Metapost: There’s no way I can follow that masterpiece by Ned yesterday. Simply magnificent. That said, much like dealing with a recalcitrant whitehead, let’s squeeze out a post today and be done with it.
Panel 1: I am simultaneously comforted that Little Ricky appears to have a crappier cellphone than I do and then I remember that these are just drawings and am discomfited by having taken comfort in imagining that. Hey, did someone say something about concussions? Awesome.
Panel 2: We give Rick a hard time around here but, to be completely fair to him*, his reactions to his Uncle are the most reasonable depicted behavior by practically any citizen of Milford and/or the broader Valley region.
Panel 3: If I have to look at another panel of Uncle Gary touching his face, I am out. This is not negotiable.
Inspiration for today’s post title**:
* As one ought while, again, bearing in mind that we’re talking about fictional characters.
** I’ve seen, I dunno, maybe half of Clint Eastwood’s films which he’s directed and appeared. This is not one of them. I originally was going for something like this, but decided that trailer was more fun/insane.
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This Week in Milford 
Rick: “Okay, it also says here my mom has inoperable cancer”.
Gary: “She hasn’t been to a doctor in months. For all we know, she’s got it”.
Rick: “It also says here that my sister is a missionary in the Amazon basin. I don’t even have a sister!”
Gary: “Your parents were talking about having another kid. Poetic license”.
Rick: “And what’s this last part about me singing while a battalion of ISIS mechanized infantry were firing on me?”
Gary: “Well … I may have gone a little overboard on that last one”.
Comment by Philip — November 14, 2017 @ 11:47 am
“Plot structure?” I’ve seen better organized mudslides. But there is one upside: for several years we cycled through dorky high school boys playing lawyer, publicist, coach, etc. This time it’s a creepy adult imagining he’s a talent agent. You have to admit it’s better than taking three months to find out Knox Foley had identified the wrong gas station. And we can look forward to Rick Soto exposing his uncle for committing fraud. Then we can get UG off the stage and move on to basketball.
Comment by vaganova — November 14, 2017 @ 12:08 pm
I’d be looking forward to a ridiculous denouement in which Rick becomes an Internet celebrity but then Gary’s deceptions come back to haunt him and Rick’s fame devolves into disgrace. The final scene involves him going on Fox News to get yelled at by Tucker Carlson.
Notice I said “I’d be looking forward to…” because I know Mr. Rubin never fails to disappoint. The Great Internet Plot will fizzle, and Rick will return to the field in time for the Mudlarks to win their final game using the Veer, but it’ll be too late to get them in the playdowns. And Uncle Gary will be on a Greyhound bus headed back to California, drowning his sorrows in cheap beer and gas-station burritos.
Comment by John S. Walters — November 14, 2017 @ 12:33 pm
Wrong Gary. No one sits out a game with a MILD sprained ankle if said person can stand on field without crutches and sing the anthem. What a pud. Like uncle like nephew.
Comment by Jive Turkey — November 14, 2017 @ 12:36 pm
Like I said, cynical as though they may be, Gary’s considerable brand-building talents need to be put to use in New York or Hollywood instead of Shitsburg, Ohio…
Comment by hitorque — November 14, 2017 @ 12:48 pm
or in P4, it would be funny to see UG with his cell phone shoved up his ass, and hear him scream every time it rings, like in that one Beavis and Butthead episode
Comment by franku2016 — November 14, 2017 @ 12:59 pm
Concussions. So trendy!
Comment by nedryerson — November 14, 2017 @ 1:28 pm
This is deliriously stupid, but it isn’t boring so I’ll give it credit there.
We’ve got 5 more games to go and Milford hasn’t lost in the conference… but this, this is what we must concentrate on. There will be no playdown appearance, and it is all Uncle Gary’s fault. 15 years ago, Marty Moon would have been all over this, slamming Gary and Gil for costing the team success. Now we will just get to watch it fizzle.
Comment by billytheskink — November 14, 2017 @ 1:51 pm
In some states, a concussion has to be reported to some kind of authority, and in some, a player must be medically cleared to resume play after a concussion. Is someone going to take Gary’s little exaggeration seriously and accuse Gil of hiding a concussion?
Comment by Philip — November 14, 2017 @ 3:38 pm
I like your idea Philip! Someone would have to be Marty with, perhaps, Marjie jumping in to get to the real story. Of course, it will never happen.
Comment by timbuys — November 14, 2017 @ 3:54 pm
That’s a great episode frank. Called Prank Call. B&B search phone book. Find name harry Sach. Of course they have to prank him over and over. He finally gets caller ID. Long story short, Stuart’s dad ends up with phone up keester.
Comment by Jive Turkey — November 14, 2017 @ 4:48 pm
Philip, timbuys, the Marty Moon of ten years ago would have been all over that apparent violation of medical protocol (yet another instance in which a character with a goatee is instantly identified as evil and cowardly.) But I just want to see Rick clear the air while Mom puts UG on a Greyhound for California. UG says “LA.” Hot tip: those who live in Los Angeles say “Los Angeles.” Those who say “LA” are usually found to be living in some craptastic suburb far from anything you would want to know about. Eager to see UG battling household pests instead of meddling in teenagers’ lives. Full disclosure: I was a high school teacher for more than thirty years, and it’s a miracle I never punched out a meddling parent or relative for trying to force a kid into a path the kid did not want. Suggest, even encourage, but when you push and mislead you might as well have “I am an asshole” tattooed on your forehead.
Comment by vaganova — November 14, 2017 @ 4:56 pm
[…] little scheme is proving too much of a distraction. Maybe the fake concussion Uncle Gary claimed Rick had will turn into a real concussion next week. Then the real life changing may […]
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