This Week in Milford

January 10, 2018

It Is What It Is or That’s What Everybody Says

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Welp, looks like Jorge is going to fit right in and we’ve managed to sensitively (and quite succinctly too!) treat on one of the worst ongoing humanitarian crises in our nation’s history in a mere three panels.

I haven’t the patience for this today and previous drafts of this post were rather more profane.

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January 2, 2018

Is It Just Me Or Did I Miss The Grift?

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Seriously, though, other than a little concussion scare mongering in furtherance of Rick and UG’s careers, in addition to some professional and financial distress, UG didn’t seem to be all that nefarious, goatee notwithstanding.

And it looks like we’ll be kicking the New Year off with Aaaaaaron Aaaaargard and continuing with Rick Soto. I vaguely recall Gil’s intervention there being similarly sensitive and compassionate. C’mon, Gil. You just fractured a household. Don’t strain yourself patting your own back. And, Kaz, c’mon, keep that kind of talk for back in the coaches’ offices.

December 19, 2017

So, Does That Make Uncle Gary An Internet Pirate?

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Oh boy is Panel One ever so helpful in bringing us all up to speed. Thanks for the refresher Whigrub. Little Ricky’s bald spot seems to have migrated to the side of his head so that will bear monitoring I suppose.

I would like to point out all of the things which astound me about Panel Two but there’s no time as one’s attention is immediately captured by the magnificent bricks of the Ioan Anderson Travel agency. Besides which I believe the quoted text is more hilarious than anything which I’m likely to conceive.

Bonus commenter challenge: Identify each spectacular vacation vista beckoning to the odd passerby who might, on the spur of the moment, step into the office and embark on the voyage of a lifetime far from dreary and dilapidated Milford.

Metapost: We don’t have a tag and I can’t recall Kelly’s last name but this post should be tagged for her.  (I almost slipped and created a tag with a former colleague’s last name which was alliterative with her first name. Gonna guess that person doesn’t read the blog but still…)

Update: Tag for Kelly Krystek added thanks to the always reliable Maintainer of the Milford .xlsx, billytheskink!

Inspiration for today’s post title.

November 25, 2017

What’s More Hazardous: The Veer or Coloring This Strip?

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After seeing the snazz Mudlark blackout unis on Friday I decided to post the color version again today and boy howdy, was I not disappointed. What a jumble of day into night, sky above then sky below, then sky in the middle of a guy’s chest, then sky above again. Of course you’re gonna fumble multiple times when your game ball has been replaced with a jumbo size Idaho Spud bar. You think that’s nuts? Check out The Secret Pelwecki’s gloves with fingernails!

That’s about all I’ve got for today except for another grammatical fumble.

November 22, 2017

Extra-Smart Lawyer Uncle

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The wheels really turn slowly here. Two strips were spent so Gil can find out what has been happening for the last two months and then turn around and fill in Kaz. But that’s nothing new. This isn’t a novel complaint. What’s really interesting is that Gil has relocated his office to a Burger King. That’s what I thought looking at the Tuesday strip on its own, without the context of seeing the story continue into the Wednesday strip. So the building isn’t talking, it’s the car talking, and the car contains the players who are going through the drive through so they can drive down to the park and eat burgers on a picnic bench, where Rick can reaffirm that he wants to play football and not sing.

I’ve obviously been reading this strip and puzzling over its shortcomings for so long that maybe obvious things elude me, but I swear I just pieced this together just now as I was writing this. Seriously Rubin and Whigham, if you’re going to smash cut from one scene into another in mid-strip, it’s not a great idea to try and establish the new scene with a talking car.

 

Metacomment: I hope I’m not stepping on anybody’s toes by posting. I didn’t see any emails about spelling Tim this week, but he did mention a trip to the desert last week and delayed posting. I hope it’s nice and peaceful there, Tim.  I have a light schedule today, so what the heck.

Hey, gang, do you mind if I break form here for a second and tell you a personal story? No? Okay here goes: I got my first job at sixteen working at a Taco Bell in Winter Haven, Florida. This Taco Bell location was unique in that for some reason having to do with zoning, permitting, etc on the lot where the building stood, the drive through was seriously flawed. When you pulled your car up to the window, the building was on your right instead of your left. If you didn’t have a front seat passenger to assist you, you had to lean all the way over your passenger seat to pay and collect your order (unless you had a European car with the driver’s seat on the right, which I think would get you run out of Winter Haven, Florida.) When you worked the drive through, 99% of the customers felt compelled to tell you, “Hey, your drive through is on the wrong side!” I tried to joke with people about it, but it got pretty wearisome after a while. (There’s a zillion other bizarre and annoying things that come with working a drive through window.) A sports columnist from one of the Boston papers wrote a column about Winter Haven when he was covering the Red Sox spring training, detailing what a slow and backwards place the city was. The f’ed up drive through at Taco Bell was one of his chief complaints.

November 16, 2017

Football Season! Music Season!

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Ricky Ricardo Soto: Would you like me to sing now or wait till football season’s over?

Uncle Gary: Sing now! Sing now!

RRS: You keep outta this! You don’t have to sing now!

UG: I do so have to sing now!

I demand that you let me sing now!

Let’s run through that again.

RRS: Okay. Would you like me to sing now or wait till football season’s over.

UG: Sing now. Sing now.

RRS: You keep outta this. You don’t have to sing now.

UG: Ha! That’s it! Hold it right there!

<Pronoun trouble.>

It’s not: “*You* don’t have to sing now.” It’s: “*I* don’t have to sing now.”  Well, I say I do have to sing now!

TWIM bloggers and readers: So shoot me now!

***

Andre “Hands of Stone” Ruffin, erstwhile backup tight end, has a name ripped from the police blotter.

Recycled art tag: Casa del Soto.

November 8, 2017

The Impossible Turd And Other Unanswered Questions

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Panel 1: Is Little Ricky wearing pads? Cargo pants? Why are his feet splayed like that and where are his crutches? What the hell is going on here?

Panel 2:  Isn’t Rick supposed to be a big guy? Tall, at least? Is he sitting down here? How much does anyone want to bet that balancing an open umbrella on the top of his bald spot goes viral ten times faster than a video of some random tank town high schooler singing the national anthem?

Panel 3: How many editors does it take to cut this thing together? Who the hell is paying for any of this and why? Is Uncle Gary going to drink that entire bottle of ketchup?

October 31, 2017

As The Plot Veers

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Boy howdy, was that ever a lot of buildup for nothing regarding Little Ricky and singing the anthem…

Nevermind that, lookie here, it’s The Not So Secret Pelwecki and it appears that we’re almost ready to wrap this one up. I mean, at this point, why wouldn’t you waste panel three on a crowd shot?

Bonus points: The MHS Marching Mudlarks’ band uniforms and their adorable tiny horns.

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