The Mexican dream: To Keep Elmer in America

5/10/08

Gil checks in to ask English teacher Christina Fifield (an award-winning short story writer) for a date, but then she won’t shut the hell up about Elmer Vargas. Sensing competition for his affections, Gil vows to ignore Elmer’s problems. But then stupid Elmer won’t shut the hell up either. Fortunately, in his eighty years on this planet*, Gil has learned something Elmer hasn’t. The American government is too bureaucratic, too incompetent, and too uncaring to give a rat’s ass if you think you are living the American dream, even if that dream involves dad’s brick magic, growing a mullet and playing high school sports with your giant hands.

5/12/08

I guess your team is doing alright when you can afford to put your shortstop in to pitch the end of the game. But I want them to throttle someone so bad that they bring in Cully to toss the final inning.

Meanwhile, Gil’s diabolical plan to have Christina Fifield all to himself continues unabated  as we move closer to the anticipated Elmer deportation. But I’m curious…why did Elmer’s father wait until now to try to solve his family’s citizenship issues? He obviously knew it was a problem for years, but it was only after Elmer repeatedly asked to go to Ecuador that this whole thing got kicked into gear. So what is the deal? Other than incompetence, laziness, and/or bad parenting, I got no explanations here.

I do think that Elmer should be kicked out of town on principle, for showing up in Central City wearing that outfit. Hmmm, Central City? Keeping my fingers crossed that their lawyer is Drunken CAFE lout!

*Gil has only spent the second half of his life on Earth.