This Week in Milford

July 26, 2011

Dr. Scavuzzo will pay for his FOOZLE. But not $20.

Filed under: Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces, What the hell is going on here? — jasbeattie @ 11:17 pm



Kenny “Mud” Lark returned home once more to his increasingly indifferent mother…”That’s nice.” she listlessly responded to his proclamation of yet another pathetic loss. Hmm, she was wearing her sexy bracelets again. He’d have to impress her in some way before she lost interest permanently. But HOW?

Ah, he knew! His full bottle of Grey Sneh Vodka…Kenny always kept it handy in the “Milford Refuses Your Recycling” bin. (That thing would never get picked up…) If he could get Ma nice and liquored up during a drive to Make-Out Point in the ol’ convertible, she was bound to let him get to at least second base. Hey, it had worked before. Usually it took about five shots before she was willing to look past his enigmatic blond-brown hair wig and Scorsese eyebrows.

Plus, Kenny supposed, reigniting things with Mom was bound to make that athletic Molly jealous…if only that evil Dr. Scavuzzo wasn’t getting in the way of his master plan. But there was time to make Scavuzzo pay. And yeah, he was gonna be one sorry son of a bitch doctor next week. Kenny wryly smirked as he wrapped him arm ever tighter around mom on the drive up the hill. It was gonna be a good night.


“Tell you what, miss FOOZLE. If you can FOOZLE the ball 200 FOOZLE, I’ll give you 20 FOOZLE.”
[Mighty untrained FOOZLE!]
“Having FOOZLE, Molly?”
“Other than the evil Dr. Scavuzzo and his pig FOOZLES FOOZLING at me, it’s a FOOZLE. If only someone would make that FOOZLE doctor pay.”



  1. Grey Swine vodka and Dr Scavuzzo (in Sicily,”Vaffancul’, Scavazz!”) are a perfect match. Hang in, Molly– another month and you’ll be in college with these douchebags left behind.

    Comment by vaganova — July 27, 2011 @ 12:16 am

  2. 7/25, panel 3: To the rest of the planet, the symbol

    means “reduce, reuse, recycle.” Not in Milford! There, it means “Refuse” although whether it is intended as a noun or a verb remains unclear. Either way, it probably means “dump it in the landfill.”

    Comment by richard sansing — July 27, 2011 @ 3:52 am

  3. “You don’t understand the first thing about golf!”

    In golf, when you are handed a left-handed driver and hit it as a righty while standing facing down the fairway, the shot is called a “fozzle”.

    I see that Marty Moon is playing in the Scavuzzo group today – I bet he put Scavuzzo up to embarassing a Milford athlete just to pick at Gil.

    Comment by Milfordian — July 27, 2011 @ 6:49 am

  4. Good shooting, Milfordian– that’s Marty all right. You can tell by the hangover.

    Comment by vaganova — July 27, 2011 @ 7:06 am

  5. Fat F%ck:”Tell you what, miss athelete, if you can drive the ball 200 yards I’ll give you 20 bucks”
    Molly: “Tell you what, Fat F%ck, if I could drive the ball 200 yards, do you think I’d be caddying for your fat ass?

    Comment by Knoxy — July 27, 2011 @ 7:08 am

  6. Pardon me, Mrs. Chudlark, do you have any Grey Poop-swan?

    Comment by Dood — July 27, 2011 @ 7:11 am

  7. Mimi’s poolboy: Hronk Foozle.

    Comment by Dood — July 27, 2011 @ 7:12 am

  8. I’ve called the movers and asked for a week or two’s delay. Between Grey Swine-Poop vodka, exploding tee markers, and Scavoots (in the Sicilian dialect “the fat fuck in the horizontal stripes”) this story may not be totally dead after all.

    Comment by vaganova — July 27, 2011 @ 7:36 am

  9. I want more Marty (only not when he’s digging through the Chudlark’s refuse bin to empty the empties).

    Comment by Dood — July 27, 2011 @ 7:51 am

  10. 7/27 P3: Gil- “Having fun, Molly?” Molly- “Yes, and lucrative fun you old sot! I can’t hit a golf ball so that old fat f%ck paid me $50 for every article of clothing I could remove. I had this caddying thing all wrong. I’m gonna be takin’ down some big bank this summer! Say, can they put a chaise lounge in the rough at the 9th hole?”

    Comment by semperfi4evr — July 27, 2011 @ 8:33 am

  11. Alright, so part of this boring storyline involves Studebaker Lark’s mom’s developing alcoholism. At least he’s trying to look out for her by keeping her from behind the wheel. Maybe he could take her to the MCC where she could hang out with Gil at the 19th hole or give Molly cougar lessons in the caddyshack?

    Comment by delvaldawg — July 27, 2011 @ 8:57 am

  12. I tell you what, it takes real athletic talent to make a golf ball go “FOOZLE.”

    Comment by John S. Walters — July 27, 2011 @ 9:01 am

  13. “Foozle” had me thinking that it might be time to assemble a Thorptionary, similar to the Batiuktionary of Funky Winkerbean. I quickly realized, unfortunately, that while the Batiuktionary catalogs defineable phrases that are not used by actual English-speaking people, a Thorptionary would consist entirely of onomatopoeias with indeterminate meanings.

    Comment by billytheskink — July 27, 2011 @ 10:18 am

  14. Shouldn’t Gil Thorp readers (yep, all 23 of us) be given the right of first re-foozle to crap storylines?

    Comment by Dood — July 27, 2011 @ 11:07 am

  15. Nothing but top shelf for Mrs. Mudlark. I thought it said Grey Swan (based on the badly drawn swan.) When is Gil going to come over and *ahem* cousel Mrs. Mudlark about her drinking. I smell a remake of “The days of WIne and Roses” starring Gil and Mrs. Mudlark.

    This whole boring story has been a FOOZLE. When is Molly going to FOOZLE that five iron over Fat F@&k’s head?

    Marty’s part of Dr. Scuduzzo’s crew just so he can get to the drinks at the 19th hole and oh yea, to see Molly in a cardboard bikini.

    In the role of Dr. Scuduzzo: Ed Asner.

    Comment by Regina — July 27, 2011 @ 11:57 am

  16. I see Alan Hale as the Skipper playing the part of Dr. Skew-foozle. Which makes Marty Moon Gilligan.

    Comment by Dood — July 27, 2011 @ 12:42 pm

  17. Regina, I think Ed Asner has too much dignity for that role. Better Richard Castellano, the guy who played Clemenza in the Godfather pictures. I’m wondering if Scavoots is a real physician. I mean “Doctor” could be a mob nickname– his and Marty’s playing partners may actually be Joey Four-Eyes and Little Louie Limp. I mean there’s precedent– Marty got shaken down by a hustler a few years ago. Just sayin’.

    Comment by vaganova — July 27, 2011 @ 2:27 pm

  18. ok third panal july 25 o was it 26 is that artwork .gil probably got 50 buck tip from dr scavuzzo saying molly had a snapping gyro but if you meet torrey pines in a bunker she has sandy knees and will love your 5 iron

    Comment by mr120zcan — July 27, 2011 @ 7:33 pm

  19. Grey Boy Vodka! It’s shitty! Check it! Count it! Bonk! HRONK! FOOZLE!

    Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — July 27, 2011 @ 10:24 pm

  20. #17:Vaganova: On second glance, Dr. Scuzzuddo could be played by Burt Young, Paulie from Rocky. He uses the money he wins on golf to finance some hairbrained scheme and his golf crew has to go live in the Philly slums thanks to his stupidity.

    Comment by Regina — July 28, 2011 @ 7:26 am

  21. Oh boy – Gil is going to get Kenny to teach a girl how to play golf! There will be a battle of the teenage sexes, much hilarity will ensue (well, at least hilarious sound effects will), Gil will go to the clubhouse and quietly get sozzled on Grey Indeterminate-Bird Vodka, and in the end Kenny and Molly will fall in love.

    There, I’ve just finished the summer golf story five weeks early. Bring on football season and Marty’s pimptastic coat!

    Comment by jules — July 28, 2011 @ 7:27 am

  22. Ah, football. Marty Moon. A wooden crate. And the scent of piss, cigarettes and peppermint schnapps.

    Comment by Dood — July 28, 2011 @ 10:03 am

  23. Burt Young, Regina? I love it. Wasn’t Paulie peripherally involved with the mob, too? Or was that Rocky himself? But he maps perfectly onto Dr Scavuzzo (“Vaffancul’, Scavoots!”)– fat, stupid, and obvious…

    Comment by vaganova — July 28, 2011 @ 1:21 pm

  24. What’s the word? Indeterminate-Bird!
    How’s it sold? Good ‘n cold!
    What’s the jive? Bird’s alive!
    What’s the price? Thirty twice!

    Comment by delvaldawg — July 28, 2011 @ 7:04 pm

  25. dam i must get drunker then marty moon i dont remember posting my number 18 comment

    Comment by mr120zcan — July 28, 2011 @ 8:00 pm

  26. Are we supposed to feel sorry for Molly?
    She got a job as a caddie, but doesn’t know anything about the game.
    Now her feelings are hurt because she can’t play either. You didn’t lose any money on the deal, bint.

    Comment by dale — July 28, 2011 @ 8:16 pm

  27. 7/25/11 – Mom’s bracelets are on her left wrist in panel 1, right wrist in panel 2.

    Comment by thorpnotized — July 29, 2011 @ 7:30 am

  28. @27 Thorpnotized – That’s what Chief Whigham wants you to think. *hand jive* Where are the bracelets? Where are they now? Woo-oo-ooo….

    Comment by jules — July 29, 2011 @ 8:18 am

  29. OK, so what’s gonna be the main story for this summers golfing interminable dance of drivel:
    a) Mom’s bout with the bottle
    b) Some drama between Studebaker Lark and Molly Cardboard Bikini; maybe not being on the course but
    having to take a Mulligans none-the-less
    c) Gil letting Larkie teach Molly golf stuff but instructing her in the ways of the Kama Sutra himself
    d) Asner/Castellano/Young conveniently turning out to be an addiction Dr. and curing Mom
    e) Foozle
    f) The Dodge Minivan Crapmobile throwing a rod
    g) Marty Moon throwing up after teeing off. Again. And again.
    h) Mr Baskt
    i) none of the above
    j) all of the above
    k) Who cares?

    Comment by semperfi4evr — July 30, 2011 @ 7:29 am

  30. I vote for (k) as my interest has already foozled out.

    Comment by delvaldawg — July 30, 2011 @ 8:17 am

  31. l) Return o’ Clambake and Gail Martin (she’s the rock and roll Carole King)! Check it! Count it! Bonk! HRONK! FOOZLE!

    Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — July 30, 2011 @ 9:44 pm

  32. I now have my new screen name for all comics-related blogs. (The Artist Formerly Known As Bartcow)

    Comment by The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE — August 15, 2011 @ 8:43 am

  33. jusane was there

    Comment by Shaka Zulu — August 16, 2011 @ 6:32 pm

  34. […] year’s golf plot was so forgettable, I had to look up what it was about. (Answer: FOOZLE and DRUNK […]

    Pingback by Fore!-feiting another summer « This Week in Milford — July 3, 2012 @ 4:02 pm

  35. […] more than happy to caddy for Dr. Scavuzzo (who golfs with pigs). She’s going to fleece him for everything he’s got. She’s also putting one over […]

    Pingback by You Can Be Replaced By Golf Carts. « This Week in Milford — July 15, 2012 @ 12:29 pm

  36. […] he’s not hitting any balls on the course anyway, what do I care? As long as there’s no foozling going on out […]

    Pingback by The Color of Flub « This Week in Milford — August 8, 2012 @ 1:48 pm

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