Look at Keri with the Fifty-cent Words!

Well this looks the closest to a normal, traditional Gil Thorp strip that we’ve seen in a while. Lady Mudlarks go on the road, beat a conference opponent that isn’t Valley Tech, then catch the bus ride home. We’ve got a player with some talent and some shortcomings that need fixing. We’ve got a coach’s daughter backing up the coach in a dispute with the talented player while playing coach herself. It all feels a little familiar, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

A couple of unstated assumptions I’m trying to get my head around:

(a) Who stomped on Dorth’s foot yesterday? It better have been another player and not Coach Ochoa. If the latter, she’d best lawyer up.

(b) Is it Marty making the radio call here or the female announcer we see and hear from time to time? I’d like to think it’s Marty and the reason he’s not naming “Milford High’s right fielder” is because, after the controversy he whipped up while interviewing her on her wrestling title run, she told him in no uncertain terms “Keep my name outta your mouth!”

meta: Rob’s off chasing the Cubbies this weekend. tdrew, if you’ll write Monday’s entry I’ll post the strip. kthxbye.

Yes I have a boatload

Back to the nonsense train – what kind of statement is Cami making? – announcing pinch hitters BEFORE the game?? And you dont ask the team if they object – YOURE THE COACH, CAMI!! ACT LIKE IT. Pinch hitting is based on need, not ordered before the game like a Subway. We’ll have a sandwich break in the 6th – any objections?

Then we have A-Hole Dorothy stepping on a foot because of a question by the coach. What the hell is going on? Looks like #22 is her target. And her glove looks like an oven mitt, oversized too. They just got through saying “Yes coach!” on April 25. And now its “No coach!” Which one is it Barajas? You forget your storyline again? Hey when you jump through storylines like a hot knife through butter, thats what happens.

How does Wolfe feel knowing she may not even bat?? Whats worse, starting and not batting or sitting on the bench until Wolfe is up? What if her turn comes and Eliza says– Hey Wolfe! Im up!!

Then we’ll really see some toes stepped on.

Two All-Green Veggies, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions On A Sesame Seed Bun.

Just using a McDonald’s jingle that was especially popular in the ‘70’s to slay this diversion that’s getting diverse in the wrong direction. It was getting interesting, albeit a bit disjointed, to watch Rodney and his potential NBA career, even though potential is REAAAAAAALLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY stretching it, being part of what appeared to be a TV documentary or similar thought thereof.

So what’s with the bus today? One could argue that it’s the Softball Mudlarks on a Valley Conference road game and it very well could be. But while I realize vegan restaurants have become more popular in recent memory, I’m having a hard time swallowing that every Lady Mudlark is going Greyhound because there just happened to be a Joe’s Diner that’s really a vegetable garden behind Wanda’s microwave.

So what appears to be at least a trip through the Ozarks or the redwoods ends up as a meal break by Yogi Bear’s whereabouts???? There is actually a Burger King that serves mango burgers and cantaloupe fries and plantain shakes in the middle of Sherwood Forest???? I’ve heard of Whoppers but only those you eat, not the ones entailing tall tales concerning what Gil did with Beth once she took off the go-go boots.

Like Fred & Wilma stop at this joint when the Glenwood Cruise Line is refueling. I couldn’t imagine Fred and Fred’s dad enjoying childhood memories over coffee and wheat germ donuts. And it’s hard for me to imagine Mud Mountain Murphy ordering a chocolate mousse out of these digs. He’d have better luck shooting a moose.

You telling me that Rex took the kids here when Candy ate all the brownies???? Now, Johnny and Michael, don’t fight over the egg plant soufflé. And save some for dessert. Yeah, this fast food green vegetables haven will give Amelia’s Chuck Wagon a run for her money. Pimento sandwiches and fried kale and grits, if that won’t clean you out before you take the field, add some garlic salt.

Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer

”New Vegan Restaurant To Open Two Blocks Down From The Bucket!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Bucket Spokesperson: ‘We feel confident that our menu selection and prices will remain competitive. We included couscous to add onto Bucket Burgers as a customer option.”

REX ALERT!!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!!!

We finally receive an explanation as to why Sarah imposed her self-exile to her bedroom in relation to Candy imposing self-affliction because she couldn’t hold her Betty Crocker.

Sarah’s mom reasoned that Sarah is a bitchy, snot-nosed piece of crabgrass because the stage at which a kid develops into a nauseating mealy mouthed prick who thinks the world owes him or her a first sniff at the Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls in the oven has moved up to an earlier age in this stinkfoot’s life.

This is most reassuring. I will be able to complete my sudoku puzzle a lot faster armed with this unit of Psychology 101 at my fingertips. I was concerned that Miss Sourcakes was whiny and pouty and pissy-faced because Rex forgot to get out the paddle and spank her butt every time she called him a Wimp-ass Excuse for a Doctor/Father. Sarah, sometimes Life isn’t all Wanda’s Meat Loaf Supreme & Gravy. And be thankful when Wanda tells you the Milford Valley Gravy packets are on the house. Just use a piece of cornbread when you can’t scoop up what you don’t understand. Don’t make it worse by licking the mashed potatoes off the plate. But now that June has chimed in with some crucial insight, I can focus on Truck Tyler’s misadventures when asking Wanda out on a date.

And wouldn’t anyone want to spend more time watching ol’ Truck attempting to corner Wanda in a booth, especially when she’s about to devour all the bananas from Nick’s Diner Banana Split Boat Special???? Don’t forget the cherry, Wanda. Wouldn’t that be better than to really believe that as a medical doctor, Rex is that clueless on child psychology???? What were you doing in Educational Psych, Rex, daydreaming about how you were going to use a charge card at Nick’s Diner because dad didn’t send you any money to your dormitory mailbox? Wanda would have cut some slack on the Tuna Casserole & Bacon Fries as long as you brought your student ID. You have to think ahead, Rex.

Are you ready to see if Sarah ever comes out of the room? Didn’t think so. Let’s hope for better days and truly believe Fred & Wilma will come out of their own bedroom hand-in-hand, feeling satisfied. The scrambled eggs might take time to settle in Fred’s stomach after he OD’d on Pepto-Bismol but satisfaction takes time to savor. Have a towel ready, Wilma, in case he barfs on the hallway carpet.

And speaking of culinary satisfaction, I am just so overwhelmed that Ronald McDonald sells Happy Meals consisting of fried greens deep-fried in linseed oil. The manager of McD’s is there to stave off the cavalry in case there’s an over demand for baked turnip turnovers. I’m so glad that Ronald McDonald and his crew didn’t get caught short-handed or they’d be having to dole out the sautéed onion arugula rings in McRib boxes on the fly. It’d be like watching Amelia distribute Lance Cheese Crackers in pill boxes because she ran out of lunch bags.

What is The Unknown Comic gracing our presence for? Does he like stewed tomatoes dipped in watermelon juice too? I guess he couldn’t handle slaughtering pigs and cows for his nutrition needs and commenced a diet of vegetables and fruits, as evidenced in his presence in P2.

It’s better scenery than Dumb Dora a/k/a Dotty Ditz attempting to order when she knows no more about vegan diets than Snoopy at that tennis doubles tournament he is participating in with Molly Moron. Just keep it basic, Dotty. Order a bowl of canned corn and just add pepper to it, no further questions. Learn vegetarian at your own pace. That may take as long as Moses leading the Mudlarks across the desert but at least some of the Mudlarks did cross the River Jordan. 50/50 chance, Dotty Ditz.

Ooooooookkkkkkk, Gene Rayburn is back and not gonna take any more of this stir fry. Take ‘er away, Gene

”Dumb Dora was soooooooooo dumb (HOW!!!!!!!!!!! DUMB!!!!!!!!!!! WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) , she thought J.J. Kale was a meal made up of____________________.”

If ya refuse ta eat at the Vegan restaurant cuz they don’t serve meatless deer burgers, ya might be a redneck.

P3 is interesting and I bet everyone else opined that Dotty Ditz is dumb but SURELY not THAT dumb. We all assume she has ordered in the lobby at The Bucket, the neighborhood Wendy’s, the local McDonald’s, etc.

When it dawned on me that she was like a kitten up a tree because this was a VEGAN fast food establishment, it made more sense what she was driving at. If the building didn’t have Golden Arches attached to it, she was out of her element. And for a while, she had me there.

But c’mon, I’ve been to Chinese restaurants, Mediterranean restaurants, Japanese restaurants, etc. They still pass out menus, serve Bud on tap, and possess public restrooms. They give senior discounts for Heehaw and supply Children’s menus when Ericka and Mimi hit the Ukrainian restaurant and take Jami along, unjudicious as that may be. Dotty Ditz, they still have menu boards and little napkin containers on the tables. I bet the shadow people in the background use one every time they get Dijon mustard all over their face when they’re consuming Roasted Cucumbers w/Unsalted Almonds.

In other words, Dotty Ditz, if you can’t order even a toss salad from this Veggie Roadside Stand, you need a pinch pitcher to take your place permanently. Go see if Fred made it up to Wilma with that Carryout Egg Plant Omelette.

Because I’m really intrigued by these HIMS commercials advocating hair loss treatments and ED treatments

At the Shaw residence one afternoon

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

”There!!!!!!!!!! I’ll be hornier than a cobra at mating season!!!!!!!!!”

”HONNNNNNEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! I’M HORNNNNNYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! IT’S TIME FOR A QUICKIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! Uh, Honey, why are you spraying your hair so liberally with VO5?”

”Woman, I have gotten to the core of my sexual ineptitude. The salesman informed me that hair loss and Erectile Dysfunction has a very strong connection. Guys like Yul Brynner and Telly Savales couldn’t muster enough for a hunching on the commode because they lost so many hair follicles. They were sex gods when they had the toupee on and their mojo working. The salesman showed me all the gory details in the Milford Enquirer.”

”That explains all the empty Woolite bottles.”

”Mrs. Shaw, I refuse to go Kojak on my sex career. I will keep my hair and pump it too and be the happiest fellow this side of Bigfoot. Now leave me alone, I have more Brylcreem to spread on my scalp and massage my person with.”

”Darling, you can massage me and you don’t need Head & Shoulders to do it. Let’s put the hair tonic down and let’s have some fun.”

”No way, Mrs. Shaw!!!!!!! If this Vidal Sassoon Extra Hold Formula mousse doesn’t get me extra erect, I’m using that money back guarantee I received from Milford Apothecary!!!!! I’m going for the jackpot here!!!!! Why, I’ll have a full head of hair like Ringo and get it on, bang a gong!!!!!!!!!”

”Honey, if this were The Gong Show, your person would get gonged in the first minute along with the chimpanzees trying to sing ‘Layla’.”

”Woman!!!!! If a man can’t be his own Tarzan and lose his hair because a baboon chewed it off because he mistaked it for a leopard camouflaging as a skunk, where can Tarzan go? Not to Wal-Mart for a rain check. Now let me spray this Denorex all over my privates and I’ll have my diving board doing more than platform diving.”

”Wook, put de widdle hair spray and shampoo bottles down, and wet’s get some wuvvie-duvvies in your beh-weeeeee-“

”Back off there now!!!!!!!!! I gotta let this settle!!!!!! Anytime you spread Selsun Blue in your privates, a few particles get caught in your pubic hairs-“

”But doesn’t it say rinse and repeat?”

”She won that one. And I maxed out on my Visa Gold buying that crate of Selsun Blue anyway. It was time to head down to Milford Men’s Clinic and get some real answers. With a competent staff that knows what it’s talking about, shouldn’t you trust your sex life with clinicians that have worlds of experience dealing with ED? I no longer have to treat my psoriasis when I’m flat and now I’m having the time of my life. Come get your own ED troubles scalped at high noon at Milford Men’s Clinic. You’ll be glad you did.”

Gang, I’m sorry, I like lentils added to my Big Mac. I get roughage that way.

But God bless you anyway.

At Milford Quik ‘n’ Vegan

”Jami!!!!!! Put that soy sauce bottle down and finish the rest of your borscht!!!!!!! There are starving kids on the Isle of Elba that would kill for a sniff of it!!!!!!”

Why Should I Spend My Time Drawing A Sports Strip When I Could Be Drawing Superhero Comics?

Before we heap on today’s strip the scorn it so richly deserves, let’s take the time to recognize the fact that Rod Whigham is an extremely talented artist. Take a gander at any of the pieces linked in this gallery’s page to see the proof. See how well he draws Marty Moon without a mustache or Stephen A. Smith. The Chief is eminently capable of drawing realistic, nuanced characters and backgrounds rich with detail. So why doesn’t he do it for Gil Thorp?

Does he not think the artwork will scale well in the dead tree edition? News flash: readers of the dead tree edition are fewer and farther between these days, and many readers view the strip on a screen bigger than their phones. Or does he think it just not worth the effort, a steady paycheck between the gigs he really loves with DC or Marvel? Try as he may, he can’t keep the comic book style from leaking into the comic strip, especially in the Barajas Era. Action words everywhere. So. Many. Hands. Constant Punisher logos on t-shirts.

Today’s strip takes lack of effort to a new low. Four nearly identical panels, distinguished almost exclusively by their word balloons. Sure, Barnes’ jersey trim is blacked out in panels 2 and 3, and the image itself is shifted to the left in panel 1 and farther to the left in panel 4, There’s also the matter of those white spaces at the bottoms of panels 1 and 3, clearly copy/paste errors.

Alright, I’ll stop beating this dead horse. Maybe Whigs needed the day off. Maybe he just needed a break from trying to make the pictures match the words. It’s just that he’s capable of so much more than we see in this strip.

As for the dialogue? Oh well. Has Barajas heard of scholarships and NIL deals, or is it just the character he’s created who hasn’t? He’s done an excellent job of keeping up with issues and trends facing teens, young adults and the culture as a whole. Issues and trends facing the world of sports, not so much. Don’t understand how practice drills work? Have the players draw assignments out of a hat. Call a time out to give your players a chance to regroup? Have them hold hands in a circle and sing nursery rhymes. If Henry can’t come to a decision on the decision Rod will make, he can ship him off to that D-League G League team he’ll plop in Milford just like he did the hockey rink, the Juviedome and this university.

…The Challenge? Read On, TWIM Readers.

Are we still on this Rodney-Selected-In-The-Final-Round-By-The-Spurs obsession? You got to be kidding me. Hey, Don Mattingly was selected in the 19th round by the Yankees and I know Thorpiverse would wave that on my face. But whoa hoss, T-verse. Mattingly helped his high school, Evansville Reitz Memorial Tigers (not to be confused with Evansville Francis Joseph Reitz Panthers, a public school, Memorial being a private Catholic school) , win the Indiana State Baseball in ‘78 and came within an eyelash of winning the ‘79 title (watched from start to finish) . What’s Rodney won lately? A contingent of bored restless readers doesn’t count. Neither does probation. Is his parole office going to be his agent?

Because I get this sneaking inkling that this is just a sidetrack to entertain us and make us feel like Rodney may change his mind and join the rest of the midgets that are hiding in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Gym in P1. Yeah, and if you believe that, I have plenty of unsold World’s Finest Chocolate to sell you in the barn on that property in Harrison County, Indiana to sell on the auction block.

Sure, Thorpiverse, flash all that Nautilus machinery our way that Willy Wonka pumps on when he’s not manufacturing toffee bars and make this story idea possess lust for life. Personally, a flat tire disguised as a lead balloon disguised as a Rolls Royce will leave a poor palooka scrambling for the tire jack somewhere behind the curling machine.

Here, Rodney, here’s where the bench press machine resides. One of the midgets can press 300 easily. It’s also used to crank out lemon crème balls. Shoot, you might press 350 and have our shipment of candy canes to Denmark ready by this afternoon. It can happen.

Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer

”Willy Wonka Requests Usage From Coach Thorp To Utilize Leg Lift Machine To Produce Tootsie Rolls!!!!!!!”

sub headline

”Clearance with insurance regulations is considered the only obstacle but Milford School Board remains optimistic.”

REX ALERT!!!!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!!!!

The waters are raging down the rapids faster than Wanda’s Meat Loaf Special getting nuked in the microwave. I don’t know if I can take any more of the equivalent of Fred having the guts and wherewithal to finally tell Wilma to drop ‘em and he doesn’t mean Sarah’s brownies.

Sarah is experiencing a crisis right now because Rex doesn’t have Mud Mountain Murphy to bail him out when the excitement level is leveling out and Rex can’t use his sex life as a last resort. Talk about Death Valley. He and Gil own a villa there. Thank God, Beth fluffed up the cots or we’d be forced to talk about the coyotes stalking the place.

Raise your hand if you’re honestly motivated to observe this self-crucifixion that Sarah is implementing on herself. The only thing missing from this self-sentencing is Herod and his flunkies dancing all around the Dead Sea. Yeah, if you are the Christ, Sarah, prove to me that you’re no fool, fly with wings on your way to school. Prove to me that you’re divine, turn those brownies into wine.

And we have spent several strips and panels watching Sarah negotiate the trek to Golgotha. Oh, Rex will still have to carry her cross on the way up the hill even if in the end she’ll be Ecce Homo, hanging from that tree. Looks like Johnny and Michael will be nursing Candy for a while because Sarah told herself to go to her room without any supper. Now personally, I think it’s better than Gil going to his room without any Beth but let’s try to stay positive here. Even if Wanda burned the Nick’s Diner Tuna Casserole Surprise, she can still offer discounts and even render the Hellmann’s Mayonnaise packets free of charge. And even if Truck Tyler couldn’t get Wanda in his bedroom that night, he can still watch that infomercial to keep him company when he contracts insomnia.

Hang in there, Sarah. Not literally, you understand.

And you gotta be kidding me, Part 2. Sneakers in his shoe size is going to keep him from jumping to the NBA, even if he’s clearly not ready???? He’s taking a tour of the Milford Discount Shoe Factory and THAT’S going to preclude his foolish notion????

Once upon a time, this strip had logic and reason attached to it but that has changed as problems worsen with silly solutions or remedies I wouldn’t apply to Heehaw’s hemorrhoids. I still am scratching my head wondering how a display case of basketball shoes has anything to do with knocking Rodney’s noggin with a brick bat to keep him from believing he has any chance of being on the same court with Michael or LeBron, unless Rodney is sweeping the chewing gum off the court.

So let’s keep the Thorpiversean logic going and contrive other ways to keep Rodney’s feet on the ground

”…and our calculators have actual batteries in them. Physics labs and algebra classes will be a breeze. No more academic ineligibility because you couldn’t turn on the TI-30 when computing the radical of 729.”

”And Milford University inserted a voucher program for graphing calculators in case you pursue college trig. No sense in sitting the bench because you encountered problems with the Law of Cosines.”

Let’s not stop there

”…our FCA meetings are better managed. I heard Powell College sanctioned an FCA meeting that was actually a Church of Satan fellowship. To this day, I’m still in bewilderment how their AD didn’t notice the robes at the Powell College snack bar.”

Oh, I’ll keep going

”…dating will be no problem. We have more females than Willy Wonka stores vanilla licorice in the weight balls. You can take your pick of the litter and once the Knicks sign you, you can dump your honey before the ink dries on your signing bonus.”

Where do I SIGN? Hand me that Bic disposable, would you?

Special Edition to the Milford Enquirer

”Dr. Pearl Okays Latest Transition In Weight Room Under Great Reluctance!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

”Mr. Wonka has agreed to only let the caramel candy hang to cool only after the athletes are completely finished with the chin-up bar.”

If ya decide to go on Milford Fish & Wildlife Channel as an emcee after workin’ 34 years as a forklift driver at Milford Foundry, ya might be a redneck.

And The Moment of Truth.

Maybe Rodney will come to his senses. Maybe he will go on and play for the Fort Wayne Mad Ants and establish a career for the best minor league player the NBA ever anticipated in its wings. Oughta be good business for greasy spoon restaurants everywhere.

On the Glenwood Cruise Line

BRRRRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG

BRRRRR-

”Hello?”

”Fred, now you keep your thing in your Haggars and I won’t sic the Secret Service on you again.”

”Wilma, I’ve been in my cabin all day long. You made sure of that when you ordered a room on the aft side of the ship.”

”Don’t you hand me that ‘I’m on the North Pole when you’re trying to get up my dress on Macquarie Island.’ I’ll call the manager if you try to rape me in the shuffleboard area.”

”Wilma, I’d have better success at beating Larry Bird at H-O-R-S-E at the Cruise Line’s basketball courts than getting anywhere near to your bed. I can at least get lucky and hit a three-pointer. I couldn’t dunk on a Nerfhoop after you had Dobermans guard your door. The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight could find your linen closet easier.”

”And I’ll shoot you if you try to climb through the window to conquer me. I know you. You and Jaws would sail in and rip my lingerie right off my sternum. One minute, I’m watching The Love Boat, the next minute I’m on the S.S. Minnow getting gang-whipped by Gilligan, The Skipper, and Mr. Howell.”

”Well, this Professor is working on those chemistry experiments from the set he bought at the Glenwood Cruise Line Gift Shoppe. I figure it’s more exciting to add acid to water than to hope that we’ll ever have chemistry between us. Our sex life is about as pH-balanced as seaweed.”

”Are you comparing my body to algae???? I’ll have you know I’m sexier than Flipper. But you’ll never have your way with me because you don’t know how to make love to a dolphin. Your thing couldn’t pass for a cinnamon stick in Willy Wonka’s Factory.”

”Wilma, rest assured, if I want cream puffs that actually taste like cream puffs and not like watermelon rinds that have baked by the ship’s swimming pool excessively, I promise I will call collect.”

”You’ll never overcome this chocolate eclair and you know it!!!!!”

”I do indeed know it. I just ordered Domino’s and I’m hungry. They deliver faster than you’ll ever imagine if you were standing butt-naked on the divan.”

CLICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gang, Oompa Loompa

Riddle De Deeeeeeeee

Gil better run

He needs to listen to meeeeeee

Oompa Loompa

Yippee ay yooooooo

Beth is a canker

And stealing the shooowwwwwww

God bless you, Gang.

Late Edition to the Milford Enquirer

”Willy Wonka To Sleep In Jami Thorp’s Room This Week!!!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

”He’s at the beach with plenty of Willy’s strawberry cotton candy anyway. It ought to occupy him while Mimi and Ericka spend QT together.”

Happy University!

So after all the hoo ha about Rod going pro and all, he winds up going to a local university that was founded by Barajas in 2023. Milford never had anything like that in the old days, but again, these arent your fathers Mudlarks.

I dunno, Rod looks like he’s a middle-age couch potato in P2. And what kind of statement is that in P3? He wants to go to the “big leagues”… meaning what? the NBA? Then Gil says.. he should visit “the campus” first.. Uh.. Is Milford U “the big leagues”? According to that statement it is. “The campus” is inclusive of the last statement location. If you say “the” something after “the” something else, theyre ostensibly the same place. Right gang? “The campus” is part of “the big leagues”.

Which all is a pile of horseshit. You dont go with your coach to visit a prospective college anyway. You go with your parents. This is where you will live for the next 4 years. You better have some connection with your family about your decision. Dont Rods parents care about this, especially since he’s a major star with mega bucks in his future, apparently. Yes Gil can provide some input, but geez, why does he need to go with Rod for the tour??

And the last sentence sounds pretty last minute to me. Hey, how about a tour? Didnt the coach just tell Rod to sit? Now get up we gotta tour the place. None of this strip today makes ANY FREAKIN SENSE.

And finally – if thats a tie Rod is wearing, it is missing a knot. How the hell did he put it on? And how will it stay on? And to nit-pick, I dont like the green tie on a green shirt Coach Wilcox is wearing. And Gil has on the same tux jacket he wore last week to introduce Beth to the kids.

Marty: The Hands of Fate

Next stop on the Rodney Barnes biopic film tour: the lair of Evil Spock. Let’s break it down:

P1: Nobody gives two shits that you know Gil and you’re on good terms with him. Stick to the subject.

P2: Rodney Barnes is definitely going places. He went to juvie after you dimed him out to Gil but we won’t say anything about that, will we? And what’s this about listening?

P3: The equivalent of a beat.

P4: The answer to a question no one was asking. The ex-Mrs. Coach Thorp had it right way back when: nobody listens to your podcast.

But hands. So. Many. Hands. Pointy hands. Jazz hands. Flip hands. Self-important hands. At least this isn’t like 9 Chickweed Lane where the fetishes have taken over the strip… or is it?

Also note how Barajas has spent the week reducing characters to brief summaries, even briefer than he did when Jami and Keri were reintroduced to the strip. “Pitcher. Vegan.” “WDIG radio broadcaster. Sober.” Care to try it with some other characters?

Tobe Gordon. Natural athlete. No Adam’s apple.

Bob “Kaz” Kazinski. Convert to Judaism. Missing in action.

Have at it in the comments.

Where’s the Beef??

No idea what the fuck is going on here. Not only are the teams shaking hands wrong, (high- fiving with opposite hands), theyre conversing with teammates while doing so. Guys, line up, walk past each player on your left, and gently slap hands waist level with your left hand. Thats how everyone does it in this world. Hey, Milford won, but we missed the first 2 wins due to fucking around with 9 other plots. Stick to baseball dammit. Now we got filming a promo at the Rez along with nonsensical defensive strategy. Why throw home when you’re winning by 4 runs? Go to first and shake hands. And the position of the catcher and runner make no sense either way. Just brutal artwork 2 days in a row.

And if Central heard Milford had beef, they didnt exactly show it, did they? How is this game showcasing Rodneys worldly talents? He plays basketball right? What the fuck do Centrals’ baseball players care about his having beef in another sport?