This Week in Milford

June 2, 2018

Bombs Away, Kevin – er, Barry


Milford, USA

June 2, 2018


Head Baseball Coach

Vacuum Cleaner Repair School

Sucksville, USA


Dear Head Baseball Coach:

You better come out here and get this slugger. He just changed his launch angle and he’s hit four home runs in five games and he strikes out once in a while. His home run trot is so good that he has to ask his teammates if he needs to slow it down a little. All he does is adjust his launch angle a sixteenth of an inch, then gives the ball a ride, which leaves his bat looking like a little white bullet, over the fence by 40 feet, easy. He’s a big, 18- or 19-year-old fellow like I told you before (I think), and if you don’t hurry up someone will sign him and he will be the best sluggerer that ever lived. He hits harder than Elmer Vargas or Bryce Larkin ever did, and his hair is greasier than Andrew Gregory’s. He knows where he’s hitting because if he didn’t there would be dead bodies strewn all over Milford.

Oh, wait, scratch that. I was thinking of my second baseman’s old man. Anyway, get out here and check him out before he changes his mind and decides he wants to be a quarterback, or a fullback, or an astronaut or something.  Gotta run – the local sports jock’s got a case of Johnnie Walker waiting for me for pulling his nuts out of the fire and saving his job.

Your pal,

Gil Thorp

Head Baseball Coach (such as it is)

Milford High School Mudlarks


*apologies nameless Idahoan


  1. PS. He seemed to respond well to coaching, the one time I tried it.

    Comment by Philip — June 2, 2018 @ 6:28 pm

  2. Yours truly, Gil Thorp, King candy ass.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — June 2, 2018 @ 9:43 pm

  3. So, Ma Bader didn’t talk Barry out of this lamebrained idea? Hoh, boy. Now, I think I’m starting to understand why, between her and Barry, Papa Del drinks so heavily.

    Not that that excuses driving with your headlights off after sundown or changing CD’s while driving.

    Have I mentioned that there are now something like six Little Libraries within walking distance of me? There are two (2!) at the pediatricians’ office.

    Mind you, that I’m not complaining. As I believe I have also previously mentioned, there is no more convenient and guilt-free way of getting rid of gently worn children’s books.

    Comment by timbuys — June 3, 2018 @ 10:08 am

  4. The little libraries are appearing in my town, too. Two at the edge of the main town park, and one around the corner from our ballet studio.

    Comment by vaganova — June 3, 2018 @ 11:25 am

  5. Wasn’t Joe Sharkey the one featured in the summer of 1977 who’d just lost two fingers on one of his hands, due to a farming accident. Pretty sure that was him.

    Comment by Howard S Sample — June 11, 2018 @ 9:03 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: