This Week in Milford

November 16, 2017

Football Season! Music Season!

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Ricky Ricardo Soto: Would you like me to sing now or wait till football season’s over?

Uncle Gary: Sing now! Sing now!

RRS: You keep outta this! You don’t have to sing now!

UG: I do so have to sing now!

I demand that you let me sing now!

Let’s run through that again.

RRS: Okay. Would you like me to sing now or wait till football season’s over.

UG: Sing now. Sing now.

RRS: You keep outta this. You don’t have to sing now.

UG: Ha! That’s it! Hold it right there!

<Pronoun trouble.>

It’s not: “*You* don’t have to sing now.” It’s: “*I* don’t have to sing now.”  Well, I say I do have to sing now!

TWIM bloggers and readers: So shoot me now!

***

Andre “Hands of Stone” Ruffin, erstwhile backup tight end, has a name ripped from the police blotter.

Recycled art tag: Casa del Soto.

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November 8, 2017

The Impossible Turd And Other Unanswered Questions

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Panel 1: Is Little Ricky wearing pads? Cargo pants? Why are his feet splayed like that and where are his crutches? What the hell is going on here?

Panel 2:  Isn’t Rick supposed to be a big guy? Tall, at least? Is he sitting down here? How much does anyone want to bet that balancing an open umbrella on the top of his bald spot goes viral ten times faster than a video of some random tank town high schooler singing the national anthem?

Panel 3: How many editors does it take to cut this thing together? Who the hell is paying for any of this and why? Is Uncle Gary going to drink that entire bottle of ketchup?

October 31, 2017

As The Plot Veers

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Boy howdy, was that ever a lot of buildup for nothing regarding Little Ricky and singing the anthem…

Nevermind that, lookie here, it’s The Not So Secret Pelwecki and it appears that we’re almost ready to wrap this one up. I mean, at this point, why wouldn’t you waste panel three on a crowd shot?

Bonus points: The MHS Marching Mudlarks’ band uniforms and their adorable tiny horns.

October 27, 2017

The .. whaaaaat???

So now that Gil has all these plans to overhaul the offense and put in the veer, which I’m sure requires him to be on the job almost 24/7, he suddenly worries about … Rick singing the national anthem before the game??

WTF? why the hell does Gil give a flying fuck who sings the national anthem before the game?? He’s got plays to teach, Players to teach them to, practices to run, and now he gets emails about this distraction? Every week its something else thats more hair-brained then the last week. Its as if they cant get enough to do before they have to worry about something else thats 10 times as trivial. They take 2 months to play 2 games then decide they need a new offense after the defense gets its doors blown off. Now its this crap.

And all because Rick sang a song at the cafeteria last month! That he didnt want to sing anyway. Now he’s turned into Wayne Messmer overnight. (He’s an anthem singer in my hometown)

P3 – Dr. Pearl wrote the note; and she sounds like a fan, but again, doesnt she have better things to do? I already ranted in my metapost last Monday  (hope y’all had time to read it, I had too many thoughts to just comment)  about them farting away the summer on Jaquan Cases football dreams instead of delving into this sexy new offense that’ll debut just in time for snowflakes on the ground.

Well, after saying all that, I’ve decided who should really sing the anthem at the next game. Its someone they truly deserve, and couldnt be more fitting for the meatheads in charge of this school:……………

Roseanne Barr.

October 16, 2017

No Time For Duck Jokes

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Oh, Uncle Gary. You’re unrelenting in your disdain of football. Don’t let the Millard West Wildcats hear your dismissive jabs, or they’ll drive up(?) from Omaha, Nebraska show you what it’s like! Sit over there with your coffee cup and your barbs, we’ve got other things of import to untangle here today.

What the hell? Coach Kaz went and got a black/blue dye job? (Okay, so this is why I used the color strip today. I kind of feel like colorist mistakes are maybe the easiest and most painfully obvious things to snark on, but on some most Mondays, I’ll take just about anything I can get.) Well, Kaz, what can we say? It looks great on you. Combined with the backwards clergy collar/black tee, it’s a bold new look for you. I guess the rest of the coaching brain trust (Coach Shaw! Steve Boone! Gilbot 3000!) is too absorbed in game video to take in your bold new choices. I predict Kaz will go and rinse that color out of his hair in time for his next appearance.

So we began with a goateed a-hole and now we end with the OG goateed a-hole, Marty Moon. Marty is doing his usual, the journalistic equivalent of stepping on a gardening rake. He lobs a presumptive question at Gil. In this cliffhanger style presentation, Gil gets a whole day to formulate a snarky and insultingly dismissive answer.

October 13, 2017

Trust me, you’re full of c**p

When I was in high school we had a thing called Career Day where various reps from careers ranging from artist to zookeeper would come in and we would gravitate toward the field(s) of our interest and hopefully get a taste of the field before we decided to either pursue it as a major in college or as a future job etc. I cant recall who I visited but rest assured it was nothing of the sort of work I wound up doing, which I’m sure is the case for most people.

Some years later in my school newsletter I got as an alumni they had a blurb about the upcoming Career Day and a short list of which fields they needed to fill for the event. On the list:  Singer. My eyes froze.

Really!  Someone in a high school that was 90% college prep was gonna take all that algebra, world history, calculus, and physics education he/she was getting and turn it into a career that is mostly self-employed and mainly requires long hair, tattoos, and drugs as well as late-night gigs with a band and no guarantees of anything financially secure plus you need to hire (and pay) an agent to promote your sound and schedule gigs. Its a hard and mostly difficult life and all but the very few who actually make a profit are soon left with nothing but debts and sore throats. Plus some cool tats. But I digress. I was imagining someone from Twisted Sister (like Dee Snyder) coming to the school and everyone dropping who they were visiting to see him. Too funny.

The strip basically is about Garys pipe dream that Katie should be a singer; I thought Rick was the one singing. And who’s Connie?? Who’s he pointing at in P3? Somebodys mom? Whos mom?? When are they gonna play another game? Whens the bonfire? What does Millard West high school have to do with any of this??

And how  the fuck does being in LA for 20 years qualify you to determine that a dude singing 1 song in a high school cafeteria should be a professional singer??

 

October 10, 2017

Rock The Fight Song

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We certainly didn’t cover much ground in today’s strip which causes me to ask why, if he is sincerely adamant in his refusal to sing, Rick (or as he is endearingly and dehumanizingly referred to as ‘No. 71’) is already standing under the hamburger sign?

Obligatory video:

September 29, 2017

Things Just Got Real

Filed under: metapost, What the hell is going on here? — timbuys @ 12:03 pm

Yesterday, I received a flier from my kid’s elementary school to sign up for basketball ‘enrichment’ classes this fall. One of the coaches is Coach Thorp. I do not think I will mention this blog when/if I meet this person.

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