on an exterior wall of my elementary school facing the field where we partook in Physical Education, or P.E. as we called it (never Phys Ed). After PE class, students would line up in the vicious Florida sun and wait their turn to slurp up tepid water that tasted like several varieties of metal. It made good old fashioned hose water taste like lemonade by comparison, but it was all we knew and we were glad to have it. I think there was some sort of compressor that kicked on inside the interior behind a stainless steel door that would chill the water somewhat, but there was never enough cool water to satisfy two or three dozen dehydrated preteens. They probably have coolers full of bottled water for kids these days. Get off my lawn!

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