Strapping On The Tweets Of Ignorance

11/16/12

“You see, I’m going to use this phone to ignore him. This phone, right here, levitating at the end of my fingertips. Do you want to know how to ignore somebody with a phone? I’ll tell you. Wait where are y’all going?”
“My sandwich is running low on whiskey and I need to go out to the parking lot for a refill. Keep going. I can fill in the parts I miss.”
“I’m going to go get my tonsils boxed. All this talk of Terry makes me want him more. Good luck with your ignorance campaign. I’ll try not to tell too many people about all the degrading sex I’m about to have with Terry Gallagher, the Irish kid on the football team.”
“Um, hi pretty stripe shirt girl. I’m new at Milford. My name is Hervé Villechaize, Jr. Can you direct me to the tray return? Oh, silly me, it’s right over there under that BIG sign. Perhaps, I shall see you around.”

11/17/12

Well, Chip, clearly you don’t know what a blitz is and Cyndy doesn’t know the meaning of the word ignore. You guys are perfect for each other! Go make some stupid babies while Grammy Anita bakes stupid cookies downstairs.

Hey, who are these guys. Cool street twits, discussing tweets on the street, with backwards hats and carefully cuffed slacks. “Yo check out some of these tweets, yo.”
“Dude, you just began and ended a sentence with yo.”
“Shut up, let’s just read tweets, yo.”
“Wow, talk about getting retweeted upside the head!”
“Shut up, yo.”

Thanks guys, here’s a few bucks. Go get a soda or something.