This Week in Milford

May 1, 2021

Baby Brito

Abel Brito is a pest
Fixating on the library
Why can’t he give it a rest?
Why must he be so contrary?

Katy Brito loves her guy
She’s thankful that her dad isn’t meaner
Gonna give Zane a surprise
After swinging by the Cantina

She knows what it’s about
You’d think she’d thought this out
You might as well just shout
It’s gonna get Zane kicked out

And then they started sucking face
Katy brought a little cream and sugar
Can’t bring food into this place
Who said anything about coffee?

Though he didn’t play last year
Zane should remember ’bout the former Mayor
If he gets tossed out on his ear
It’s the end of him as a player

She knows what it’s about
You’d think she’d thought this out
You might as well just shout
It’s gonna get Zane kicked out

You know it’s no butter knife
But if he gets banned for life
What will he do at night?

What will Zane do after this?
Can’t buy a new computer
Maybe he’ll take his bro and sis
Sit in the car and wait and be a commuter

If Abel Brito has his way
No computers, no drinks, no eating
Family’s gonna make him pay
Givin’ him a verbal beating

He knows what it’s about
You’d think he’d thought this out
He might as well just pout
When he sees his daughter make out

(apologies to the late Elliott Smith)

April 30, 2021

Gone Camping – Fill In the Details!

Filed under: Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 8:29 am

Hey gang- saving Teenchy the trouble of posting everything but feel free to analyze the strip today as Im heading to the Cheesehead State for kayaking and hiking! Enjoy that donut!

April 29, 2021

Thanks For The Cupcake, Coach Ding Dong.

Filed under: Gil Thorp — tdrewhardin @ 11:33 am

Gang, were you as taken aback as I was at the topic Coach Dipsh-, er, Coach Mimi had in mind? With all the sleaze and gossip flying, especially when Corruptvirus enters the room, I was anticipating the conversation to be dragged down to Valley of the Dolls proportion. And I was entertaining the possibilities

“Corina, do you think Becca has herpes? I understand her sexual behavior is not too discreet whenever we don’t have practice so if you’ll slip a couple of IUD’s in her gym bag, I’ll make you the team captain.”

Aaaaaaaaaa, a bit too brash. Let’s try again, shall we?

“Corrupto, I think my husband is running around on me. If you’ll put a tail on him, I’ll contact Milford Community College for a softball scholarship. Here’s a 50 and the keys to the rent-a-car. Be discreet when he pulls up at the Milford Holiday Inn. Park in the semi section behind the Freightliners that pull in for the night.”

Aw come on, Gang. Sometimes non-leadership takes its toll on Gil. The temptations can be overwhelming.

“Coconut Head, I’ll give you a year’s supply of Milford Vending products, Twinkies included, if you’ll get in the trunk of Guthrie’s GTO and see if it’s true that he and the rest of the basketball team has been selling our signs to the other Valley Conference teams. Here’s a crowbar.”

Well, these scenarios pique interest anyway. None of this anti-climatic college stuff.

Because I am intrigued by the animal control businesses out there

Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer

“O.J. Calls Milford Critter Concepts After Latest Incident At His Condo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“What else could I do when there’s a giraffe in the shower and I had to get cleaned up for a date tonight?”

Gang, any of you remember Pro Wrestling on WTBS in Atlanta when Gordon Solie was the host (“…and, uh, Coach Thorp really experiencing his problems presently in the ring with a one Tommy Rich…”)? Remember Maniac Mark Lewin? His manager, The Great Mephisto? Well, while Mephisto is spewing out his bull on his charge (“…he has been in search uv ze truth to be ze great wrestling specimen he eez now…”) , Maniac Mark Lewin is posing in front of the cameras, showing off his physique and I mean he WAS all muscle, not an ounce of fat on the guy. He has on these nice Haggar dress slacks and no shirt, not saying a word, then with one hand wrapped around his other wrist, the free hand is in an open palm position, as if he’s meditating with his palm as part of the process.

So when I saw the palm in the same position today, only with a cupcake in tow, I was momentarily thinking that Maniac Mark Lewin had come to Mimi’s office for some reason.

“Sure, Great Mephisto, any edge I can get. When we turn in our lineup cards, you can unleash Mr. Lewin to apply the sleeper hold to the other manager. I’ll just tell the umpire that security at softball games has been getting a little lax.”

“Zank you, Coach Mimi. Zey closed ze Milford Coliseum zees week for renovations and my precious Mark Lewin needs plenty uv pract-eeez.”

I just can’t see Corina interrupting pro wrestling matches and body-slamming some Freezer Thompson or Mr. Clyde or Generic Stooge after she has displayed her appendage as in P1. Oh, she’s a trouble-maker and royal pain in the butt all right but the referee Frank Morrell or Jerry Calhoun will prevent any further misadventures the way they used to separate Ole Anderson and Thunderbolt Patterson.

“Great Mephisto, don’t you think, uhhhh, that Maniac Corina Crazy is going a little too far indeed? She just crammed a whole case of cupcakes into her opponent.”

“And Mr. Solie, ze TWIM readerz and Milford General Popu-lay-shun weel see more uv zees as a penaltee for daring to challenge her power and writing her out uv zee screept. Baysball and Sooftball weel be tor-chur to watch for ze next two months.”

“Fair enough. We’ll be back after a word from our sponsors. You’re watching Milford Championship Wrestling here at the WDIG studio. Don’t go away.”

But the saving grace is the artwork in P1 (Saints be praised) . Mimi actually has boobs, not Brunswick Bowling Specials, and the bushes look like bushes, with the exception of Bugs Bunny kibbutzing the conversation to the extreme right. And the papers on her desk (bench warrant? Why?) are stacked meticulously neat. The lone glaring exception is the trim on the window facing in one direction and the trim to the entrance to The Hall of Mirrors facing in the opposite direction. Still gotta be Escher-free. But a noble effort and the cupcake looks like something Maniac Mark Lewin can eat after he’s applied the sleeper hold to Coach Thorp.

If ya apply the sleeper hold to the hog ya is rasslin when the judges ain’t lookin’ cuz the dang thang is like pinnin’ yore Chevy to the ground, ya might be a redneck.

And let’s face it, what Mimi is conferring over with Maniac Mark, I mean, Corina is a perfectly valid question, either to play ball or just attend overall. And I’m not totally convinced that she couldn’t play college ball based upon her attitude after watching Lawrence Funderburke try to make it under Bob Knight’s coaching. Funderburke was the attitude of attitudes and so he surprised EVERYBODY when he signed with Indiana. But it not surprisingly didn’t last long as several Hoosier players, particularly Pat Graham, a sharpshooter out of Floyd Central, Indiana (suburban New Albany) , made an astute observation. When Funderburke chose to eat team meals in the cafeteria away from all the other players, he told his fellow Hoosiers “Take a good look at him now because he won’t last past Thanksgiving”. The observation proved correct.

What compounded matters was when one of Knight’s assistants, Joby Wright, grabbed Funderburke by the arm in his dorm to try to talk sense into Funderburke. Knight could be grab-by-the-collar when the player was a little over-the-line and many players understood. They knew what they were getting into. That said, it really wasn’t terribly wise for Wright to perform the action, given Funderburke’s volatile situation. The best thing to do was simply let him walk out the door. A coach can do nothing if the player decides to go play for another coach.

And again, Corina has what it takes based upon the information so far, although you never know. At this point, the odds say she got game. But that really isn’t the issue here. I just don’t think the readers are ready for another episode with Miss Corrosion. When she broached the subject of cookies a couple of days ago, I wouldn’t be surprised that Pavlov’s Dog reaction of brownies popped in everybody’s mind. She has been snarly for God-knows-how-long and is anybody really ready for another dose of “Don’t pour water into acid or you’ll have Miss Corrosion splattering all over you”? I thought not.

Mimi is like that leopard in the Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs asks, when the leopard is being served coffee, how many lumps of sugar does the leopard want. And when the leopard replies “Oh, three or four”, Miss Corrosion wops Mimi on side her head with a Hillerich & Bradsby Special. Of course, I think everybody should get a chance to right his or her ship but even when Miss Corrosion served brownies to two QB’s with egos the size of Corina’s lack of tactfulness, she never really changed her spots. She’s just as nauseating now as she was when she was introduced and that trend of ad nauseum will like carry over to Milford Community College.

At a Milford Baseball game one afternoon

“Great Mephisto, how could you let that maniac put a sleeper hold on my husband? Now we’re going to have to reschedule the game.”

“Relax, Mrs. Zorp. I will apply a potion zat weel wake him up before midnight.”

And what makes Mimi or anybody else think that Corina is ready for college life? I certainly do not deny that Corina has the intelligence and the discipline to handle the academic load. She will do well on her SAT’s, a measure incidentally on a student’s readiness for college academics, NOT on a student’s IQ, even though it is clear that Corina has the IQ and preparation for State U. But no professor is going to stomach her visceral attitude or speech in Biology Lab. Yeah, don’t tell the teacher assistant that the dissected frog reminds you of the cafeteria food. She better not write term papers with her acerbic approach or she could be gone sooner than Lawrence Funderburke. Spew her venom in Lifetime Tennis when the course is a dumb-jock-laden easy A? You deserve to flunk if you can hit it over the net or answer correctly that James Naismith utilized tennis for Spring as a continuation of Muscular Christianity from basketball season but tell the PE teacher that tennis is for people who couldn’t make Knappe’s Valley Modified team.

But you go right ahead and send that application back to Milford Community College. Maybe once we can see a sow’s ear turn into silk purse. Yeah, and Gil might wake up in the next five minutes from that sleeper hold. We’ll be waiting.

Oooooooookkkkkkk, Gene Rayburn is back as a yin to Corina’s yang. Take ‘er away, Gene

“Dumb Dora was sooooooooooooooooo dumb (HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) , she thought that if Mimi gave Corina some________________ out of the machine, Corina might change her mind.”

P3 is full of absurdities, they might as well be in the Pantheon of Mysterious Objects even if they’re really not objects per se. For example, I know Miss Corrosion is a talented player but no way can she twirl a cupcake on her fingers a la Meadowlark Lemon. She might as well be twirling her chunky bracelet. And is the only way I can Corruptvirus to talk is if Mimi feeds her a whole crate of Ho Ho’s? Sure, If I want her to sign with Arizona or UCLA, I’ll be sure to secure that reservation at Red Lobster. Maybe check the wine list to seal the deal.

And the room looks like they’re in The Riddler’s hideout. That window is so high, Batman and Robin are about the only ones brave enough to scale it vertically. And if you look closely, is that the top of the ceiling or are Mimi and Miss Corrosion sitting outside a gigantic doll house? I’ll give this last one Honorable Mention in the Pantheon of Mysterious Objects.

At the Thorp household, Gil negotiating a Batman maneuver up the garage door

“Damn!!!!!! Almost there!!!!!!!!! I can slide down the chimney and get my keys!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Gil, I’ve been getting dinner ready all afternoon.”

And judging by Corina’s words, are we to bring back Corina’s mom into this discussion? Wasn’t she some kind of terrorist that we just swept under the rug until the present conversation? You kind of get the feeling, reading between the lines of Corina’s protests, that she will eventually implode and it will have every bit to do with Mom being once being a member of the PLO. Boy, that’s a lot on your plate when you’re trying to give signals to your pitcher when your mom is bombing a McDonald’s in Tel Aviv. Mimi, you might want to gracefully back away from this literal load of dynamite.

But maybe Mimi’s right. Corina will be an All-Star catcher and win MVP in the Valley Conference while her mom gets the chair in Tyre for excess violent activity, especially destroying the kiddie horse up front at the Tyre Wal-Mart Supercenter.

“And we’ll be back to see if Gil wakes up after Maniac Mark Lewin applied the sleeper hold and sees his wife and kids again after these messages. You’re watching Milford Championship Wrestling on WDIG-TV. Don’t go away.”

“Mommy, Daddy looks funny with all that makeup. And why is he hiding behind the bushes in the backyard with a shotgun?”

“This is new on me, Keri, sweetie.”

In the backyard

“Gil, why are you wearing all that camouflage on your face? And put the gun down. What will the neighbors think?”

“Mimi, I’m going to catch that skunk, one way or the other. That anteater might have slipped out of my grasp but I’ve tracked down that skunk’s feeding habits. It likes to eat the herbiage in the corner over there. One munch on a twig and BLAM-Make my day.”

“Honey, there is no need to go through all this when you can call Milford Critter Concepts. They have safe practices designed to remove unwanted pests so that we’re all happy.”

“No way, Mimi. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. When that raccoon took my softball glove out of my garage, I didn’t have any equipment for that Major Industrial Slo-Pitch Championship. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice-“

“Gil, you are scaring the kids. And Milford Critter Concepts takes major credit cards including American Express. You can even write a check if you deposited that money like I asked you.”

“It is better to be on the hunt. Lying here behind the poses more of a challenge. Believe me, when I shot that armadillo, I knew what it felt like to be a man. It was man against Godzilla and you know the rest of the script, I’m assuming.”

“Gil, if you shoot and hit somebody’s bathroom window, YOU will do the explaining. I wouldn’t know what to say to my neighbor with him just wearing a towel and cussing like a skunk.”

“She was right. I called Milford Critter Concepts and the skunk was as good as gone. I was wondering why the shed smelled so bad. But Milford Critter Concepts took care of that and many other problems. They even found my glove in the sewer. Just add some linseed oil and I’m good for the next tournament. A beaver does not have a chance to build a dam by the verandah with their safe and tried-and-true methodolgy. Mimi and I can drink a brew in peace, knowing that beaver will have to set up shop at Dr. Pearl’s country estate. Give them a call today and remove the pests that don’t always come through the front door.”

Gang, it’s okay. I’ll wait until Gil wakes up. The Great Mephisto said the potion should wake him up in a couple of hours. You go on to your own affairs. And God bless you, Gang.

April 28, 2021

More Posts About Softball and Food

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, huge earrings, Mimi Thorp, softball — teenchy @ 9:09 am

Did we miss the return of Beau Dandy to the strip? Oh, wait, it’s just another Milfordian using a term no one else has this century. At least their euphemism for doing the deed is current. Good thing that pork loin came with a side of smashed potatoes.

That dull thud you hear is me banging my head against my desk at the physical return of Lotus Cortina Anna Karenina. Even Mimi is sick of her crap to the point she can’t be bothered to make eye contact. Didn’t she get the memo? She’s not at Valley Mod anymore, no more free food on the Milford dime. Well, uh, maybe we can make this one exception, especially since Mimi’s gonna lay something heavy on her. Just what unearned benefit will be bestowed on Milford’s self-anointed Greek chorus and righter of wrongs? Will Mimi finally acknowledge that her coaching skills are nonexistent beyond soothing words and hand over the reins to Mary Sue Karenna? Will she simply tell Corina she needs to split catching duties with the senior she pushed out from behind the plate? Or is it just time for Corina to pass on the communal pair of big round earrings to the next girl?

April 27, 2021

It Took Five Days To Get To The Punchline????

Filed under: Gil Thorp — tdrewhardin @ 11:25 am

Gang, to put this in its proper perspective, the Britos and their guest, Zane, were at the dinner table when last I posted. Since then, Irritation Man is still bitching about library waste, Zane went into a Rush 2112 Overture soliloquy (“…Milford is still in my eyes, the library is still in my head, I hear its siren, sadly smile, and lie a while in bed…”) , Katy is having to beg Bill Bailey once again to come home and Mrs. Brito is mad as Hell and not gonna take it anymore. And, naturally, Gil is not around to see any of this.

Allllllllll righty then.

And it has been seventeen (that’s right, put a 1 and 7 together, you got it in ya) days since we have had sports and that was when Katy (an educated but logical guess) slid into a base ahead of the Henninger fielder’s throw. Boy, excitement galore. No need to show Corinavirus going yard or Milford relief spelled Jocelynn Brown (hey, she’s been relegated to utility Jack-of-all-trades after Mimi dumped her at catcher for Corrosion Virus) striking out the side when it is sufficient to observe that Ms. Brito has her sliding technique down to a science. And why show Mimi giving Becca the green light to round third and get an insurance run when you can show the ladies engaged in virtual gossip on the bus? There’s no need to be out of character here. Softball takes a back seat to idle chatter any day in the world of Thorpiverse.

Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer

“Scientists At Milford Community College To Conduct Study On Pin Oak Trees Emerging From The Azalea Bushes Behind Gil’s Office!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“As long as they don’t interfere with the Intramural Softball Season, I don’t have a problem with it.”

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S GOT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE GET THAT RAID OUTDOOR SPRAY AND NUKE THAT TARANTULA OFF OF ZANE AIM FOR THE EYES IT’S GOT EIGHT OF THEM-oops, never mind, that’s Katy pawing Zane in an act of consolation for her father being as creepy as Them! And Katy, you wore lavender the other day, did the tarantula bite your outfit and turn a dark purple as a result? Boy, the color scheme parade seems to have gotten sidetracked down a cul-de-sac. Then there’s the trees. I’m glad Thorpiverse has finally consulted an encyclopedia and figured out what an oak tree branch diagram looks like; now if it can move past the concept that oak trees don’t grow out of your shrubbery, we can finally conquer twerpy trees and freak hands all in one swing. Assuming we ARE getting back to the ballpark before June.

At the Milford Comedy Club

“…What do I look like, Godzilla after he ripped a sugar maple out of a hollyhock’s socket?????????”

Steely Dan’s Pretzel Logic is quietly playing on someone’s walkman in the back row

“Gil, we waited five days until you got to the point?????”

I have a serious question for Thorpiverse. Did someone flush his crayons down the commode in the art room? Mrs. Brito’s hair was chestnuts-roasting-on-an-open-fire brown the last time I posted, now she’s Tom Petty today. Don’t come ’round the library no more, hubby, unless you take the place of Mr. Anonymous Humanoid Who Bolted For Colorado And Will Never Be Seen In This Lifetime Again. Oh, we’ve given up (STOP!!!!!) on a plot that ain’t stronger, fer sure.

And okay, kudos to T-verse for remembering that Mrs. Brito was wearing pants the other day, complete with a belt that went actually through the belt loops. Lord knows, we’ve seen an occasional Jerry Lawler/Jeff Jarrett Southern Tag Team Title bit of apparel wrapped around Gil or Mimi. And granted, when she stands up, she probably pulled her shirt down to hide the “Libraries Don’t Bite” tattoo on her navel and also covers the belt. That makes sense so far.

But then she was wearing her eco-friendly green casual shirt the other day, now she must have stolen her husband’s shirt when he was busy ranting that libraries DO bite, literally and figuratively. I guess her “Save The Hollyhock-Grown Catalpa Trees” campaign is on hold for the moment. And where did Mr. Butthead get that red shirt? Did he rip it straight off of Bob Knight when he was busy chewing on a Big Ten official? At least when Coach Knight was arguing, he had a case. Geez, Mr. Butthead, if you’re going to take wings off of flies or a walker off of some 97-year-old granny, will you PLEASE have something to say? The world does not revolve around the Milford Public Library System. Trust me. We will get the Middle East problem solved with or without cutbacks in the janitorial staff at said location.

P1-“Kill Mr. Brito, Kill Mr. Brito…”

“And we’ll be back for the conclusion of “The Zombies Invade Milford” after these messages. You’re watching WDIG-TV.”

Then there’s the cuisine. Mr. Butthead was so wrapped up in his malarkey that he didn’t finish the pea pods or the Fruity Pebbles on his plate. Maybe they have a dog that’ll lick the rest. And saying, for argument’s sake, that that’s Katy’s plate that Mrs. Brito is picking up, SHE didn’t finish her White Russia apple turnover, baked cauliflower a la mode, and green mini-tacos. But she had a valid reason. And who would leave a whole bowl of breaded asparagus wedgies unconsumed? There are starving kids in Oakwood who’d turn in their primers for a sample. And is thst a sugar dispenser? That’s about the only reasonable food item displayed but ain’t no way I’m pouring sugar on my wedgies.

And Mrs.Brito makes an excellent point in P3. Why it took several days and wasted soap-opera-for-sports time to reach this conclusion but we’re here, about to waste some more time and sports action for the glory of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman. But who’s counting? But arrive we have and face it, what she says mirrors what Frank Zappa used to say “When you’re 18, register to vote and run for office.” No truer words spoken.

But Franku mentions P4 a lot and I want to pursue his excellent concept and run with this

P4-“Brito? Ya doesn’t have ta call me Brito!!!!!!!!! You can call me Butt. Or you can call me Butthead. Or you can call me Burrito Butthead. Or you can call me Asswipe Burrito Butthead. Or you can call me Asswipe Burrito Butthead, Esquire. But ya doesn’t have ta call me Brito. And I WILL run for that position on the library board. How many T’s in ‘Butthead’ or ‘Worthless As Tits on a Boar’?”

If ya have ta use Tums ta take care of all that gas ya got from the fried cottage cheese with Heinz Ketchup ya ate fer dinner, ya might be a redneck.

As long as I’m on the subject of Jerry Lawler and Mrs. Brito talks about running your mouth, God, the number of times Andy Kaufman ran his mouth when he was taunting Jerry Lawler. I swear, Andy had the whole town of Memphis, or Milford if you will, in a frenzy. Talking about how Lawler was just a hayseed and his brain was sitting on the tractor seat. But I remember when Lawler and Kaufman appeared on the Letterman show and if you’ll sub Brito in for Kaufman, Lawler is taking a lot from Brito and saying he doesn’t play around with sissies like Brito in the ring. The line of the night was when Lawler tells Brito “Your dad wanted a boy and your mom wanted a girl and it looks like they both got what they wanted”.

Keep flapping your jaws in Milford or the Mid-South Coliseum, Brito. One day, you might win the Southern Tag Team Title from Lawler and Jarrett.

“Does Zane eat more of Mr. Brito or more of Mrs. Brito’s cooking? In a moment, you’ll find out on ‘The Zombies Sell Real Estate And Have The Brito’s House On The Auction Block’. You’re watching WDIG-TV. Don’t go away.”

“Mrs. Brito is a pretty darn good cook, isn’t she? I’d love to sit on my easy chair watching the NFL Draft with a bottle of Busch and a plate of fried cottage cheese. Top it with Velveeta and I’m in Hog Heaven.

But I’m not here to talk about a fifth of Jack and some Egg Plant-Flavored Cream of Wheat while I’m watching the Senior Bowl. Hi, this is Coach Thorp on behalf of Milford Beverage Warehouse and speaking of recliners, The Warehouse and Milford Furniture Outlet have teamed up for an exciting new promotion guaranteed to up your game and excite your taste buds and relax, all in the same building.

The Slumber/Kick Back/Elevate concept is drawing rave reviews as many people imbibe their favorite suds while indulging in lumbar liberation. This recliner, designed by Hooked on Chilling Out, possesses all the fine features that you expect from a recliner. No cheap leather that some sleazy manufacturer obtained from cows shot between the eyes in the Ruhrgebiet region of Germany that had been in the pastures too long. No sir, the chestnut leather was hand-picked from all the cows in Italy that make for a toughened products. Animal hide smack dab in the middle of the wine region will do that.

And with a purchase of Tito’s Handmade Vodka, The Warehouse will pick up $50 on the purchase of your new recliner. Boy, it’s nice to know that I can use that freed-up money to settle my account with Milford Lawn Maintenance. Now I can slumber and slurp on Tito’s finest, knowing the grass won’t get as tall as the mail box out front.

But some of you like to kick back and watch Major League Baseball on TV. No problem. With a purchase of a 30-Pak of Miller High Life at a slumbering price I can’t announce over the radio as attested by the riot last week, you can enjoy that Duralux Mahogany Recliner after The Warehouse kicks in a 25% contribution on your purchase. Now you’ll have piece of mind while you’re watching Harry lambaste the Cubs on a no-out, bases-loaded opportunity that went the way of David Clyde (I tried, Rob, I honestly tried) . Fun at the old ballpark.

And here’s something for you fussbudgets if anything else doesn’t grab ya, if you’ll purchase a 750 ml bottle of Maker’s Mark Dragonfire-Processed Bourbon, not only will The Warehouse contribute a sizeable portion to the cause, you will be able to sit in your Hooked on Chilling Out recliner next to the statue of Wink Martindale we proudly display up front WITH one of the arm rests boldly proffering his autograph. How he has time to autograph recliners and host The Joker’s Wild never ceases to amaze me. But you can watch The Joker’s Wild thus evening and sip on your Bourbon, confident that you have a piece of him in your living room.

And that’s just the tip of the beer bottle. Come in and check out the other recliner promotions we have to slake your thirst for The Good Life. You’ll find that chillin’ with a Bud while chillin’ on the recliner watching Milford Pro Wrestling is just the ticket when you want to take it easy in all the right places. Come down to all the right places at The Warehouse and tell ’em Coach Thorp sent ya.”

I don’t care what any of you say, I still insist that Andy Kaufman could have beaten Jerry Lawler if the officiating had been better. But God bless you, Gang.

April 26, 2021

More Library Talk

Filed under: Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 5:44 am

Zane Clark has had enough of Abel Brito’s constant harping on the library and he’s also had enough green beans and cauliflower, so he’s outta there. (He’s like Doug Guthrie, who we may not hear from again once he supplied the GTO for last seasons big finish. So Doug Guthrie is outta heeere.) Zane is going to head to the library and do some more studying, so stow it Abel!

Katy Brito walks Zane to his car and now she has to hear more library jibba jabba now that her father got Zane all wound up and on the defensive. Zane works hard and doesn’t complain, but we don’t know what that has to do with anything. Does he work hard in the library and not complain when someone sits next to him chomping on gum at one of the library computers? His real beef should be with Abel Brito even bringing it up to him.

Zane’s last statement makes it sound like he is familiar with the party line of library advocates and not just expressing his own self interest. That’s right, Zane. The library and it’s programs are a service to the community and the return on investment for allocating resources to the library is not going to be measurable with a simple balance sheet. Zane himself serves as an illustration of the payoff for funding the library. Go ahead and get your presentation ready, Zane. It looks like you will be presenting it to Chekov’s Library Board before the end of this arc.

April 24, 2021

It’s the Latest, It’s the Greatest

There’s a place for you and a place for me,
it’s the local public library.
They have books and things that they lend for free
It’s the latest, it’s the greatest, it’s the library.

Educational, informational,
entertainment that’s sensational.
It’s a way of life, it’s for you and me
It’s the latest, it’s the greatest, it’s the library.

They have histories, they have mysteries
And for mothers, books of recipes
See a movie show, hear a symphony
It’s the latest, it’s the greatest, it’s the library

Not a song parody but an actual song. Originally written as a jingle for the New York Public Library. Dated lyrics but the sentiment is there.

Times are tough in the Clark household. Zane is having to share the family PC with his siblings, driving to the library (likely not in a car of his own, much less a Tri-Power Goat or Jeep) to use a PC, and cutting his own hair. Awfully nice of Katy Brito to cut her own hair in the dark in solidarity.

Credit where credit is due: Over the past several years Rubin’s done a fair job of working a lot of the same socioeconomic issues as the larger society into Milford. How he’s worked them in has been hit or miss, and the kids’ responses to the issues – from opioid addiction to the aftermath of Hurricane Maria to mental illness to alcoholism – have been as varied as kids are themselves. So far he’s made Zane into a fairly sympathetic character, and it’s unfortunate we’ll have to slog through six to eight weeks of designated red-ass Abel making things even more difficult for the kid before he has some sort of epiphany. I still think Abel’s getting pink-slipped before it’s all over.

April 23, 2021

Zane is not Abel

Filed under: freak hands, huge earrings, Pissy faced minor character — robmize2013 @ 11:59 am

So we find out at dinner that Zanes family cant afford cable. I digress…

In the summer of 1983 I went off to college and discovered cable for the first time, in my dorm room. So cool to watch tv without worrying about the antenna being juuuust so to optimize the picture. Plus I saw all those games I couldnt see before. Then when I got home from college later in the fall, I saw this black box on top of the TV downstairs. We had bought cable. Just on 1 TV. So I figured out that the tv had to be left on Channel 3 all the time if you wanted a picture, and all others would produce static. We also purchased HBO and Showtime so we could watch some movies. Back then of course, cable consisted of about 25 channels, but it was still way more then before, and I loved it. Im pretty sure we had the same box for 14 years. We actually ran the antenna into my bedroom so I could get a better signal on my Tv, but it was only regular channels there. The monthly cost was around $35.

Of course when we moved 14 years later we bought Jones Intercable, which became Comcast, and as cable technology improved so did the number of channels, and the cost. There were so many channels to watch movies that we dropped HBO and Showtime (which now have their own tier of channels). Satellite came along and offered their own cheaper alternatives, and finally after 34 years I dropped cable and switched to satellite. At the end the monthly cable bill was around $180, which included internet service. My promo period has since ended, but Im happy with what I have.

It was never something we couldnt afford, as we made sure we werent paying for the largest packages that we didnt need. But there are plenty of people that have cut the cord lately, as several alternatives besides sattelite have come up, like Hulu, Youtube TV, etc. So Zane has plenty of company in that regard.

So the point of this strip today is the library is useful for some people, and Abel should respect that. As far as 3 kids sharing 1 outdated PC, hey kid, in my day we had Zero PC’s. And we managed. We used something called an encyclopedia.

I’m sure the next step will be for Abel to join the library board. More chaos will ensue as he votes to cut down the number of PC’s resulting in Zane not having one when he needs one down the road.

I love Mrs. Britos earrings but really, how come everyone has the same style? Huge black and round. She also has changed her hair color already, from yellow to brown. Obviously someone didnt tell Whigham they use color in GoComics now.

And my god Zane– comb your hair before you come to the table. He looks like he just rolled outa bed.

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