This Week in Milford

October 31, 2014

Hail Jarrod, the king of Milford

Filed under: Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 1:43 pm

And its time for ol Jarrod to have his long-awaited moment in the sun, as he basks in the adulation of the homecoming crowd and scores a TD in the process. Now we know he didnt give a rats ass about where he played, as long as he got what he truly wanted: the glory. Even True is in the stands cheering for him, and running back down to the sidelines to dirty his face and remark about what an odd duck the guy is whose place he took behind center. I’m sure True really doesnt mind being 2nd banana, but we’ll see how long before another conflict arises.

October 30, 2014

Junior Achievement

October 30, 2014

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In the immortal words of Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent, “What the heck?”

Since when have high school homecoming king/queen/court elections been anything other than popularity contests? Okay, okay, don’t answer that. I see now that some of the more enlightened homecoming court selection committees of today apply more rigorous standards, including “involvement in clubs, organizations and athletics; leadership skills; community service; academics; and awards” as well as essay writing and panel interviews.

Nothing in this entire months-long story arc has given us any indication that Jarrod is popular, involved in anything other than football, is academically stellar, or has won any awards. We’ve been told he has “leadership skills” but they’ve never amounted to more than berating his teammates to improve their performance. (I can, however, imagine his essay: “Honest, I’ve wanted to be Milford’s junior attendant since third grade.”) Nope, the only way I’m buying this ridiculous plot development is if it’s part of a ballot-stuffing initiative by his teammates to get the pouty douchebag to smile.

Jarrod shares his spot on the homecoming court with one of the office staff at a Tampa elementary school.

On to the action. Glad the guy with the Toyota truck with the lightbar showed up again. Typically, Rubin sums up big Mudlark wins in a single strip – often a single panel – while losses (or unfortunate events in wins) get dragged out over days in Batiukian (Batiukish?) style. (Milford should get Westview on its non-conference schedule one of these days.) So what’s gonna rain on Milford’s homecoming parade this year?

October 29, 2014

Crazy Coy

Filed under: Coach Kaz, freak hands, Gil Thorp — timbuys @ 5:01 am

October 29, 2014

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Oh, the many faces of Gil we’ve been treated to lately. Dude is an emotive whirlwind.

In panel one, we get sassy Gil where he shares his suspicions that Marty doesn’t actually have a job. We’re with ya on that one, Gil.

Panel two brings us coy Gil. Ah, poor Marty, Gil will never let you know what is really going on in his heart. No wonder you have such complicated issues with both Gil and the wider world. Hey, at the end there, is Kaz agreeing with Gil or is he including himself as one of the reasons the team is so great?

And that’s all of the Gil we get for today because in panel three we get… Nightmare fuel. Here’s a tip: don’t read the last panel right before going to be lest you be haunted by this ghoulish triad of faceless cheerleaders. What is even going on at the end of the central figure’s right arm I can’t bare to contemplate further although you all are welcome to speculate in the comments!

October 28, 2014

Unrated

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Marty Moon — timbuys @ 4:56 am

October 28, 2014

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Well, for you Marty Moon fans out there, the strip has been giving you the goods lately and how. Of course, the highlight of any Marty Moon appearance is his inevitable comeuppance at Gil’s hands. Unfortunately today, while Gil’s menacing ventriloquist act in panel one starts out strongly, by panel three Gil has lost the thread – c’mon, you’d have trouble holding it together too after your eighth ‘coffee’ before lunch! – and he’s starting to babble. Hey, coach! You could always mention the three star recruit who just joined the team!

Bonus points: That’s not Gil’s normal mug in panel one. Nope, he’s taking things to the next level by using his ‘L is for Loser’ mug that he pulls out for meetings with students, parents, and, of course, Marty.

Seriously, if I had any type of Photoshop skills at all, I’d feel compelled to do the red eyes thingy with Gil in panel one.

October 27, 2014

How About ‘Grease Goshen’? No? ‘Gas Goshen’?

Filed under: Gil Thorp, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 4:02 am

10/27/14
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Here’s a little look behind the scenes at how Mudlarks come up with those witty signs. The most important part of the process is to reject Betty’s suggestions so that the signs don’t say things like “Goose Goshen”. Betty only participates because of her penmanship. Her ideas for team rallying cries are always stupid. (Who are we kidding? Several of her ideas must have sneaked in.)

What, more banners for homecoming? Better call Betty!

Meanwhile, the meat and potatoes of Gil Thorp: Marty Moon lobs in one of those presumptive interview questions, giving Gil a open look at a slam dunk, sarcastic answer. Assuming a victory? “Wouldn’t you agree you’re overrated?” Really Marty? You’re stacking the deck for Gil. It’s pretty clear that you’re a masochist who needs regular smackdowns from Gil to thrive.

October 25, 2014

To The Max!

October 25, 2014

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Much joy on the visitors sidelines at Central High, with high-tens, raised fingers and this grinning kid with eyes wide shut and fist clenched wandering aimlessly about. There’s a new star in the skies above the Valley: Max “Li’l Papi” Ortiz. And a new star maker: True “Starting QB, Talent Scout and Offensive Coordinator” Standish. And finally a not-so-new pouty douchebag: Jarrod “Third-Grade Dream, Eleventh-Grade Reality” Hale.

Jarrod must’ve heard Marty’s post-game wrap-up through the fillings in his teeth. Does it not honestly occur to him that Max has more experience as a receiver than he does, even if it’s at jayvee level? He’s lucky he gets on the field at all, although if the win is that big he could come in and mop up during garbage time. Gil must not mind risking injury to Jarrod, or else he’s forgotten that his starter can injure himself stepping off a curb.

October 24, 2014

60 pounds of pure speed

Filed under: Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 10:46 am

So the reason for True’s quick exit from the pizza party was to tell Gil about Max Ortiz. Who is Max Ortiz you say? Ask and you shall receive:

http://www.chalmers.se/en/staff/Pages/max-jair-ortiz-catalan.aspx

From his headshot he appears to weigh way more then 60 pounds, and he also knows how to control artificial limbs, suggesting his own limbs may only weigh 60 pounds, but goshdarnit those fake ones are what enable him to stretch out and catch those bombs, and also to fly down the field at supernatural speeds past any defense.

Again, the players tell Gil about good players rather then vice-versa, and I love how True is upsetting the applecart by promoting a player at the position Gil has in mind for Jarrod. I know you cant have too many good players with football being the way it is and such, but there’s only 1 ball, and only so many players can handle the ball. I suppose Jarrod can be the possession receiver and Max the deep threat, but we’re getting way ahead of ourselves.
The basic question is how on earth a 60 pound high schooler makes the JV football team, let alone get PROMOTED to the varsity in a New York minute. I last weighed 60 pounds in 4th grade, was up to 100 by high school, and put on 50 in four years, so I was twice Max’s size by his age, and I was still fairly thin even then being tall. Remember Ira ‘Brick’ House? How much did he weigh? And his football career was cut short by being run over by Bigger players. But he was useful by suggesting plays to Gil (inmates running the asylum, see my post from a few weeks back) So please answer that one for me, and one other thing: All else being equal, True needs to bring the ball down, or Max will need a full-body cast from getting drilled in the backside.

October 23, 2014

I Have The Touch

Filed under: football, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — teenchy @ 5:33 am

October 23, 2014

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Well that didn’t take long now, did it? Jarrod’s now eager to learn all the fine points of receiving from Knox.

“How did you overrun the ball then turn back to make it look like it came up just short, causing me to lose my dream job?”

“With the game on the line, how did you slow down when you were wide open to make it look like True overthrew you? I’m really more interested in that, since if I make True look bad enough, I’ll get my dream job back!”

Speaking of technique: in P3 we fast forward to the following week’s practice where Gil praises True’s skills in the showers ability to take some mustard off the ball when he throws it to Jarrod. Then we’re left hanging for a punchline, probably about something else that’s delicate…

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