This Week in Milford

September 23, 2014

No Matter, Never Mind

Filed under: Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 6:02 am

September 23, 2014


Is Tip on the team or not? Today’s strip presents us with numerous philosophical conundrums that I would love to delve into. However, as I have even less time than usual to go on about this crap, I’ll have to leave it as an exercise for the commentators.

So as not to completely abjure my role though, here are a few starters:

Panel 1: Sometimes you’re the windshield : sometimes you’re the bug :: After games, we hit the Bucket : _______________________, the bucket hits us

Panel 2: How many milkshake slurping highschoolers can fit in a booth at the Bucket?

Panel 3: I got nothing… WTF is wrong with these kids? I recall being plenty obnoxious when I was a teenager and certainly remember most of my then peers being pretty terrible too as, hey, that’s just the way it is at that age. But, wow, Tip and Jarrod are really taking it to extremes today.

I think John Pascoe’s philosophy is about right: If you can’t say anything non-terrible, don’t say anything at all.

September 22, 2014

Maybe A Little Less Zing Next Time

Filed under: actual action, Marty Moon — nedryerson @ 4:53 am


Ho hum. True didn’t wait for his “sea legs” to return, tried to zip a ball into a tight spot and the ball deflected off of Slotback Don Stebbins’ hands. The resulting “pick six” puts points on the board for Oakwood and “there goes the shutout”.

This scenario seemed to be fairly easy to predict. For this plot to play out, it seems True needed more adversity and a further diminished standing with Hale and his “following”.

September 20, 2014

Zing Went the (Ham)strings

Filed under: actual action, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Secret Thoughts — teenchy @ 8:01 am

September 20, 2014


TWIM readers will remember the date September 20, 2014, the day when finally, after being introduced to him on July 2, we see True Standish in actual action on a football field. Then again, maybe it’s still September 19 in Milford, given that Gil is talking like a pirate to True.

Swashbuckling True sets forth to choose his own adventure. Will he:

a) thread the needle with a perfectly placed pass to Don “I deserve the game ball this week” Stebbins, who runs for a touchdown, earning Gil accusations of running up the score Steve Spurrier style and incurring the scorn of everyone associated with Milford football?

b) thread the needle with a pass so hot it breaks several of Don’s fingers, incurring the scorn of everyone associated with Milford football?

c) throw a pick-six to Oakwood’s #41 cutting in front of Stebbins, losing the shutout and incurring the scorn of everyone associated with Milford football?

d) re-injure his ankle as he sets to pass, incurring the scorn of everyone associated with Milford football?

My money’s on c). None will be so scornful as Jarrod “I was pitching a shutout” Hale.

Sartorial note of the day: Stebbins appears not to be wearing football pants but bicycle pants without pads. I know this was a thing for a while but the NFL changed its rules to require thigh and knee pads for all players except punters and placekickers. Wonder if this has yet to trickle down to the Valley Conference.

September 19, 2014

Reserved seating for a douchbag

Filed under: Gil Thorp — robmize2013 @ 2:16 pm

And as Milford rolls to 1-0, we realize that they dont need True to beat poor teams, but I’m sure stiffer competition awaits, and it will help having him on the depth chart. Dont know why he isnt in the game now to take some snaps in garbage time. Reserved seating at a high school game? Maybe for the band, but they usually leave after the halftime show. Hopefully the defense will deposit Jarrod in those seats after the game, and keep him there till next week. We’ve about had enough of him already.

September 18, 2014

Tonight’s Special: John Pascoe Sandwich

September 18, 2014


Once again, football action that barely advances the plot. Once again, Marty (sporting a fresh Gillette Fusion cut) tells us about another Milford scoring drive and we’ve yet to actually see Animated Jarrod Hale in either of them. May make it easier to kill him off get him out of the lineup when that time comes.

P1 does give us a nice example of Exploding Ball Carrier Syndrome. Call me crazy but I always thought that when a person got “sandwiched” it meant that they were between two other people. This looks more like the makings of a dogpile. Maybe John Pascoe changed his name to John Pascoe Sandwich. It does have the ring of a daily special at The Bucket: The John Pascoe Sandwich – big and beefy but no tongue.


September 17, 2014

I Was Told There Would Be Animation

Filed under: actual action, football, Marty Moon — timbuys @ 5:04 am

September 17, 2014


Dang it, Marty! Not only do we not get to see an animated Jarrod Hale, we only get still images of Knox and the intriguingly named Austin Shuford. It’s too bad I already used that Harlem Shuffle video way back when because I’d like to try to work a joke in with that.

That’s about all the time I have for commentary today. Thanks to everyone yesterday for their illuminating discussion of football related bonfires. I have a hard time imagining that anyone who reads this blog doesn’t also read the Comics Curmudgeon* but in case you missed it, his post from yesterday includes links to the last several years of bonfire strips – entertaining stuff!

*Seriously, if there’s anyone who reads this blog but doesn’t read CC, please mention it in comments. I am sincerely curious about it.

September 16, 2014

Taking It And You With Us To Oakwood!

Filed under: football, freak hands, hideous scar faces, Milford Weirdos — timbuys @ 4:21 am

September 16, 2014


Probably some EPA regulation? That’s not how that works I’m pretty sure. Does young Billy Dee Williams there think that every team has a bonfire? I’m from the mid-west and I honestly can’t remember that being a thing anywhere around there. Living as I do now in Texas, I’m certainly aware of Texas A&M and their bonfire, but I have no idea if any of the state high schools do something similar.

I guess I should just be honored that I get to snark on a bonfire strip. You definitely don’t see something like this in Mary Worth. At least not yet you don’t.

Moving along, we get two panels displaying that ostensible leader of boys, Jarrod Hale. Let’s leave aside the inchoate rallying cry in panel two and consider the mania infesting this guy. Actually, let’s not: dude is an angle faced creep. We usually call that a hideous scar face around here, but I don’t even know what to make of the shading there.

Finally, Jarrod rallies the team in a more traditional manner, by calling out a recent arrival who wants to help them win? Yeah, sure. I think there must be something in the water that causes some of the testosterone addled adolescents in Milford to develop Obsessive-Vindictive disorder… Wynn Wiley being another obvious case.

September 15, 2014

Who’s Pushing The Pedals On The Season Cycle?

Filed under: Gil Thorp — Tags: , — nedryerson @ 4:12 am


Over Chinese takeout, Art and True rehash the lukewarm drama. Wait, what is the nature of this “following”, True? We haven’t seen it, other than Hale delivering his Neidermeyerisms to a captive audience of other players he’s working out with in practice. Yeah, we’re still just in practice.

Panel two works as a nice meta-textual joke. No! Please don’t do that, Art. You keep doing it and you have none of the persuasive powers that you think you have so you’re just wasting everybody’s time. Now, pass me another squid roll.

Bonfire? I thought maybe we’d missed it. Hey, once it gets good and hot, can we toss this plot on it and start fresh?

The end of summer, a bonfire and another juncture on the “season cycle” reminds me of this haunting song:

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